God hates men who pee sitting down

My ten-year-old nephew is in trouble then. Can't hit the broad side of a barn standing up, or only if the barn is to the left and back a bit.

Clearly, the Bible is saying that God will not destroy German men.

Could we get this entered as a topic in the next CNN Presidential debate?

i thought that God dose not hate anyone her get angry but doesnt hate

This explains why Larry Flynt pees sitting down. :-) Brilliant!

Actually, General Specific, humor columnist Dave Barry once wrote a column in which he interviewed a microbiologist who said that at every flush of the toilet, microscopic beads of moisture can spray which can then splatter on anything in, if I recall correctly, within six feet of the toilet. So men who stand aren't doing much worse than women who flush in terms of germ dispersal.

(This microbiologist also said the only way to get a toilet REALLY clean was to set it on fire, leading to one of the cooler pyrotechnic-experiment reports in the Barry columns, though the pop-tart came close.)

Wash your mind out with this... Here's someone to look up to and someone to admire.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12152446/from/RS.1/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desmond_Doss

http://www.msaa.org/members/html/archives/a_salute_to_the_unlikeliest_hero.htm

Here's one of the few men who were real men, and I considered and still do, of the few I can call a "hero". I've had the honor of meeting him and shaking his hand. He dedicated much of his post-war life to serving youth in his church. He continued to do so even when he was weak and not far from death.

sheesh he's being ridiculous

Combine Sola Scriptura with free enterprise interpretation and you can get almost anything.

What's the theology of p***ing up a rope?

It was gratifying to see that he was preaching in a space notably smaller than the closets on HGTV and that he assumed he had already offended his auditors. (You can always tell the authentic preachers: they tell people what they don't want to hear.)
Do you suppose this is Chris Crocker with a haircut, moving on from his YouTube "Leave Britney Alone!" schtick?

Bear Grylls once drank his own pee on "Man vs. Wild." I think he's the Antichrist.

Rebeccat, thanks, I guess, for that bathroom hygiene update. You just inspired an abrupt and forceful rule-change in our household.

A friendly reminder that allergies may result from too hygenic an environment! Maybe toilet vapors make it possible for us to enjoy peanut butter -- I'm just sayin'

dhoff, you've nailed it. It simply makes no sense. It's an opportunity for a KJV-only-er to rant.

For anybody questioning the rendering of the word "pisseth" -- the Septuagint says, "ourounta pros toichon". The verb "oureo" is rendered oh-so-properly in the Liddell-Scott Greek-English Lexicon as "make water", "pros" plus an accusative here is an accusative "of goal, aiming at" (BDAG Greek-English Lexicon, entry 3.B.c for "pros"), and a "toichos" is indeed a wall of a house or a courtyard. "Pisseth against a wall" indeed seems to be a legitimate rendering.

That said, you can't parody this. It does a good enough job on its own.

Richard

And to think that this fellow attracts enough followers (and their money) to make a living at this...

In the background, I hear a woman giggling and a man who says "Amen" towards the end, and there's a touch of an echo that indicates the room he's in is mostly empty. Not much of a congregation. I have the distinct impression this was a joke.

Or maybe I'm desperate for this not to be real because otherwise I have to start re-examining the voluntary human extinction folks. A species that produces that individual is a species Nature's painting a large bullseye on.

And no, it's not a joke.

http://www.faithfulwordbaptist.org/

http://www.faithfulwordbaptist.org/biblecollege.html

Richard

JSG: Here's the verses and the Hebrew behind them.

Checking out Richard Barrett's links, among this guy's sermon titles are "Why Billy Graham Is Going To Hell," "Don't Go Back To School," and "God's View Of Immigration." (Apparently I missed that part of the Bible.) Welcome to the strange and wonderful world of fundamentalist Independent Baptists.

Looks like God hates male gynecologists:

http : // faithfulwordbaptist . org/gynecologists.html

What's Wrong with Male Gynecologists?

by Pastor Steven L Anderson, 2006

1. Is nudity before the opposite gender a sin?
2. Are male obstetricians or gynecologists condoned in the Bible?
3. Are male gynecologists professionals or perverts?

He's also down on television for shows that feature 'alternative lifestyles' like ... The Andy Griffith Show and the Brady Bunch

http : //faithfulwordbaptist . org/Television.html

4. Alternative lifestyles

From the beginning, the producers of television have had an agenda. Even in the most “harmless” of shows, alternative lifestyles are being promoted. Consider, for example, “The Andy Griffith Show.” The show centers around a single parent who lives with his aunt. Admittedly, his wife supposedly died, and he is not divorced. However, we are still being desensitized to the idea of a single parent which is neither the norm nor God’s plan. The show also features a character, Gomer Pile, who is played by a man who is a homosexual in real life.

Consider the show “The Odd Couple” from the 1960’s. Aside from sinful content, we are being exposed to an alternative lifestyle of two men living together as roommates. Genesis 2:24 tells us God’s normal plan, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Although neither man in the show is a homosexual, this show was obviously a forerunner of the sitcoms of today which feature homosexual characters.

Consider “The Brady Bunch.” The show is about a widowed man and a widowed woman who have three children each. Now they are married and have six children collectively. This is an extremely rare scenario but mirrors the very common scenario of divorce and remarriage. We are subliminally being exposed to the idea of stepparents and stepchildren which is far more common in divorced situations than in the rare circumstance of young widows.

You can't make this stuff up.

Oh yeah, pants on women are sinful:

>>
As independent Baptists we believe in gender specific clothing, that is, pants on men, and skirts and dresses on women. In that case, why would we watch television programming filled with women in masculine or unisex clothing? Would we watch television programs that include men in dresses if Jesus Christ were sitting beside us?
>>

Looks like God hates Scotsmen also.

This guy is a different kind of snake handler. :-)

I'm going to miss my smokin' hot female urologist, and this just when things started "crackin". I met her at City Church too. Life ain't fair.

What a moron. It's guys like this that give Jesus a bad name. I thought I had a pretty conservative view of scripture, but this guy makes me look like a flamin' liberal.

If he's going to be this literal in his translation, then we shouldn't be urinating in toilets at all. We should be going on the walls of our houses.

Of course, even a broken clock can be right twice a day. He is right about the feminization of men in Western society. I was in Europe this summer and saw men wearing capri pants. That's just wrong.

If I recall correctly, Gabriel García Márquez used the metaphor of the progression from a young virile man standing to the older man he became sitting to good effect in 'El amor en los tiempos del cólera'.

After being thoroughly convinced that God has called men to pee standing up, I am now experiencing some anxiety: what is the Godly way to take a shit? Should I pee standing up first, then sit on the toilet like usual, or should I try to shit standing up (or at least squatting) too? Or does God make an exception when you need to do both at the same time?

I'd sure hate to go to hell over this one, and I'd have to say that millenia of scripture scholarship (since long before Christ) has failed us by not providing an answer to this burning question. Of course, maybe we can excuse those poor impoverished Christians and Jews who had to make do with reading the Scriptures in the original languages before the King James Version (ie the one true and infallible, direct-from-heaven Word of God) came along, but I don't think that ignorance of the truth can be an excuse for defying the natural order God has so plainly set before us. In fact, I'd say that this has affirmed in my mind that scholarship and training and education are of the Devil. If an uneducated preacher can recognize this salvation truth which has eluded the "blinded, wise" theologians so long, I say BURN THE SEMINARIES!!

From now on, I'm peeing standing up!

Transgender and transsexual people have always had trouble with the definition of male and female: is it in the genes? in the hormones? in the visible genital organs? in the mind? NO! says Shea, it's in how one pees. Thanks for clearing that up. That will save a lot of transsexuals a lot of money.

What a matter you're discussing about, 'God's recommanding about ways of peeing'! So let me tell you some thing then, not bad if you know that in my culture the male people avoid peeing while standing! In my country it's so, as my religion has recommended not to pee while standing, and to do it while sitting or squatting. I know there, they teach the kid when he can stand up, how to pee while standing, but it's not so here. However, I am male and quite healthy, but I don't pee while standing. You should consider that there are many different ways around the world.

Why stand to pee? Why aim? Aiming is for the time when you are distant to your target and can't be close to it, but when you can be close to it, and if you are sane, you prefer being close to your target than aiming to the target, so sit down and be relaxed. One of the names of the place you are doing that in, is rest room! Human body needs resting once in a while and it is better to rest the times we don't do any special task that needs a focus of mind and energy. Peeing is not a job necessarily needs mind and energy, but still we can do it with using mind and energy (aiming and standing). I said when a work can be done without mind and energy too, it is better we save our mind power and energy for those really need them, and rest instead. (Not with one time of peeing, but with many times of peeing it will be something noticeable). And why you waste your time and energy in cleaning bathrooms? You can save it for more useful affairs by reducing the need of bathroom to be cleaned! Urine is sterile when it comes out of a healthy body, but as soon as it enters the outside milieu, the infections will start to appear in it as the time goes, since it is a good circumference for growing septic. And not only if the pee leaks other places it makes dirty, even if the pee is directed into the right place, when standing, its hitting the surface (of toilet water or inside the toilet) with more power and speed (because of the height) causes tiny drops spray in the area and sprinkles the places around, like the bathroom ground, and the clothes and shoes of the one is peeing, and also a lot of microscopic particles of pee will be diffused in the air, that can make pollution and dirty many things. Also when standing, because of the height, the pee flow meets much more air until it meets the surface, and therefore, its vapour will be made in the air (that's the pee smell) and it will be published in the air then. Of course one time of peeing standing can't make this kind of pollution, but with many times of peeing standing, the pollution of the place, air and the toilet seat will become noticeable, and then as a result it demands more times of cleaning which also wastes time and energy.

As for those who say "peeing while standing is much easier than doing it while sitting or squatting", I should say that bending over and pulling down pants, and keeping a part of panties down for a while and aim for a while both need an attempt; and the fact that which one is easier for a person depends on habit. The way in which one's habit is based on, is easier for that one, and to which you habit, it will be easier for you! And as for those who think "peeing while standing is of a few pleasures of a man!", I should say that a man is more valuable than way of peeing places as his pleasure and property! It does not fit a man to consider that as his worth! Men have more valuable special abilities to be mentioned! To my own, peeing while standing is a nasty action, also it does not feet a man's character, that's like you imagine a respectable man standing up still somewhere, his penis is hanging out and his pee line is in front of him, and then shaking the dong at the same position, it doesn't have a nice view. Specially, when a lot of urinals are in a public place in men's washroom, and a row of men have that view together, it's also nasty. I think in men's room, urinals should be in partitions having doors, like the toilets. So I meant its action is nasty. And a nasty action doesn't feet human's character, not only men's. Who made the rule that males MUST stand up while urinating? And don't link it to the nature, potentially many things are natural as an ability; one can bring out a gun, aim and kill, but he has choosing power, although he has the ability, but he may not do it if he is sane; one can just bring it out, aim and pee, but does it mean he can not do it in other ways? Being able to do some thing, doesn't allow doing it anytime and anywhere! You can easily imagine what happens if you use some of your abilities in wrong times or places! So when one can do some thing, s/he rationally has to do it the right time and right place. Now the question is "what's the right use of peeing standing up?" As God has made the ability of peeing while standing easily in guys, it must have an advantage, and yes it has. In men's jobs some times urgent situations happen, and some times they have to do some thing in a short time when the speed is important, and some times men have situations that they can't sit or squat or are in places where sitting or squatting is not easily possible; in such times they can use their ability of peeing while standing easily. But these urgent times just some times happen, not always! Peeing standing is an ability for both men and women of which the right use is in emergency conditions where sitting is impossible or harmful. So both men and women should do stand and pee when it's really needed, and when not needed it is better they sit. So I think there should be a project for men to stop, or to say better, manage peeing while standing. One group are already doing that and their site is: http://www.mapsu.org/ . As I mentioned, there are some occasions when it's needed to pee standing up, then it happens for both men and women! So what should women do? So easy, they can instantly pee standing up using a small device, one is here: http://www.travelmateinfo.com/page002.html .

One problem people usually have is that some of them are afraid of being made fun by other people, I think one should follow anything s/he think it is right. Everyone has an opinion and it's respectful for him/her. And other people's behaviour shouldn't stop anyone having his/her own opinion, other people don't have the right to stop anyone doing anything according to his/her opinion. That's an affect of freedom, and if the freedom of thought exists somewhere, people shouldn't be afraid of how other people think about what they do. And if there's not, then there should be a 'change', if not, then one has to live how other people want, not how s/he wants! I think a rational person shouldn't be afraid of being the target of other peoples closed minds.

So as a conclusion, the best way is to teach your sons to sit as usual, and allow them to stand when needed, and then, you won't need to be in the trouble of teaching them aiming, because when standing is needed it's a situation like the toilet is dirty or there's urinal or there's an outside condition, and then no aiming is required. Anyways, I'm not going to impose this on you, still you can do anyhow you know better, I just brought some reasons why I asked you this although there are much more reasons I didn't mention them here. One more reason I can mention is if your son stands and pees and you have small daughter(s) too, his standing has some affects on his sisters. You know, to grown people it may be no matter what happens, but small children's souls and specially female soul are sensitive and even such things are great issues to them. Her sisters, when they find they can't easily stand and pee, they feel sad when they see their brother pees standing as usual. And small girls never show their sadness in such situations, they hide it from you but they deeply take affect from the matter, and you won't see her crying since she's hiding it. Of course not allowing her to watch her brother pee won't solve the problem, be sure your daughter knows it, you can ask her if you're doubting, remind that you can't follow your daughter everywhere all the time to see when she watches it and when she doesn't! Yes she has accepted the bodily functions but she hasn't accepted why her brother has too pee standing all the time when he can easily sit on the toilet and point down his dong, still if you don't believe you can ask her. Well, it was one of other reasons, and I think it will be great if the current way of peeing of guys in toilets and bathrooms, in the most parts of the world changes. I think if some of the issues like this become reformed, we'll have a better world.