When I'm Maximum Leader of America...
Wednesday March 12, 2008
Categories: Varia
...I will pass a law taking away the Internet rights of people who send over 20 percent of their e-mails with FW:FW:FW:FW: in the subject line. I realize, of course, that this will take away all access to the Internet...
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About Crunchy Con
Rod Dreher is an editorial columnist for the Dallas Morning News, and author of "Crunchy Cons" (Crown Forum), a nonfiction book about conservatives, most of them religious, whose faith and political convictions sometimes put them at odds with mainstream conservatives. The views expressed in this blog are his own.
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Using MS Comic Sans for anything other than materials intended for a pre-school/toddler audience should be punishable by having a finger or three publicly amputated.
Man oh man!
Between the phone calls and the emails, you've been one unhappy camper lately!
Sure, it's Orthodox Lent and all, but must the blog be our penance too?
The Vegan Rod Dreher is a truly funny and very, very angry man. I'm enjoying this.
Y'all are being silly, gjoe and John in Dallas. I'm not "very, very angry." I was just trying to lighten the mood in the room (after deleting my daily mailing of four or five FW:FW:FW's from an elderly correspondent whose e-mail list I can't get off of), and prompt readers to contribute their own pet peeves.
Oh. Very well then.
...I will pass a law against improper quotation mark usage. It ranks highly on my scale of peevery.
Huh... I suppose you're not the LEAST bit concerned that Madalyn Murray O'Hair is planning to put the astronauts in prison for reading the Bible!
I forwarded this to my entire email list with a warning that bad luck would befall them if they din't immediately forward it to 10 of their best friends.
let's see how long it takes to get forwarded to Rod.
... I will require proper use of the apostrophe.
Rod, here's how to solve your FW: FW: FW: problem:
1. Sign up for a free email account with one of the many services which are available. Create an address.
2. Send an email to your FW: offender, giving him this new address and asking him to use it from now on. Don't give the address to anyone else, unless you have others who send only FW: emails.
3. Visit the free email account once a week or so; select the "Delete All" option at the top of the page, and move on.
4. If your offender does occasionally send you an actual email, tell him that it's VERY important for him to mark this email as high priority (if he doesn't know how to do that, tell him either to begin the subject line with the word "Important" or to type the subject line in all caps). In this way you can quickly deselect this one email from the list after you've selected the others to be deleted.
I realize this is not a perfect solution, but it's better than combing through your regular email box to remove dozens of FW: emails. Until you become Maximum Leader, this might do.
Oh thank god, I finally found an aspiring polidictator to represent my most pressing desire.
Rod, here's how to solve your FW: FW: FW: problem:...
Good advice, and you know how women are naturally predisposed to nuance in communication
My pet peeve? It's "would have" or "would've" not "would of."
...of course I am a copy editor, and things like that bother me greatly.
I can endure the FW:s on the subject line. What I can't stand is when the body of the message has been forwarded a dozen times with no editing, so has accrued the sundry artifacts with which variously-configured email clients mark the forwarded message, so that by the time you get to the actual message every line is preceded by numerous greater-than signs, and the line breaks have gotten so hosed that you may have a two-word line followed by a ten-word one. I don't even try to read those anymore. If it isn't important enough for you to make it readable, it must not be important enough for me to read.
People who ride your tail on the highway, no matter how fast you're going, and then flash their brights at you to blind you momentarily while they pass you, will have their driver's licenses revoked for a minimum of five years AND will have to endure driver's education class again (including the gory accident movies) at their own expense. It's good ta be da king.
Mine is people who misuse "loose" when they actually mean "lose". Ok, so when it's written down, it looks pretty childish, but still ....
If you do this, you're a loser -- NOT A LOOSER.
Loosey
If you do this, you're a loser -- NOT A LOOSER.
Whatever looser
Yeah, you probably forward craptastic chainmail, too.
One of my brothers in law in Louisiana was like that. He'd forward all that pro Bush-God-stuff to me. One day I noticed that he'd also sent the whole mailing list along with the forward. I did a mass reply explaining in graphic detail why as two term Nam vet I had no use for Shrub and thought Kerry a hero.
Needless to say, my inbox lost a lot of traffic.
You must forward this blog to seven people in the next seven minutes to prove you are are a true Christian or your Guardian Angel will dump you for a godless heathen. Hallelujah, Rod!!
I want to murder people when they are sitting behind you at a traffic light and honk the VERY MILLISECOND the light turns green.
Email-wise, I also hate the chains about our Guardian Angels or anything written by a country music singer about why the Iraq war is blessed by God.
I also don't like referring to my peeves as "pets" - they are raging, wild animals of Chuck Norris-strength fury.
Insane Kitten: one of my favorite cartoons ever had a couple of guys sitting morosely in hell amongst the flames, and one is saying: "Tailgating and flashing my headlights at people. What about you?"
How about driving the speed limit in the far left lane.
There's no hell deep or hot enough for the idiots who do this.
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