Heather has a plastic mommy
Friday April 25, 2008
Categories: Culture
Here is something well and truly despicable: a new kid's book explaining why Mommy's plastic surgery is a great thing for Mommy's well being. From Newsweek's story: When she was pregnant with her son Junior, who turns nine this month,...
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About Crunchy Con
Rod Dreher is an editorial columnist for the Dallas Morning News, and author of "Crunchy Cons" (Crown Forum), a nonfiction book about conservatives, most of them religious, whose faith and political convictions sometimes put them at odds with mainstream conservatives. The views expressed in this blog are his own.
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Although the book's message of "sometimes surgery makes Mommy feel good" is not a good idea, sometimes cosmetic surgery is a good thing. It is not natural for most women to weigh 196 pounds, and when she lost the weight there may have been considerable extra skin left. It's entirely possible that having this skin removed may have been perfectly justified. As for the breast augmentation, well that may be another story.
I see your point but am far more sympathetic about this kind of surgery and this book and think you're being judgemental. Why wear at least halfway stylish clothes and keep your beard nicely trimmed? Is that vanity as well? It can be - but often isn't. What Acosta did wasn't a sin - there's no evidence she deprived her son (spending money he needed on herself instead) by doing this.
As somebody who thinks many women are beautiful I say if one wants to and has her priorities straight then she can go for it.
Blog.
I don't feel too judgmental about women who have plastic surgery. Heck, it's hard to be 40! Here in the Birmingham evangelical community, perky boobs are as common as mini-vans and fish decals! What does worry me is that more and more moms are encouraging their teenage girls to get "adjustments." You should see some of these girls! They look like they've been standing on their heads all night. Boys shaving their chests is pretty stupid, too. What's next?
I have several friends who have lost that much or more weight. One friend lost over 200 pounds, and probably extended her life by 20 years in doing so.
In several instances these women have had surgery to remove the flabs of skin that remain from their formerly larger bodies. They have changed their lifestyles, their eating habits, their exercise habits, and their self image. Why should they carry around the flabby reminders of who they once were? Simply because you, Rod, feel so damn judgmental about them?
I sincerely hope that none of your friends or family members ever have to go through this kind of procedure, Rod. It might change your attitude on things, after they do violence to you for critiquing their "vanity."
I agree that for the most part this is pretty ridiculous. I am more sympathetic to the excess skin issue as I can see that effecting one's quality of life (finding the right clothing for instance), but unnecessary cosmetic surgery just for vanity and insecurity reasons is well...just unnecessary. Of course, a lot of times the insecurity comes because husbands, who we are constantly reminded are "visual people", expect their woman to have the same breasts she had at 21 even when she is 40 and had a few kids. So the pressure on women doesn't just come from magazine covers and such (although the Playboy ones don't help).
Cosmetic surgery has been a topic of discussion lately with our five-year-old thanks to viewings of "Dancing with the Stars" (I won't name any names.) It's just sad how many stars get addicted to plastic surgery until they just start looking, well...plastic. I understand that entertainment is a very lookist environment (Many wonderful musicians from the '70's would have bombed if they had come out in the "video era" of today.) But it's just sad that so many people are unwilling to grow old gracefully.
Good lord, Rod. I don't blame this woman in the slightest for getting the surgery. I think she could have explained it to the kid without resorting to a children's book... and the book does sound silly and probably does, as you say, send the wrong message. Still, I think you're setting the bar for "despicable" and "poison" a bit low here, and this post seems like an overreaction to me. I've been reading you for a few years now, and I appreciate your perspective on many things, but lately I've noticed a lack of empathy and a pronounced tendency to rush to judgement. (The other instance that stands out in my mind was when you called the person who defaulted on their mortgage a "dirtbag".) For many other bloggers this kind of talk would be par for the course, but it's because you normally display a certain level of thoughtfulness and humility that it makes me a little sad to read this.
Every time I take my kids in to the pediatrician with a respiratory infection, we go through the same dance -- virus or bacteria? It's hard to tell, so conscientious pediatricians err on the side of virus and often won't prescribe an antibiotic until there is further evidence the infection is bacterial -- it lasts a long time, there is an extended fever, other symptoms pop up, etc. They are trying to avoid developing strains resistant to the antibiotics.
Now, the risk of developing a superbug isn't a problem for an individual. It's like hitting the lottery, if you buy a ticket your aren't likely to win but if millions of people do someone is likely to. It's a population problem. So my individual kid gets to get sicker or stay sick longer because we are weighing her discomfort against the small increase in risk to the general population. The needs of the many outweighing the needs of her runny nose.
How about this. We go ahead and give antibiotics to any kid that might reasonably benefit from them, right away, and instead tell the half a MILLION people getting completely elective cosmetic surgery (which, being surgery, requires tons of antibiotics) that they can't do it. What kind of a screwed up country (and AMA) thinks it's responsible to recommend my kid take one for the team, but doesn't have the guts to tell forty year old women that sagging happens.
Lisa
Well it could be that you'll definitely pick up bacteria from surgery but it's still an unknown in child respiratory infections.
Of course I'm being judgmental about this. But I'm not about to apologize for it. I'm raising a little girl. I have no problem with plastic surgery per se; it's the elevation of it to a medical necessity -- the medicalizing of vanity -- that I object to. Some people need plastic surgery. But tell me, in the book, why does Mommy need to get a nose job along with her tummy tuck? Please.
As a Mother of two small children I can sympatize with all women on this particular type of plastic surgery. Kiddos can really do a number on your body if you're not graced with good genetics in this area.
Yes, a woman's body is made for this particular experience and you shouldn't be showing off these areas of your body anyway. However, that does not make the changes to your body after having a child any easier to cope with. Just look at the type of advertizing that is being shoved in our faces all day, every day. It is hard to view changes to your figure as "natural" when the status quo is nothing short of perfection. It is humbling in more ways than one to have a child.
Don't be so quick to judge.
Why do we feed our kids such poison?
[hyperbole] In the name of all the gods, Rod, why do you ask such easy questions? [/h]
The answer is simple: they are feeding them the same poison they were fed. As they say, it's the culture (stupid).
Surgery to repair something, cosmetic or otherwise, is not the issue. The issue is (rhetorical) why do we torture our women (and men!) by setting appearance standards that make absolutely no sense? The answer, of course, is that someone profits from it...
Rod, I have long thought that conservatives ought to be making witness against this abuse of plastic surgery. You see it all the time in affluent communities. True-life example 1: older woman in church women's group announces proudly what she gave her daughter in law for her birthday: a gift certificate for a b--b job. Example 2: daddy who is a plastic surgeon persuades his own teenage daughter to let him operate on her and augment her b--bs. I am not making these up. In each case, the female involved looked just fine pre-operation (in other words, the surgery was not required to correct some defect). To me, the problem with these examples is more than just an obsession with looks. Its really an obsession with spending sh--loads of money and with "better living through surgery." I have no problem with men or women making reasonable efforts to look attractive. It makes the world go 'round. But when folks fork over thousands of clams to surgi-quacks in a desperate quest for a few less inches here, a few more inches there, that's nuts. Just flip through the "cosmetic surgery" section of your yellow pages, and look at the ads for "body sculpting," etc. Once again, we see what Wendell Berry warns about: the cult of the "specialist," offering miracles beyond comprehension if we will just cut them a check and put our faith in technology. A true conservative should see through the smokescreen.
p.s. The young woman mentioned in my Example 2 eventually became so ashamed of the ridiculous chest her daddy "constructed" for her that she had the implants removed.
Just look at the type of advertizing that is being shoved in our faces all day, every day. It is hard to view changes to your figure as "natural" when the status quo is nothing short of perfection.
And so going to a doctor for plastic surgery to restore your body to youthful perfection fights the unrealistic and abusive cultural standard how?
This is like saying that one has to buy a McMansion because everybody else is, and you don't want to be an oddball. Unjust and unwise standards will never change as long as we allow ourselves to be powerless in front of them.
OK, I'm with you on the bras.
Yes, sorry if I was unclear, when a kid has a cough and fever it usually is a virus, it's only sometimes a bacterial infection. But there is a huge campaign, complete with big posters, pushing parents and doctors to stop prescribing antibiotics for kids with stuffy noses. I'm not big on giving unnecessary meds -- otherwise healthy kids don't need to be on antibiotics three times a month. And most of my doctors are reasonable about it. But I have been in the position of coming in with my toddler who has been very sick and running a fever, I'm convinced she has a sinus infection (from mommy instinct and because it runs in my family) and the doctor wants to CATHETERIZE my kid because he's scared to prescribe an antibiotic without some test result saying it's for sure bacterial.
You rarely KNOW things for sure in medicine, you make educated guesses. So, yes, the question is should I give an antibiotic to a kid when she might not need it. I'd just like to apply the same test (is it really needed) to adults getting cosmetic surgery, if we're going to set medical policy.
I have had friends who have had tumors removed, and restorative plastic surgery. No one argues with that. But we need to start paying attention to how we use our resources, and medical resources are no different. You can argue that we should not place limits on medical choices of individuals. But we are placing limits -- and it says a lot about our culture when we see where we limit and where we don't. This is just part of a bigger picture, the sick and schizophrenic way we decide it's o.k. to limit in some areas and judgmental to limit in others.
Just to summarize (and I think we can all agree on this):
Plastic Surgery = Sometimes a good thing.
The Kid's book about plastic surgery = Really Bad Idea.
Fair?
Oh, and we need to fight the general societal belief that plastic surgery is no different than a haircut.
Children, your mother is beautiful and she always will be.
Patrick: excellent fair.
Dale: [applause] Exactly.
Thanks, Rod, for criticizing this book. Even though it's wrapped up in a (questionable) justification for plastic surgery, you and I both know that the *vast* majorities of cosmetic surgeries are completely medically unnecessary.
Further, cosmetic surgery is highly lucrative. Because it's usually not reimbursed by insurance, the clinics don't have all that insurance-compliance overhead which drives other practitioners out of business. Further, if you have the right marketing, you can convince *anybody* that they're "ugly" and thus in need of your expensive services.
Thank you, Dale Price, for saying it so eloquently. Loving mothers *are* beautiful to their children, regardless of what they look like. Teaching children that qualities of character are *far* more important than appearance is IMO a parent's first job. (I say "parent" because men are also being pressured to get cosmetic surgery as well.)
As far as the health consequences, "no man is an island," as John Donne said. Unnecessary surgeries provide unnecessary opportunities for more exposure to antibiotics, greater costs to treat surgical complications, etc. Further, some surgeries like breast implants are not permanent - the implants need to be replaced every 5-10 years (depending on skin type), and each replacement, to my knowledge, is more complicated (due to adhesions etc.)
So I too think this book is a travesty.
In the dust-up of the adult "conservative values" melee, can I make a plea for the rights of the child, the intended beneficiary of the charitable urges of the surgeon who wrote the book?
The author correctly identified a human need, that in an elective surgery the patient chooses to gamble with their LIFE to attain a desired end. The morality or lack thereof is a question of the merits of the means used to attain the end, right, since ends DO NO justify ANY means. Some means are worse than the ends.
So if I'm a vulnerable pre-schooler, what is on the line here?
SCENARIO A
End: I trust my daddy to take care of me and mommy until I'm old enough to do the same. I'll wake up tomorrow and my pregnant mommy will get us all breakfast before she sends me to preschool.
Means: My daddy gets grandma to babysit, and takes mommy to hospital, where she is attended by a talented OB overnight and delivers the 'best_gift_ever', my new sibling! Mommy is disappointed that the nutritious food she ate to help the 'best_gift_ever' get born was more than needed. Mommy calls grandma and invites her to babysit 'best_gift_ever' and goes to the gym while I'm at preschool.
Now how scary is that?
No surgeon urges, right?
No need to play God? Only if you make a living by playing God, then you need to start writing some suitable literature to console the faithful that you have duped into paying you to put their LIFE into your hands, thus the new meta-narrative:
SCENARIO B
End: I trust my daddy to take care of me and mommy by earning enough money to afford elective cosmetic surgery whenever she fails to satisfy daddy's desire, at least until I'm old enough to do the same and purchase the services of a cheaper cosmetic surgeon in Brazil perhaps whenever she fails to satisfy my desire. I'll wake up tomorrow and my pregnant mommy will get us all breakfast before she sends me to preschool.
Means: Mommy is disappointed that 'best_gift_ever' made her flabby. Mommy doesn't like her mother-in-law's old-fashioned suggestions for improving self-control, and instead elects to go under the knife. I worry about
(i) the hospital making a mistake and mommy gets sick and won't be home tomorrow morning to get breakfast
(ii) mommy suffers post-operative complications and is paralyzed for life and comes home and we have to get her breakfast instead.
(iii) the surgeon and his staff aren't as attentive as daddy and I would be, and are too busy spending time with other mommies in hospital and they neglect to notice (i) or (ii) and mommy dies.
Mommy reads me the book from the hospital. It forgets to mention the three things that worry me most, but it does have a lot of pictures of women looking like the Bratz and Barby doll toys in Toy'R'Us, so I figure that if that's what mommy wants to be, then I'll just have to raise myself. Hopefully daddy has time to take me to the library to get some better reading material.
Now which scenario is "conservative"? A or B?
May I tongue-in-cheek propose a "crunchycon" option C: mommy digs some trenches and plants some potatoes and runner beans in the yard instead of going to the gym. They taste so good, she doesn't want to waste 'em by cooking too many at each meal, so she naturally limits her intake of carbs and all that exertion tightens her abs beautifully. Sibling #3 is due by Xmas!
Just as the availability of and legal right to contraception has produced, in the mentality of many, an obligation to avail oneself of it, the same is happening with plastic surgery among the monied classes. Rod's good sense about this issue (bewailed as "judgmentalism")should give comfort to women. Here's a man who admires and esteems women in their more natural state (hormone-free, silicone-free, plastic-free). Is it understandable that some women are driven to such desperate measures? Somewhat. Unfortunately, many women are stuck with prideful men. Many women are shallow, vain and narcissistic themselves. Should the phenomenon be indulged, catered to, or "understood" by those of us who see it for what it is? No. Should people be EXPECTED to have unnecessary elective surgery? Absolutely not.
The poster "A Mom's Point of View" wrote: "Don't be so quick to judge." I would like to very respectfully reply with "A Mother's Point of View." It is a common thing in society now to refer to mothers as "moms." This is an infantilizing term, and we rob ourselves of necessary strength when we allow those who aren’t our children to call us by an intimate title. Mothers (as opposed to "moms") are grownups who are supposed to judge and discriminate on behalf of their children, with whose formation they and their fathers are charged. And here is my respectful rejoinder: mothers can (nay, must) make all sorts of judgments every day about what their children will or will not eat, do, and see, and with whom they will or will not consort. It is taking Christ's words ("Judge not lest ye be judged") out of context when we refuse to describe a social phenomenon (unnecessary plastic surgery) as undesirable and a waste of resources, i.e., when we "don't judge" it. It is a mother's job to do so. In fact, one of the most damning things that can be said about a parent (or about anybody in a position of responsibility) is that the person "lacks judgment."
As mothers, we should be fortifying our children against, and protecting them from, these practices, not excusing them or taking them to be the natural order of things. This can be done with love and charity towards the victims and without name-calling. There is no need to condemn the individuals; they need our prayer. But judge the phenomenon rightly, and do so in a timely fashion.
Nice try Rod, but here is your quote:
"This, of course, is not about Junior. It's about Mommy's vanity, and her trying to rationalize it to her child. "I think he was proud"? No, Mommy, I think you are feeling guilty and trying to soothe your anxiety. The tummy tuck after such a massive weight loss, fine, I get that. But a boob job? Come on."
You do realize that there is ample fatty tissue in the breasts, don't you? And if a woman loses nearly 40% of her body weight you also understand that there will be a substantial loss of fatty tissues in her breasts?
I spoke with my friend who lost 223 pounds. She is planning to have her excess skin removed later this year, and part of that will include a "boob job", specifically the cosmetic reconstruction of her breasts so that they no longer sag to roughly her belly button. As a woman who is very proud of having lost so much weight, she would like to be able to wear a tasteful bathing suit without having unsightly lumps everywhere from the excess skin.
But then, there are those folks like you who would criticize her for this. Maybe you would teach your daughter to be less judgmental of others first, then help her find confidence in her own body. Should she ever find herself having put on excess weight after a pregnancy, do you want her and her husband to hesitate at having restorative cosmetic surgery because of "what daddy might think?"
This is as bad a women who have Caesareans to prevent the effects of childbirth on their vaginas. Of course it's always "medically necessary".
Phil
When it comes to the excess skin, that's also something that can be very uncomfortable. Anyone who has had folds, or sagging places knows about, to be blunt, rubbing, etc.
The fourth tuck, lift or enhancement, ridiculous. Doing anything outside of medically indicated for serious problems for teens, also.
Removing literally pounds of excess skin that rubs, gets irritated, requires special cleaning around and under, even without the cosmetic portion.. not really.
And the skin, while not suitable for skin graft donations, can be donated for use in research, as well. But check in advance.
Oh, and padded bras for.. well, just about anyone is under 'ridiculous' too. Especially small children. Ugh.
"I don't feel too judgmental about women who have plastic surgery. Heck, it's hard to be 40! Here in the Birmingham evangelical community, perky boobs are as common as mini-vans and fish decals!"
[Hmmmm...must gooogle-map Birmingham...] ]:-D
"'Did you see her new belly button? It's so pretty!' he said of his mom. 'I think he was proud," she says.'"
"Sophocles, pick up on line 3! Sophocles, call on line 3!"
A loud second to Grainne's comment above about the word "mom." The replacement of mothers and children by moms and kids has bugged me for a long time. It seems to represent a trivialization of something important. Maybe I'm too sensitive to language, but it's nice to know I'm not the only one who's bothered by this.
The whole cosmetic surgery mania is very disturbing to me. Of course there are situations where it's appropriate, but there is obviously something from hell at work in the grim determination to spend tens of thousands of dollars in the attempt to keep looking like you're 25 forever.
And it's indescribably sad to me to contemplate marriages where the husband believes he shouldn't have to tolerate the wear and tear that age and childbearing inevitably inflict on a woman's body. What a way to say "I don't love you." It really amounts to a violation of, or at least insincerity in, the marriage vows.
Example 2: daddy who is a plastic surgeon persuades his own teenage daughter to let him operate on her and augment her b--bs.
Umm, isn't that just plain unethical from a practitioner standpoint? I am fairly certain that's pretty well frowned upon especially for cosmetic reasons...
"And it's indescribably sad to me to contemplate marriages where the husband believes he shouldn't have to tolerate the wear and tear that age and childbearing inevitably inflict on a woman's body. What a way to say "I don't love you." It really amounts to a violation of, or at least insincerity in, the marriage vows."
Hear, hear, Maclin. As I'm prone to tell my husband, I don't mind at all if he compares me to the women in a magazine. So long as the magazine is "National Geographic."
:)
Franklin, I agree that many of the girls and women (for the most part, they are female) who want to have plastic surgery are tortured by their body image.
I remember when the show "Extreme Makeover" was on TV -- I watched it several times and in most cases felt that the person who got the plastic surgery looked more like a real person before the surgery. Some of the patients had bad teeth, and I can understand their wanting to get corrective dental work. But the patients who got nose jobs and other facial plastic surgery no longer looked like individuals.
Personally, I can't afford plastic surgery, but it does seem that among teenaged girls, the desire for breast implants, nose jobs and the like have become almost as common as the desire for a car. This is unfortunate, but it does benefit plastic surgeons.
The really creepy part is that she seems to crave her son's approval so badly. How about "Junior, Mommy lost a ton of weight and I feel really great but now my skin kind of flops where I'd rather it didn't. In a couple of days I'm going to the hospital and a doctor will fix that. Grandma will come and stay with you. When I get home on Tuesday, I'll look a little different in places most people don't see on me but I'll still be the same Mom. When I'm all rested from my doctor visit we'll play a board game together."
Maybe the approval thing is what she needs to deal with, although, if she did have excessive skin, a little tuck could be neccessary.
"National Geographic" Erin. HA! (Excuse me, LOL! ...still catching on to this internet stuff.
Bras for babies? I say the first person who purchases this should immediately be arrested for promoting child pornography.
Since their images are widely accessible, I cite examples of actresses as comparison points.
I'll take (for example) Janine Garofallo, Minnie Driver or Keira Knightley as exemplars of feminine beauty over any pin-up or super model turned actress any day of the week. Not that they haven't at times succumbed to the "standards" I decry (O Janine, where did your freckles go?), but they have a completeness to them that does not need any enhancement. Driver has neither the hour-glass shape so valued in previous decades, nor the hips-and-boobs on a stick so prevalent in the present. Knightley is quite bluntly flat-chested compared to almost any other actress.
Parents, teach your daughters to aim for reactions like "I want you to be my friend", and to reject ones like "I want to have sex with you" in every decision about personal appearance. With that, we can put the cosmetics and fashion industries down a few notches, save a lot of money, and have them grow up to be young women whose self-esteem is based on who they are, not who others decide they should be.
Not to mention all the broken bones and sprained ankles suffered by four-inch heel wearers because society wants them to have sexy butts and legs. For me, there's nothing sexier than a woman with both feet on the ground and happy about herself.
Parents, teach your daughters to aim for reactions like "I want you to be my friend", and to reject ones like "I want to have sex with you" in every decision about personal appearance. With that, we can put the cosmetics and fashion industries down a few notches, save a lot of money, and have them grow up to be young women whose self-esteem is based on who they are, not who others decide they should be.
Parents, teach your sons to look at girls and thing "I want to be your friend" and reject ideas like "I want to have sex with you" in every interaction with girls. The cosmetic and fashion industries--largely run by men--exist to encourage an archetype to attract men. If we want girls to have a self-esteem based on who they are, we need to first focus on the boys and men who objectify them as sexual objects or who view them as nothing more than breeding machines or prostitutes.
Point taken, Daniel. I would just add that your point and mine need to have equal priority. Neither one alone is strong enough.
Well said, Franklin.
Studies have linked the wearing of high-heeled shoes to all kinds of back, leg, knee, ankle and foot problems in later life. These problems, particularly the knee problems, can cause serious pain and require knee surgery when a woman gets older.
And it doesn't help that many women stuff their feet into shoes that are a size or so too small to begin with, under the impression that smaller feet are more attractive than larger feet. The combination of too-small, too-high shoes causes untold misery for a huge number of women, many of whom never even consider their footwear as a potential source of their chronic knee or back pain until the problem is so advanced that only surgery will help.
The only times in the recent past that I've worn high heels it's been to attend a function such as a wedding, but I've sworn to my husband, limping home after each event, that I'd never do it again. Next time I have to go to an event like that I'm getting a pair of those jeweled sandals with the Birkenstock foot beds I've seen in the stores--there's just no point in enduring the pain of high-heeled shoes in a desperate and unrealistic attempt to be any taller than my not quite five foot two inch height.
This is really horrifying that even little boys are being trained and programmed in the pressure on women for cosmetic surgeries. What is it like to be a little kid in schools today, if they are chubby or have a big nose and ears they don't only get picked on for it but they also get told they need to go have a doctor fix it for them?
And some little kids will say anything about someone's appearance, few have any sense of tact in childhood. I can't believe that a mother takes it so much to heart her son's innocent comments about her flabby tummy, that it's given as an anecdote in the supporting lead-up to her choice to go under the knife. What a wonderful opportunity instead something like that might have been about REALITY and how people's bodies do change over the lifetime. Instead we get a male who will grow up to be a husband who expects his wife to risk her life in major surgeries getting tummy tucks and liposuction after she's had his babies. And call me totally backwards, fine, but I don't know what business little boys have being in the presence of their mother's bare stomachs and other naked body parts anyway.
It is beyond disgusting that the field of medicine and surgical advancements that was meant to help seriously disfigured war and accident victims have something of a normal life again would end up like this, feeding nothing but vanity and superficiality and unkindness towards people who refuse to cut apart their bodies to conform. The "odd" or "imperfect" noses and breasts and body shapes that used to be accepted as normal are now being programmed to us as "disfigured" if they have dare deviated too far from a uniform "ideal", even when they look fine and function perfectly, and people are scared to death of normal aging. So many people honestly see these surgeries as the equivalent of working out at the gym or buying some new clothes, and those of us who have retained the natural sense of distaste for it are held to be as backwards as the old timers who still don't believe in birth control pills or something.
Erin, quoting my wife's response to height remarks (she's exactly 5'): [Yoda voice] "Judge me by my size, do you?" ...and "I'm tall enough that [when I stand] my feet reach the ground."
Of course, our 16-inch height difference does get in the way. She refuses to dance with me: "I don't want to gaze lovingly at your navel."
;-D
Or maybe you do?
Keep in mind this is a self-published book from a vanity press (see http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/010154.html#010154). Creepy on the doctor's part, but this isn't getting wide distribution (unless it's driven by the stories about it). Certainly a book like this sends a terrible message to more or less any kid about body image and vanity.
Gah. Remove the ). from the end of that link.
How about another angle here? It's called discretion. Mothers don't need to discuss or show sagging bellies to their young children. Mothers don't need to discuss every medical detail with their young children. If you must have plastic surgery, what's wrong with a vague explanation like, "The doctor is going to fix something."
It's funny that everybody thinks women do all this stuff to themselves in order to impress men. Yeah, that's part of it (with the breast augmentations a large part, so to speak), but in my experience, men really aren't all that hard to please. It's OTHER WOMEN who care if you paint your toenails and get your teeth bleached and wear designer clothes. That's the target group for all this crazy stuff we women do. I bet if you took all the men out of the equation tomorrow, we'd be even worse!
Women have always competed in their looks. One thing that really really bothers me now is the whole waxing thing. I'm taking classes with women young enough to be my daughters and apparently they all do it. One said that her fiancee told her that guys really didn't like women who didn't wax. Nobody heard of waxing when I was in my twenties.
Now why on earth should that part of a woman be entered into the competition, that men have seen so many on video and in the flesh that they have become judges, that a woman thinks she has to be attractive enough down there to hold on to a man?
The whole economy of sex has changed. Women used to give sex for marriage or at least for love, and now they give it to have a chance to get love.
My young classmates would not understand how sad I feel for them. The only one who got a good deal is a mail-order bride.
I don't blame the lady for having the saggy skin tightened. I think the whole discussion and showing with the kid was a little over the top, though. But it's always been the case that women are valued for their appearance and there are many sad cases of men throwing over their mature wives for pretty young trophy babes. Sad. I also don't understand the nose job and boob augmentation thing. (Unless your nose is extremely unsightly). However, excessively large breasts can be a health issue and cause back problems, skin irritation, etc. I am "cursed" with large boobs and a receding chin and variocose veins and wish that I had the money to have all this fixed. Then I think, well, I've lived 50 years with the chinless wonder look, 30 years with the bad veins and 40 years with annoyingly large tatas, what would be the point of spending all the money??? I also tell people that want breast augmentations that they are FREAKING CRAZY!!!! Oh, yeah, I don't like the crows feet and all that. I am trying hard to accept myself as I am and ignore the culture that worships youth and beauty.
One does see people who should have stopped several plastic surgeries ago. Like Michael Jackson's nose is just so creepy! And he's a guy!
Well, for those who think this is a new phenomenon.. I will point them to Victorian corsetry, the wearing of LEAD PAINT on the face, the swallowing of tape worms, foot binding and those neck ring things.
People, particularly women, have been doing freaky things to 'look good' for.. well, seems like forever. The only thing new is modern surgical techniques.
>>>>
The answer, of course, is that someone profits from it...
Posted by: Franklin Evans | April 25, 2008 10:28 AM
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Yep, bingo.
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Just look at the type of advertizing that is being shoved in our faces all day, every day. It is hard to view changes to your figure as "natural" when the status quo is nothing short of perfection.
And so going to a doctor for plastic surgery to restore your body to youthful perfection fights the unrealistic and abusive cultural standard how?
This is like saying that one has to buy a McMansion because everybody else is, and you don't want to be an oddball. Unjust and unwise standards will never change as long as we allow ourselves to be powerless in front of them.
Posted by: Rod Dreher | April 25, 2008 10:38 AM
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Right on, Rod - life gets a whole lot simpler when you stop caring about the status quo and start living a simple life based on what you enjoy and what you can prudently afford.
Woah Bessie. Obviously, as a first time poster I was not clear enough. I do not agree with the book! It is completely shallow and vain. What I am saying is it should come as no suprise that women have issues dealing with these major changes that take place and we should be sympathetic to that - not to "corrective" plastic surgery. Also, it should come as no suprise that this book was even published. It is a sad reflection on the state of our society, but no real suprise when everyone expects to get what they want and when they want it, without any excuses! Lastly, give me a break! To call myself a mom as opposed to a mother does NOT make me or anyone else less of a parent! That is just ridiculous and infuriating!
It's true that women AND men have always been going to crazy lengths for fashion. Waxing is disgusting, but it's not as much trouble as piercing your nose with a bone! I still think that a decent guy (as in, not a pornography addict or a serial adulterer) will love his wife even if she doesn't look like a model. The proof of this? Look around at the the older couples you know! Do beautiful women really stay married longer and happier than plain women?
I would worry about whatever woman this boy might marry....the minute anything is out of place he will think it no big deal for her to have surgery to "fix" the "problem."
I can understand getting rid of saggy skin (depending on the amount and location, just carrying it around could cause problems), but obviously that was not the point of the original piece. Advocates will say there is no difference between this children's book and one that explains that mommy is going to have surgery (necessary c-section) and bring home a new baby brother! In a world with no transcendent truth, right or wrong, anyone can do whatever they please as each choice is equal before the whims of the chooser. Such a book is simply mom passing on her atheism to her son with "whatever makes you happy" as the only rule by which to live.
somewhere kids have gotten traumatized over this, thus a need for the book. if we want to know the difference between right and wrong, sometimes we just need to look for a childs reaction, its usually pure.i would hate to be the author. being a parent and having to justify vanity to children and this being a necessary calling in life? they need to get on another journey
This isn't exactly the same thing, but my 7-yr-old son's dentist wants to extract four of his baby teeth.
That's right, baby teeth.
When I refused on the grounds that baby teeth come out on their own, I was told, "Not always." Sure, not when they're extracted first.
Cleaning teeth and taking x-rays twice a year must not be generating enough revenue. My insurance must pay for a few extractions as well.
There's more wrong with health care than we know.
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