Finding Ways to Be Fearless: February 2009 Archives

After eleven years of marriage, when it became clear that divorce was the only option, I was consumed by fear: How would I tell my two daughters? If I broke up the family they knew, would it change them irreversibly? Would they understand? It was my job to keep their lives as pain-free as possible, and here I was, about to hurt them beyond measure. It wasn't easy, but I knew that staying in an unhappy marriage would ultimately be more damaging to them, not to mention to me. I had to be fearless for them: I had to show them that everything would be okay. In doing so, I came to believe it myself.

What are some of the choices you've made that required fearless thinking? Can you list some fearless choices your own parents made that you can appreciate now?

--Arianna Huffington

After eleven years of marriage, when it became clear that divorce was the only option, I was consumed by fear: How would I tell my two daughters? If I broke up the family they knew, would it change them irreversibly? Would they understand? It was my job to keep their lives as pain-free as possible, and here I was, about to hurt them beyond measure. It wasn't easy, but I knew that staying in an unhappy marriage would ultimately be more damaging to them, not to mention to me. I had to be fearless for them: I had to show them that everything would be okay. In doing so, I came to believe it myself.

What are some of the choices you've made that required fearless thinking? Can you list some fearless choices your own parents made that you can appreciate now?

--Arianna Huffington

My daughter Isabella and I joke about another of my fears: that she'll actually get her driver's license. The real fear, of course, is not only for my daughter's safety, but for my efficacy as a parent. I'm convinced that when a baby is born, guilt and fear replaces it in a mother's womb: have we taught our children enough to keep them safe when they're out in the world? Of course, I want Isabella to have the freedom that driving allows; I just want to know that she'll make the right decisions and be careful.

Do you struggle with this kind of guilt and fear? Are there ways to replace this guilt and fear with unconditional love, both for yourself and children you are close to?

--Arianna Huffington

When my daughter Isabella was 11, she became preoccupied with everything she ate. She no longer touched sugar, she avoided carbs, and she exercised constantly. It wasn't until her 12th birthday party, when she refused to eat a piece of cake, that I realized something was wrong. I went through an enormous amount of guilt; I watch what I eat, and I make sure I exercise, so I worried: did I send her the wrong message? We can't make the right decisions all the time, but we can give our children unconditional love and as much fearlessness as we can muster.

What are some of your fears as a parent? What are some of the fears your own parents faced in raising you? Can you list ways in which working through those fears changed the outcome of a situation?

--Arianna Huffington

I mentioned finding some kind of exercise you can stick to and enjoy. I am not a naturally athletic person, so when I hit my forties and realized it was either shape up or go the way of my beautiful mother (she grew rather elegantly into muumuus), I had to find a way to be healthy and stay sane. For me, it's yoga with my daughter Isabella and hiking several times a week with my friends. We get all the benefits of gossiping over lunch while we exercise our bodies, and we have a rule: Whatever is said on the hike stays on the hike. Exercise is essential to self-confidence: When our bodies feel strong, we feel strong. It's easier to be fearless when you can run up a flight of stairs without having to stop and catch your breath.

Is there a form of exercise you do that is a fun and healthy part of your life? If not, make a list of things you'd like to try, and be creative. There could be hundreds of new experiences waiting right around the corner.

--Arianna Huffington

I grew up in Greece, where people eat lots of fruits and vegetables, a lot of fish, and a lot--I mean a lot--of olive oil. Even healthier was the attitude people had toward their food: one of celebration, gratitude, and...

Because I am raising two teenage daughters in the image-conscious city of Los Angeles, I have become more aware than ever of the games we play with our self-esteem. As women, we tend to compare ourselves with the flawless images...

My daughter Christina's favorite part of the book is where I say that if we could TiVo our inner voice, we would realize that not even our worst enemies talk about us the way we talk to ourselves. I call...