No, really, a preacher says so: What's wrong with the world is men who sit down to urinate. Sit back and watch 4 1/2 minutes of sublimely weird preaching (thank you Mark Shea, you ignorant slut, and also your Knights of Templar tattoos, for brightening my wintry evening with this magnificent find -- the best thing since Carl got crackin' in Chicago)
UPDATE: But wait! Fr. Jape once found himself visiting an Omaha megachurch that forbids its male communicants from peeing whilst standing (see second item down). Once again, the critical divide between modern and traditional Christianity is made manifest.
UPDATE: The pastor has another message for manly men: "Sir, if you let your wife go to a male gynecologist, you need to get right with God."
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I notice a focus on this "pastor's" interpretation (odd) but not so much on his selection of sermon material. He's selective at best, but methinks it's a spoof, folks.
I found it odd that - at the end - he exhorts people that don't like the words "he that pisseth against the wall" that appear (SIX TIMES IN THE BIBLE, folks, SIX TIMES, so it MUST be a legitimate religious belief/tenet/dogma) in the KJV (the QJV, actually, - ed.), then they can just go out and buy a NEW King James Version - 'cuz they've been taken out, as have many other not-so-nice words. What a concept - Bible A differs from Bible B. Wonder who thoughtta that, eh?
Then he lists a slew (slough?) of other versions, all with differing words. Yet he fails to inform us - which version is the "correct" version? Correctest? Kinda puts the "because the Bible says it's a SIN" crowd in a not-so-positive light, imnsho.
Now, the question is, will he address the sinfulness of a man having a female - oops, make that a "woman" - doctor once he's done with castigating men from, ahem, 'allowing' their wives to have a male gynecologist? (Shouldn't that be a "man gynecologist"?)
Gosh, this is turning out to be so much fun. Thanx 4 posting it Rod. You prove our points unwittingly at times, methinks.
After being thoroughly convinced that God has called men to pee standing up, I am now experiencing some anxiety: what is the Godly way to take a shit? Should I pee standing up first, then sit on the toilet like usual, or should I try to shit standing up (or at least squatting) too? Or does God make an exception when you need to do both at the same time?
I'd sure hate to go to hell over this one, and I'd have to say that millenia of scripture scholarship (since long before Christ) has failed us by not providing an answer to this burning question. Of course, maybe we can excuse those poor impoverished Christians and Jews who had to make do with reading the Scriptures in the original languages before the King James Version (ie the one true and infallible, direct-from-heaven Word of God) came along, but I don't think that ignorance of the truth can be an excuse for defying the natural order God has so plainly set before us. In fact, I'd say that this has affirmed in my mind that scholarship and training and education are of the Devil. If an uneducated preacher can recognize this salvation truth which has eluded the "blinded, wise" theologians so long, I say BURN THE SEMINARIES!!
From now on, I'm peeing standing up!
Update: My ethical bathroom dilemma has multiplied!
After meditating on the scripture day and night, I've come to realize that, enlightened though he is, this particular pastor is still in error, and therefore he is going to hell. He talks about peeing standing up, but this is a mistake. These days, men can stand up to pee into a toilet, or sit down, but back in Bible times, there was no such thing. Men would literally PISS AGAINST THE WALL!
If you read the scripture literally (and we should ALWAYS read literally!), it's clearly telling us that God is saying that, in order to be a real MAN in God's eyes, we need to piss--not into a toilet, but literally against the wall. Of course sitting down isn't manly, but that teaching doesn't go far enough. Some people might say that the urinal is a holy invention, conceived to allow a man to stay pure and ensure his place in heaven, by giving him a place to pee while standing. However, the Bible literally tells us that pissing into ANY receptacle is not manly. We are supposed to pee against the wall!!!
Also, if you're outdoors, or in the wilderness, you have to hold it, because if you don't have a wall to pee on, you can't be a man. Pissing in the bushes doesn't cut it, my friends.
From now on, I'm peeing against the wall, and you can be sure I'll stand up to do it!
Transgender and transsexual people have always had trouble with the definition of male and female: is it in the genes? in the hormones? in the visible genital organs? in the mind? NO! says Shea, it's in how one pees. Thanks for clearing that up. That will save a lot of transsexuals a lot of money.
The King James Bible was translated by Sir Fancis Bacon. Bacon, aside from being a Mason was part of the Rosicruican movement. Bacon used his own occultic symbolism to 'decorate' the King James Bible. The King James Bible is also reported to be approximately 10% "lost in translation."
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