Chattering Mind: September 2006 Archives

Earlier this week, I worked five hours--from 9 a.m. until 2 p.m.--at a well-run local soup kitchen. I made about 30 gallons of soup with three other people, washed a heap of cherry tomatoes, and made a quart of salad dressing. Then we served the meal, stacked the dishes, and cleaned both the kitchen and the serving area.

Every time I do this, I have to stay up until one or two in the morning preparing my CM blog for the following day. I don't mind though. It feels good to work hard for someone else.

But guess what: I'm getting far more than an altruistic rush out of this. In exchange for working at the soup kitchen monthly, I receive work/membership credit from the Park Slope Food Co-op, which then enables me to purchase every conceivable kind of health food at a discount. Because the Co-op is owned and operated by some 8,000 unpaid members like me, it doesn't need to mark up its prices the way a conventional store would. Plus, the Co-op has the best produce in Brooklyn. Dare I say, all of New York? Only the local farmer's markets are as good.

Of course, I'd like to think I'd work in a soup kitchen monthly without the Co-op membership perk. And I have volunteered my services many times in the past, but never on as strict a schedule.

I'm confident that most of you volunteer through your house of worship or some other venue and out of the goodness of your heart. But I know that if the Food Co-op didn't regularly lure me into the soup kitchen, I wouldn't help feed the hungry as often; activities with my kids would intervene. I know I'm opening myself up to ridicule for confessing that it takes a perk to regulate my volunteerism. But as more companies are encouraging their employees to do something for their community in exchange for work credit or another reward, I'd love to engage you guys in a conversation about how it might be okay to foster helpfulness throughout society this way. I'm grateful to the Co-op. The whole exchange is good for everybody.

Are you employed by a company that encourages you to tutor, cook, pick up trash or in other ways give to your community? Tell us about it. If you're on your own or volunteering through your church or synagogue, are you loyal to your community service commitments? What keeps you going? Has volunteering with a friend you wouldn't see as much become an extra incentive? Let us hear your story!

Part of one's spiritual journey involves confronting spiritual materialism. What is that, you may ask? Is it acquiring the hottest mat and outfit for your yoga practice? Lusting for a fancy spa in California? Festooning your neck and wrists with cool--and medicinal!--jewelry?

Yes, all those preoccupations involve materialism, but spiritual materialism--as the term was used by the late meditation master Chogyam Trungpa--is more subtle, more common, and more insidious, though I'm not sure I'm supposed to label it "insidious" because spiritual materialism is just part of the path, something to be beheld without judgment.

Spiritual materialism relates to a different kind of possessiveness. It is the impetus to get healthier, improve relationships, or attain results (like being better respected by others) through your spiritual practice. Spiritual materialism is when you strive to own a better life--with fewer complications, more happiness, and less stress--through your hard-earned spiritual enlightenment. Huh? What's so wrong with that? Doesn't everyone see religious practice as a way to let their light shine and improve themselves as people? Well, it shouldn't be entirely about that.

An anecdote: Years ago, I regularly attended meditation classes in Dallas at a yoga center run by a lovely man who once worked as a carnival acrobat back in India. His name was Kumar. How he landed in Dallas, I'll never know. But he taught yoga, meditation, and ran a bulk foods grocery store in front of his studio. And after meditation practice one evening, I remember chasing Kumar around the wooden counters of his shop, describing to him something I'd vividly seen in my mind's eye as I was meditating. It was like a lotus seen from above, vibrantly colored, purple foam around the center--"a real vision, fabulous!" I kept telling him with great enthusiasm. I cheered myself on by continuing, "I didn't make this up! This vision just came to me!"

Kumar nodded, experimented with smiling slightly, but mostly he seemed to want to escape me. I longed for him to say: "Oh good, you are really advancing now. What an excellent meditator you've become!" But as my teacher, he had no interest in encouraging me to run down this lotus questing path (cool as it was). Years later, after more practice and reading, it hit me that Kumar knew not to label my "vision" any kind of advancement. There was no meaning to it really. It just was. I remember he bought me off by saying, "Yes. Yes." and nodding somewhat optimistically.

I've bitten off a big topic, and it's late Friday afternoon; I must pick up the Chattering children soon. But perhaps we can talk here as the days go by about how much we invest in the notion of our spiritual progress. We throw all our ambitions into this spiritual course, and when we're doing that, we're not just "being." We're pursuing something else. We're not accepting ourselves or the moment. We're striving for the vast beyond. Here's an Ösel Tendzin quote on the subject that I lifted from the wonderful Buddhist blog Woodmoor Village:

"Spiritual materialism is based on trying to possess the highest spiritual state, trying to have the best meditative experience. We adopt a spiritual disguise in order to mask our own fear and clinging; we convert spiritual teachings into personal territory. We smother any spark of intelligence, and in the process, we deceive ourselves and produce spiritual fraud."

"Depression, loneliness, and insecurity are tangible experiences that can be improved. But if you seek to reach God or enlightenment because you want to stop being depressed or anxious, if you want greater self-esteem or less loneliness, your search may never end.

"This area of understanding isn't cut-and-dried. Some people feel tremendously self-improved as their awareness expands; but it takes a strong sense of self to confront the many obstacles and challenges that lie on the path. If you feel weak or fragile, you may feel weaker and more fragile when you confront the shadow energies within. Expanded awareness comes at a price-—you have to give up your limitations—-and for anyone who feels victimized, that limitation is often so stubborn that spiritual progress becomes very slow.

"To the extent that you feel any deep conflict inside yourself, a large hurdle stands before you on the path. The wise thing is to seek help at the level where the problem exists."

--Deepak Chopra

Today's New York Times has a New Yorky take on what's happening in the homes of those who want their children to eat highly healthy food, but whose careers necessitate employing babysitters who may not share their whole foods philosophy.

You'll cringe because the story brings out a painful class divide quite evident these days--we've got the Eat Divinely Wells and the Eat What You Can Affords. Organic, hyper-healthy dining is assuming an obsessive "prissy" image that I find unfortunate. Believe me, I'm as organic as I can get, but I also let my two sons eat fried foods I'd never touch in kid-friendly restaurants. If I argued over every piece of pizza, I'd make myself and my kids nuts. What to do?

You can talk to your children about their food choices, and discuss as a family what really tastes delicious. Everybody's different. My guys went through a Happy Meal phase, but they no longer jump for glee when we pass a McDonald's. Intriguingly, the 10-year-old Chattering recently listed "sushi" as his favorite food on a school getting-to-know-you project. He also balked when we decided to hold his birthday at a bowling alley this coming weekend because the pizza there might be "of low quality." Hmmm. What have I wrought?

I do think discussing what passes as a good meal should be reviewed with any sitter you employ. And questions like "What do you eat?" or "How can I stock the refrigerator to keep you healthy?" or even "How do people feed babies in your country?" (if that question applies) are nice things to ask sitters (you might even soak up helpful wisdom).

I employed sitters three days a week when my sons were young. Two women over a period of five years came into the house while I wrote at home. And I treated both of them like queens. Maybe too much so. But I was so grateful, and they returned the love. There was only one time when I thought the whole love-your-nanny-thing was lopsided: I once found myself rushing out to buy a surprise going-away cake for the sitter who was returning to Guatemala for a month's vacation on the tax refund she received from our on-the-books wages. Where was she as I made the mad dash to buy cake for her going-away party?

Taking care of my kids, of course.

Got any good stories about food, babysitters and love?

Tomorrow, we'll discuss Spiritual Materialism. Today, we'll attend to three new products in the most recent Isabella catalog.

Labels for your water bottles: Put love in every sip by placing a sticker with the word LOVE on your water container! (Dr. Masaru Emoto alleges that this can actually make water crystals healthier.)

Upscale Mala: If your five-dollar sandalwood bracelet has lost its pizazz, now you can chant your mantras on pearls.

Aromatherapy Bandana for Your Hyper Dog: Squeeze the pouch for a rush of pup-soothing lavender.

I actually love the joyful spiritual marketplace. What a hoot. Do you find any of this offensive?

Sure, it's in my diet. But I'm pursuing less soy these days. Articles like this one have convinced me....

Click here to watch Swami Beyondananda (a.k.a. comic/activist Steve Bhaerman) talk about how "being in the now is the wave of the future."This guy is interesting. Before he embraced comedy, Bhaerman wrote books and founded an alternative high school in...

If you know anyone getting married in the next year or contemplting marriage, send them to Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway's Wedding Goddess Wisdom weblog, a font of good advice on how to soak in all the blessings to your union...

Since we were on the subject of God and amputees yesterday, you might be uplifted by Beliefnet's homepage article about the faith of disabled people and their families. Be sure not to miss Lilit Marcus's piece on her life with...

Thanks to faithful reader Pacific231 for this response to our conversation about sending love to bullies and other irritating people:"I strongly believe that feeling compassion for a bully must not translate into martyrdom... A very recent Buddhist book on the...

Atheists will applaud the website WhyDoesGodHateAmputees.com. But if you believe in God, or are on the fence about God's presence, you'll still be fascinated. The authors try to explain as clearly as is conceivable--as if they are speaking to fourth...

Click here to learn more about Environmental Action's "pledge to pay the difference" campaign. Upon collecting 3,600 pledges, the group is hoping to tell U.S. auto makers that E.A. members will pay more for environmentally friendly vehicles--if U.S. makers create...

What a great moment of the year to encourage the children in your life to build fairy houses, pint-sized outdoor residences for the spritely nature divas and spirits that bless the earth, commune with frogs and bugs, cobble shoes, and...

Has the urge to go Green ruffled your nesting instincts? Today, I scanned this impressive list of environmentally-sound home product manufacturers compiled by "Home Safe Home" author Debra Lynn Dadd....

Do you work in a place where deadlines aren't respected and coworkers complain about management behind closed doors? Does every morning pep talk get ridiculed at lunch? Do you ever feel as though there's a sameness to everything and that...

Oh, I loved this article about hikers who gather in pro-barefoot groups to traverse the world's trails without shoes. Learn more about their activities through The Society for Barefoot Living's website....

Rabbi Michael Lerner has posted an item on a blog for "Spiritual Progressives" in which he encourages everyone to "take advantage of the Jewish custom of repentance at the High Holy Days" (a period of soul-searching and renewal that launched...

Blessed is the grace that crowns the sky with stars, and keeps the planets on their ways; the law that turns our night to day, and fills the eye with light; the love that keeps us whole, and day by...

In the name of eating seasonally, Ayurvedic teacher John Douillard, Ph.D., recommends eating two to four apples a day from now until Halloween, "along with more pomegranates, other ripe seasonal fruit, and veggies." If you've got a moment, try his...

I was thinking that telegraphing love to irritating people and struggling to keep lines of communication open were the themes of my week alone, but apparently, we're all under the influence of a new moon and solar eclipse that can...