Just got in from Louisiana. Somebody should invent the perfect cocktail to slurp to decompress after 7 1/2 hours in a minivan with two little boys. Maybe that somebody should be me.
We made sandwiches and stuff for the road, so we didn't have to stop for food, but we did have to stop to go to the bathroom. I've come to realize why chain restaurants (e.g., Cracker Barrel, Burger King) are the place to stop for roadtrip tee-tee breaks involving little kids. Because unlike the French Market gas station/mini-mart in Natchitoches, La., just off the exit 138 from I-49, they don't put trashy French tickler machines above the urinals, forcing dad to order his seven-year-old to keep his head down and not look up. And unlike the management of that Chevron gas station/mini-mart on the south loop exit in Shreveport, Cracker Barrel managers tend to paint over or scrape off obscene graffiti on the men's room walls, which put dad in a bad spot vis-a-vis the seven-year-old.
So there.
Two days ago, I stood in a winter garden with an onion sack full of turnip roots and greens, and a grocery bag full of mustard greens, all of which I'd just pulled or picked, and talked with the farmer about the time the UFO chased him and his wife. It didn't occur to me until later that this was an odd conversation to have. Louisiana can seem so hopeless and beat-up and dismal much of the time, but there sure are a lot of wonderful people there. I drove through Avoyelles Parish this morning listening to Cajun music on the radio, with the DJ speaking Cajun French in an accent so thick I could hardly make it out, and I thought, "Nowhere else but here, baby." It was a happy feeling.
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Rod Dreher is an editorial columnist for the Dallas Morning News, and author of "Crunchy Cons" (Crown Forum), a nonfiction book about conservatives, most of them religious, whose faith and political convictions sometimes put them at odds with mainstream conservatives. The views expressed in this blog are his own.
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You obviously have no children, but if you do, God help them...>
You obviously have no children, but if you do, God help them...
Rod Dreher
Rod, every parent comes into the game with this big account. It's credibility.
The parent is the most powerful entity in the childs life until the parent destroys that credibility.
I too cringed at the image of you standing in the men's room telling your son not to look up as he used the urinal.
I personally saw it as a wasted opportunity. If the son looked up and asked about the machine on the wall with the pictures and fancy lettering I believe you should have treated it as incidental and unimportant. Explained it as something some adults purchase and he'll understand more when he gets older. Sort of shake it off as an adult thing, silly adults.
Because you made a big thing about it you've created an unnatural interest, does that make sense? One day your son will have to go to the rest room when you aren't there and he will study that appliance on the wall and wonder what it's all about. Even worse he might ask another child a little older and come up with a bunch of bad information, not inaccurate, but obscene, initiating the kind of curiosity that you're trying to curtail right now.
At this age you are the authority on everything. You are it. Everyone else and everything thing else reflects opinion but you, you reflect authority and expertise, you're dad, dad almighty. Take advantage of it.
Let's say, just for grins, that you treated your son with respect and explained the machine on the wall as incidental to adult life. Most adults don't even notice it because it's something only adults that are flawed in some way buy. You've never bought anything from these machines, in fact you don't personally know anyone that has.
Two things have happened here. The first and most important is you've treated your son with respect and shared knowledge with him. You didn't treat him like a little boy but like a big boy. That is good for him. And just as importantly, it's good for you, the both of you as a unit. You've deepened the bond between a father and his son.
You've also poisoned the well. If the subject comes up in kid conversation your son already has formed an opinion on those machines in the men's room and the products they contain. He's armed with the message that you want him to have and information you want him to know. So when another kid starts sharing kid wisdom your son isn't going to buy it. Because he's already got the real deal from the authority on everything, his dad.
Every parent comes into the game with this big account. It's credibilty.
If you doubt me look back at how you looked at your own father when you were a kid. You have that power over your own children.>
Harvey -- I like your ideas about how to make the moment teachable, but if Rod's sons are anything like mine the #1 gets everywhere including on the wall if they are not absolutely aiming . . .>
. . . if Rod's sons are anything like mine the #1 gets everywhere including on the wall if they are not absolutely aiming . . .
Parents of sons, teach your children well! I once had a job that included cleaning the bathrooms (men's ane women's) at a grocery store. They were open to the public but for the most part used by the store employees. Let me tell you -- it isn't just little boys who can't aim. The amount of, er, #1 that gets on the walls and floor is unbelievable. Men, sheesh! Make an effort!
HB>
Maybe the women have something with their "men are dogs." They do like to mark their territory, or any territory. LOL>
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