True story: a guy here in a Texas suburb wants to teach his children something about poverty in America, and about their own blessedness. He somehow finds a needy family at Christmastime, and decides that he and his children are going to shower them with gifts. The guy gets his friends and their children involved. They descend upon the house trailer of an impoverished family, bearing gifts. All 30 -- 30! -- of the beneficent visitors pile into the trailer to watch the scraggly urchins open their gifts. And the guy leaves satisfied that his children now know the True Meaning of Christmas.
The friend who related this story to me was nauseated by it, as was I. The charitable impulse is a noble thing, of course, but this suburban guy used it as an exercise in feelgood lifestyle tourism. That impoverished family and their children were not human beings to him; they were props in a moralistic experiment. I cringed trying to imagine how their dignity must have been insulted by having those comparatively well-off people clambering into their trailer to gawk at them opening gifts, and to feel good about themselves. I imagined how humiliated I would have been had I been shown up like that in front of my kids.
By far the more decent thing to have done would have been for the man and his children to have made it possible for those struggling parents to be the heroes to their children. Give to them privately, and be satisfied knowing that God saw you, and will reward you. But that wouldn't have allowed the Suburbanauts to feel quite as good about themselves, I guess.
As my friend and I were talking about this, a third friend joined us. He couldn't believe we were so harsh on Mr. Suburban Guy. "OK, he was clumsy, but come on, give the guy credit for at least trying," our pal said.
I can't do it. The story is just too appalling. Am I wrong? What if you really do want to teach your kids something about how blessed they are, and about the need to be especially charitable to the less fortunate at Christmas? Is there a way to do that involving children, but also preserving the dignity of the poor? Ideas?
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Rod, You are right about the Evangelical churches going on "mission trips" & my sons have been on many. The problem I have with them is that when they go for their 10 days it costs thousands of dollars & I mean thousands. The kids are given the choice to send letters asking for prayer & support (which we did NOT do - we would send a letter asking for prayer only), fund raisers, etc.
Usually there would be 30 - 40 students who went & when they went to Mexico it costs each kid an average of $1500 - 2000. If you multipy that by 30 it is $45,000 - $60,000 for a 7 - 10 day trip. After a while, I decided that this was absolutely crazy & to tell you the truth many parents (& kids) got the same feeling that the guy in your article was talking about. Wow look at me I went to Mexico - yippee!
Did my church have a soup kitchen, food bank, clothing, or help the poor on a daily, weekly, monthly basis? Uh NO. Think what this church could have done with this money in our own community. While we did have a benevolent (spelling?) fund it was not taken out of our regular tithing it was "in addition to".
Part of the reason I am no longer in the church business.
Thank you for your kind words, PatientWitness and DeeAnn. If I am at all wise beyond my years it is because of people like my grandparents and parents - people who've tried to live life the way it should be led, and who've inspired my generation of family and friends. And that is one trait they've pointed out about us younger people - we aren't exactly the rebelling-against-the-system kind. ;)
I think this guy doesn't need to be chastised but pushed in the right direction. He is doing the right thing...maybe for the wrong motive, maybe not. Chances are he's never been in the other families position. Most American's are completely ignorant about how dehumanizing their actions can be. He could very well have known no better way to help the family. (although you'ld think with common sense he'd come up with not giving the gifts privately i can't say i've never gone on about my business without evaluating how stupid my methods were before)
@mission trips. There is a value to taking groups overseas. While I agree money can be put to better use I believe that without people taking trips the money never would be. I think in both cases there must be a progression. Rarely will someone stay in a suburb and care about the trailer park or poverty stricken third world country. They may say they do but it will never move them to action. When they see that person...when even in a misguided, not ideal way they begin to understand that the "poor" are real actual human beings with wants and needs and value. With some guidance this (often surprising) revelation that the poor are people can (should) move the "charitable visitor" to a different kind of charity that values the person. It moves some of those youth to devoting their lives to helping people overseas. it moves families to cut back and give. It sensitizes them to whats going on around the world...these "dehumanizing" trips can actually do quite the opposite for both sides. There can be value in these "charitable vacations" and we need to have grace and patience with the giver as well as with those who receive. Instead of reaming this guy for his "misdeeds" lets promote an alternative and encourage the right behavior.
There are many ways to help the less fortunate. The man in this story
may have went about it improperly but at least he made an effort. The problem I have with the christmas charity deal is where is everyone
the other 364 days of the year? I have been on shortterm mission
trips to Jamaica and to mexico, Its not about tourism its about
making an effort to help others and to show some how fortunate we
are. If you have undertaken these trips for the proper reason then
there is no way that you will not be a changed person after seeing
the lives that many others live.
Well, I agree in part. I gave to an organization last Christmas, per the urging of my friend. I was supposed to deliver the gifts in person. I told my friend the last thing someone wanted was some "rich" (by the recipient's definition) white-bread woman showing up at their door bearing gifts. The gift wasn't to make me feel good; it was to help them. She was disappointed that I didn't deliver the gifts, but I had her mail them to the families instead. So common sense would dictate that's the best course of action.
Now here's a question for you. Is the family better off having had the guy show up or not? I think if you truly are impoverished and want your kids to have a decent Christmas, the answer is "Yes." So you can judge all you want, but he DID give to them. God tells us to give no matter what. Even if the recipient doesn't use the gift wisely, we are to give. The reverse is true in my opinion. Even if the guy's motives aren't as "pure" as you would like, the consequences were the same. The family was enriched.
And yes, we should all give all year long, not just at Christmas. But the fact is, Christmas DOES put people in a giving mood and if it takes a holiday to do so, more power to the spirit of Christmas.
I'm sure impoverished families will be appreciative of any gifts, even if they're wrapped in a feel-good package. God works in mysterious ways and in this case, he worked through a man who, however well-intentioned, went about things the wrong way. So should we condemn him for this? Put yourself in the impoverished family's position. At least a family was blessed. It's not the package; it's what's inside that counts.
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