In her book, she writes: "What few will admit -- because it is painful, because it reveals the unpleasant truth that life presents a series of choices, each of which precludes a host of other attractive possibilities -- is that whatever decision a woman makes [about whether to work or stay at home with the kids] she will lose something of incalculable value."
This is a controversial statement, Flanagan told me, "not because it is wrong, but because it is true." When it comes to matters of marriage and family, there are no easy and pain-free choices in today's world.
Not because it is wrong, but because it is true. You really can't have it all, you know. Tough for us modern Americans to accept about a lot of things, but it's the truth.
Add to Del.icio.us
Add to Technorati
Add to Digg
Add to Newsvine
Add to Facebook
Add to StumbleUpon
Subscribe
After my daughter was born, I mourned my old life for months, maybe a year. The thing is, I think you can have all of something, if you are willing, but it won't be "having it all," which I take to mean all of everything/anything. So, I try to have it all in terms of family life and I'm much happier (happier even than I was in the time before having a baby).>
To me, "having it all" means what's important to you, not what society / culture or even your family history dictates.
I've gone through several life changes in the past couple years, and when I look back, some of the parts of my old life that are now gone make me wonder why I even wanted them in the first place.
When one door closes, another opens. Then, eventually, that door will close as well, and yet another will open. Thank goodness life is like water instead of stone.>
I used to listen to Diane Rehm's show on public radio when I lived in Ohio. I remember once hearing her say that she was occasionally invited to address groups of young women, and what she generally told them was this: You can have it all -- but you can't have it all at the same time, which is what so many people seem to think they can do. She has had a career in radio for some years now -- but she got into it after she had raised her family.
I have learned from experience that if you try to do too many things at once, it is difficult if not impossible to do any of them well.
One of the things that has always mystified me about this notion that women should be able to "have it all" is this: it contains the unspoken assumption that women should be able to "have it all" because men have been able to "have it all".
But when have men ever been able to "have it all", at least in the sense in which this expression is generally used? Sure, years ago men were able to have a full-time career (or at least a full-time job) while having a family -- but only because they had someone (i.e., their wife) working full time to keep the house and raise the kids. Is it really "having it all" if you have to work so hard that you only see your kids for a few moments early in the morning before you leave for work, and again for a few moments late in the evening when you return, and perhaps for a little while on weekends? Perhaps men appeared to "have it all", but only because they had someone doing the lion's share of the work on the homefront for them.
But this "supermom" model where a woman pursues a full-time, rewarding career while also playing a significant role in maintaining a home and raising the children -- when have men ever followed that model? Or even aspired to?>
I have always deeply resented the idea that going out and slaving for wages is this marvelous experience that men have hoarded for themselves.>
You mean it's not? C'mon, that's one of the secrets of the Brotherhood! If you spill the beans about it, that will get you kicked out of the Brotherhood faster than anything (except, maybe, stopping and asking for directions).>
Post a Comment
By submitting these comments, I agree to the beliefnet.com terms of service, rules of conduct and privacy policy (the "agreements"). I understand and agree that any content I post is licensed to beliefnet.com and may be used by beliefnet.com in accordance with the agreements.