Lent

I'll just mention why the post titles "Lent" and "Look before you leap" manage to have become intimately related for me this year. Not two hours after Forgiveness Vespers, I managed to slip in some ice right in front of my house. I put my right foot down to try to correct, but the ground was at an incline. I heard and felt a crunch, and down I went. Long story short, I've got a broken ankle that will require surgery, and I won't be able to walk until Holy Week, more than likely. What's also interesting is how my employer (a major state university) is treating this; it's an office job, and I'm hardly incapacitated, but because my office is on the second floor of a completely inaccessible building (no elevator, no ramps, no entrance to the building that doesn't require navigating a flight of stairs, no restrooms above the first floor), they're having to treat my injury as though it's much more serious than it actually is for liability reasons. Thus far, no one in HR has said anything unequivocal about my status beyond "stay as far away from campus as possible until your doctor provides a release form, and even then we don't know what we're going to do." Finally, because it's a bone injury, my parish priest has specifically forbidden me from observing any kind of fast until it heals. It's going to be a very interesting Lent. Richard

God bless you, Rod, for asking your son's forgiveness. My 5 1/2 year-old son is also incredibly challenging, and I've found myself doing and saying things I'm deeply ashamed of. I hope my son forgives me, too,

Dear Rod--Allthough i find your CC lifestyle tedious, to say the least, and am very critical of many of your ramblings, you have inspired my spiritual life...so kudos. Nice post.

Rod, thank you. I also missed Forgiveness Vespers this year, and I know who I really need to ask for forgiveness. I ask for prayers for the humility to do it...as Metropolitan Anthony Bloom teaches, without God, we can't forgive at all.

Rod, Beautiful story. It takes a lot of guts to apologize (meaningfully) to one's child; we recently had a similar experience with our equally... erm... strong-willed! that's it!... 6 1/2-year-old. I agree with Don - in the end it will only enhance your authority, particularly if you continue to use this experience to guide your interactions in the future (something I found myself NOT doing just this weekend... *sigh*... so often it's hard to remember to do the right thing at the right time). Something interesting I've noticed with our daughter, that may or may not be helpful (heck, you've probably made the connection yourself) - spikes in her really outrageously bad behavior seem to coincide with the run-up to a growth spurt; many times, I'm noticing, the times when she seems to have just taken out her brain and left it somewhere go along with constant hunger and last about 2-3 days. No idea why that should be so, but it seems to be. I am trying to be more mindful of this connection in reacting to her during these times. I have a couple of parenting books that I return to over and over again, not really for situation-specific needs, but for general inspiration - Wendy Mogel's "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee", and Nancy Fuchs' "Parenting as a Spiritual Journey" (both authors are Jewish and writing explicitly from that tradition).

I read in the book "This Holy Man" about Met. Anthony Bloom that Vladimir Lossky and his wife used to ask their children's forgiveness each Sunday morning before Church.
Thank you for speaking about your personal encounter with this.

As good as it was for your soul, I'm certain Matthew will benefit from it spiritually as well. Beautiful and inspiring story!

Erik: Thanks! Richard

Rod, A little less Britney and a little more of this.

"Little things"? That was no little thing you did, Rod. That may have been one of the biggest things you'll ever do. It takes a big heart to ask forgiveness from a child. Some people go their whole lives without doing it. God bless you and your son. Just as a personal observation, I'd say that it can never be possible for a seven-year-old to be more in the wrong than a parent. The parent brought the kid into the world and controls all the circumstances of his life. At seven, he's barely into the age of reason. He's still a bundle of reactions to what goes on around him. It's the parent's job to handle that, and if the parent hasn't been coping, how does it make sense to say the child is more wrong? That's the conclusion I came to after watching my own kids melt down, anyway.

Looking around, I often think of Malachi 4:6, of the necessity of "[turning] the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers." This was a wonderful example of that in action, along with the discipline of the child asking everyone's forgiveness. An inspiring story of letting the liturgy prompt real action in our lives.

(btw, Father Artemiy Vladimirov is not a monk. He is a married priest, and a very bright person, with great sence of humour:) If you come to Moscow you can find him in Orthodox Church near metro Krasnoselskaya. He also often takes part in programmes on Russian Orthodox radiostation. Listening to his calm, tranquilizing even in inspiration voice, i was sure that such voices can belong only to monks. It was a great surprise for me to learn he wasn't.)

Beautiful post, Rod. A loving father is crucial to a child's well being for all the obvious reasons. But for Christians perhaps most important is the fact that God is our Father. Thus the stern authoritarian father, or the father who neglects his family for the sake of his work or other interests, makes it very hard for his children to understand the love of God the Father. I'm often struck by how often people I know who have fallen away from their faith will mention in passing that their father was strict and demanding. Not a coincidence, IMHO. Good for you, Rod, for giving Mathew such a wonderful gift.