Culture and poverty

I looked for you in the crowd! ;^)

We got in about 5 minutes before Senator Obama came in and mounted the platform. We had to go to the back of the line all the way up to the very top/roof level of the parking garage, and then slowly wind our way down as the line moved. I'd say we were in line at least an hour and a half.

Disappointingly, but not unexpectedly, Senator Obama's speech was almost exactly what I heard last night on TV when he spoke in Houston after the Wisconsin win.

Reunion holds 19,000 people, so since the floor was not fully utilized, I'd guess maybe 17,000 people attended.

I'm glad I went, but it wasn't earthshaking.

This is at least tangentially on topic.

I Was listening to Dennis Miller's radio show today, and his guest for a time was Greg Gutfeld, a truly smart and hilarious guy who host the show "Red Eye" on Fox News.

Anyway, they were talking about the Obama phenomenon and just how incredibly popular he seems to be.

Gutfeld says, "Yeah, he's like the black Michael Jackson."

I was on the treadmill in the basement at the time and pretty much just had to get off and laugh for about 10 minutes or so.

The guy definately has a point in that it's all about attitude. However, part of the problem with his little experiment is that he didn't actually have a drugged out mom and an alcoholic father. It's much easier to have the right attitude to succeed if you haven't been handed a crap load of baggage by your parents on the way up. It can take even the hardiest soul a long time and a lot of screw ups to unload the baggage left by abuse, neglect, etc. Many people get buried by the baggage they themselves pick up along the way (poor choices make while operating under duress to begin with). Some people never get out from under and just pass all the crap on to their own kids so they can carry on the grand family tradition.

One of the things which I find irritating about conservatives is that they see so clearly the need for good, solid families to instill character and values needed for the next generation to succeed. We can stand up on high and rant and rave about how important these things are and how the future is being imperiled by the failure of the family, etc. However, when exactly what we predicted happens and we start getting damaged, stunted human beings coming out at the end of the mess, we have nothing but critisism, complaints and condemnation for them. We impatiently insist that they should just boot strap it without acknowledging that just as we predicted would happen, we are dealing with people who do not have the basic skills, values or character necessary to boot strap it. People don't change and learn because they are harranged, condemned and shut out. They change because they learn a better way.

I have come to believe that we are facing a crisis of bad parenting and bad results in this country. Personally, I think that we need to intervene in some pretty radical ways. I would make intensive parenting classes and in home weekly visits by trained nurses for at least 2 years a requirement for receiving any sort of government assistance. I would make 2 years of classes in human development and family relationships a requirement for every high schooler. I would completely tear apart any public school system which doesn't have at least a 75% employment or full time college attendence rate among their graduates. The schools would need to be rebuilt with principals being given almost complete control over staffing, budgets and curriculumn. Kids who consistently disrupt the educational process would be subject to removal from their homes and being placed in a therapeutic setting focused almost exclusively on remedial development (teaching attachment, impulse control, empathy, etc). I would keep the schools open for 10 hours a day and require parents to attend parenting classes for their child to receive subsidized lunches or to stay past the normal 6 1/2 hour day. Any parent who refuses and doesn't provide adequately for their child themselves, needs to be put under court supervision. I could go on, but I suppose you get the picture.

I hate to say these things as a conservative, on principle, but when families breakdown, the need for government grows. If government gets involved, it should do so in a way which will ensure it's own demise - ie by helping repair the breakdown in family which predicated government involvement in the first place. If we can find money for a war of choice, then it's shameful and inexcusable not to do whatever is necessary to find the money to begin to fix our families.

On the last episode of "The Wire" there was a telling scene with two teens in the inner city reading through the help wanted section of the newspaper, looking for a job. They were saying things like "'Reliable person for front desk reception at a large company' - are they saying they need furniture?" Of course there was no adult around to tell them to stop being stupid and explain all the acronyms, abbreviations and job titles to them. If this guy could avoid using even that kind of knowledge in his little experiment with the American dream, we'd find something a little more real and useful than having a well prepared, well parented young man find his way in the world and think he's shown us all something remarkable.

Obama is beginning to make me ill every time I see him.

"Obama is beginning to make me ill every time I see him."

Every day and in every way, I become more and more convinced that he is a Manchurian candidate -- a socialist in populist garb. A lot of dumb people, and not a few smart people are falling for it.

Just remember, he has "plans for everything!"

"It can take even the hardiest soul a long time and a lot of screw ups to unload the baggage left by abuse, neglect, etc. Many people get buried by the baggage they themselves pick up along the way (poor choices make while operating under duress to begin with). Some people never get out from under and just pass all the crap on to their own kids so they can carry on the grand family tradition."

You know, having grown up with an alcoholic father and a mother addicted to drugs, I find this sort of argument incredibly condescending and supremely unhelpful. Yep, life is more difficult starting out for some than for others. Yes, some people are incapable of overcoming those difficulties. However, one of the biggest obstacles I had to overcome was not my mother's drug addiction or my father's alcoholism. Rather, it was my own reliance on those experiences as some sort of crutch and excuse for why I couldn't improve my own life.

Understanding the roots of one's problems is only helpful up to a point. Ultimately, the turning point down the road to success is to let all of that go and choose to be the person you wish to become. The amazing thing I learned is that you can turn down that road any time you like. It doesn't take years of therapy. It doesn't even take a full understanding of where it all began going wrong. All it takes is a choice.

Great point, Matt.
My family buys Christmas gifts and a meal for an anonymous family every year through a local Catholic Charities program. Every year our sponsored family requests things that no impoverished family should want.
The latest X-box game? Uhhh, you have an X-box player???
Size XXX clothes? You can afford enough food to be obese????
And so on. Every year brings new examples. And of course, there is usually only a single mother with no father in the house.

This, of course, doesn't mean that we shouldn't have compassion for these families, but my compassion is now directed more towards their seeming inability to make good decisions than it is to any material poverty, lack of resources, etc.

"This, of course, doesn't mean that we shouldn't have compassion for these families, but my compassion is now directed more towards their seeming inability to make good decisions than it is to any material poverty, lack of resources, etc."

Well said!

My sister and her husband are both on disability and, with three kids and, now, a grandchild in the household, they are really struggling to make ends meet. Sadly, though, their biggest obstacles really do not stem from their debilitating illnesses. Rather, it's from the exceedingly poor choices they make in spending what little money they do have. At this point, they would be helped far more from financial counseling than they would be by monetary or material donations.

"Well, and maybe some medication, therapy, support groups, diet and exercise if you've inherited a chronic disease from one of those dysfunctional parents, as I have."

Yes, but without making the conscious choice to be different, to be the person you wish to be, all the others are unlikely to be of much lasting help.

Of course, your mileage may vary.

"This, of course, doesn't mean that we shouldn't have compassion for these families, but my compassion is now directed more towards their seeming inability to make good decisions than it is to any material poverty, lack of resources, etc."

This was exactly my point, actually (a lot fewer words!). I totally agree that "poor me, my mama and daddy were terrible so I guess I can be a screw-up" is pointless and dumb. However, many people aren't thinking this. They don't even realize why they are doing the dumb things they are doing. They're just being swept along by life with no real sense of the possibility that they could climb out of the stream, get their bearings and start hoofing it themselves.

My hubby and I came from really crappy backgrounds and have been determined not to repeat what our parents did. And yet . . . we both made some really dumb decisions along the way without fully understanding that they were dumb and why we were doing them. It's all fine and even true to say that it's all about attitude, but where does the attitude come from? Who teaches us what the right attitude is, what the lies of the culture are and what it takes to go against the current? For a lot of us, it's a matter of trial and error and the errors can hurt ya for a long, long time. Simply going, bad, bad, bad doesn't do a damn thing.

Tysson:

I guess, to paraphrase Bill Clinton, to you it depends on what the definition of "and" is ...

Or did you miss that critical three-letter word in my post?!

Probably the best advice along these lines is from, of all people, Bob Newhart. If any of you haven't seen this video of him as a psychiatrist, definitely watch. As hilarious as it is, it contains a lot of truth.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYLMTvxOaeE