Bro. Ted is "completely heterosexual"
Tuesday February 6, 2007
...or so he realized during three weeks of "intensive counseling." D'oh! What was I thinking? Of course I'm straight!Assuming that the pastor quoted in the story is accurately reflecting Ted Haggard's belief, I'd respect Haggard if he admitted that he...
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Rod Dreher is an editorial columnist for the Dallas Morning News, and author of "Crunchy Cons" (Crown Forum), a nonfiction book about conservatives, most of them religious, whose faith and political convictions sometimes put them at odds with mainstream conservatives. The views expressed in this blog are his own.
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Maybe he got the wrong interpretation of that phrase 'Scared Straight'?
I have to wonder what being "completely heterosexual" has to do with anything. It's not his sexual inclinations I'd worry about but how it acts upon them.
"More or Less Heterosexual" is a more accurate statement. That should be good enough statement for 99.9 of mankind, but unfortunately it is not for culture war partisans. Having been around the block, I've seen so many "more or less heterosexual" men playing with boys on the side on the occasion, that if the full extent of this phenomena were known, there would be a full Oprah-style moral panic in the land.
Maybe he wants his old job back?
ted will end up at another church that rakes in millions. being a big pastor is big business. there is too much money to be made to not be a "full hetero". www.jesusisnowhere.blogspot.com
Can the Ethiopian change his skin or the a leopard change its spots? (Jeremiah 13:23) http://www.fishcantfly.com/
Well this IS a miracle of Biblical proportions, isn't it? Yeah, I'm cynical about this, too. Obviously, everybody's experience of homosexuality is different, but this would be in the Lazarus category. (1) The counselor used the word "completely heterosexual." Not "able to function as a husband in the marital bed" (he has five children; so that was never an issue anyway). Not "completely repentant." No ... he said, functionally speaking, "not attracted to men at all." (How would you know that objectively, short of hooking him up to something and getting out the dirty pictures ... which I doubt happened.) (2) The initial action wasn't a one-time thing, like two mechanics bonding over a Snickers bar. Nor was it a long-ago thing (puts on "American Pie" voice) "like one time, in band camp ..." But it was the habitual and repeated hiring of a prostitute within the past couple of years. (3) In his initial resignation letter, he told his New Life congregants (PDF file) that "there is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I've been warring against it all my adult life." He is 50 years old (I am 40 and have had some knowledge of "that" since childhood). Noway, nohow, given these circumstances, that this went away completely in a matter of weeks, absent water-into-wine or parting-the-Red-Sea territory.
Why the link to the Wikipedia entry on the Nile?? That's what this "hearing from Bro. Ted again," connects to.
uh... because "denial" is not a river in Egypt? just a guess... Rod be funny... ... faith hope love joy peace...
Say it aloud and quickly over and over -- "the Nile."
Hey i thought the nile gag was quite droll.
I see this as going for the short term gain while ignoring the obvious long term loss. By that I mean it's obvious that we're on the verge of discovering the genetic links to homosexuality. When that happens those men of God who've participated in this fraud will be exposed as not only ignorant but disengenous. But in the meantime they sooth the soul of the those wanting to believe in the evil of others, I mean OTHERS! Look into your heart of hearts. Do you believe that prayer and couseling could change you into a homosexual? If you think not then how could you believe that prayer and counseling could change a homosexual into a heterosexual?
Just a note: The New Testament statement on sexuality is "completely heterosexual." Maybe Haggard was referring to what he should be doing "as a Christian." As the gay agenda so aptly states, there is no mention of homosexuality in the Gospels at all.
OHHHH MYYYYY, this is going to be fodder for South Park for eons. In Ted's letter to his church he says the "sun is starting to rise for him again". That's freudian for the homo gyser south of the border also rises. So he has to think of Gayle as Mike for a while. Hey if I had this much riding on my life, I might just ask her how she felt about a trip to Denmark. If the e-scam-gelicals believe this latest chapter to the Haggard Ho Story, and some of them will, it will be just one more self imposed dumb-ass ignorant nail in there proverbial coffin marked "wake up, you're over". Though it can be boring to watch a dinosour die, this side show definitely has it's dork-boy antics for a good morning chuckle. Anyone care for another cup of religion? Oh and umm Ted, pass the cream please.
Two conclusions from this hilarious pronouncement by Haggard's "counselor" that Haggard is "completely heterosexual: ... (1) The "counselor" has no gaydar whatsoever. (2) The "counselor" had better not start eating a whole Snickers bar in front of Ted! ;-)
And I'm sure we'll see Mr. Ted ripping his chest hair out ;)(figuratively, if not literally) soon on the 700 Club. And maybe, to make all our dreams come true, maybe Mrs. Ted will be toting around a Little Bundle Of Joy. {{shuddering}}
I had a conversation with our gay son about gaydar. What had happened is I'd allowed my gaze to linger upon a young lady's fine following more than I should have. It was an exceptionally fine, following. She caught me looking. She looked back. The look appreciated my appreciating. I felt guilty at first and then complemented shortly afterwards. Thinking about it I wondered if my galdar and her guydar wasn't related to gaydar. Son agreed that was it. He says he spots gays by the way they look at him. It's a different kind of look he says. Different from the looks he gets from straight guys. Having galdar has allowed me to appreciate and understand gaydar. Which helps me understand and appreciate our son. I think talking about it helped him understand and appreciate us. Funny how all that works isn't it?
Rev Haggard is no longer gay. He's just really, really, really, really, really, really, really happy.
So he's back on the down-low?
The message from this newest conversion: The reality of going from being a millionaire preacher of a mega-church, a celeb author and spiritual leader to some of the most powerful people in the country to a regular schmuck who has to work for a living and lives paycheck to paycheck is enough to scare your straight or back to being a hetero in this case. Well at least until he gets caught again.
Jocasta, "if the full extent of this phenomena were known, there would be a full Oprah-style moral panic in the land." You mean there ISN'T???
For the first time I agree with Courage Man. There is NO WAY, NO HOW that, after "warring with this my entire adult life", Haggart can now be "completely heterosexual" after 3 weeks of "therapy". Sorry, but this only highlights just how gullible those on the RRR really are. I have less than zero sympathy for the man now. Who wants to bet that somehow through all this, millions of dollars are going to be raised to ensure gay Americans will continue to be treated with nothing but contempt before the law?
We must all consider ourselves in debt to the good Rev. Haggard for giving us the gift of holy laughter--at his expense again.
Whatever he is or isn't, I like the way the whole thing was handled. He was removed from his office, appologized profusely, went straight into councelling (with his family as well), was watched like a hawk for 3 months, and then advised to get a different job. The whisteblower was thanked, and invited to come visit the church, no hard feelings all around.
Rehab seems to be thing in thing for the rich, powerful and famous these days.
I just wondered, maybe this whole thing was ginned up to raise funds for the gay-to-straight ministries? "See, it really, really works. Send money!" Maybe Ted will start one of his own.
"no hard feelings"!!!??? Guess YOU'VE never been compared to a beastialist, or to a rapist, or to a cannibal, or to a child-molester, or to a necrophiliac?
You haven't either. Regardless of what you insist on misunderstanding.
"Guess YOU'VE never been compared to a beastialist, or to a rapist, or to a cannibal, or to a child-molester, or to a necrophiliac?" Ooohhh, so there's a limit to being curiouser and curiouser.
Good to know that an open mind need not be a bottomless pit.
"You haven't either." Actually, CM, I have. To my face. Often. One person said my marriage would lead to men "having sex with BABIES!!!" (she shouted). In fact, she went on to write an op-ed piece that got published saying those exact same words (among other false and hurtful, hateful claims). Nice to know you get to judge me - falsely - even though you don't know me - and even though Christ told you not to.
Meanwhile, it IS nice to see Rod typing less about gays. I wonder if it only comes up when yet another religioso gets into trouble publicly for being proved a hypocrite? I also wonder why Rod hasn't said a peep about the movement in Washington State to require you betterosexuals to produce a baby within 3 years of gettin' "married" or have your "marriage" annulled? I mean, the RRR has repeatedly said procreation is the very REASON for marriage, oops, I mean "marriage". Time for you to put your money where your mouth is or to let ALL 'non-procreative' people have equal access to the institution, not just the str8 ones.
Hey, I'm all for gay marriage. If some gay guy and a lesbian want to get married, who am I to get in their way?
no way he is "cured" because there is no such thing. i came across this video on youTube and he is definitely hiding something in his anger... http://youtube.com/watch?v=c-qYJ6_fGK4
Sack Mad and Freud, "Hey, I'm all for gay marriage. If some gay guy and a lesbian want to get married, who am I to get in their way?" Someone is, er, "not clear on the concept". Still.
concerned user, I didn't used to have such a poor opinion of Haggart, but that video you linked to is too much. If that is what passes for goo dtheology, good hermaneutics, good preaching in the "christian" church these days, I'd want out so fast. It is sad to see so many people believe him, and follow his words (not that they make any sense). And why do so few people see the effeminate man before them in Haggart? sorta like Foulwell, and Aingley, et al.
Oh, and Ratzi.
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