Charity tourism

The poor have dignity? On what planet do they live? There is no romance to poverty, no dignity in it. It is a condition of misery and hardship, of despair and fear. The actions of the man and his clan may have been crass and stupid, but perhaps, for just that tiny moment, the despair of the people they descended upon was lessened, for just that minute. No more, no longer.

First to Dana, i would be willing to be this is a family that asked for help, many options for "adopting a family" at Christmas time, I would imagine, they recieved a wish list from the family.

I've been that "obnoxious suburban" girl delivering presents to a familiy that asked for them. It was indeed awkward, her house was filthy and she was still in her nightgown at 3 in the afternoon, we did not recieve a thank you.

FWIW....

With many details begging to be questioned... I would honor the impulse even while criticizing their choice in expressing it.

They could have taken the money they spent on presents, and arranged to give the chosen family a good, solid, basic meal, filled their pantry/fridge with staples, and given them cash to help them try to get ahead of the subsistance line. A gift for each person would not be out of line in that scenario, because people do need something besides their daily toil to exercise their minds and souls. Books, perhaps, or something basic that would last a child for some time (a bicycle, something like that).

Absolutely there is a way. Our parents would take us to soup kitchens either Thanksgiving or Christmas most years. We would spend HOURS making pumpkin pie the old fashioned way. We gave to food pantries when we could. I am sure there were also times when we GOT from food pantries, so maybe my family had their motives. There was a year or two (and that's probably all it was but it seemed longer) when we ate nothing but Ramen noodles and hotdogs and donated venison, when he had no heat and no plumbing to speak of. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the presents under the tree some years were not out of their own pockets - I never really thought about that before now.

Give material goods according to the Gospels. Anonymously. That won't step on anyone's dignity or privacy. Give gifts to toy drives - there are dozens. Parents pick up the toys and bring them home just as they would if they'd bought the toys themselves.

And if you want your children to see poverty up close and personal, to see the impact that service can have, visit shelters for homeless people or battered women and their families. Remember the shut-ins and widows, go to nursing homes and carol. But don't stop at the holidays. Where ever we lived (and we moved A LOT), my mom would often "adopt" an elderly woman at a nursing home, and drop by every week or so with some little dainty of food or perfumed soap and just talk for an hour or two. It was good therapy for both of them. In hard times, it helps to have a sympathetic ear. And these men and women have been through much harder times than us - they often have some wisdom we desperately need.

I took all of these things for granted growing up. As I've said before, ours is a family which emphasizes service and volunteerism. We should all make these activities as customary as carving a turkey or putting up a tree. It won't cure materialism, but it might serve as a good counterbalance and reminder of what really matters.

Once again I find myself in honest-to-goodness awe of AnotherBeliever! She is caring, level-headed, and wise beyond her years, and I feel blessed to read what she writes. I don't know what your future holds after your military service is over, young lady, but I know it will be bright. Our country is in good hands with people like you coming into your own.

Stay safe, and Merry Christmas!

Oh, just wanted to amend my post a bit. I'm not critizing helping those with immediate needs. That's necessary as well. And I love AnotherBeliever's story about her mom and visiting nursing homes. The elderly and the widows and the fatherless need our friendship as well.

If you guys are interested in a recent work of fiction that addresses this very topic, I would heartily recommend a book by one of my favorite authors, "Samaritan" by Richard Price.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank several anonymous citizens of Jefferson City, Missouri, who at Christmas a very long time ago made it possible for a large family that was having temporary financial difficulties to celebrate a joyous Christmas with their children. From a surprise gift that showed up on the doorstep to an understanding person at a thrift store to several other quietly helpful people, my parents were given more than merely what was needed, and gave us children a Christmas that is still among my favorite memories. I'm not sure where the tiny brown teapot (which I still treasure) came from, but it was the perfect gift for a junior high school student who was just discovering the joy of caffeine; and so many other things given outright or bought at a suddenly "reduced" price were greatly enjoyed by us all. The spirit of kindness and generosity poured out upon us that year has borne, and continues to bear, fruit, and I know that our God Who saw your secret deeds of love has blessed you richly for them; may He continue to bless all who give so that the right hand doesn't know what the left is doing, or who manage to make the one receiving the gift believe that in truth the receiver is doing the giver a favor by accepting the gift.

The only people who can and should judge whether the suburbanites acted appropriately or not are the people who received their gift. How people behaved and how people felt are something only the rest of us can speculate on.

The better way to teach your children to be thankful for their blessing and to act in charity towards others is to be an example, to make those things a regular part of your own life. They will see it.

People like this guy, however, spend most of their time being ambivalent towards the less fortunate until all of the sudden they feel guilty. So they concoct some big, showy act of charity as an example for their kids to try to replace the sincere charitable mindset they've been lacking all along.

In other words, if this behavior was translated to saving for retirement, Mr. Suburbanaut would go to a casino on his last day of work instead of regularly putting money away over his career.

I don't know the details of the incident beyond that which I shared in the blog post. I could easily imagine a father or mother opening the door, seeing all the people outside with gifts, and not knowing what to do ... and therefore letting them in.

Rod, I can imagine that, too. But we don't know what actually happened (was the friend who recounted this to you an eyewitness, or was he relaying something he heard second or third hand?).

To me, the whole story seems like a classic case of our impulse to feel good about ourselves by identifying someone out there whose behavior is far beyond the bounds of basic human decency. But I'm betting that in real life these Suburbanauts aren't the caricatures of self-absorbed materialists that this account makes them out to be.

I do agree, though, with your principle that genuine charity does not seek any recognition.

People like this guy, however, spend most of their time being ambivalent towards the less fortunate until all of the sudden they feel guilty.

Pardon me, but how exactly do you know this, Mark?

"genuine charity does not seek any recognition. "

Totally true. BUT, it is still good for the recipient to show recognition or thanks in some form or another. Good for the recipient. To receive help or gifts and have no thanks in one's heart, to have no desire to express the gratitude, to make no effort to say thank you, that is to be really poor. God puts up with the like in us all the time and we should put up with it in others too, but still, ingratitude is not a good thing.

During the holidays some of us will experience ingratitude. Before we condemn ourselves for feeling hurt if we do feel hurt we might consider
that our hurt is really sorrow over another person's poverty. Also, acknowledging the fact of being hurt by ingratitude might be a meritorious act of humility recognizing our own neediness. To be above being glad of thanks as of being glad of compliments may be very holy and maybe not.

This sounds like that awful TV show with Ty Pennington ... or the well-intentioned but nevertheless equally awful TV show with Amy Grant that got cancelled a couple of years ago.

OTOH, a lot of Evangelical churches around where I live go on "mission trips" to poor parts of Mexico and Central America, taking teenagers down for a week or 10 days to build housing for the poor. I think that's a great thing, and not the same as the fly-by Christmas visit. The kids actually live with the communities they're helping, pray with them, and get to know them.

Thank you for your kind words, PatientWitness and DeeAnn. If I am at all wise beyond my years it is because of people like my grandparents and parents - people who've tried to live life the way it should be led, and who've inspired my generation of family and friends. And that is one trait they've pointed out about us younger people - we aren't exactly the rebelling-against-the-system kind. ;)

There are many ways to help the less fortunate. The man in this story
may have went about it improperly but at least he made an effort. The problem I have with the christmas charity deal is where is everyone
the other 364 days of the year? I have been on shortterm mission
trips to Jamaica and to mexico, Its not about tourism its about
making an effort to help others and to show some how fortunate we
are. If you have undertaken these trips for the proper reason then
there is no way that you will not be a changed person after seeing
the lives that many others live.