I spent nine years with my ex-boyfriend, Bernard. It would have been easy for me to decide that Bernard wouldn't marry me because I wasn't good enough or I wasn't the woman he wanted--because, in short, he had rejected me. I had certainly worked hard at the beginning of our relationship to gain his approval, in part because he was older and more learned than I was. But deep down, I knew his fear of commitment had nothing to do with me. Many women stay in unhappy relationships because they crave the approval of their partner--it is what lets them feel OK about themselves. But here's the rub: The only way to truly love another person is first to learn to love and accept ourselves and our shortcomings.
Are you in a relationship in which you can be your best self? Make a list of what you see as your shortcomings, and next to each one, brainstorm some ways in which these traits have also benefited you.
--Arianna Huffington
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Can you give an example of shortcomings and getting something out of them?
I've struggled with approval in all of just abour every man that I have been involved with. The most recent started out really good but I could see that he wanted me to be one way, and all that I could be was myself. I see now that he never respected me in alot of areas. He never appreciated me in alot of ways, and when I look back on the relationship he turned out to be a big fony. My question is, even in the mist of realizing that the man that I was with was wrong for me how do I pinpoint my short cummings for myself?
I was with my boyfriend off and on for almost 8 years. Yhe first couple of years we were sooo happy. We did things together and apart. As time went on we had talked about getting married selling my house and purchasing one together. We lived together until i just couldn't take his nit picking anymore. His whole life was just hunting every weekend we never went on vacation or shopped together or made any kind of plans.Everything turned out about him. I lost my self esteem.I ask him to move out in June2007.He did but it wasn't that far from where i live. We would see each other thinking maybe we just needed time away. In november i found out that he was seeing someone. He told me and 2 days later he told me that he wanted to go to couseling with me to see if there was anything left or for closure,but he was going to still date this girl.I told him that that couln't be that he was still going to date her and go for counseling. so he said on his terms or none. So it was none. Weeks later he called to tell me that she made him get a tests for sexually transmitted disease and it came up positive for herpes. She no longer sees him.So now he wants to know the results of my test and keeps calling me to talk. Last Sunday he showed up in the parking lot where i work and had a book to read about herpes. He said he missess me and wants to talk. I screamed at him too late i am not going to be your back up after your girlfriend dumped you. For a week solid he left messages on my cell phone. On new years eve i was on the phone and he beeped in i do not take his calls. I am going to a counselor and she said have no contact with him. It hurts so bad somedays but i believe he is getting his payback now. They so say that what goes around comes around...I am trying to be strong u don't know how hard it is to not pick up that phone and call. I have been told that i deserve so much better and that he now realizes what he has lost. God give me strength to get thru this for the last time...Pam
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