The Energy Left After a Mother's Death

I don't mean to sound gloomy, but these days after Christmas often make me think of death. They always have.

But I've been more aware of life's fleeting, poignant character in recent years. My mother died four years ago on January 3rd, and she labored under hospice care during this normally festive week.

So now, for me, the twelve days of Christmas have an exquisitely melancholy luster. Initially, this was upsetting, but now I see the silver lining. In the sadness, there is something shining.

My mother had experienced a really bad stroke. She was 77. There was no coming back. And she'd already almost died once in the hosptial. I am grateful that, thanks to hospice care, Mom got to die quietly in her own bed.

But here's what was wonderful about the night of her passing: When the hospice people dressed her body for the funeral home, they placed an afghan blanket on her. It was just an old throw Mom kept around, but woven into this blanket were the words of the 23rd Psalm.

When the funeral director came in at around eight that evening, he took Mom's body and left the blanket folded at the bottom of the bed. Four hours later, I went to sleep in a twin bed in the same room where my mother had died. I lay down and had a good cry.

But when I casually placed that 23rd Psalm blanket over me, to my surprise the blanket began to pop and radiate a very specific, active energy. Since I had not been looking for a "big experience," I actually pulled the blanket down from my chest, then up again to feel where the sparkling, popping energy was. It was definitely IN the blanket--and it seemed to snap in little sparkles when it came into contact with the surface of my skin.

I have some training in Reiki--a method of divine healing through the hands. And since that training, I have been more aware of the existence of this sort of energy. But this popping sensation, I think, would have been noticed by anyone. It was very obvious. What was it? Pure life force, I guess. I don't think it was motherly love. It didn't seem like something being given specifically to me. It had an odd neutrality to it. It wasn't sentimental. But it was real. That's what I'm telling you.

The Reverend Laurie Sue Brockway says that "when the doors of heaven open and your loved one passes through, the energies of heaven come and kiss those left behind when they are quiet enough to be open to that kind of experience."

Have you ever had a similar experience? I'd love to hear back from you on this.

THE BEST OF CHATTERING MIND.

Clutter Is One Thing We All Share

You know, this Chattering Mind blog is currently attracting some 25,000 unique visitors a month. And usually, you readers are a relatively quiet bunch. But inspiring chatter was indeed released by my three-part series on the clutter we keep in our closets and basements! My play-ZZTop-to-your-stagnating-garbage suggestion really hit ya'll in the right spot! I find it remarkable that worldly possessions are such real-life burdens, and that keeping our living spaces free of stuff we don't use is indeed a spiritual challenge.

"I am in great need of being able to tackle the clutter that I have held onto for decades. I ask for prayerful guidance and the energy to go to it," wrote one anonymous reader.

Wrote Eva: "As we Jews are approaching the New Year, glorified by the Day of Atonment...cleaning our our spiritual closet...is exactly what the Holy days of Awe are all about."
Myrna said that she could use a "daily or weekly prayer specifically on our shared need to clean out old energy." Good idea.

Said Patty: "I lost my father-in-law, husband and both parents in 3 years time. You want to talk clutter, and it's not all mine. How do I part with their lives? A lot of us need help."

Laurie wrote of the house cleaning we all inspired: "The first thing to go? The old, dried petals from the roses that my ex-husband gave me ten years ago--the only time he gave me flowers. Wow! Now that was a purge--and as I spread them on my garden, I did so with a prayer that his new marriage will be fulfilling and joyous for both of them...I released many old dreams with those petals, and many of the things surrounding that container began to take on new significance...Namaste."


BEST OF CHATTERING MIND

All Smiles Now

I once wrote an essay called "Why Women Smile" for the women's magazine Lear's. More than fifteen years later, I'm still receiving checks from academic presses planning to re-run the article because, apparently, it "teaches well" in first-year college writing classes. This smile piece has also been featured in a lovely textbook called "The Writer's Presence," where yours truly is wedged in with writers like Virginia Woolf and Joan Didion!

But here's the quandry: I now know that a whole chunk of my article is incorrect. Next time they call me, I'm going to say "Stop. Don't use it. Don't tell another generation of women not to smile. They should smile broadly."

In the actual piece, I argue that women smile more than men because they're insecure and want to be liked. I confess in the article that I am trying to smile less. I also say that if you fake a smile, the smile doesn't do anything good for you.

For my research at the time, I interviewed noted psychologist and facial expression expert Paul Ekman. I remember that when the piece was published, Ekman didn't seem so thrilled with it. He didn't write me back. I now know that's because he had been trying to tell me that he was conceiving of the human smile in a new way, and that the feminists who thought women should smile less weren't approaching smiles from the right perspective. But I couldn't hear him. Ekman then was just a short time from researching Tibetan monks and the Dalai Lama's smiling meditations. He was on his way to substantiating that smiles--even fake plastered-on smiles--CAN indeed lift our moods and keep us happier. So actually, smiling women have had the right idea all along.

But I was so attached to the notion that feminine niceness was some kind of pathology that I couldn't hear what Ekman--an incredibly nice guy, by the way--was telling me. Indeed, I couldn't imagine that if you smiled while seated quietly in meditation, you would spread the energy of cheer throughout the world and rise up feeling better. I couldn't conceive of the topic spiritually.

Since then, Ekman has published his findings. And my melancholy little prose piece (which my mother always hated anyway) is out there like the Ever-Ready Bunny banging its drum. So until I can make this wrong a right, do me a favor: Smile generously and freely. There are smile meditations all over the web. Try them. Here's one to start with: Get happy.

THE BEST OF CHATTERING MIND.

Bridging the Generation Gap

"Who is the audience for this thing?" my 91-year-old father asked, clearly perplexed.

I had my laptop out, and I was kneeling beside him, scrolling through my weblog, stopping at items I'd written that he might like. He awkwardly leaned forward to read through his trifocals, and I kept adjusting the angle of the portable screen. "Can you see it?" I asked, "because there might be a glare..."

He was impressed that readers could quickly post their responses to whatever I'd written. "Isn't that marvelous!" he said. But since he derives all his knowledge of the World Wide Web from "Wall Street Journal" articles, and since he has never answered an email or gone online, he doesn't really know what a blog is.

His question about my audience was important though, so I tried to answer it.

"Well," I said, pausing to arrange my chattering thoughts, "there's a vast and growing group of people who...um, they may be Christian, or they may be Jewish, or they may be anything, but they have an avid interest in spirituality. They want to experience daily some kind of observance or, well, the word 'ecstacy' might be too strong, but..."

I feared I was tanking, but I could see that he was still listening intently.

I went on to say: "These people I'm addressing may or may not attend a religious service weekly, BUT they want to tune into a spiritual side of themselves every day through some kind of contemplative practice, so I'm there, with my column, to support them or give them ideas."

"What is a contemplative practice?" he asked sensibly.

"Well, I'm referring in part to Asian or Eastern contemplative practices like meditation, but also..." I cleared my throat.

"Oh," my father sat back with a Presbyterian huff. "I really don't think that Asian stuff is going anywhere."

"Oh, no, Dad! No, no, no. It is! Look at all the ladies doing yoga in their church basements!"

He wasn't convinced. But he liked my blog, or professed to.

He was born at a time when horses still pulled the neighborhood fire engine. He lost two younger brothers in World War II. He worked at a job for many years that didn't fulfill him. He didn't notice his kids until we forced him to.

But yesterday, I saw him reaching out to me, leaning forward through the decades, trying to understand what I do. He was especially glad that I loved my work, that everything seemed to be congealing for me as a writer. I have a purpose. He could see that.

BEST OF CHATTERING MIND.

How to Feng Shui a Purse--My Own Amusing Method

The time has come to face the facts. I cannot live with my purse any longer, in its current chaotic state. Only the powers of the Asian art of Feng Shui alignment can help. If your handbag is insanely disorganized too, just follow these easy steps. Same rules apply for backpacks.

1. Buy a new wallet at a large department store.

2. Come home. Rest.

3. Put on some spiritual background music.

4. Locate a sturdy cardboard box (16" square should be fine), several large manilla envelopes, and one of those black "Lawn & Leaf" garbage bags.

5. Sit down on the floor with your purse and all the above equipment.

6. Pray for healing, and for a better-organized life.

7. Ask your purse's permission to empty its contents. If your purse says, "No," then explain to it that it's only a matter of time before you buy a far more elegant bag at Saks Fifth Avenue (of course this isn't true, but it is easy to fool a purse).

8. Empty the contents of your purse into the box (you may briefly stand up to catch some air).

9. Remove from the box anything that looks like food, and throw that in the Lawn & Leaf bag.

10. Take the tattered receipts you have saved for years, and place them in one of the manilla envelopes. Label this envelope "Receipts." Bless your receipts, especially those business-related expenses you will probably get reimbursed for at a later date.

11. Oh shoot, I forgot to mention the little makeup mirror. Feng Shui practioners believe that mirrors stored next to, or within, a new wallet will augment your finances. I've seen sweet little lipstick mirrors at dime stores that are framed or wrapped in soft fabrics. They would work. They are made for women who apply lipstick after meals. I have never mastered this ritual art form, but I sit mesmerized before women who pull it off.

12. Where were we? My, this Feng Shui-ing a purse is a big job! I'll break here, for fear that people who do not like long blog items will stop reading. A little daily maintenance will help your purse from ever getting into such a terrible mess again.

THE BEST OF CHATTERING MIND.

House Blessings

I like the old-fashioned idea of hanging a framed prayer or poem near a home's entrance to bless the house, so I was happy to find this hand-written blessing that's probably sixty years old at a Brooklyn flea market recently. I've seen the following verse on plaques before, but never written it down. You can type it in a fancy font and print it for yourself or for anyone moving into a new house.


God bless the corners of this house
And be the lintel blest;
And bless the hearth and bless the board,
And bless each place of rest;
And bless the door that opens wide,
To stranger as to kin;
And bless each crystal window pane
That lets the starlight in;
And bless the rooftree overhead
And every sturdy wall;
The peace of man, the peace of God,
The peace of love on all.


If you love this sort of thing as much as I do, you should know that June Cotner, author of several books on blessings and prayers, has a whole text of verse for the home: "House Blessings."

BEST OF CHATTERING MIND.

Taped Above My Desk

"Take off from here. And don't be so earnest,
let others wear the sackcloth and the ashes.
Let go, let fly, forget.
You've listened long enough. Now strike your note."

From "Station Island," by Seamus Heaney

For the Love of a Chiming Clock

This morning, as I entered our house after shopping, I heard our old chiming clock mark the hour. I noticed then that it was running slow, so I put down my bags and wound it with the clock key I hide beneath its sturdy wooden legs. I'm amazed that with kids in the house, we've never lost the key or broken the clock. And when I hear our clock chime--no matter how frazzled I'm feeling--I believe that I have a charmed life.

Apparently, I am not alone in thinking that chiming clocks are important to have around. Charles Ditmas, the man who kept the clocks at Harvard University for more than fifty years, once wrote in an unpublished essay quoted in his New York Times obituary:

"It is a constant wonder to me, how many people today have never lived with clocks, do not know them, are not aware of what the presence of a clock in the home means. I speak of real clocks, rather than battery clocks or electric clocks that so often exhibit hideous designs, fake pretensions and vulgar proportions."

Chiming clocks have good feng shui. They lend motion and music to a quiet house (Thomas Jefferson kept one in every room at Monticello).

I don't hear ours chiming from downstairs after bedtime, but when I am up at odd hours, I love its company. I recommend that you go out and find a clock in a local antique shop, or ask somebody who loves you to be on the look-out. I hesitate to recommend online sources--though eBay.com might provide an interesting start--since I purchased a clock with a pendulum from an online clock shop, and the pendulum doesn't swing anymore. You'll find your way to the right one. And your local yellow pages will lead you to the best clock doctors; they are almost always spiritual people.

BEST OF CHATTERING MIND.

Building a Better Miso

Ever wonder why the miso made from store-bought miso paste isn't as good as the miso you're served in Japanese restaurants? Not long ago, I asked the man behind the counter of our local sushi carryout about this, and he said, "Well, some restaurants use this seasoning salt." I studied the bottle and passed it back to him, noting, "Well, that has MSG in it."

"Then, do you know about Bonito flakes?" he asked, presenting me with a package of dried fish flakes that listed no harmful salts or preservatives.

Now we always pour clear hot water through a strainer of Bonito flakes, also known as "katsobushi," when making miso (which, by the way, should never be boiled). The flakes lend the broth a richer flavor, and give it a nice smell.

Add small cubes of firm tofu, finely sliced scallions, and a dried seaweed flake (available in most health food stores today), and you have a soup that will bolster you better than a mug of coffee when your energy flags in the late afternoon.

At the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies, miso is often served for breakfast with diced carrots and translucent cooked white onions floating in it. I've trained my older son to enjoy miso in the mornings, and I think it launches him into his day with a warm feeling in his belly.

THE BEST OF CHATTERING MIND.

The Weights We Bear in Life

The other afternoon, I was walking in Manhattan and the large handbag I carry everywhere suddenly felt incredibly heavy. Oh God, what was in there anyway? I'd been out all day. So I opened my bag and peered in. Aooohhh... scary. It's pretty cluttered in there. So I started to dig and then to my amazement out came a fourteen-inch-long stainless steel gardening trowel with a heavy handle that I'd purchased four full days earlier to do some digging in our back garden. It must weigh two pounds.

Upon realizing this, I stopped in the middle of the city sidewalk, waved my trowel, and laughed outloud.

Isn't it amazing how quickly we take on new weight and accommodate to it?

At least I noticed. I think there have been times in my life when I just would have just soldiered on.

BEST OF CHATTERING MIND.

My Favorite Yoga Story

So I showed up on time for my yoga class, feeling down in the mouth and fat. Class began and I moved through the sun salutations, focused on my unattractiveness. Too heavy. Too old. Oh woe, woe, woe.

It's amazing how focused a woman can be when she's hating herself.

Then I spied a younger woman in a sexy leotard working through her postures on the other side of the room. "Now SHE is beautiful," I said to myself. Was she a dancer? Small features, lithe body, intelligent face. I wanted to be her.

Somehow, I managed to get through class, moving through down dogs, warrior poses, inversions and shavasana. The yoga made me stronger, but there was still a wound remaining, a propensity to feel like hell.

As I was rolling my mat and folding my blanket, low and behold the beautiful woman came up to me! She hesitated before she spoke. What did she want? I felt fearful. "I was watching you the whole class and your postures were so beautiful," she said to me with total frankness. "Oh gosh, how nice," I stammered incredulously.

Then she said, "And I kept telling myself that if I kept at it, I'd someday do my postures as beautifully as you do yours."

I left the studio in a daze.

How hard it is to see and truly love ourselves!

BEST OF CHATTERING MIND.

Reasons to Love CyberHymnal.org

Here's why I love CyberHymnal.org:

* It boasts 6,100 Christian hymns and gospel songs, and can play any one you want to hear immediately upon request.

* Its web pages are sweetly under-art-directed.

* Its computer-generated piano playing is straight-laced and nearly expressionless, but the beauty of the music shines through.

Cyberhymnal.org can play hymns all day, if you like, as you sit at your desk. Here's the site's version of "O Come, All Ye Faithful." Check the alphabetized index for other favorites titles.

Bless Your Mess

This NYT article about messy desks (and closets and basements) possibly being a symptom of a creative, lively existence is of some comfort.

I still want to unload more of the clutter in our basement come 2007, and help you feel more in control of your possessions. This churning cycle of wanting, suffering, and unloading clearly seems a feature of what Buddhists call samsara.

I buy, I breathe, I let go, I vow to buy less. We can help each other with this.

Here's Our Plan for Next Week

The folks at Beliefnet who watch over me and push the buttons to publish Chattering Mind will be off next week. This means that no matter how much I want to blog, I'll have to enjoy my children, do some yoga, and see some holiday movies at the theaters instead.

But here's what's really cool: Chattering Mind is fast approaching her 1,000th post! We were planning a review of some early blog items anyway, since I was chattering and writing feverishly at the launch back when nobody (not even you, probably) was paying attention to me.

So we'll run engaging, golden-oldie CM items next week, and label them "Best of Chattering Mind." Then I'll be back in the flesh at the beginning of the New Year, fresh as the green stubs of the daffodils that are poking up out of my garden due to this unseasonably warm winter weather here.

Blessings to you all as we head into the next months of our adventures together! I enjoy writing for you and hearing from you. This is the best job I've had in my life.

May you know peace in the coming days.

A Sea of Seasonal Red and White

Here's a shot of a recent, large Santa Rampage in New York City's Central Park.

Santa Rampages (also known as Red Menaces, SantaCons or Santa Conferences) are exuberant expressions of the holiday spirit. Folks wearing rented or purchased Santa suits simply gather to spread good cheer, sing and have fun. Wikipedia calls the gatherings "bawdy" and "harmless." Often, some attempt is made to raise money for charity. Read more about the history of SantaCons here.

Photo by Mike Buckland

The Scrooge Sutra

I have great love for a writer who calls himself Corax (after the first teacher of rhetoric in Greece, I guess). Corax was the author of the now defunct Buddhist blog "Ow, My Blog" (where did it go? I can't find it!), and in 2004, he published "The Scrooge Sutra," which chronicles the personal journey and enlightenment of Ebenezer Scrooge in Dickens' "A Christmas Carol," through the prism of the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism.

Read the short essay now on Zenunbound.com. I think you'll feel the joy I felt when I first found it.

Solstice: A Time of Such Richness!

Please attend to the marvelous posts about December 21st and the Winter Solstice that Waverly Fitzgerald has on her site, SchooloftheSeasons.com, as well as the excellent solstice summary she wrote for Beliefnet.

This day in December is the feast day of St. Thomas as well as a time some honor the Roman God of silence Diva Angerona. On Fitzgerald's site, you'll learn why the Norse God of Domesticity, Hertha, is one reason today's Santa Claus descends the chimney. Everything's connected!

We might also realize that December 21st marks the Summer Solstice in our earth's Southern hemisphere. As we welcome the new light of longer days, Chattering Mind reader Glenys Livingstone, who lives in Australia, acknowledges the coming darkness. Here is her website on earth-based religions, which will take you in all kinds of neat directions.

Remembering the Christmas Truce of 1914

Did you know that on one Christmas Day during World War I, German and British soldiers on the Western Front crawled out of their trenches, shook hands, shared cigarettes, and then played soccer for one peaceful hour, improvising when they didn't have a proper ball by kicking jam jars and balls of straw? What an inspiring event, and how sad we can't imagine anything like this occurring today. Apparently, what made the short truce possible was the fact that these particular Germans had worked in the UK as younger men and spoke the English language. And of course, they all loved Christmas.

Does anyone who knows the enemy ever really want to go to war? You can read more about the short Christmas truce of 1914 here. And here's where you'll find a whole book about it.

You Can Always Be Spiritual and Religious

Do you ever describe yourself as "spiritual, but not religious?" I actually don't since my personal faith leaves room for a lot of doubt. I don't reject religious affiliation by insisting that I'm merely a "spiritual" person. I can stay interested in dogma, but still not subscribe to it. Anyone else have this kind of religious identity? Can you explain it any better?

Here's noted religion writer and editor Philip Zaleski writing about the spiritual but not religious crowd in his introduction to "The Best American Spiritual Writing of 2006." The whole anthology is especially excellent this year.

How often have we heard a person say "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual"? The argument suggests that religion imposes a set of doctrinal beliefs and the ethical behaviors that spring from it: conviction leads to conduct, belief influences behavior. An ingredient in most religious practice is the conviction that the practices and beliefs of that particular tradition are the only valid ones, and this can lead to an arrogance of opinion based on absolute and exclusive truth claims. When these claims conflict, as they must in a pluralistic world, there appears to be a choice only between a demoralizing relativism and a fundamental conflict with the "other" that leads either to conversion or to extinction. When people speak of religion as the source of all serious trouble in the world, they usually have this rather grim scenario in mind, and alas, the history of the world and its political and cultural conflicts tend to confirm this pessimistic view of religion's role in human afairs.

To some, the only answer to this is a denigration of religion itself and the passions it ignites...

Wish I could quote more for you. Look for the book in bookstores. Do you resonate?

A Christmas Meditation

I found this prayer by Christine Robinson on the Unitarian Universalist Association's website today and thought some of you might be able to adapt it for use with family and friends this week.

An excerpt:

Like the harried innkeeper, may we find ways to help others.

Like the lumbering beasts, may we be silent witnesses to the unfathomable glory of life.

Like the shepherds on the hill, may we know that we need never be afraid.

Like the journeying wise, may we always have the courage to follow our stars.

Like the angels, may we cry peace to a troubled world.

Holy one, to these prayers for our own transformation we add our prayers for all of those who suffer and grieve this evening. May they find comfort. And we add our prayers for all those involved in war; may they be safe...

There's more. Click on the link to read the whole thing.

Can Spices Bolster Auto-Immune Health?

A recent Third Age newsletter discusses the medicinal impact of common spices, citing Victoria Zak's book "The Magic Teaspoon." For instance:

* A diet rich in cayenne-spiced chili can protect against the formation of LDL ("bad") cholesterol.

* When you add a teaspoon of cinnamon to contaminated apple juice, the E. coli can be reduced as much as 99.5 percent in three days.

* Oregano is an anti-oxidant.

* Rosemary has phytochemicals that can help in the treatment of arthritis.

* Turmeric is an antioxidant that can protect against cancer, lower cholesterol, reduce inflammation, and increase insulin sensitivity.


Sign up here for more of Third Age's goodies and healthy tidbits.

Is Soy Making Our Children Gay?

I know soy messes with estrogen, but this strikes me as extreme. Here's the conservative Jim Rutz writing for World Net Daily, revving readers up to eat less soy:

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!)

Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because "I can't remember a time when I wasn't homosexual." No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can't remember a time when excess estrogen wasn't influencing them.

What do you say to this?

Dance on a Moonbeam With Bill Crofut

It's not a new album (in fact, the responsible folk artist Bill Crofut died in 1999), but "Dance on a Moonbeam" is so beloved by me and my children that I want to turn you on to it anyway.

It's not mandatory for Christmas, but it will provide any parent with lovely, heart-opening music for child's floor play, craft projects, or soup-making next January. Check out the mini-audio clips on Amazon.com, where you can also read what critic Andrew Bartlett gushed upon the CD's release. An excerpt:

Steeped in Shakespeare's words and a magical ability to weave together Renaissance-era moods and American folk music, "Moonbeam" exudes a warmth and soulfulness that Crofut and musical partner Chris Brubeck create with the simplest instrumentations--banjo, bass, piano, cello, and voices, mostly.

Meryl Streep interjects brief readings of Shakespeare, a lovely complement to an incredible mix of Crofut's rustic folk with classically trained singers..."Dandling Songs," "The Bear," "Simple Gifts," and "All Through the Night" alone among these 26 stellar cuts make this one of the best children's music recordings in ages. It eschews the simple means to a child's ear and instead aims for the heart and soul, which "Moonbeam" reaches over and over with wit and creative depths that will unfold for ages.

Try A Yoga Gingerbread Person!

These guys make me feel so joyous. But in cute (and reasonably accurate) poses like down dog, plow, and warrior two, how could anyone ever bite into them? I send heartfelt thanks to Patty Paige Baked Ideas in New York for inventing them. Here are their other December holiday cookie styles (for at-home decorating inspiration), and here are their gingerbread houses.

Jungle All the Way?

Another 2006 innovation: Traditional Christmas music channeled through African percussive instruments. No lyrics, just carols made tropical. The effect is truly relaxing and highly unusual.

Meet Ellen Burstyn's Gracious Spirit

You may know Ellen Burstyn as an actor, the kind of natural performer who isn't self conscious, but did you also know she's a deeply spiritual person with a passion for Sufism? Read Valerie Reiss's interview with Burstyn here.

An excerpt:

"I try and have the first words out of my mouth everyday be 'thank you.' I sometimes forget, but I know that gratitude is the highest form of praise. So I try and keep myself in this state of gratitude all the time. I meditate, not consistently but always before a performance, and always when I'm not traveling or in a situation where I can't. I pray."

Do You Keep a Shoe-free Home?

I'm attending a birthday party next week in a shoe-free home. The invitation warns all guests of this in advance, and has playfully suggested that we come in "clean socks!"

Of course, I have no problem with this, but I'm wondering what you guys think. A lot of people ask guests to remove their shoes at the entrance these days. For one thing, it's much easier to keep the floors clean this way, which is important if the hosts have a young child or crawling baby.

Keeping a home shoe-free is also a great idea if people living in the space plan to do yoga with face-down postures in the living room carpet. Additionally, removing street shoes at the door is in keeping with the practices of many religious traditions, Japanese and Hawaiian cultures, and with anyone who considers the home a sanctuary or "sacred space." Standing with feet on the ground, without the barrier of a shoe, represents being humbled and fully present.

It was God, afterall, who said “Moses, take off your shoes for the place you are standing is Holy Ground.”

Do you have a shoe-free home? How do you manage this? How do your guests respond?

Some Government Officials Can't Tell Sunnis from Shiites

Here's a hugely important article by Congressional Quarterly's Jeff Stein. It reveals the sorry truth that government officials of both parties don't always know who's who and what's what in the Arab world. Five years post-9/11, it's everyone's personal responsibility to study Middle Eastern history and bone up on its religious conflicits.

Book of Bird Song

If you know someone who cares about birds and the songs they sing, this is a lovely holiday gift--it's a book that actually utters 250 (!) bird songs for you at the touch of a button.

I recently purchased a copy to give away, but now I can't decide which one of my friends or family members would most appreciate it. Whoops. Did I buy it for myself? Could be. Does that ever happen to you?

How the Chatterings Deck the Halls

"But I don't know how to buy a Christmas tree," lamented the Jewish Mr. Chattering.

"You'll do fine, honey, just buy one that's seven or eight feet high and don't pay too much for it."

"I'm not Christian!"

"But this helps me so much!" I said, shoving him out the door. "Just have them put the tree into the car's back seat."

Later, the door bell rang, and the eldest Chat son exalted: "We got a tree! And we got a good deal!"

I let them in, smiling broadly--oh, joyful tidings!--until I saw that the tree's trunk looked incredibly dry and pale.

"Did you get them to saw off the end?" I asked, failing to conceal my nervousness. Like a flower, a cut tree forms a scab of sap at the base, and sawing off the end of the trunk at purchase enables the tree to stay fresh.

"Huh? Nooooo," says Mr. Chattering, stomping back to the car, which was double parked in the street, still blinking. "By the way, you made this as hard as possible for me by leaving all that junk in the trunk!" He's not much good at concealing his displeasure either.

"Oh, the car's trunk was a mess! Why didn't you put the tree in the back seat?" I called after him.

"It wouldn't fit!" Mr. Chattering shouted back in a huff, now hauling racket ball rackets and more sporting equipment displaced from the trunk, back into it. Gear was falling into the street. And he seemed rather furious with me.

Younger Chat and I turned to the tree, and carefully dragged it deeper into the living room. As it moved, evergreen needles scattered everywhere with prancing, sprinkling pinging sounds.

"Gosh, this is the driest tree I've ever seen," I muttered, thinking the tree was cheap because was cut in October. Or something.

"Mom, look at this," young Chat whispered as he gently brushed the tree's branches with a broom and more dry needles rained down with little plinks and pings. He rolled his eyes in a judgmental way.

"Well, don't criticize your father! Whatever you do, don't criticize your father. He tried very hard to find a good tree for us." I peered out the front window to watch my darling husband, putting displaced, disorganized books and belongings back into the trunk, grumbling in his misery, pine needles everywhere.

In our dual-faith family, everybody stretches and grows, sometimes beyond our own comfort level. I am a Presbyterian learning to pray in Hebrew. And Mr. Chattering, someone who often writes about Judaism and Christianity, has just purchased his first Christmas tree by himself.

"It's a fine tree. Look there are no gaps between the branches!" I exclaimed in front of the whole family.

It's still crooked in its stand, but we'll fix that. I'm thinking this tree needed us.

Are Mixed/Blended Faith Celebrations the New Normal?

There is no set way to celebrate the December holidays anymore. I'm not an advocate of "mixing everything up." I'm just saying a lot of us are mixing it up through mixed-faith marriage, conversion, or inventive experiment.

Last Christmas eve, I stepped out of church and noticed six Jewish friends standing there on the steps, laughing, since we'd all been at the large service together without realizing it. "I love Christmas music," said one chum from my children's synagogue. "I come here every year," said another observant Jew. True, I live in New York City where liberal folks in mixed marriages seem to virtually dominate the landscape. I know it's not like this everywhere.

Whatever your belief or practice, you can read more about how there is no "normal," set way to relish the December holidays in Elizabeth Lesser's wonderful piece about accepting your own year-end "style" by clicking here. Also, Holly Lebowitz Rossi is writing a month-long blog called "The December Dilemma" in which she describes all the ways the faithful clash and coincide at this religiously potent time of year.

What is Mary Cheney's Teaching?

If you are of the Everything-Happens-for-a-Reason school, you might be saying "Oh, Mary Cheney's pregnancy is designed to teach those frumpy Cheney parents and the Religious Right that it's not immoral for gays to have kids."

Could be. But actually, I think Bush and Cheney have always been more personally tolerant on gay issues than the Religious Right has let them be. What the Cheney pregnancy reveals is how hypocritical they've been as an administration, allowing the party to run on such an anti-gay platform all this time. So this is great! Time to smell the baby's diaper! Who's your Daddy!

Actually, I briefly worked with Lynne Cheney, Mary Cheney's mom, the wife of the VP, at the Washingtonian magazine in the early 1980s. Lynne Cheney is a highly educated person. She's a devoted mother. Buried beneath the official mask is a regular woman with a quirky sense of humor. Don't you think the whole family discussed Mary's desire to have children with her partner, agreeing it would be ideal, if possible,to wait to become pregnant and then announce after the mid-term elections? In this way, everything turns out well for almost everybody.

I do delight in the fact that life is stranger than fiction. Who could have believed years ago that something like this would ever happen?

And I think this pregnancy is an absolute healing miracle--not only for the Cheneys, but for all of society.

Throw a Party In Honor of Seasonal Darkness!

Thanks to "MettaMusings" blogger/CM reader "Story Midwife" for writing about the parties she throws in honor of the seasonal darkness.

"Ah, the nourishing dark. Though I cringe at the cold and snow of winter (not a helpful thing as I live in the chilly hills of Iowa), I am a darkness lover. Winter Solstice is my absolute favorite day of the year. Five years ago my husband and I started a new tradition: The Dark Party. The guests are invited to wear dark clothing and bring dark food. (My speciality is my Edgar Allen Bean Dip; my husband's is his Fear Not the Valley of the Shadow of Fudge.)

After the food and wine and catch-up conversation, we gather in a circle to read poetry, sing quiet songs, and share how darkness has visited us in the last year. At the end of the evening, all are invited to light a candle signifying the presence of the Holy in the midst of the darkness, or to leave their candle unlit, signifying the presence of the Holy even in darkness.

This ritual has become my spiritual center in the winter holidays. I cherish its gifts in my life all year round...I wonder what the world would be like if we were inherently invited to honor the tension of light and dark in this season, rather than just expected to deck the halls."

Hey, Story, can I come to your party? I'll be glad to take my shoes off!

Phillip-Morris Was Forced to Run Anti-smoking Ads

Yes, Cindi, you're right. Phillip-Morris is not producing those talk-to-your-kids-about-smoking ads out of the kindness of its heart. The company was forced to create those public service ads as part of a lawsuit settlement. Here are the opinions of one blogger who thinks the whole campaign could backfire since adolescents mostly try whatever their parents insist they avoid.

Speaking of, since the elder chattering is now twelve, I'm reading the absolute best book on raising a new teenager, and it has a great title: "Get Out of My Life, But First Could You First Take Me and Cheryl to the Mall?"

Tell any parent of a new teen to pick it up.

The New Fab Four

If you want to have a good giggle and experience a noticeable surge in your vital life force, click here and scroll down half a page to watch the four charismatic guys known as "Il Divo" sing "Somewhere," that compelling Leonard Bernstein song that begins "There's a place for us...." Be sure to view the whole four minutes, since the music builds to a mighty climax!

Of course YouTube.com has a full menu of Il Divo's fab offerings. And they all sang on Oprah yesterday. Plus, their Christmas album is selling like beefcake.

I find myself pondering why this particular ensemble of elegant, operatic males is so hugely popular right now. My guess: The group really has its male-female sexual energy integrated, with both male and female attributes skillfully balanced. They're macho but not brazen about it. They're receptive and feminized, but far from castrated.

Both men and women can feel the pull of desire (if they're open to it)! Everybody's wondering who's gay and who's not, right? And I think that's a huge chunk of the appeal. Plus, each man is from a different country which seems to promote a kind of global consciousness! I'm loving it!

Do you see what I'm talking about? What are your thoughts?

Just Do One Thing

Though countless stars illumine the night
And the moon brightly ornaments the earth,
Only the sun provides light for the day
And gives meaning to the terms "east" and "west."

The man who accomplishes completely
One single act
Excels all sentient beings.
The moon when full illumines the earth ­
The multitude of stars have not this power.

--Nagarjuna (150-250 A.D.), as quoted in the most recent newsletter from Lama Surya Das.

Beware the Truths You Know

If you know in advance what the truth will be, you will never find it.
- Marchette Chute.

Make Your Own Bath Salts

You could become your own little bath salt factory this month! Here are some tips for creating soothing salt bags that can be great gifts for your friends.

Click here to buy a 20-pound bag of Dead Sea salt, which you can divide into smaller gift boxes or bags in the comfort of your kitchen.

Here are therapeutic bath salt recipes that will explain how and when to add essential oils and herbs. The best book on homemade spa treatments and baths I've ever found is called "Water Magic: Healing Bath Recipes for the Body, Spirit, and Soul," by Mary Muryn and Cathy Cash Spellman.

How Do You Renew Your "Flow"?

"There are hundreds of activities designed for protection that are supposed to prevent negative energy from disrupting the healthy or healing state, such as wearing amulets or saying magical words. I've probably tried them all!

"After a lot of disappointment, dashed hopes, and discouragement regarding techniques, I found that the only true stability and protection is the connection with Nature, Source, God, the Universe--however you name it. So often we focus on the people or issues that depress us and expend our precious life energy flailing in the mire of negativity. No one can avoid difficulties, but moving past them and reuniting with Spirit renews our life-sustaining Flow."

--from Joyce Whiteley Hawkes' book "Cell-Level Healing." Hawkes received a Ph.D. in biophysics from Pennsylvania State University and worked as a research scientist in marine fishery until a near-death experience inspired her to return to school, earn a master's degree in pastoral ministry, and explore indigenous healing traditions throughout Southeast Asia.

This Week Marks Buddha's Day of Enlightenment

Many Buddhists are observing an intensive period of meditation this week. You can learn more about Rohatsu, the commemoration of Buddha's enlightenment, by reading the marvelous articles here and here. Writes Shodo Harada Roshi:

The Buddha was enlightened on the eighth of December when he looked up at the morning star, the planet we call Venus. The brightness of this planet was seen by Buddha from the depths of one week of samadhi [deep awareness]...A whole week's experience of that world burst the brightness of the morning star, plunging into the Buddha's eyes and giving rebirth to the Buddha's consciousness.

He cried: "That's it! That's it! That's it. That's me! That's me that's shining so brilliantly!"

How deeply he was moved and what wonder he felt. From this comes all of the Buddha's dharma. From within this state of mind the Buddha said: "How wondrous, how wondrous! All beings are endowed with this pure nature! What a wondrous, astonishing thing has been realized! All the ten thousand things, all the flowers, all the trees, all the rocks, all things everywhere are shining brilliantly! What an amazing thing! It's the same landscape, but how brilliantly it is illuminated! What freshness is everything!"

Embrace the Dark As We Head Toward Solstice

From now until the Winter Solstice on December 21st, we will be experiencing some of the year's darkest, shortest days.

I used to hate stumbling around with the kids and their bookbags at 5 p.m. in the early dark. I still find it harder to rise at 6:30 a.m. to walk the dog before sunrise. Most of us find summer more pleasant with its long days and bright mornings. But let's pause for a moment, and sink into our inky situation.

Let's consider dimming the lights further, using only candles at dinner, and crawling into bed much earlier. Doesn't the thought of doing all that relax you? Now is a good time to imagine how dark the world was before man illuminated it. Invite your kids or a friend to stand in a windowless bathroom or closet with you (you'll be giggling of course), seal out the light seaping in from the door, and talk about how dark darkness is. Sometimes when I'm in the country walking the dog at bedtime, I switch off my flashlight and meditate on the dark for as long as I can stand it. Darkness makes us nervous, since in the dark, we must create new ways to see.

But just as seeds need the dark to germinate, we need more dark for our health. Here's a webpage on the nourishing, de-stressing hormone melatonin, which the body miraculously secretes as soon as the sun goes down (possibly making us crave more sleep as the days get shorter). But because modern light pollution is throwing our bodies out of whack, we're not producing as much melatonin as our grandparents did.

I found a wonderful website called SavetheMilkyWay.com, which details the risks of becoming too detached from the natural darkness of the night sky. "Every time you gaze into the heavens you reaffirm your cosmic connection," writes the site's creator Jack Troeger. "...The stars are your ancestors." So turn your mind's eye to the darkness, dim the lights, get to bed early, and prepare your body for the advancing season of light.

Phillip-Morris Doesn't Want Kids to Smoke

As an act of atonement, I guess, Phillip-Morris has launched a television ad campaign and a website to counsel parents on how to prevent their kids from smoking cigarettes.

Here's a chart they use to explain why kids keep smoking: "stress relief"--a.k.a. not looking cool--apparently is the most common reason.

Why Santa Matters

Here is the most beautiful description of why believing in something made-up and then not believing in it is a wonderful part of growing up. What follows is from Betty Smith's famous novel "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn"; it was sent to me by "Urban Shaman" Donna Henes.

In the passage an immigrant grandma, Mary Rommely, explains to her daughter, a young mother, how to raise a child. Mary reviews the importance of the Bible, and the need to read Shakespeare, fairy tales, and myths aloud to every child, then she adds this:

"Oh, and you must not forget the Kris Kringle. The child must believe in him until she reaches the age of six."

"Mother, I know there are no ghosts or fairies. I would be teaching the child foolish lies."

Mary spoke sharply. "You do not know whether there are not ghosts on earth or angels in heaven."

"I know there is no Santa Claus."

"Yet, you must teach the child that these things are so."

"Why? When I, myself, do not believe?"

"Because," explained Mary Rommely simply, "the child must have a valuable thing which is called imagination. The child must have a secret world in which live things that never were. It is necessary that she believe. She must start out believing in things not of this world. Then when the world becomes too ugly for living in, the child can reach back and live in her imagination. I, myself, even in this day and at my age, have great need of recalling the miraculous lives of the Saints and the great miracles that have come to pass on earth. Only by having these things in my mind can I live beyond what I have to live for."

"The child will grow up and find out things for herself. She will know that I lied. She will be disappointed."

"That is what is called learning the truth. It is a good thing to learn the truth one's self. To first believe with all your heart, and then not to believe, is good too. It fattens the emotions and makes them to stretch. When as a woman's life and people disappoint her, she will have had practice in disappointment and it will not come so hard. In teaching your child, do not forget that suffering is good too. It makes a person rich in character."

Heartbreaking wisdom, isn't is?

Who Do You Believe About Kids & Cellphones?

Well, the eldest Chattering son desperately wants a cellphone for Christmas. To him, it's a symbol of being grown up.

I am in the minority of parents concerned about cellphone health risks; my own cell leaves my cranium with a warm, tingling feeling every time I foolishly indulge in a long conversation without the hands-free earpiece. I admit to being an "energetically sensitive" sort of a person. And I'm also slow to embrace technology generally.

But the developing skull of a child, according to this month's Ode magazine, is more malleable, and still contains "bone marrow, which produces stem cells, blood cells and lymphocytes." In other words, the cellphone radiation risk for children may prove to be more significant.

On one hand, the American Cancer Society deems cellphone use safe, and took the time to set up this informative webpage. Ode (the magazine for "intelligent optimists") takes a skeptical view, reminding everyone to reserve cellphones for short conversations, and encouraging us to use a phone attached to a cord for all other phone communication. That means the article's author Kim Ridley is questioning all cordless phones; yeah, that one you've been using for years! Both the Cancer Society and Ridley refer to research studies, and in one case, seem to interpret the same study differently. MicrowaveNews.com, a reliable source I've mentioned before, also monitors cellphone safety regularly.

So how do you use your cell, and don't you think children and teens should be told to use cordless phones as little as possible? Let me know.

Don't Send Me This

Thanks to Beliefnet's Valerie Reiss for blogging so beautifully in my absence. I took last week off to rest my tired typing hands, massage my elbows, see my optometrist, clean the house, and get ready for the holidays. I didn't do as much yoga as I'd hoped, but I now feel freer of a few hindrances.

Apparently, in 1863, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow begged out of attending Lincoln's Gettysburg Address
by saying he was too busy with "an unusual pressure of those numberless nothings, which like the remora, impede us as we sail the sea of life."

Remora are obnoxious fish with "sucking disks" that attach themselves to sharks, turtles, ships and other seafaring objects. Remora slow down the flow of progress. Ha! So I am now more free of my own remora, and happy to be back. No doubt, more numberless nothings will surface, but I can always blog about them.

Stress-Busting Holiday Gifts

My fellow Beliefnetters and I have been working over the last few weeks to gather a collection of some of the lovelier holiday gifts on the web this season. We just published them last night.

We've got a list of relaxing gifts to chill out your recipents (and you too, if you're buying online instead of fighting the lines at the mall); a list of Christian-specific Christmas gifts; and Jewish-flavored Hanukkah gifts.

You can check them out by starting here.

Valerie Reiss

It's AstrologyZone Day!

It's the beginning of a new month. Which means one great thing in my world: horoscopes!

Susan Miller, beloved astrologer to many, comes out with her ever-lengthening monthly forecast on AstrologyZone.com for each astrological sign on the first of ever month. And what often comes through her writing, more than what it will mean for Jupiter being in my ninth house—which is, apparently, quite good news—is that she really cares about the wellbeing of her readers. It kills her when she has to predict a bad month and it seems to give her no end of pleasure to tell someone things are really looking up.

Like this, for example from my sign (Aries) this month: "You are set for an amazing ride! Not only does December promise to be quite special, but your entire year to come does, too. Indeed, every indication is that 2007 will be one of your very best years in a very long time."

That's obviously nice to hear, but even nicer to hear from someone who seems to think I deserve to have a good year.

You can take a little bit of Susan home with you if you get her 2007 astrology calendar, or give it as a gift. I haven't cracked one open, but if it exudes half the warmth or her horoscopes, it should be a winner.

By Valerie Reiss. Amy's on vacation.