Recently in Learning the Art of Forgiving Category

Fear of rejection also creeps into our professional life. When I set out to write my second book, this time on political leadership, I worked tirelessly, and to this day I can't think of a project I've been more proud of upon completion. Unfortunately, it was rejected--by no less than thirty-six publishers. At the time, I was worried not only about my chosen career, but also about my finances; how was I going to pay my bills if I couldn't succeed by writing? In the end, my choice to believe in myself paid off: the book was published by Stein & Day in the United States. While it was never a major financial success, it was well received, and it led down the road to my growing interest in politics.

Have your fears about money ever stopped you from pursuing your dreams? How can you be more fearless toward money by investing more in your goals and yourself?

--Arianna Huffington

One of my biggest fears as a young woman was not being liked by other people. Nowhere did this come into play more strongly than in my writing career: It took me many years not to take the criticism of others personally. When I published my fifth book, Picasso: Creator and Destroyer, in 1988, I discovered that I'd angered the entire art establishment: how dare I criticize Picasso as a man? The fact is that an unconventional, self-assured woman is often seen as antithetical to her feminine nature--particularly when it comes to taking on an icon such as Picasso.

Has there been a time in your professional life when you held back out of fear that your assertiveness would make you unlikable? If you use your voice fearlessly, what would you say?

--Arianna Huffington

Fear is a part of growth, and a part of risk, and a part of change. Like other feelings, it is not permanent, and should not be a barrier to progress.

The world, as Rabbi Nachman of Bratzlav wisely taught us, is a narrow bridge, and the essence of life is not to be afraid. Often it is fear that blocks our path, not the object of fear. One who overcomes fear need not be foolish and reckless, but can be more certain of his choices and more loving in her judgments.

Think to yourself of how you might summon the courage to not be afraid of forgiveness. In what ways have you overcome your fear of it in the past—small and large? How can you tap into some of that strength to build a path to forgiving and, thereby, forgive yourself?

--David Wolpe

The zakkah prayer is often recited right before Kol Nidrei on Yom Kippur. It reads in part: "I extend complete forgiveness to everyone who has sinned against me, whether physically or monetarily, or who has gossiped about me or even slandered me."

Such prayer can be healing. Asking God for the strength to forgive. Also reading the literature of forgiveness can be inspiring. Joseph Telushkin’s "You Shall Be Holy: A Code of Jewish Ethics" can offer guidance. So can reading in the mussar (ethics) of the Jewish tradition.

How can you move forward when forgiveness won’t come?

Ask, be in touch with the person, take a first step. Where there is no dialogue, there is no forgiveness. Where there is contact, there is the possibility of further progress. Most important perhaps, ask yourself what steps you can take now to work toward greater forgiveness in your life? Write about what you might begin doing now and in the future.

--David Wolpe

Most cases regarding forgiveness are personal, and do not necessitate forgiving a tyrant. But what if one simply cannot forgive?

Even if we cannot forgive, it is important to catalogue for ourselves what it takes out of our lives to hold onto the anger and recrimination. How would my life change if I let this go? Would it be better or worse? Put down your thoughts on this issue and outline some of the ways this might affect your life and your heart.

--David Wolpe

What can we say about the truly wicked of the world—Hitler or Stalin, dictators and torturers who showed no remorse or human feeling? If forgiveness means amnesty, we cannot grant it. If forgiveness means that we will not allow our...

Religious traditions speak a great deal about forgiveness, as we would expect. They not only ask us to seek forgiveness from God, but ask that we grant it to each other. Maimonides in his "Mishneh Torah," the great code of...

When we forgive we know it can change more than just the relationship. It ripples out into the world. The one who feels unburdened will be perhaps different with his wife, his children, his co-workers. Working through this journal itself...

In 1922, Walter Rathenau, Germany's foreign minister, was murdered by three men. Two of them later committed suicide. One, Ernst Techow, survived and was imprisoned. Rathenau's mother Mathilde, wrote to Techow's mother: In grief unspeakable, I give you my hand....

There are large scale sins: Terrorists, tyrants, those who sow hatred and disorder. I recall the words of the Polish dissident Adam Michnik, when asked if former communists all had to be prosecuted, an act that would most certainly tear...

In the Jewish prayer service, our confessional is plural. Partly we are admitting that all sin is a function of community, environment, as well as individual choice. In other words, when another sins we are rarely guiltless. We are part...

I remember my teacher, Simon Greenberg, telling me that a man once approached him about something terrible he had done. "I never thought I could do such a thing," he said. Rabbi Greenberg replied, "That may be why you did...

Like all relationships, forgiveness is best when it is reciprocal. Each will feel the sinof the other as greater— "I forgive you, and you forgive me, but what you did to me was worse.”" But such weighing of misdeeds rarely...

Judaism teaches that forgiveness must be sought. One is obligated to ask sincerely three times. But, of course, asking alone is not sufficient. The asking must be sincere, and so must the attempt to undo the damage. If the offender...

To forgive is to forfeit the high ground. I may no longer stand over you, better than you. We are touched by the God-given grave of being equal again. That’s because central to forgiveness is the recognition that all people...

But the prophet insists "though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow." White without blemish. We may imagine this is the only true aim of forgiveness—to be washed clean of any blemish of anger, resentment, or...

The traditional picture of forgiveness is that it must be complete. But forgiveness can happen in stages. We may be able to let go bit by bit. Who do you feel ready to begin the process of forgiveness for and...

To forgive is to acknowledge fallibility--my own or another person's. Perhaps forgiveness can be real without being total--a forgiveness where resentment still lurks in some corner, but does not triumph. Does this deserve the name of forgiveness? Discuss a situation...

There are significant differences among faiths when it comes to forgiveness. For instance, Judaism and Christianity have different guidelines. In Christianity, God forgives even when human forgiveness is absent. See John 20:21-23: "He said therefore to them [the disciples] again:...

A Hasidic parable tells of a king who quarreled with his son. In a fit of rage, the king exiled his son from the kingdom. Years passed, and the son wandered alone through the world. In time, the king's heart...

How often do married couples forgive, only to discover that the issue of contention arises anew when a different fight takes place? "This is just like the time you insulted my mother!" "I thought you forgave me for that!" "I...

How often do married couples forgive, only to discover that the issue of contention arises anew when a different fight takes place? "This is just like the time you insulted my mother!" "I thought you forgave me for that!" "I...

Imagine you’re trapped, confined, in a small space. It is frightening to step out of it, but when you leave, there is release. You left behind the security of the cage, but there is so much more room to breathe....

Here is a joke for you: Two women finally decided to stop a quarrel that had gone on for years. One said to the other "Ok, from now on, I wish for you everything you wish for me." The other...

One traditional Jewish teaching tells us that we all have a sin that belongs to us. One person may have no taste for alcohol; another takes one drink and craves it. One may not be tempted by sexual misconduct; the...

Here's a question about forgiveness--what about those I have wronged whom I no longer know? The man in the senior citizens home I visited as part of a high school group: I told him I would be back, but I...

Every religion teaches us to ask for forgiveness, but must we always grant it? When I first became a rabbi, I would have said "yes." I am no longer so sure. Is forgiveness mandatory? What of someone who is systematically...

When bombs exploded in the Underground in London in July 2005, the 24-year-old daughter of the Reverend Julie Nicholson was among the dead. In the wake of that tragedy, the Rev. Nicholson resigned as a vicar because she felt she...

Rabbi David Wolpe is the rabbi of Sinai Temple in Los Angeles. Previously, he taught at the Jewish Theological Seminary of America in New York, where he served as assistant to the chancellor. He has taught at the University of...