Halloween is an appropriate time to face one's fears. I have so many of them that I decided to do a fun video and entertain you with a freak show rather than candidly discuss all the things I'm afraid of. You already know about them. So, in the spirit of "The 12 (Bipolar) Days of Christmas," here's one that will hopefully make you crack a smile before the goblins get you.
As a manic-depressive, my postcard from the Caribbean would say, "Having a ball, wish I were dead." (My guardian angel, Ann, came up with that one.) That's how moody I am. And my moods definitely fluctuate according to the seasons.
Thus, my love-hate relationship with October. Typically, in a non-global-warming world, this is the month when nature is most dramatic about transitioning from summer to winter. With every leaf turning and falling, I cringe a little, because I LOVE summer and all its light (I used to be life guard ... bring on the skin cancer), and, for the most part, I HATE winter with its short days that seem longer than ever when you've got two energetic kids stuck inside the house. The pumpkin patches, Fall festivals, and Halloween parties (not to mention the bags of Kit Kats I buy "to pass out to the kids") help me through October, but I still spend this month like a polar bear--making the necessary preparations for my impending hibernation.
I taped this video in the beginning of October when the leaves were green and attached to the trees. So, in case you think I've relocated to southern California, nope ... I've just been sitting on this awhile.
And by the way, Happy Halloween to all my Beyond Blue readers! Try your best to differentiate the ghosts that come knocking at your door begging for candy from the ones hanging out in your head begging for power and influence :)
This is one of my earliest videos but one of my favorites. It is my version of the Zoloft commercial, where the egg chases the butterfly, until he (the egg) poops out. Then, after he takes his meds, he's back catching butterflies again. Except that I don't have Pfizer's budget, and I'm somewhat technologically challenged. And no, I don't think meds are the cure all.
So, in the spirit of October, I present to you (maybe Pfizer will pay me millions to write their next commercial?) ... Depression Is Like a Pumpkin.
Some readers have said, "Clearly you're not THAT depressed. Maybe you know mild depression, but your upbeat blog posts and videos aren't for people with serious depression."
In light of that, I thought I'd show you all what a bad depression day looks like for me.
I have admitted this before: I'm a meditation moron.
I swear I try. Thought, don't land. Thought, don't land. Keep on flying, thought. Keep on flying. I'm trying to meditate.
This goes on usually for the entire 15 minutes I have designated for prayer and meditation.
So, instead of fighting the thoughts, I have (with the advice of my therapist) decided to invite them. You want a piece of me, thought? Go ahead. Land. Make a fort. Build a nest. I don't care.
I actually taped this video awhile back. Some of you may have already seen it. Even though it's not a great shot of me, the video's message, on perseverance, is important, I think. And that's the theme today. So I...
Beyond Blue veterans will recognize this video ... one of my first attempts at talking to my computer as if it could hear me, in which I read some of the letters in my self-esteem file. For newbies, here is...
If you have ever wondered why you don't fare well in noisy places, why it takes you so much longer to adjust to change, or why your feelings are so much more intense than your friends, you will appreciate this...
Another way to make your spouse understand your bipolar disorder is to watch the video I taped a few months back with Eric and Dick (husband of guardian angel Ann) on what it's like being married to a manic depressive....
You may want to rent the movie "Austin Powers" before you watch my video on mini-me. You'll appreciate my logic a tad more. But even if you haven't watched the flick marketed toward adolescents or anyone with an adolescent sense...
I thought I'd review Stephen Covey's four-quadrant model of time management, the one he explains in "The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People." Maybe this time it will stick for me! To view my YouTube video, click here. To read...
In "The Inner Voice of Love," spiritual author Henri Nouwen writes: You can look at your life as a large cone that becomes narrower the deeper you go. There are many doors in that cone that give you chances to...
Sharon Begley, author of "Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain" explains how training your thoughts actually changes the hard matter of your brain. She writes, "Something as seemingly insubstantial as a thought can affect the very stuff of the brain,...
Have you ever compared the way you shout at yourself with the way you speak to a friend? My therapist reminds me of that dichotomy almost every session. So I'm trying very hard to catch myself, and be a little...
This video was taped last summer, but its message is evergreen. There is a reason why most psych wards integrate occupational therapy (which I've come to call "recess") into their programs. Believe it or not, painting that ugly bird house...
Here's my daily dilemma: how do I get the 48 tasks I need to accomplish done in the 15 hours that I have? It's a bad math equation that never comes out right. The problem, I think, is that I...
You may all remember this video from awhile back. I thought I'd republish it today because its visualization about the doors into your conscious self is another great way of processing harmful words that tend to get the snowball of...
Since I'm talking a lot about boundaries lately, I thought I'd republish the one I taped last summer where I describe an exercise I learned in the psych ward (how to visualize your boundaries) and give you an example of...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'" --Mary Anne Radmacher That's the gist of this video. To get to the YouTube video click here. To...
In this video, I go over a few of my humor rules--like you can make fun of yourself all you want, but unless you share the same neurosis with someone, you CANNOT make fun of him. The video was a...
If you had to pick one thing about depression that was the most difficult to live with, what would it be? (I know. It's hard. There's so many to choose from!) Here's my choice ... the inner critic that says...
This is a very interesting list of videos Psych Central contributor Sandra Klume compiled. She writes, "Cognitive to clinical to social, the many applications of psychology reveal profound thoughts, human frailties and strengths. These are some of the best results,...
For those of you who heard me on Gus Lloyd's show this morning, here's the video on guilt! Guilt is one of the main rivers feeding into the great lake of depression. And that's unfortunate if you've been raised Catholic...
I'm going to do a little name dropping here and say that my FRIEND Jim Martin has become Stephen Colbert's chaplain. This is his THIRD appearance on The Colbert Report, and Jim invited me to be part of the audience!...
This video was taped going into winter, but it's message is the same for leaving winter: I'M MOODY. And my moods are so vulnerable to the season. Thus, I mourn Daylight Savings Time when it goes bye-bye in October, and...
I love to report success stories, because we need to hear them. We always need a piece of hope, and Beyond Blue reader Camille gave me one when she wrote this on the combox of my post "The Bipolar Singing...
Last month's video kind of ruined the surprise of today's, but I suspect you were asking yourself, "What in the world is that thing she keeps holding up?" Well this week I get to tell you the details. Tune in...
This video was taped the afternoon of Johns Hopkins's Mood Disorders Symposium, right after I heard Kay Redfield Jamison speak on the topic of creativity and mood disorders. Given my tumultuous week at that time, I literally wept at parts...
How many times have I said that I'm going to simplify my life? Never mind, don't answer that question. It is true that I have attempted this over and over again. Sometimes I've been successful, but then just like a...
In addition to my marriage advice in this video, my objective is to "break your face," as Jerry Seinfeld says. Life is too serious as it is. To read more Beyond Blue, go to http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group...
I've been singing this song for three weeks now: "It's the most, crappiest time of the year." La la la la la (I won't go on and sing the rest of the lyrics, as that might come across as WHINING.)...
Ah yes, that time of year again when we promise ourselves all kinds of things. I'm not going to fall into the same trap I did last year, of making three very detailed resolutions. Instead, I'm going to aspire to...
This is what Christmas means to me: the return of hope, the season of joy, the spirit of love. A very merry Christmas (and Happy Holidays, of course) to all my Beyond Blue readers!...
Last year I taped this video about the evolution of Beyond Blue. I read aloud a few letters from Beyond Blue readers. Thank you, again, for your continued support. I always love to hear from you. And if I only...
It's that time of year again!!! Ready to hear it again??? DISCLAIMER: I am no Barbara Streisand. I've never taken a singing lesson in my life. Not one. The inspiration for this song came two weeks before Thanksgiving when I...
I know that the Thanksgiving holiday is all about gratitude. But what if you can't get there just yet? What if you're encased in fear, and listing your blessings only deepens your depression because you feel like a loser, a...
A video including all the forms of my distorted thinking would be too big to store on You Tube. So I'll present my top five: ways I torture myself upstairs. The good news? Then I can untwist the distortions and...
Since today is the feast of my patron saint, Therese of Lisieux, and it's video day (Wednesday), I thought I'd republish my video on the roses that came when I prayed for all of you, especially those that had been...
In case you're confused, I accidentally published this last week. Sorry! Now it makes sense given today's mindful Monday meditation.Some of you have already seen this video about my reading through my junior-high journals and the process of coming to...
What's the difference between say, a nutrition bar and a piece of fudge? They share some of the same ingredients, and they both taste good with coffee, but you can rationalize one as health food, where as the other, well,...
I am at war against my thoughts most of the day. "I stink at this. She hates me. I'm a bad mom." Blah. Blah. Blah. So, much of my therapy involves finding tools to help me filter and let go...
Back when the private writings of Mother Teresa were published, we talked a lot about the difference between the dark night of the soul and clinical depression. My friend Jim Martin became the talking head on that point in various...
I think I've told you all before that I'm somewhat of a yoga moron. I totally get the concept of yoga, and I know I need to learn some of its basics. But I just get confused when instructors tell...
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but bubbles can never hurt me. So I put all the meannies--or at least their words--in bubbles, where they can't bother me. Of course, I'm so sensitive that I went out and got...
To view my YouTube video click here. To read more Beyond Blue, go to www.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here....
This is an appropriate topic for the Feast of the Transfiguration: when Jesus' disciples witness the Son of God's transfiguration right there in front of them. ("Dude, Did you just see that??? Did we eat wild mushrooms for lunch? Cool...
Alas, for some comic relief ... Do you all remember this? To view the YouTube video click here. To read more Beyond Blue, go to www.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click...
I admit upfront that I was a little jealous of Janice when she started her "Our Lady of Weight Loss" blog because I had to share my editor, Holly, with her ... and, well, I felt like the older sister...
Awhile back I did an interview with one my mental health heroes, Fr. Joseph Girzone, who talked about carving sculptures from bars of soap to escape his depression. Now I interview another mental health hero, Priscilla Warner (who runs The...
Every time I watch this video, I laugh. Fr. Jim's joy and playfulness is just so contagious. I think he communicates more about hope and joy and how much God loves us with his jokes and laughter than most priests...
I don't know about you, but when I'm depressed, my self-talk goes something like this: "This is uncomfortable ... I wish I were dead." "I don't know what to do about x, y, and z ... I wish I were...
I kind of hate to go here, but I need to for those who are EXTREMELY depressed and their loved ones. One symptom of severe depression is a lack of all self-care, and, in particular, personal hygiene. In retrospect, I...
I love this video of Ann describing her second calling, to help others who suffer from mental illness. By being authentic herself, Ann has inspired me to do so, as well. To view the YouTube video, click here. To read...
The page offers the video I made a few months back on getting through the rough spots. Come to think of it, maybe I should watch it again for myself....
Apparently I upset a few folks in my recent video, the interview with Eric and Mr. Guardian Angel, "Being Married to a Manic Depressive," when I used the term "whackjob" to describe MYSELF. I sincerely apologize for offending anyone by...
I am forever indebted to my writing instructor, Laura Oliver, for everything she taught me about the craft. But more importantly, she taught me how to go inside for what you need, and to try to resist the urge to...
I've told you about my guardian angel, but does she really exist????? I can prove it in this video. Here she is, taped live!, to tell you about her second calling, which is reaching out to fellow depressives as she...
Sometime in her 30s, Ann decided to be authentic and tell it like it is. She has inspired me to do the same, to go public with all my foibles and frustrations. After you listen to her, you won't want...
All the comments from my Monday post, "Dear God: My Peace I Give You," have got me thinking more about just how we might go about getting acquiring "peace." I also talked about this with Gus Lloyd, host of "Seize...
I spent this morning in Washington DC among all the other journalists covering the pope's visit. My interview on Sirius Radio, the Catholic channel, got pretty heated with the listeners who called in, after I spilled the beans about my...
One great thing about mania is that you can be productive on absolutely no sleep. I taped this the morning after my totally sleepless night. I talk about how sleep, like medication and prayer, is a staple of recovery. Without...
Have you ever fantasized about being the CEO of a Fortune 500 company? With a little imagination and a few voices inside your head (I know you have them too … you've already told me about them), you can be...
Most people envision mania as the woman who rings up $2000 on her master card, or the guy up all night composing music. But mania, and especially hypomania, need not be so obvious or extreme. If you suffer from a...
I have a problem. With clutter. And paper. And magazines. And books. They pile up. I start to hate them. But I can't throw them out. Because I never know. When I might need them. Eric told me that I...
Ah yes, boundaries. How is it that mine are knocked down as often as the towers of blocks David and Katherine build? I am getting better at boundaries. Therein lies my hope. And I’m sure constructing them will eventually get...
We all need our security items: an adult version of a pacifier. Mine is a comfy sweater that I'm always wearing in these videos (much like Mr. Roger's green cardigan) and my medal of St. Therese. But when I'm in...
On Ash Wednesday, I hate to compare myself to the rough, chain-smoking, boozer Grace (Holly Hunter) in "Saving Grace." But I've been thinking about that last episode ever since my former therapist handed me my junior-high journals totally unsolicited on...
Getting sick as a depressive is tricky, because so many of the weapons in our arsenal depend on health. Which is why I hate to get sick. But when I do, here are my strategies for not totally losing it....
WARNING: I do not look like my chipper (manic) self in this video. And I wasn't going to let you see me looking this way, but then I got an e-mail from Beyond Blue reader Nancy, and she was really...
I should have thought about this before procreating: every plant left to my care has died, and our dogs took over six months to house train. I figured that since the dogs didn't die, Eric and I were ready for...
When Mike Leach and I compiled our book "I Like Being Catholic," he listed ten reasons why a person should raise her kids Catholic. One was so that, as teenagers, the kids would have something to reject. When Katherine and...
I’ve mentioned my self-esteem file in previous posts. Of all my weapons employed in the war against negative thinking, this simple exercise is among the most effective and easiest. So start one. Now. Follow these directions: 1) Get a folder...
Thank you very much to all my Beyond Blue readers who responded to my first attempt at video blogging (vlogging, as reader Larry Parker says) with words of support and kindness. Thanks for not telling me that I have a...
I realize I’m throwing a lot at you guys this week. Every Monday I will post a prayer for the week. Every Friday for a few weeks I will interview a fellow mental-health blogger or professional. And for Wednesday …...
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