I don't mind telling you that when it comes to dentists, I'm the biggest wuss this side of the Pecos. I devolve into Woody Allen-style hand-wringing and whining and nervous joke-making and everything you can imagine. Happily, I have a very good dentist. I take sedatives an hour before going in, and get the gas, take a shot of Novo, and listen to loud rock music on my iPod while blitzed in the chair. And still I grab the armrests for all their worth. But as I'm 90 percent blotto, I don't be carin', mon. The trouble is that I have to take so much Halcion just to keep from freaking out that I'm no damn good for hours afterward. And Halcion gives you weird dreams. While in my drug-induced slumber, I dreamed that I was at a Liberty Fund conference in a Key West swimming pool with Mort Kondracke, Bill Kristol and Bill Bennett.
"Nuh-uh, you did not," Julie said this morning when I told her.
"For true," I replied, truthfully.
"You are so weird."
The word is geeky, love. But you're right.
Anyway, when I was in Brooklyn, I had a dentist who let me take a couple of shots out of a bottle of Stoli in the office fridge -- this before I hit the chair. He said he used to have an elderly Russian immigrant patient who wouldn't take Novocaine shots. The old man kept a bottle of Stoli in the fridge at the dentist's office, and slammed nine shots before he was worked on. Worked like a charm. Until my dentist starts offering morphine, I'll stick with the Halcion. Ah, sweet little happy pill, don't go changin'...
Al dente
Tuesday March 27, 2007
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About Crunchy Con
Rod Dreher is an editorial columnist for the Dallas Morning News, and author of "Crunchy Cons" (Crown Forum), a nonfiction book about conservatives, most of them religious, whose faith and political convictions sometimes put them at odds with mainstream conservatives. The views expressed in this blog are his own.
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I don't mind going to the dentist, but I understand that there are a lot of people who really fear it. I was raised on white bread and twinkies. We didn't have fluoride in our water. I have a lot of fillings that have become crowns. No root canals, yet. I tried a little gas once and hated it. The mask made me feel claustrophobic and short of breath.
Rod, Halcion is the WORST. See - http://www.injustice.org/nemo/newsfile/nk910819.html I hate going to the dentist too. I take one blue valium a half hour before and I'm fine with no dreams or depression after.
Nitrous is my friend. The only downer is that my nitrous'd brain always gets stuck on whatever musical phrase is coming across on the soft rock speakers just over the chair...had to listen to Pure Prairie League singing "There's a million stars in the sky up above..." over and over and over. Oh, the humanity.
Pauli, I guess I should have been more clear with my statement. What I was referring to was pain alerts you to danger. Everything from slicing open your hand and peeling back the skin like fileting a fish, done that, hand slipped, sharp piece of sheet metal. Breaking bones in your hand and feet, done that, even have the crooked finger from not going to the doctor over something as simple as broken finger. The downside of not having pain can be serious. One of my friends is a super quadraplegic. He has a high neck damage but has some limited use of hands and arms. He could roll into a hot piece of steel and not know it until the smell of burning flesh hit his nostrils. He could sever an artery and not realize it if he didn't see the blood. Pain is our friend. Pain isn't a tyrant, it's a guardian that helps keep us from having too much fun.
Wow -- bold off -- thanks for the clarification, Harve.
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