Should Silda stay or should she go?

I don't know how to put this without appearing condescending, so I request a little indulgence. Is what his wife chooses to do any of your business? I can appreciate the attempt at empathy, but I don't think this is what is actually being done.

MZF, it's what people are talking about. Doesn't make it any of our business, but come on, it's on people's minds, and it's become a topic of conversation. So I bring it up here. This is a site where we talk about culture. Just like the Bar Mitzvah Boy thread wasn't really about that particular kid, this is not really about Silda Spitzer, but rather what should any spouse put in her position do with regard to the future of her (or his) marriage and family. We cite a particular to discuss a universal.

Not meaning to offer "credentials" or anything like that, but disclosing that my parents divorced when I was 13 -- and the emotional atmosphere could be cut with a feather -- may help show my motivations here.

A woman has a choice. She didn't always have that choice. The controlling factor is completely outside her ability to influence it: what will everyone else say.

The average Jane in an average family, with an average household income, average number of children, average amount of debt, will not be the subject of national (or statewide) debate when her husband is indicted for buying sex. Her choice was and is constrained by several factors: the disapprobation of her community (Catholics should sympathize with that part), her ability to maintain a household and all the financial issues thereof, and the prospects of her re-entering the social scene (a woman does not live by raising kids alone, as it were).

Change all that to a prominent man, as with the Spitzers, and it all changes on that one, single factor: what will the rest of the world think and say.

MZ, I respectfully suggest that you are asking the wrong question. It's not that it should be anyone else's business; it's that we live in a culture where everyone just automatically makes it their business, and then wonders about the woman's feelings.

Once, just once, I'd like to see such a thing happen to a celebrity (in any path of life) where the media en masse just decides to leave her alone.

It's not her moral choice that should be discussed here. It's the immoral choice of everyone else to shine a light on a traffic accident and slow down to gawk at the twisted metal and bleeding flesh. You want to make a moral choice (extending my metaphor)? Take all your friends who drive dangerously aside (and chances are excellent that everyone reading this knows at least one such person) and do the loving thing: tell that person that you will not get in a car they are driving, nor will you show up at their hospital or funeral should they be in an accident, unless they make the strongest and most sincere oath they can to stop driving like that.

As for Silda Spitzer: unless you are her personal friend and you are there with her, drive on and don't look back.

I'm with you Rod. Being a child of divorce, I think all possible measures should be taken to preserve the family. In this particular scenario, though, I can't help but think that teenaged girls (or boys) would best be served by not having a pervert around forming them during the time of their lives when they are learning about relationships, sexuality, and the like.

These kids don't have a normal life, and never will. Their lives have already been altered by the public acknowledgment that their father hired a high-class hooker on Valentines Day. It's one thing to say stay married for the kids because we can put on a strong face and never let them know how much you betrayed me. It's another thing when dad has held a press conference and all your friends, their parents, your teachers, and the Internet will be able to remind you that your parent's marriage is broken.

There's nothing magical about raising kids in marriage, from the sense that merely being married saves your kids the horrors of divorce. Kids are harmed by divorce, but they are also harmed by being raised in high conflict marriages. I'd say having mom and day hold a press conference about dad's high class hooker demonstrates high conflict.

Only she can say.

If the reader finds my feather metaphor confusing, that's because it is. I composed it pre-coffee, and should've waited. ;-)

Anyway, my target with the accident metaphor was intended to Sig's general point: so long as our culture permits seeing sex as a commodity -- something ubiquitous and much more farreaching than any prostitution scandal -- there cannot be a change in any of the results.

We will continue to see women as objects, and to a lesser extent men as well.

We will continue to see buying sex as normative (and prostitution is the tip of that iceberg).

We will continue to blame the seller, when it is the buyer on whom we should be focused.

My gosh, Ed, is that as anti-semitic as I perceive it??

[From Rod: Yes it is, Irenaeus, and I have just unpublished it. -- RD.]

I like what Franklin and Sig said very much, though "he loves no one" may be a bit too harsh. Never underestimate what compartmentalization and rationalization can permit a man to do...

Once you get past the anger, the hurt and the yelling you need to reach the point where you can talk again. Hopefully, you dont say anything too awful or do anything with permanent consequences in that initial period.

Then as the hurt party I think you need to engage in absolutely brutal self honesty. Can you forgive your spouse enough to make things work? maybe it wont be the best marriage but maybe it can still be pretty good. If you have children can you really put their needs ahead of your need? What are their needs? Has the home been a simmering pot waiting to overflow or has this been an otherwise good relationship? My interpretation of the Bible is that adultery is grounds for a divorce but it doesnt mandate that you have to divorce the adulterer. I think whats important is that you really know what kind of person you are, no lies to yourself, and then move on. Trying to make things work knowing that you cant forgive sexual infidelity will most likely poison the relationship and ruin it anyway and harm the kids even more.

This self examination is greatly abetted by having people to talk with. News Flash: All ministers/priests arent especially good at this stuff. Talk with friends and family even a therapist. Heck, if you are an atheist probably even your bartender will do as this really an internal conversation anyway.

Once you have decided what you can handle you need to have the serious talks with your spouse. You will probably want gurantees that they will never do such a thing again. Its pretty hard to deal with since they have already proved that you cant trust them. If they say all the right things and you think you forgive then stay together.

I dont know whats in Silda's heart. My cynical side (and maybe cynicism is a worse sin that adultery) thinks that shes a political wife and likes all the attention and comforts too much to not look supportive. As a Christian I can only hope that she has good support and is able to do that which is best for her and her family. If that is what she is seeking then "standing by his side" now makes sense. I also think she will be able to get some idea of how important she is to him based on whether or not he resigns. People deal with issues of infidelity everyday in America. Few do it on the evening news. If he is willing to step out of the public spotlight and work with her she might have some reason to believe the marriage could be saved, at least from his side.

Steve

Sigiliris must have never had the opportunity to enjoy sex for its own sake without having to shore up some poor baby's self esteem by pretending to love him as well. Sure, Eliott Spitzer was a creep for betraying his wife and if she did the same thing so was she. I would be pissed too. But the only problem with prostitutes as far as my girlfriends and I can see is that most are just the wrong sex, lol.

What says the room?

This member of the room says 2 things:

1. Prostitution should be legalized.

and

2. the rest of the room's occupants should MTOFB as pertains to Ms Spitzer.

"priggishly sinless"

Love it!

perhaps he was justifiably hoist to his own brand of pétard, but to give him his due, he never squandered the state's resources prosecuting the peccadilloes of the perennially prurient. De minimis not curat praetor. His is a quintessentially Christian sense of justice -- overturn the counting tables of the corporate brigands of Wall Street and cast no stones at pitiful prostitutes.

Actually, he did make a big deal about busting up two other prostitution rings when he was attorney general.

Here's my question. How is it good for a (I'm guessing)liberal feminist
to teach her daughters that what women are for is the use of men. If you have a good body, it is more than okay to, as Sigaliris said, become a human garbage can, as long as you get paid enough for it. If your husband treats you like dirt, you are to stay by him because he makes good money and is in the public eye, or in the case of Hilary, may be able to furthur your own ambitions. And look how well that decision worked for her.

I agree, we really don't know what their personal life is like and this is an intrusion into it. All news is a type of intrusion, isn't it? But I find very often the "women behind the throne" presume to tell other women how to live their lives (abortion issues, how many childen we should be limited to, wether being a home maker is a "real" job or not... Why shouldn't we speculate on how this penchant men in power seem to have for veiwing women, wives and hookers, as somehow less than human, not worthy of having their dignity considered,will impact on the world's veiw of women.

News Flash: Spitzer has just resigned, effective Monday. He still maintains it is a private matter. Except as a local talk jock says, Spitzer has broken a great many laws in conducting this "private matter" and used my family's money (I'm a New Yorker) to do it. Even though he claims to be able to separate his personal funds (he's a multi-millionaire) from the salary he is paid by we,the people.

"She ain't going to give him up; she's a jewish wife. He's worth mega millions."

Excuse me? Has this combox become a haven for crude anti-semitism? Rod, say something or I'm outa here.

"Excuse me? Has this combox become a haven for crude anti-semitism? Rod, say something or I'm outa here."

I believe Rod already deleted the offensive post, which you just re-posted by quoting it.

"Excuse me? Has this combox become a haven for crude anti-semitism? Rod, say something or I'm outa here."

I believe Rod already deleted the offensive post, which you just re-posted by quoting it.

FYI - Eliot Spitzer is Jewish. His wife is/was Baptist. I don't think she converted, but maybe she did.

I found it appalling that Spitzer brought out his daughters for his announcement. His wife I can understand, but his daughters? Why do they have to be there? That's kind of creepy.
I feel so sorry for them. I can't imagine what they are going through.

Save, O Lord, and have mercy on Eliot and Silda Spitzer and their children.

I see a parralell with whats goign on in the Orthodox Diocese of Alaska. "Throw the bum out" is the cry of some, but that is not ideal. What IS ideal is repentance and restoration.

The traditional value least fashionable in our society (including among supposed conservative/traditionalists) is forgiveness. We all talk too much about justice, and nowhere near enough about MERCY.

None of us knows anything at all about the Spitzers' marriage, the sincerity of his repentence, or whether there's a realistic chance of his behavior changing. We don't even know with certainty that Silda Spitzer is an entirely innocent victim of her husband -- although there's obviously no reason to assume she is anything other than that. We have one data point -- he's been a serial user of prostitutes for at least 6-10 years -- and it's a really, really bad one. But even that isn't the whole story of the Spitzers' lives. Hopefully there is some basis for reconciliation and restoring some semblance of a decent family life, for the sake of both the children AND their parents.

Point is, we don't know, and we can't know, what's going on in that family. Therefore, we shouldn't judge.

His is a quintessentially Christian sense of justice -- overturn the counting tables of the corporate brigands of Wall Street and cast no stones at pitiful prostitutes.

On the contrary, while we have no basis to judge Mr. Spitzer as a private person (awful as this week's revelations make him look), as a public official he was an attrocity.

Many of the "corporate brigands of Wall Street" he investigated, defamed, and sometimes prosecuted were guilty of nothing more than having crossed Spitzer personally. He was aided and abetted by a fawning, financially-ignorant press corps that loves to fantasize about a white knight prosecutor fighting Robber Barons.

One thing we've learned this week is how important it is in public life to have friends. Spitzer's notoriously arrogant misbehavior as Attorney General, and to a lesser extent as Governor, left him with virtually no friends in public life -- not even among the legions of Democrats on Wall Street, in the legal community, in New York City, and in Albany. That's the ultimate reason he had to resign. Unlike Bill Clinton 10 years ago, Spitzer has no partisan allies rushing to his defense. What goes around, comes around.

jaybird writes:
she may as well get it over with, and put a damper on the inevitable speculation that would ensue if she didn't

What inevitable speculation did she put a damper on? That the marriage may end? That she hadn't heard the news? I don't see it.

treebeard writes:
I found it appalling that Spitzer brought out his daughters for his announcement.

Ack, I didn't see that. They're not being included in the photos. Decency on the press's part?

Dr. Laura may be right.

I'm not commenting on Elliott and Silda Spitzer, as I have no knowledge or right to comment on their lives.

But I can tell you about my own struggles. I've been married for nearly 20 years, and I live in a nearly sexless marriage. I have multiple children, but the "sex" was cut off years ago.

And not only sex, but all forms of affection are completely absent from my wife's direction. When I have talked to my wife about it, she says "Sorry, I'm just not an affectionate person." Even a hug, or a peck on the cheek would do wonders for me.

We've gone to marriage weekends, and sought counseling, but all to no avail.

I am a devout Roman Catholic, with a valid marriage, so divorce is not a possibility. Nor, for that matter, is adultery or prostitution. But I can't say that in moments of weakness that I haven't seriously considered the latter two options.

So although I wouldn't seek out a prostitute or an affair, I am not going to condemn someone else who did, because for all I know he could be in the same situation that I'm in. Thousands of men are.

starved for affection--I highly doubt it. Sounds more like a person who could not get a handle on his own power, and let his arrogance get the better of him. That's a presumption I'm prepared to make over the idea that he just wasn't getting any.

By the way, by means of a superficial comparison, anyone notice how Spitzer is by far the less attractive when compared with is wife?

Roughly have of all people have committed adultery. Roughly a quarter have committed adultery while in a relationship with their present partner. I ain't going to tell anyone it's right, but to pretend it is rare is the height of naivette. I would speculate politicians as a population have a higher rate due to the personality types attracted to politics.

To put a nice shiny bow on things, the question being asked is similar to asking 10-year-olds if they would marry someone if he/she isn't a virgin. It is not a question you can really answer honestly until the situation presents itself. It is not a question you can answer for someone else. What we will tell the 10-year-old is that he or she should try to delay relations until they are married. We will tell them that sometimes people give into passions and do things that are not right. What we will tell the aggrieved spouse is that they should attempt to reconcile the marriage. We will tell them that there long term interests are generally best served by remaining in the marriage.

My distinct impression is that a man cheating on his wife -- whether via prostitution or via an affair with his 25 year old "assistant" -- was far more socially acceptable half a century ago than it is today. Not that society ever approved of such things, but in earlier generations they were more likely to be "winked at" than they are today.

My late great-grandmother told me once that back when she and my great-grandfather moved to our quaint Southern town, the Depression was on, and she had to go to work as a telephone operator to feed the family (husband's mill job didn't bring in enough money). Some of the upper-crust women in town, she said, publicly disdained her for working for money. Their husbands were doctors and lawyers, and they didn't need to work. The unspoken but widely known truth was all those professional white men kept black mistresses in the Negro quarters below the hill. I can easily imagine that the times being what they were, those black women had no say-so in whether or not they were going to become the mistress of Dr. Smith or Mr. Jones, Esq.-- that they could easily have been pressed into a kind of sex slavery.

All this went on behind a veneer of bourgeois respectability.

starved, I don't know anything about your situation, so this isn't meant as specific to you. But I notice that many people think of "counseling" as something that you try once, and then if it doesn't work, you give up. It's a lot more like buying a used car. Most people have picked a lemon once or twice. But you don't then say, "I tried buying a car and it didn't work!" You just go out and keep trying till you find a car you can drive. There are many different types of counseling, and different counselors. There are also a lot of books you can read about relationship problems. I would say keep trying till you find something that works for you. And in a relationship, even if one partner doesn't want to keep going, the other can often benefit by a better understanding of him/herself and the situation.

And one further caveat--the fact that someone calls him/herself a Catholic or Christian therapist is no guarantee of competence. The first time I consulted a counselor was about some family issues when our kids were teenagers. I thought at the time that "Christian" anything had to be better. I talked to first a person from Catholic Social Services, and then a "Christian" psychological counselor. What a mistake! Those people were CRAZY. If I'd followed their advice my entire family would be nuts today. I'm sure there are good Christian/Catholic counselors, but you can't assume they're good just because of the name.

Simon,

I pulled the numbers from here: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/18055526

You are correct Simon. The ABC number seemed a little low to me, but 1/7 is high enough not to be in the unheard of territory, which was more my point.

Besides, didn't Jesus give the Okely-dokely for divorce in the setting of marital unfaithfulness?

Besides, didn't Jesus give the Okely-dokely for divorce in the setting of marital unfaithfulness?

No, but that may depend on whose translation of the word porneia you use. The Protestants (and others perhaps) translate that as "infidelity".

The Catholic Church doesn't. Which is why divorce is verboten.

Jus' tryin' to be helpful, here.

fbc,
It's not the divorce; it's remarriage without annulment the Church disallows (annulment could be gotten very easily, I'd think. It doesn't look like he really ever had an intention to be faithful. warning-VERY amateur opinion here)

That doesn't answer the question of which is better for the family, of course. What a creep.

I really feel for Silda and her daughters, what a shame that her husband, who is suppose to uphold the law as Governor of my home state, would do what he did. Do I think she should stand by her man? Silda should pray and think about what's best for her family. I don't think I would have the strength to forgive for something so horrible, but then I'm not her am I?

24% of all statistics are meaningless.

;-D

It's not the divorce; it's remarriage without annulment the Church disallows

Actually, although I'm not a canon lawyer, I don't think that is true. Divorce is still a sin. Even separation is disallowed under canon law, and has a requirement that the innocent spouse submit it to Church authorities within a certain time-period (six months, if I'm not mistaken.)

If I read it correctly, canon law requires that for a spouse to separate from another, the non-innocent (non-separating) spouse must pose a grave danger to the health or safety of the spouse and/or children.

Certainly remarriage without a decree of nullity is in and of itself a sin -- the sin of adultery.

But both divorce and re-marriage are sinful (unless of course there was never a valid marriage in the first place.)

BOTH of my exes cheated on me, the first one had girlfriends, the second one had girlfriends and had sex with hookers!
If men cannot, will not be faithful to their wives, do us a favor and dont ge married please!
God hates adulters and people who committ adultery!

My wife was unfaithful to me and while we're "legally separated" we have not divorced for a variety of reasons. First of all, if I divorced her (as many have opined that I should) she would be "out in the street" without any medical insurance or means of support. She would, again in my opinion, eventually have to commit suicide and I simply could not live with that on my conscious. You see, she has a "personality disorder" as her psychiatrist calls it and her actions are influenced by this disorder. There are different kinds of what we call "love" and I suppose my point is that I do, in fact, love her. I wouldn't "throw the bum out" as I'm unable to do so. It goes against my soul's grain so to speak. We're only here (on earth) for a little while and then have to deal with eternity. So regardless of what she does or did during this short sojourn, I'm governed by the Master's order that 'thou shalt do unto others as ye would have them do unto you.'
Best wishes,
CR

is not our place to say that she should stay or go. She need to decide for herself and her family what is the best thing for herself. This pig of man who it appears had sleeped with many women, does not respect her or women. He used them as sex toys and he had daugthers. It does not say much about the man himself. I pray for Silda and her children. I prayer for him as well, that he need to change his ways. It seem the rich do not feel they need to play by the rules like the rest of us and he got caught.

At the risk of sounding like a negative person, I think that if she doesn't divorce him now.

First----After a lot more heartache, she'll end up divorcing him anyway. From past experience, guys are who they are; if they cheat, they cheat. A guy may try to amend his ways but will most likely turn back to cheating eventually.

Second---When a person hurts their mate as Spitzer did, even if you try to forgive that will always be in the back of your mind. Those thoughts tend to make you angry. You end up saying something that becomes an argument. The kids have to live with that negativity and become negative themselves.

-I think you should not waste her time and leave him. It will be difficult at first but will realize later that she is happier without him rather than living with him and always wondering. The kids will survive; they do better than adults.

In sickness and in health, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in good times and bad, til death do us part
who will be affected, and to what degree?
Can you make it on your own, by yourself?
Are you used to holding down a job?
Can you afford to go back home to moms?
What are the ages of the children, can they handle it?
How strong are you? Are you able to hold your head up in public?

To Each His Own

The Whore Dog would be out in the cold streets before he could finish explaining. There is NO EXCUSE for this kind of sorriness....

I've been exactly where Silda is now. Literally standing beside my minister husband as he addressed the congregation about his sins (alcohol, money, women, etc.), with the same expression on my face that she wore, looking at my husband speaking generally along the same lines as her husband, apologizing but not sorry for anything, thinking that hopefully someone in the audience is seeing through this and maybe reading my expression ("I really don't want to be here").
It really scares me to even look at footage of the couple because I feel as though I am reliving my nightmare.
I eventually left my husband after much soul searching and praying and trying my darnest to make it work. I took all the foul comments and mistreatment in private and all the blame that everything was my fault. To this day, one year later, some people still can't believe all those things were true about him, because he was such a charmer in public, but in private was a controlling manipulator. I found the strength and courage to leave a 24 year marriage in which the last five was a living horror.
I don't know if this is Silda's situation, but it sure smacks of it.
That guy is a narcissitic b., who doesn't care about anyone but himself and attaining power. He proves it if the statement is true that he insisted the hooker not use protection, putting everyone at risk.
I honestly believe she should leave, it will only get worse, and believe me the children will recover. I thought it would devastate my 17 year old with her trying to finish school, but she has actually blossomed, no more stomach aches and her skin cleared and hair grew. She was stressed out, but thinking as I was, that we couldn't possible make it on our own without the many favors and influences that my husband seem to have, so we just suffered through thinking it was best to stay together as a family.
My leaving did not split or destroy the family, it was split when my husband defiled the marriage bed with someone else along with the alcohol, and the family was destroyed when he called me names and touched me in abusive ways (shoving and choking).
I feel so sorry for Silda and her children, because he will recover and move on without looking back and Silda will have to rebuild from the ruins what he willfully built and then destroyed with his own hands. God help them.
(Sorry for rambling, but things are not always as they seem)

At the end of the day, it is up to her and not me. Here are some thoughts:

There is a difference between divorce and sepparation. They can sepparate and still not divorce. I don't understand why they would do one and not the other, but some people do.

He has exposed himself to illnesses, so he should not be in his wife's house. She should not have to worry about having to keep him away. Touching his wife is an honor, not a right, and he has violated that honor.

Children may not understand everything, but they are not fools. When a parent cheats, they violate their covenant with both their spouce and their children. Sometimes, the parents don't believe this because they don't want to believe it, but the children know the truth.

She should leave him. He disgraced her and no woman should be treated like that. I think she should go out and do the same thing.

A neighbor made this point about Mrs. Spitzer: She is the First Lady. She has a role that many of us don't have. She not only wears the hat of being married to him, but she also wears the hat of responsibility to her state. These days, it's not just a token place. The First Lady has a job to do. Should they divorce while he's in office I do not know if she would still have that role. If she doesn't do it, who will? I don't think that she should feel compelled to stay with him just so her status as First Lady doesn't change, but I think that her motivations for doing things with more formality and less passion than you or I might do them are probably connected to her role and her love for her state.

Two words:

ABSOLUTELY NOT

When they returned to their apartment after his announcement, Mrs. Spitzer did not wait to hold his hand or stay by his side. She may have only needed to get to the bathroom! She is not the only woman that has been cheated on ! She gave up her law career to be a wife and Mother. Those roles must have been very important to her! Also, do we know that she has been completely faithful to him? He acted in a "stupid" manner! He knew what laws he was breaking and prosecuting other people for the same thing he was partaker in!She needs to hang in there for herself and her daughters and take possession of all assets while he does his "time behind bars" with the other cronies he has sent to prison as well!

If I were her, I would leave.

I do not see how her leaving would adversely affect her "family", either. For one, Spitzer has single-handedly destroyed his family. It is already dead. She would be in a much better position to make a healthy (if partial) family if she left. Plus, leaving him shows great self-respect, inner strength, and dignity. If she stays with him, she looks weak and implicitly teaches her children to be weak as well.

Unfortunately, love is an extremely rare commodity. Despite this, it is better to live alone in the recognition that one does not have it than to pretend that one has it where it is not to be found. To put on a facade "for the sake of the children" is to hurt them all the more by being fake and by living a lie. Living a lie is far worse than telling one. It forces other people, unwittingly, to interact with falsehood and deception when they interact with you. It is deadening to be around such people.

Silda, if not aware beforehand, is now aware of the falsehood she has been living within. She can now make the healing choice to leave and to begin a new life. Her children must not be looked at as weak, fragile beings that need protection from reality, but as beings that deserve the truth and to be taken seriously. The sooner they know that this world is a fractured, broken cesspool, the better it will be for them.

For that matter, I wonder why people continue to have children. The world is such a disgusting and foul heap of slop! If we are all so interested in protecting the children, I think it would be better that we ban having any!

Just some thoughts.

I just have to say I love that photo. The title: "New York Gothic". Look at it again, doesn't it resemble the famous painting?

Why stay? The man doesn't have his Governorship and she is not First Lady of the State anymore so why would she stay. If she did not know about his problem before, she certainly does now. She should take him for all he has, send him to the gutter where he belongs so he can continue selling himself as a whore and sollicit himself for sexual favors. I doubt that he could make the money he was paying out to the women he was servicing.
If she has had sex with him may be subjected to STD's and or HIV infection. This man is a sleeze and has been obsessed with prostitution for a long time, as I see it. He makes my skin crawl. Standing next to him reflects her sleeziness as well as her stupidity.

"better sent off" that is.

The guy makes my skin crawl just to look at him. He was on an ego trip, wanting to be wanted, only he had to pay money for the time. Hope he didn't use public money. Best wishes to his wife, that has a lot to deal with right now. Time will heal for her.

"I can't agree. Children live by example. What sort of message would hanging tight convey?"

Maybe that when two people make a commitment to each other, it survives even the gross misconduct of one of them? How is this a bad example? What am I missing?

I for one believe that she should kick his bum to the curve, not just because it is her right, but because it is the right example to set for her daughters who are old enough to understand what is going on. If she contineus to stay with her husband, yes, she may be teaching her children to be merciful. But she is also teaching them to be doormats: to allow other people to cheat and misuse them and take them for granted. She is teaching her daughters that a bad marriage with a dispicable, hypocritical, unbeleivably selfish creep (who broke his marriage vows) is better than no marriage.
Buying a prostitute is not the same as plain old classic adultery(which is wrong enough). It is far worse-it is a crime against humanity. If she chooses to stay, she is showing her children that a family man can get away with such wickedness. Staying with the guy would set the worst example possible.

Mt perspective on this;::: is that Eliot Spitzer backs Hillary, so I think that Silda will (or perhaps already has been) contacted by Hillary Clinton. Maybe Hillary can give her some advice, she lived through it, so can Silda. (Then maybe Silda can run for the next presidency ~ Ha Ha) I would also like to tell everybody don't judge Silda, until you have been in her shoes. My husband has been cheating on me for over 14 years, and the woman (if you can call her that ~ and believe me I have better names than that)has stalked my family and my 2 young daughters. Her and her family follows me around like a hawk, and guess what? My husband defends her!! She even had the guts to come up to my face (with my daughters) and told us she is sleeping with their daddy. What a scank, now I had to explain to my kids, and told them to stay away from her(because I think she would even kidnap my girls just to have y husband) I am living the movie fatal attraction. BUt, I am still with him, and he denies everything, YA RIGHT, am I stupid or blind? NO, but, I am staying with him becasue I would do ANYTHING for my kids. They love their father tremendously and they are daddy's girls. I know it would kill them if I left, but,I am putting up with it until they are old enough to decide what they want, or until they reach of age. Yep, I may be the fool for sticking it out, but, if you are a good parent, you would do anything for your kids. I am suffering, and I have been beat down, but, I am NOT dead, so I just keep my eyes open, and go on. Am I happy? NO way,but, divorce is out of the question until they reach a good age. I will put my happiness on hold until they reach that point in life. And just to let you know I AM NOT cheating or retalating, I figure that God makes the final judgement call. He will handle ALL things in time. So what do you say we give Silda a little time to get her head on straight? BY golly she really needs it. But I will tell you the first thing I would advice her to do is to get tested for any STD's including HIV/AIDS, and NOT let him sleep in my bed. For I think she may need some counseling and the kids too. Give the family time to digest all of this, I am sure the kids are going through enough now that everyone in the world knows, (you all know how kids at school, and other activities will be crued and say jokes and rude things) I really feel sorry for Silda and the kids, I sure hope that they work things out, (one way or another).
But, I can tell you this we have NOT heard the last of this story ~~ there will be more dirt coming out about this family, just hang on and the story will continue.

I'm sorry, but I hate to think how the girls will view themselves when they realize how their father used women for his own personal satisfaction and that he had no respect for the marriage covenant. I wouldn't want my children to grow up in a household like that...better to be alone raising children than for them to see the father, the head of the household, treating women in such a manner.

Hat OFF, Carolynn Shea! I am 110% with you. It is very hard what you have gone through and done your BEST for your daughters. I am so happy to see this type of caring family values to save the marriage for the sake of kids. GOD says "Do your best in the given circumstances and do not worry about the result. "I" will take care of your burden/trouble"
I feel sorry for Silda too and her three daughters. May GOD direct them to the path of peace and happiness. I wish everybody in the society think in terms of maintaining peace and healthy atmosphere in his/her married life and provide safe and secure environment to the kids.

leave what he done is no excuse she should find somebody to help with the kids and leave that s.o.b he showed that he dont love them by doing it but some mens are pigs they want more and that thing below [you know what i mean ]is hurting shame on him i hope she leave him

It Is there business,,, They have it hard enough with all the media ,and they need time to sort out what they want to do .

she knew what her husband was doing thats why she stayed by his side and did not leave because she isn't going to leave that money thats all i have to say about that because every woman has stayed nby there man just like Hillary Clintion staying by Bill Clinton

I think it is time America left their noses out of other people's bedrooms. He didn't win because he was good/bad in bed, he was deemed the best man for the job.

He did break the law, but the law needs to deal with it, not us, and his wife needs to deal with the bedroom situation, maybe as many couples do, they have problems there and frankly not all one person's fault.

Just my opinion :)

I agree with the article 100% because you would sacrifice just about anything for the sake of the children, Lord only knows. Elliot Spitzer has already done the damage & his wife is trying to retain a bit of dignity albeit a very small bit. May we all have mercy on their family & hope that we never have to find out if we would stand by our man no matter what...Thanks for the opportunity.

Silda Spitzer is an adult and has the right to make her own decisions just like Hillary Clinton did. It would be extrmely inconsiderate of me to criticize her for her decision in this or any other matter. My philosophy is to live and let live. Imagine how much less pain there would be in this world if we all embraced and lived by this philosophy.

May there be peace!
Margret

21 years ago I left my first husband. For reasons I was completely unaware of. I just knew I had to leave. I had 3 young children. I was tortured over the failure and yet could not reconcile at all. I wish for the sake of my children the marriage would have been reconcilable. I blamed myself for years for the pain and difficulty it brought my dear children. In so many ways I felt regret and felt so sad. It was only some time after I left that I realized he was mentally ill with no hope of recovery. Borderline personality disordered person without a shred of success in maintaining a relationship in the past 2 decades. My children have done well and are 3 successful young adults who unfortunately now have to come to grips with who their father is. At times I see small failing in them and deep inside myself I can't help but blame the failed marriage. Irrational or not, those old regretful feelings creep in. My advice, short of violent situatios, give your marriages a chance. I wish that I had been able to do it.