I don't mean to sound gloomy, but these days after Christmas often make me think of death. They always have.
But I've been more aware of life's fleeting, poignant character in recent years. My mother died four years ago on January 3rd, and she labored under hospice care during this normally festive week.
So now, for me, the twelve days of Christmas have an exquisitely melancholy luster. Initially, this was upsetting, but now I see the silver lining. In the sadness, there is something shining.
My mother had experienced a really bad stroke. She was 77. There was no coming back. And she'd already almost died once in the hosptial. I am grateful that, thanks to hospice care, Mom got to die quietly in her own bed.
But here's what was wonderful about the night of her passing: When the hospice people dressed her body for the funeral home, they placed an afghan blanket on her. It was just an old throw Mom kept around, but woven into this blanket were the words of the 23rd Psalm.
When the funeral director came in at around eight that evening, he took Mom's body and left the blanket folded at the bottom of the bed. Four hours later, I went to sleep in a twin bed in the same room where my mother had died. I lay down and had a good cry.
But when I casually placed that 23rd Psalm blanket over me, to my surprise the blanket began to pop and radiate a very specific, active energy. Since I had not been looking for a "big experience," I actually pulled the blanket down from my chest, then up again to feel where the sparkling, popping energy was. It was definitely IN the blanket--and it seemed to snap in little sparkles when it came into contact with the surface of my skin.
I have some training in Reiki--a method of divine healing through the hands. And since that training, I have been more aware of the existence of this sort of energy. But this popping sensation, I think, would have been noticed by anyone. It was very obvious. What was it? Pure life force, I guess. I don't think it was motherly love. It didn't seem like something being given specifically to me. It had an odd neutrality to it. It wasn't sentimental. But it was real. That's what I'm telling you.
The Reverend Laurie Sue Brockway says that "when the doors of heaven open and your loved one passes through, the energies of heaven come and kiss those left behind when they are quiet enough to be open to that kind of experience."
Have you ever had a similar experience? I'd love to hear back from you on this.
THE BEST OF CHATTERING MIND.
The Energy Left After a Mother's Death
Friday December 29, 2006
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About Chattering Mind
The last update to the Chattering Mind blog was in July 2007.
Chattering Mind is a blog on motherhood, aging, health and healing, yoga, whole foods, spiritual music, meditation, as well as the struggle to manage time and clutter.
Read more about writer Amy Cunningham.
I was only 12 when my Dad died. I was the "apple of his eye" and I felt similarity about him. The night he died, I was at summer camp. We were in the midst of the initiation ceremony for the new girls. It was a lovely ceremony with candles and everyone dressed in white. I was a new girl myself, so my candle had JUST been lit by one of the returning campers. I was standing holding my candle when suddenly I felt very alone. I was surrounded by all the other girls and counsellors, but it was suddenly like they were all in a dream and I was in my own clear reality by myself. I looked down at my candle and saw it flicker, as if in a gust of wind.... but it kept burning. Not only did it keep burning, but it seemed actually to burn brighter. I felt amazed and frightened by it. Later that night, my mother arrived to take me home, and told me that my Dad had dropped dead at the age of 52 on the tennis court when I had seen my candle flicker. I believe it was my Dad's spirit whoosing by me on his way to The Light, that caused my candle to flicker. I believe it was the perfect way for him to express his parting message to me: "Although my death causes your Inner Light to flicker, it WILL keep burning, and mine with you. Let your Little Light shine in the world!"
My dad died February 3rd, 2005 - so close to two years ago. I am still bereft, but I don't live in grief. I remember the euphoric feeling - for days - of the love coming from all the people that came to his viewing and funeral. Not only was their love palpable, but so was my dad's love. To this day I speak to him as if he were right near me, because I feel as though he hears and guides me. And I no longer fear death, because I believe I will be reunited with him in Heaven. I no longer fear death because he showed me that it is not to fear. I no longer fear death.
I was always a Daddy's girl. I thought my Dad was EVERYTHING! Handsome, smart & funny. My Dad died unexpectly from a house fire D/T smoke inhalation in May 2005. I was in shock that I would never speak to him or hear his laugh again. One night the week of his death I was sitting alone in my bedroom talking to him in my head. I said Dad if you're okay please give me a sign. Suddenly the room got a bright blue. My computer came on & the blue of the microsoft windows illuminated my room more brightly than I've ever seen. I couldn't believe it. It lasted about 2 minutes & just as suddenly turned itself off. I felt wonderful & have not worried about him since. I can't wait to see him again because I know now he is around. I don't fear death, I just fear the circumstances leading up to it.
wow- what a surprise to happen upon this today - just this morning as I have beggun my meditation practice just recently ( after a hiatus since 9-11-2001) and after losing my precious grandmother, on my birthday, 1 year ago (1/6) I was in meditation this morning, thanking her for her guidance, and felt her stroking my hair, as she did ( the only person ever to do so- as she did) while I would be falling asleep as a child. At 36 years old, this feelinfg is unmistakable, and from whom the same. Love & Light to you all - Keep the faith - It is real!
Last week I had a dream with the message "It's about the code." It was repeated over and over, like a slogan, but in an insightful and loving way by everyone who said it. In the morning I awoke feeling rested and happy; I ran downstairs to share my dream with my family. It was then I learned that my best friend, Kate, had died during the night. I knew in that moment it was Kate speaking to me in my dreams. My first thought was, You'll always be able to find me, and I you. Then I cried because I knew her pain was over.