Orthodoxy and me

Hello Rod, God bless you & yours.

FWIW:

My family, (parents, two older sisters, two younger brothers), was Catholic but split in the 80s with some joining Orthodoxy, some staying Catholic, one drifting elsewhere. My father was a fallen away Catholic who had returned, my mother a convert & both very devout. The changes after Vatican II, or at least how they played out locally, hit them hard. My mother's attempts to correct or report on liturgical abuses were greeted with cynicism, & eye-rolling. It was all very hard on her, and thusly on the rest of us, to see how it affected her.

Eventually, jumping ahead to the 80s, we became acquainted with a small Orthodox church filled with some wonderful people. The liturgy was of course, beautiful. The reverence for it struck a chord (no pun intended) with my parents.

Eventually my father converted. My mother stayed Catholic for awhile, but eventually told me she couldn't take being part of a separate church from my father, and that - and she teared up while telling me - she was going to leave the Catholic Church and join him in Orthodoxy, though deep down inside, she'd still consider herself a Catholic.

Eventually, the very nice priest from the church started gently, good-naturedly nudging my siblings and I with: "Well, what about you?" comments. One of my sisters confided to me that although she recognized the comments were being said in a good-natured manner, that the comments still mildly irked her. Eventually though, she converted as well, likewise fed up with liturgical abuses. My other sister remained Catholic. As for my two younger brothers, one eventually became agnostic, and has even done temp work for Planned Parenthood, God help us. My youngest brother - I don't know - he works overseas, and is rather mum about such things, but I think is still Catholic, if I had to guess.

For me, in the 80s, the hardest part was my mother converting. She was my "guru" (she passed away from cancer 10 years ago). We would so often find ourselves wrapped up in theological discussions. She introduced me to the religious writings of Lewis and others. She had such a genuine love of Christ and His mother - and such an insight into spiritual matters. Growing up in a small Southern town where the only Catholic Church was as old as I was, on the one hand, there was so much childish ignorance about Catholicism, on the other hand the tiny Catholic community seemed to have no trouble with various liturgical excesses or abuses & never really understood what the big deal was with my mother and father. It left me rather isolated feeling, as far as my spiritual beliefs, but there was always the sanctuary of family. Now, with family members leaving the Church, I felt even more isolated, even though my mother & I continued to enjoy theological discussions.

As the 80 & 90s progresses, and word of more & more abuses, this time sick and sordid sexual abuses & cover-ups developed, I think my parents and sister felt more comfortable about their conversions - though still troubled on behalf of a church they loved. For me, now a grown adult, often deeper feelings of isolation as my social circles (I'm an actor) were for the most part, not exactly warm to the Catholic Church anyway, to put it mildly.

Nevertheless, my parents & sister did become troubled by various abuses in Orthodoxy that did not necessarily get national exposure, abuses sexual & administrative. There were two Orthodox priests for example, in the 90s booted out of a seminary for sexual abuses as I recall, but reinstated by a presiding clergyman who through their treatment was unfair. Episodes such as that deeply troubled my parents who did not want to associate those sorts of problems with Orthodoxy. And at my parents' church one of the priests (not the one who encourage their conversion - a later one) left his church and Orthodoxy as a whole and also his wife & child, announced that he was gay, moved in with a man & started his own "gay-friendly" church.

Their church weathered that and other storms, and a priest of sterling character was brought in. A man who was so good to my mother in her illness (cancer) that took her life and has been so supportive of my father since my mother's passing, that I will *always* be *eternally* grateful to him. I know he & his wife would love it if I became Orthodox, though they are never pushy about it.

My mother was a singer and conducted the choir for her Orthodox Church. Whenever I would attend, I would join in - which I loved doing. I do sing, and the music was so gorgeous, devoid of insipidity & any quasi-70s-pseudo-folk sound. Authentically, genuinely elevating. And the people are still always so kind to me & appreciative when I do come and sing. It's wonderful to hear a liturgy done with dignity and a sense of importance & transcendence.

With all that, I can't help but sometimes contemplate leaving as well. But - whenever I do - always - what I find keeps popping up in my head - almost instantaneously - and so firmly that I can't ignore it - is : "Lord, where would we go?" - and the feeling subsides.

I don't want to paint a picture of complete gloom and sorrow - I have since found a few Catholic churches that have beautiful liturgy, and traditional values, and I feel good when I am there. Alas, they are not close by, and I can't work out going as often as I'd like. But regardless - I find I can't leave this Church, even if I wanted to, and a part of me at times does wants to - but again: "Lord, where would we go?, end of story. And after I hear that "stumbling block" of a phrase - I find, that, even when it's difficult, even when I feel alone in my Catholicism, which I often do, I find that if deep down inside I want to leave, *deeper* down inside, I do not, regardless of everything.

Hope you don't mind me sharing all this. I've been lurking for some time here, thinking I just shouldn't say anything... but, here, FWFW, there it is.

Whatever happens, may the Lord bless you & your family, & bless you also for all the good work you have done. Please if you think of it, remember my family in your prayers as well.

In Him

- henry>

Julie & Rod, do you remember me from Austin, Texas? We teach NFP. All our 5 kids stayed Roman Catholic & are better Catholics than I am. We all love the Church & Jesus. We are imperfect & are sad when a priest is too. I kept very close watch over my kids, homeschooling, going to daily Mass & finding many new parishes to get the most faithful to Rome as I could through many moves. We made Eucharistic Hours and said rosaries (not as many as we should have. God is merciful & can keep your kids real Catholic Christians. I am so sorry for your constant fear and anger. You're right;it will began to eat away at you. Ask God to move your faith from a cerebral thing, into a friendship in your heart! He will. Ask Him to show you the beauty of the Church & a reverently said Mass. Our son will soon be ordained & our daughter is consecrated. They are very happy. We visit them in Rome & Mexico, where they live. We lived in Europe for years. We have been to Mass in many places & in many languages. I always look for a priest in love with Jesus in the Eucharist, who says Mass reverently. No struggling priest is going to take me away from Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament!!! Not with Gods mercy & grace! Pray & sacrifice for the Church! She need our help; she DESERVES our help. God bless & keep you, Julie & Rod! Love in Christ, Barb Jaloway>

It's nice to read your perspective. I am in the process of converting to Orthodoxy and I have to say that I have experienced a transformation by submitting to the rules of fasting, by sacraficing my time for prayer and meditation and by experiencing the Liturgy in a cooperative way.(chanting, learning the prayers and creeds, performing prostrations, etc..)

I wish you well on your journey Brother. Christ is Risen. Glorify him and feel your eyes, your mind and your heart slowly be given to the spirit of Christ, in unity with the Father and the Holy Spirit.

ICXC,
-Enos