LB’S (A Good ole Southern Country Song by BW3–think Johnny Cash with help from the Beatles– to the tunes of ‘I hear that train a comin’ and ‘Carry that Weight’)

It’s sweepin’ cross America
The plague of pulchritude
It’s gripped the country’s midrift
The bare facts are quite rude,
We’ve put on pounds around our waist
That we cannot divest
And when we were not lookin’
We got a sunkin’ chest.

CHORUS (ala Beatles)
Boy, you gotta carry that weight,
Carry that weight a long time,
Girl you gotta carry that weight
Carry that weight for all time.

Sometimes they say Dunlop’s disease
Is what we call it now,
When your spare tire hangs out that far
Don’t need a belt no how
My waist has wasted more and more
Can’t see the scales today
And while my jeans burst at the seams
I’ve got the guts to say….

CHORUS

They say its love handles
Or ‘your full figured now’
Or ‘your pleasingly plump’
Or ‘you’ve filled out somehow’
Butt its a weighty matter
When you can’t wear your shorts
Your navel’s horizontal
And your feel out of sorts…

CHORUS

You know that old phrase middle aged
It’s when your middle did
And as for all those thunder thighs
Who are you tryin’ to kid
When you just keep on bingin
On fast and fatty treats
You just end up becomin’
Exactly what you eat.

CHORUS

I’m now an ole weight watcher
Got it right out in front
But I can’t see my toes no mo’
To be entirely blunt
It’s best to count the calories
Before they count you out
There may be more of you to love
But less is more no doubt.

CHORUS

God bless ole Richard Simmons
And Mr. Atkins too
Their tryin to help us avoid
The question—’when’s it due?’
Ten seconds on the lips ain’t worth
The cost you’re gonna pay
Ten years on your ample hips
Will never go away.

CHORUS

Resolve yourself this season
To be like John Baptiste
Who fasted in the desert
And said he must decrease
This is a game where losers win
And winners never cheat
And so don’t sin in 2010
PLEASE WATCH JUST WHAT YOU EAT.