“Mommy, you know, I can HEAR my mind,” said nine-year-old son Gordon this morning. “In fact, I am listening to it right now.”
“Oh, that’s great!” said I. We are in the car, and just a block from their school. “What is your mind saying?”
He pauses a moment and then giggles. “It just said, ‘That’s so funny, I forgot to laugh.’”
“Mom, MY mind keeps telling me that I’m stupid,” chimes in eleven-year-old Joe.
“OH gosh, honey,” I say, stopping the car. We’ve just pulled up to the school. I turn my face around. “You are smart for noticing that. THAT is your critical voice. I know a lot about that. We can work on that.”
“Well, the way I get out of it is that I think that if I’m stupid, then my mind is also stupid,” he says. “So my mind is stupid for telling me that I’m stupid.” Therefore, he seemed to conclude that he’s not stupid. Right?
“Right.”
What to do? Their Friday morning begins with a school assembly and I don’t want them to be late. “This is a wonderful and huge conversation we are going to have later. You are really, really, really smart to notice what your mind is saying. You are definitely not stupid.”
He nods, throws his backpack on his shoulder, waves, and walks off.
I watch him, and feel like crying.
posted January 29, 2006 at 3:23 am
I think it is sonderful the way this mom handled something this vital for her children. She listened and repeated what was said, she encouraged them to keep listening to their minds, she separated the parts of our concsience that help us to believe who we are, and she let them know that it was an important conversation that was going to continue later, then she let them continue their day, which is also an important part of learning skills of getting on with life and waiting untill a more appropiate time to discuss a big issue. BIG PROPS for this mom. Even though she wanted to cry, she did an amazing job.>
posted January 29, 2006 at 10:51 pm
I have to agree with lily. Lovingly done.>
posted February 17, 2006 at 7:12 am
My son went through a phase like this. He would say he’s stupid and look so sad. I decided I would “order” him to repeat after himself out loud 10 times “I am smart” every time I heard him say “he was stupid”. By the 6th time, he would be laughing and giggling. YOu can’t hold a thought in your mind that is opposite to what you are saying. I hope he will learn that self-talk has a huge impact on how we think of ourselves.>