my parents divorced after almost 20 years of marriage. They were married for 10 yrs before I came along. My mom had wanted children - dad...not so much. Now I'm not saying he didn't love me once I was here. Because He does. I don't know much about your situation or why you feel divorce is your only option now. With my parents, my dad cheated with another woman. It went on for several yrs before my mom found out. At that time she didn't think that I would go with her and she didn't want to lose me - so my parents stayed together until i had graduated school. This was hard on all of us. The big reason is they weren't happy and I could feel that something was wrong but I didn't know what... but being the typical teen.. i wasn't around much and when i was... all i knew is that my dad wasn't please or happy with me. I got lectures about everything. He was very very critical of me. And to this day I remember one time he was "lecturing" me and i was probably 13 or 14 yrs old. He said to me "Whatever happened to my good little girl".... I was not a bad kid... my grades weren't the best but i wasn't a troublemaker... didn't sneak out of the house, do drugs or drink... the worst thing I ever did in school was try smoking. Now looking back... I told my mom that if she had come to me and told me what was going on... I'd have gone with her in a heartbeat. I was miserable. I loved my dad... but in the same breath I hated him for how he treated not just me but my mom too.

I'm now in a relationship. I'm married for just a little over a year. And we've had our ups and downs over the last year. I've been out of work now for going on 5 months. I've applied every where and for everything... my husband is not very understanding about this. He thinks that it's my fault that I can't find a job. He seems to be as critical as my dad was... but it seems now since my parents are divorced - my dad remarried and he is more supportive of me than my husband. People have suggested to me about getting some counseling.. which I would love to go to couples counseling but... my husband is a truck driver and that makes it difficult... if not impossible. I, myself, do not know what I am going to do.. but it feels like the devil has a horrible grip on my marriage and I'm fighting a loosing battle.

I don't know if I was any help to you or not... but sometimes if you stay in the marriage it can do more harm than good. I guess that's what my point was. I wish my mom had said something and who knows how my life would have turned out then....

Posted by: sam's momma | May 13, 2008 1:11 PM

I know this is probably one of the most difficult decisions of your life and I applaud you for facing it squarly and actually sharing it here. My parents divorced when I was young and I am so thankful they did, our house was filled with tension (even when there was no outward fighting) when they were together. I enjoyed my life a lot more when it was just my mother and I for the most part in a much more stress free environment, and then having time with my father alone, again witout the tension. And my mother did end up remarrying and having a strong marriage and I think that influenced me, I have been happily married myself for 15 years.
I also think demonstrating to your girls that you are capable of making tough choices and seeking happiness, instead of continuing in an unhappy situation because it won't "rock-the-boat," is so empowering for them (even if they won't be able to understand this until they are adults themselves). They will have some tough times at first as they settle into their new reality, but in the end, if you are all happier for the change, its a positive step.

Posted by: Heather | May 14, 2008 8:24 AM