Forgiveness Vespers

I am in tears reading about this ritual. THIS is what Christianity is. THIS is what ritual is. THIS is what humility is.

Thank you for sharing it with us. More, please.

What Liz said. The closest this Catholic has got to that sort of experience has been the washing of the feet on Holy Thursday and the exchange of the sign of peace in a congregation that felt no need for something perfunctory and rushed (i.e. like people actually MEANT it :-)

Rod,
Go to a sporting goods store next year and get yourself a pair of soccer socks and shin guards. And volleyball knee pads. Theres a reason floor installers use the things.

More seriously, I wish we had such ritual in our denomination [SBC] but it isn't going to happen. The closest thing I've ever seen is when we did communion Catholic-style at a church I attended in Korea [but not for ritual but rather for the fact that we were in a rented space with purple liquid on white carpet--you can lay mats up front]. That said, there are "ritualistic idiosyncrasies" which let one predict what's happening next, but they don't have the spiritual force and meaning you describe.

I'll tell you what is not an empty ritual: It's when you put your arms around your child, look her in the face and say, "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry I did not listen to what you were trying to say. That was wrong. I really want to hear what you are thinking. Would you please tell me now?" It's when you take the hand of your spouse and look into their eyes, and say "Darling, I was so wrong to speak to you that way. What happened was not your fault. I was frustrated and took it out on you. I feel so bad because no one should ever treat you that way, least of all me. I think I need some outside advice about how to handle this better. What do you think about that?" Or when you sit down with a friend and say this: "You were right last night. I was drunk. I should not have been driving. I'm very scared when I think about what could have happened. I need help. I need to stop drinking. I'm going to an AA meeting tonight."

Confessing to the specific wrong, to the important person in your life, and doing all in your power to make it right, is a life-giving act. If Forgiveness Vespers encourages that, it's a wonderful thing. If it substitutes a feel-good ritual for essential action, then it's not so great. I imagine that only each person involved knows which way his own heart is going.

I've often had Matthew 5:23-24 come to mind when I needed it: Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. If you hurt somebody, do your best to fix it. No excuses, no exceptions. True every day, not just once a year. It actually feels really good, once you get into it.

At our adult catechism class Sunday morning, we've been reading a text by St Innocent of Alaska and our discussion covered the profound importance of cultivating a desire to deny oneself and take up the cross as we follow Jesus. Several people brought up the importance of true repentance and holy tears.

I saw more than a few of those tears at the ceremony of forgiveness.

The reference above to the importance of particular repentance and specific appeals for forgiveness is right on target. In my limited experience, the ceremony of forgiveness offers us an opportunity to practice ritually what we should be doing throughout our lives - seeking real reconciliation.

Lord have mercy!

As we started the rite of forgiveness last night it struck me that I should confess the things I felt guilty about, mostly for ignoring, neglecting, or failing to pray for others; or for being irritating or annoying to them. So I started around the circle expressing these things and was surprised to find, when i came to someone new, often they would express the same thing to me even before I spoke. Maybe the Holy Spirit was sprinkling that awareness around the room. We're blessed to have a pretty happy congregation with no serious rifts or bitterness. But we do get irritated with each other, and its easy to fail to notice someone who could use a kind word. Saying this out loud, I think, will make me more attentive about it in the coming year.

This was the 16th time I've done the rite of forgiveness, and I agree with Richard, the mood can really vary. We've found that it's important to stress that everyone remain silent when they are finished. (It starts with only two people exchanging forgiveness, grows until everyone is doing it, then diminishes to only two again.) When you're thought it's tempting to start to chat with neighbors in order to throw off the awkwardness, and then a cheerful hubbub starts that undermines the seriousness.

The difficulty I've found in trying to adapt this for others is mostly logistical -- You start with a circle and then *one end* overlaps, while the rest continue moving up, in line behind that end. I tried to do this once in an Episcopal Cathedral and failed to get the logistics right in my instructions, so though everyone was exchanging forgiveness with someone else (and it certainly wasn't a waste of time), it was just a scramble of humans. So it is good to practice, at least mentally, to visualize who goes where and when.

Wow! That is a terrific ritual.

The Jewish custom that parallels this goes on during the month of Elul, which precedes Rosh HaShanah (the New Year.) During that month we ask forgiveness of each other (individually, f2f or by phone or email or however) and offer our forgiveness to each other. We also try to use that month to resolve conflicts and pay debts. Some people make a special point of doing this during Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement, which comes at the end of the High Holidays) but more compulsive people like me try to get it done before that.

Interesting that others note different moods from year to year. We were pretty chipper last night, as well. Nonetheless, the strategically placed Kleenex boxes took a major hit. It's easy to pick the favorite Orthodox service: Pascha, obviously. After that, though, there are so many-the Blessing Of The Waters at Theophany, Forgiveness Vespers, Bridegroom Vespers, Great and Holy Saturday, when the kids rattle pots and pans to celebrate Christ breaking out of Hell, and I always get leaky-it's good to be here. I ask anybody I may have offended in my posts to please forgive me. A blessed Lent to all.

Plus it seems a bit hypocritical for a snarky critic of post-Conciliar liberal Catholicism, known for its suspect "General Absolution" services, to now hold this up as something the Latins are deficient in.

Pardon my ignorance, but I'm confused by the phrase "the holy and righteous ancestors of God, Joachim and Anna". Did I miss something in Genesis?

Correct, nor with speaking of Mary as the "mother of God." It's actually a Christological formula, meant to emphasize that Jesus Christ -- God Himself -- was incarnate of a human mother. Similarly with the commonly used Orthodox term for Mary, the "Theotokos" (God-bearer).

St. Anne and St. Joachim are patron saints for one of the parishes in the Diocese of Fargo, that much I know: http://www.stsaaj.org/