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In my work as a therapist, I have been both gratified with the healing work couples are willing to do when letting love lead the session and frustrated and disheartened at times when there is so much animosity swirling around. There have been sessions when I have wished for a broom and disinfectant to sweep out and clean up all the metaphorical viscera spilled and venom spewed on the floor. Recently, I have had my share of each. I much prefer the first.
It occurred to me that no matter what type of relationship I find myself in, whether with a partner, friend, my son, co-workers or strangers I happen to even briefly encounter, there is one thing that those I choose to remain with have in common. Having that person in my life will bring out the highest in me. When I am with them, think about them, talk to them or about them, I am at my best. A few years ago, while in a dysfunctional relationship that lasted 4 months (in retrospect 3 months and 3 weeks too long), a friend asked me “Where did your joy go? ” She saw that I had invested 120 days or so of my life in a toxic relationship. Although there were a few positive aspects of our time together, much of my sparkle was being drained away. Once I left, I lit up again and became a human sparkler once more.
I see many people who stay in unhappy and unhealthy relationships out of obligation or fear of being alone or that they won’t be able to make solo decisions or “for the sake of the children.” It’s my perception that children thrive in a loving environment and deteriorate in a setting in which conflict abounds, regardless of whether it is a two parent or single parent home. I have people in my life who have not had the greatest role models for what a loving, thriving relationship can look like, so they emulate their parents’ patterns to the detriment of themselves and their children. The good news is that it is entirely possible to learn new ways of being.
I invite you to take a good look at your relationships and boldly ask yourself if they bring out the best or worst in you. You deserve the best! Sparkle and shine.
http://youtu.be/w_kjNKuLy7A Love Song by Ronan Hardiman
