(NOTE: This weblog creates, for us all, a chance to meet at the intersection of Life and the New Spirituality. It is written by the author of Conversations with God, the worldwide best-selling series of books. The “New Spirituality” is defined by the author as “a new way to experience and express our natural impulse toward the Divine without making others wrong for the way in which they are doing it.”)
I met a living master last Saturday night. Her name is Byron Katie. She is the author of several books, including:
Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life
I Need Your Love – Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead
and her latest book….
A Thousand Names for Joy: Living in Harmony with the Way Things Are
Katie (everyone who knows her calls her by her last name, which she essentially uses as if it were her first) came to my town over the weekend to offer a workshop, prior to which she offered a free introductory evening, so that people could have a firsthand experience of her doing what she calls The Work.
The Work, if you do not already know, consist of four questions that Katie invites you to ask yourself at any time that you are “hung up” on a particular thought or idea about yourself or another, or about any situation that is plaguing you. She claims the asking and the answering of these questions change help you “get off it,” and can alter your experience of any unpleasant or unwelcome thought or emotion.
On Saturday she sat before several hundred people who jammed a meeting room at the college in our town (they were standing along the walls and sitting on the floor in front of the first row of seats) and demonstrated this process.
Here are the four questions that Katie suggests you ask:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
The Work can be done either by oneself or with another person.
I went to Wikipedia today to learn more about all this process of inner inquiry. Here is what I found on this Internet open source…
“First one identifies a belief or thought related to a topic that causes anxiety or unhappiness. Initially one is encouraged to choose something which feels important, which annoys or troubles you, that someone else does or did: for example ‘My mother never loved me,’ or ‘Tom shouldn’t expect me to solve his problems.’
“One by one, the person doing The Work asks themselves, or is asked, each of the four questions listed above. If they are doing the Work by themselves, people are asked to write down their response, and if they are doing it with another person they speak their answers aloud.
“After the four questions, the thought is literally turned around to its opposite. For example: ‘My mother never loved me’ turns around to ‘My mother always loved me,’ Then the person doing The Work sees if they can find ways that this new thought is equally true, or more true, than the original thought.
“The turnaround also takes the form of turning the statement around to oneself: ‘I never loved my mother,’ or ‘I never loved me.’
“Katie sumarizes The Work as: ‘Judge your neighbor, write it down. Ask four questions, turn it around.’
“Katie has applied this technique to exploring painful beliefs across many topics, including relationships, parenting, illness, death and trauma. She has facilitated The Work with audiences in widely varying situations, from ordinary people dealing with financial worries to prison inmates and survivors of armed conflict.”
That is taken from Wikipedia, as I have noted above. I had a chance to meet and talk with Katie for a brief moment after Saturday’s event and I want to tell you, she’s the Real Deal Meal. There’s not a fake bone in her body, there’s not a single pretentious fiber.
Let me see here if I can illustrate how The Work works…
…Let’s say, for the sake of discussion, that you have just found out that you have been laid off, “downsized” out of your company. And let’s say that you have a thought about it that sounds something like this:
“I am being betrayed and damaged by my company laying me off.”
Now, let’s do The Work. With regard to the above thought, let’s ask the Four Questions:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
Then, let’s do what Katie calls The Turn-around. Let’s see if we can find a way to turn it around.
“I am not being betrayed and damaged by my company laying me off.”
Can you think of any examples of how or why this Turn-around could be true? Think of one or two of those ways or reasons, and write them down.
Okay, now you’ve done The Work. The only question left is…which thoughts about this do you choose to believe, and to live out?
Now I’m going to do The Work on a thought…on one of the thoughts…that I have been having about a relatively straightforward and uncomplicated medical procedure that I am to undergo this very day over at one of our local hospitals. I have had, for several days, a worrisome thought about it that goes something like this: “This is going to be uncomfortable and nerve-wracking and dangerous.”
Using Katie’s process of inquiry (Katie says, Leave no thought unquestioned), I would now examine that thought…
1. Is it true?
2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do I react when I believe that thought?
4. Who would I be without the thought?
Of course, I do not know that this thought is true. And I certainly do not absolutely know it’s true. How I react when I think this thought is with a quivering stomach and just a little shortness of breath and with not very happy feelings. How I would be without this thought is peaceful, happy, and calm.
There are several ways that I could turn this statement around. The most obvious is: This is not going to be uncomfortable, nerve-wracking, or dangerous. I could go further with that. I could think: This is actually going to be easy. I am going to enjoy joking about it, chatting amiably with the nurses, kidding the doctor, and engaging the procedure with great curiosity.
You see, Katie’s point is that things happen to us and around us, and we can’t control much of that. But we can control how we experience it by choosing what we think about it. Your entire experience of life, she says, is contained in your thoughts. The problem is that people tend to imagine that their thoughts are out of their control. Katie says that is not true — and that most of the time the thoughts we are thinking are things that we are simply making up. They are not true. We do not and cannot know them to be true. We are simply conjuring ideas and then living into them, stepping into them, as if they were true. Thus, we create worry, anxiety, upset, even anger. We live unhappily in these moments — and, alas, these moments are not few and far between, but, instead, rather frequent and constant in people’s lives.
So Katie says, the moment you have an unwelcome or worrisome or angry thought, simply question it. Then look closely at how you might feel if you just changed your mind about that idea you are holding. Turn it around. See it from another perspective. Let your mind be the Master of your experience.
Norman Vincent Peale wrote a book about turning your negative ideas around 50 years ago or more. He called it The Power of Positive Thinking. Esther and Jerry Hicks have just written a text that hovers around the same notion: The Astonishing Power of Emotions. And next month my own new book explores this idea deeply. It is titled Happier Than God. All of these books — as well as Katie’s marvelous books listed above — may be ordered from any of the online bookstores and be in your home within 24 hours. I think you would love reading any one of them.
Now Katie is not suggesting simply “positive thinking” here. Her idea is that we can all love “what is,” no matter what that happens to be, not simply by moving immediately to a more positive thought about it. This may do nothing but put a band-aid on it, “covering” your real thought with a cosmetic idea that you may or not may not be able to hold as your truth.
But if we deeply examine our thought about what is happening through the process of critical inquiry that Katie calls The Work, she believes that such inquiry will lead us logically and naturally to another way of viewing the data — a view that we will be able to hold onto because it is soundly based in logic and reason, not just “wishful thinking.” This new view, she says, has the power to alter our experience.
So, there you have it. What do you think about that? And, as you explore what you think about that, ask yourself…
1. Is it true?
2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do I react when I believe that thought?
4. Who would I be without the thought?
I’ll go to work on now, in my mind, on my own thoughts about today as I head for the hospital. And you have a wonderful day!
posted January 29, 2008 at 7:10 am
This is also called Time Line therapy..TLT You can do these questions with thoughts or feelings depending on the way a person reacts.
look it up and clear youre mind
posted January 29, 2008 at 7:36 am
Just look at this and see people help people .
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlgXTAhNMkQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrccifjH9vI&feature=relatedIt all has to do with emotions , believes done up in the past.
posted January 29, 2008 at 7:37 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrccifjH9vI&feature=related
posted January 29, 2008 at 7:38 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlgXTAhNMkQ
posted January 29, 2008 at 7:39 am
This is clearing emotions, believes, in the mind.
posted January 29, 2008 at 8:23 am
Neale best of luck. all the best for ur hospital visit. Give those wonder healthcare people lots of love. they do woderful work.. Love n Hugs zahid
posted January 29, 2008 at 8:44 am
Dear Neale
I’m so pleased you have found and are promoting Byron Katie. I participated in a weekend intensive in London with her a few years ago and her ‘Work’ is so simple, effective, profound and joyful. She truly is a Master and a highly loving being and it’s a blessing being with her.
Much love to you as you attend hospital today
posted January 29, 2008 at 9:54 am
Dear Mr. Walsch,
It came with years of difficulty and hardship, but it is finally here for her!
i think of surgery and past experience of people whom i care for and their reactions to such. Gently i am reminded that while in observation of their experience, i find deep compassion for their fears and worries, wishing in some way to console them in their time of need. My mother, as protective as she has become over the years in keeping far from things of potential hurt or pain, while being a sensitive person, it is only natural to have the desire to surround her in love when there are tears once the anastesia (sp?) wheres off.
So, my thoughts are with you on this beautiful day as you take care of the physical elements for your well being! It would be joyful to see your happiness during this process of changing your perspective while doing something very good for you! While doing something good for physical elements is always beautiful, it is even more so beautiful when seeing a happy heart simultaneously!
Todays article is most definitely interesting. This morning i was contemplating how it is that the generation before myself has in essence, done a marvelous work my generation has an opportunity to move forward! i was raised with books surrounding me, all based on the process of thought and changing ones perspective: “The Road Less Traveled”, “Focusing”, “Celestine Prophecy”, “The Four agreements”, Marrianne Williamson books, and these are just a few in which the library was filled, intermingled with world religious text. i was experiencing my mothers process of enlightenment while being raised. And i must say, i am thrilled as to who my mother has become! She is a very good example, and i love how she chooses to live her life. She is for the first time from observation, truly happy!
Applying the four questions to my own situation:
The feeling or thought currently is: In my efforts to move forward into the life i was designed to live as i have come to know through experience by Gods reprimand and will, i am being heavily tested as to if this is my true desire. i am being shown who i once was 12 years ago, almost an exact mirrored image! And while this is okay and i accept such, i am to do as i know even in the midst of such a challenge, physically providing action in accordance to my understanding, thereby creating reality. Which is perfect. My frustration comes in the thought that while womens lib has empowered women to become self reliant and more so believing in their capability, it has in turn created a recognizable reality in that women no longer value the efforts placed at home for a families well being, and especially for children who are becoming adults according to how they were raised; which most children now are latch key children, coming home to No guidance at all! Is not physically recognizable Why our society is becoming unglued? It is by the example we live that our children are learning! The deeper frustration i feel resides in the opposition of such “independent” women forcing upon women such as myself, their idealogy, obstinance and lack of respect for those how do not hold their same value in self fullfillment outside of the home. It is as if, since the creation of womens lib, it is no longer held respectable or good enough for a woman to simply be a wife, a mother, a best friend, a lover, and those who tend to others for their betterment… This deeper frustration ‘Is’, because while the most important focus Should Be in the action of realigning properly the elements of home for current and future generations sake, it is required to overcome unnecessary opposition from a thought process established and well engrained within women today. In which at such thought of being a submissive or surrendered wife, even the mention of another wanting to do so, it is as if through their thoughts of obstinant independence, they automatically kick so hard against such rising of opposite thought that it does hurt others…
whooowww…
so apply the questions:
Is it true? Yes! Observation of society and its current experience combined with seeing the consequences of past choices = Todays physical reality…
Can you absolutely know that its true? Being raised through the process of the consequences of past choices, being one of many of its products, having to endure great learning in order to overcome teaching that has not profited for good benefit, YES. It is absolutely True!
How do i react when i believe such thought? In acceptance of my own understanding and my place, i am truly happy! Beyond so! It feels like heaven! In receiving others discontent of my choices in which i do not deserve as they have their freedom in which i should be allowed mine, i feel oppressed, stifled, i feel deep saddness, i feel what i am being told; that i am less. i feel like i am experiencing my childhood all over again. My mother had many wonderful points about her, however i was taught from a very early age that i deserved more than i truly did. Nothing was ever good enough for me. And i was uncomfortable most of my childhood! Yes, i recognize it is because i am capable of the things which people value in the world today. And i see others desire to want to help to bring this out for my benefit, because they care. What they dont understand is that given space and room to just be, accepted and cherished for such, will allow such things to come! In a way they may not have expected, and better than what they have dreamt for me. It took years to break my mother from her thoughtless hold upon me, and she finally finally gave in. And now i am moved forward into my life, but for a short time period backward into a similar atmosphere i began in. In reaction my mind goes on autopilot. it is difficult to remember simple things, as it is like my mind is protecting me, allowing me to remain in a childlike blissful and joyful state where i am able to exist until i am able to be completely free and truly happy (having all thinking capacity back. Thank God for writing right now. Through it i am able to think more so!). And i believe i just answered the last question!
So, i suppose the answer for the interim is allowing autopilot its place as it is helping! And in it, i am able to ignore that which is harmful and i may continue on…
Thanks!
love always,
Laon
posted January 29, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Neale,
Katie’s actual legal name is Byron Katie Mitchel. It used to be Byron Katie Reid before she married author, Stephen Mitchel. As a native Texan originally, her she goes by her first and middle name or she has a two name first name. So, her first name is “Byron Katie”. Like the typical Southern “May Sue” or whatever.
So think of her as Katie Mitchel or Byron Katie Mitchel. Anyway, Katie is her first name and that’s why people call her by it…You should do the 9 day school by the way and then join the round robin phone group. That’s the best way to go really deep with this work. There are a number of other Spiritual “celebrities” who have done it before. Zen Teacher John Tarrant is one who comes to mind…
Best,
Brian Adler
posted January 29, 2008 at 6:05 pm
I like these questions. I will have to get the books. Thanks for letting us know about this. I am so glad to have found your blog. We are fellow Oregonions I think and of course fellow human beings on this planet at this time. Live only love. Judi
posted January 29, 2008 at 7:59 pm
I like to think of the Four Questions and Turnaround as a way of expanding awareness of what can be simultaneously true in a “parallel universe of peace.”
It’s as if, before questioning what we believe, we are wearing blinders; with a limited perspective, we can only see so much, and we can’t believe what we haven’t seen for ourselves. (That’s why affirmations don’t work for long.)
As we question our stressful thoughts, and notice how we live our lives and treat ourselves and others through that perspective, we get “peripheral vision,” expanded awareness.
With the turnaround, we can see all the way around. We become like kids in a candy store – look! All this can be ours…and this too, and this too!
Love,
Carol
http://www.clearlifesolutions.com
http://soulsurgery.blogspot.com
posted January 30, 2008 at 2:38 am
Wishing Neale and his doctors and nurses a successful day
with Love from HK, AM
posted January 31, 2008 at 3:49 am
Having read Positive Energy, written by Dr. Judith Orloff, and putting many of her ideas into practice, I see the payoff of positive thinking everyday just in the way people are treating me. I can’t wait to explore this further and am looking forward to your new book “Happier Than God.”
Best Wishes,
Susan
posted January 31, 2008 at 6:08 am
Hi Brian,
I attended The School (of you) also and Katie is so marvelous.. so I guess I am too! I read your enthusiasm in you post… I’d like to remind you gently, of course, Please don’t ‘should’ on anybody…..
Katie reminds us “Should” destroys who we are.”
Loving what is and what isn’t,
Louise
posted January 31, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Dear Louise,
So you’re saying “I shouldn’t tell Neale he should do the school?” Umm was that an intentional or unintentional irony? If anyone was harmed ie stressed, by *my* should, it was me and I think I’ll be ok… Thanks though..
Brian
posted February 2, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Hi everyone,
I’m so happy and excited about this blog. I think Neale eloquently describes Katies work. I started doing The Work about 6 years ago and it has helped me live a life of joy and exceptance ever since. It makes a lot of sense to me. I’m grateful that Neale is spreading the word. He mentioned her work in his book What God Wants also. When I read that the world made sense again. Thanks for sharing this with us. The world is a better place with Byron Katie and with Neale Donald Walsch.
Loving what is and loving all of you,
Steffani
posted February 2, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Hi everyone
It is really true that everything and everyone is connected to the other. I am talking about the fact the “Power of positive thinking”is connected to “the Work”, which is connected to the “Complaints free movement”. What I understand by the Complaints free world campaign is that it is aimed at reminding us of the many blessings that we have as opposed to the things that we do not agree with. We are therefore reminded to love what is and seeing the perfection of the snowflake ine every situatiion.
It all comes full circle.
Lots of love
Dudu
posted February 25, 2008 at 1:27 am
Hi
I love this site – nice to find inspirational reading.
And I love Katie too. She’s a real treasure. Still hoping she will come to Australia this year.
Regards
Lani
posted March 8, 2008 at 10:05 pm
with this, bk exposes the spiritual woo-woo, drugging on god insanity. truly falling in love with god is to fall in love with reality, not warfare with reality. following mind, i drug on: food, sex, god, or whatever it takes. i spiritually “claim and know” in the name of god, to run away from what “the work” teaches to love. without doing the work, i pray, release and i let go, feel amazing, and by the end of the day i’m resenting and hurting with my spiritual books everywhere. i live empty until i’m willing to get to work fearlessly
posted March 28, 2008 at 5:27 am
How to Save XBox 360 Games on hdd???
Pls, help me!
posted April 6, 2008 at 3:06 pm
I have found BK’s work helpful especially in situations where I felt “betrayed”…the payoff for me feeling betrayed is that I get to sit and take no more action…and i also had some questions.
Last night I went to the website looking for audio downloads of people doing the work, and I saw that she runs a school for $4900 (one week retreat) to help people do the work.
That rang kind of a disturbing note to me…not that people shouldn’t make money for sharing what helped them…therapists do it all the time…but asking people to pay to have their lives changed…seems kind of corporate. Especially since the work can be done for free, is this The Work Plus? (I realize that hotel and food costs are expensive, and she does offer some scholarships, but it seems a bit like the spiritual person is asking for lots of money). I know it’s everybody’s free choice whether to decide to pay or not, but…
I’m confused by this…of course, sure, I could do The Work on it, but it seems the work may in some circumstances just confirm the status quo, that nothing ever really needs to be discussed or changed…
any ideas?
posted April 24, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Hi Cynthia,
yes Katie does charge for the 9 day school, and yes you are completely free to believe whether or not that is a lot. (Personally I did The 9 day school in 2000 and truly felt it was the best money I’ve ever spent on anything – so I’m biased !) The Work travelled totally freely by donation for many many years, then the schools started, now there is a $20,000 Turnaround House experience for 30 days. When questioned about the motivation to charge, Katie explains that she wants to get The Work to as many people as possible. She takes it into prisons, hospitals, schools. The places where people don’t pay. There are scholarships available for the 9 day school. And still always you can receive The Work for free. There are a hundred or more You Tube videos to watch, there are downloads of audiofiles, the hotline is free. Please Please do not pay for The Work unless you feel willing to support it moving in the world because that is all I see my money doing and I totally believe in spreading The Work…
posted May 7, 2008 at 7:20 am
I went to see Katie in Israel for a 3 day workshop for FREE! She came all the way here to help me.
I watch all her clips many times over for FREE.
I can download her worksheets for FREE.
She has changed my life.
I’m a mother of eleven living in Israel and Katie has taught me to get rid of pain, worry, frustration, anger. Now I can enjoy a sweet life.
I’ve checked out self-help methods for over 30 years. The Work is the most effective and simplest I’ve found.
Thank you Katie!
posted May 21, 2008 at 8:37 pm
I just stumbled on Byron Katie on the internet too, and I really like that method. It’s a good aid to another very similar form of Self-Inquiry that I have been doing for the last year. Ramana Maharshi had said to ask “To whom has this thought arisen?” exploring that the thinker of that thought is a “spurious offshoot” from the real, true Self. I have noticed some real changes in the way I engage with the world from that method, and asking “Is it true?” seems to be also a way to pop the bubble of a created illusion then and there when it occurs to me. My external circumstances haven’t changed (radically yet), but an enduring sense of bliss has been becoming a more and more common experience.
posted June 25, 2008 at 2:33 pm
“When questioned about the motivation to charge, Katie explains that she wants to get The Work to as many people as possible.”
[Groan] C’mon guys, wake up. $4,900 for a one week retreat?
I was in a cult for ten years and we often gave seminars for $1,000 or $2,000 a pop (you know, depending on the ‘level’) at the local airport hotels.
That $1,000 was MORE than enough to cover the costs of renting the hotel and providing refreshments to participants. I mean, if ten people are at this week-long retrear that’s $49,000 !!! Plus people are giving katie all sorts of gifts too, in cash and in kind.
If twenty people got together and pooled that much money they could build their own South African orphanage or something. Is that what Katie is doing?
In fact she is going in to prisons with this technique which as yet has received NO scientific validiation as to its safety or effectiveness. Maybe people say, aww, it’s only 4 questions, how can it be that big a deal, but it’s playing with people’s minds, their memories and their entire sense of self. That can be dangerous!
Not to mention that these techniques of denying and re-writing personal history are not new. They have their roots in Neuro-linguistic programming. Furthermore they not always helpful. In some cases they can even be harmful and lead to serious psychological conditions such as depression and depersonalization.
Neale Donald Walshe has always been a favorite author of mine, but he influences a LOT of people. Surely he should be doing some critical inquiry and fact checking before endorsing any one as a ‘Living Master’. Seems like Neale got ‘love-bombed’ by Katie as much as any ordinary person off the street.
‘Love-bombing’ is a classic tactic [step one in most cases] of coercive groups to make potential recruits feel special and wanted. It also serves to disconnect them from their rational and critical mind, making them open to coercive mind-control techniques. This combined with concurrent re-writing personal history makes a prime environement for normal people to become ‘true believers’ … and to have ‘excessive dvotion’ for a person [Katie Byron, who has no professional credentials] or a thing [The Work] that has no scientific proof that is is a safe or effective technique.
Please visit:
http://forum.rickross.com/read.php?12,12906
for further discussion on this topic.
I really hope that moderators will not censor this post. People should know both sides of a story before committing their lives to a person as a ‘Livign Master’ or to a cause which is touted to be ‘God’s Work’. This is how people lose years of their lives, ruining relationships, families, and careers.
posted July 14, 2008 at 3:23 am
Serena – Answering four self-inquiry questions is hardly going to cause anyone to lose years of their life. Get real!