Rod,
Your dad (and mine) didn't spend hours a day on the internet, surfing and blogging. Honestly, you (and I) have full-time jobs in the first place, plus growing families to take care of. And then add on to that your computer time and there you go.

I still waste untold hours of this precious life on-line (as do all of your readers) although less than I used to and continuing to slowly kick the habit, I hope.

We'd hate to see you cut back, although if we were all cutting back as we should maybe we wouldn't notice. Whatever the case, that's the cure for your ills. Less computer=more little league coaching.

There, wisdom dispensed. Now, I'm turning this damn thing off!!

(And yes, I am a hypocrite!)

Posted by: Robert | April 11, 2008 10:59 PM

Rod, as much as I enjoy reading your blog, my best advice is to stop the blog. Just stop it. I had shingles a year ago, and I'm in my late thirties. My doctor caught it very early, before the sores had broken out, and he diagnosed antivirals. So I was luckier than some. Here's the funniest part: I worked through the shingles, with a laptop at home. That was crazy, but that's the job I was in. It was -- as you say -- very painful and hard. It was also, oddly, a spiritual experience. And it's behind me now. I'm in a new job, too. And I have to say, I have spent a lot less time on my computer over the past six months. It's been a slow but sure scaling back, Friday nights at 10:25 notwithstanding. I'll miss reading your blog, but something has got to give. Good night.

Posted by: Houghton | April 11, 2008 11:27 PM

Very well put, John E. Very well put. It's hard to turn it off. Julie catches me writing in my head even when I'm just sitting there apparently doing nothing.

Posted by: Rod Dreher | April 11, 2008 11:36 PM

They say shingles is "usually" a disease of the elderly, but my husband, brother, and two very close friends have had it, in their 30s or early 40s. (Anyone who suspects they have it [pain/tingling on half the trunk]: get to the doctor IMMEDIATELY.)

Stress . . . job vs career: I'm in a job where frankly I'm underutilized. But I don't have to take work home, and I have 1/20th the stress of my boss. (And at least our family has good health insurance!) I have cut my blog reading down from 40+/day (at a previous job I didn't like) to 5/day now.
Getting off the computer has made a huge difference in my life and my family's life.

Posted by: Connie | April 11, 2008 11:45 PM

Rod,

I'm sorry to hear about your wife's illness ... Shingles sounds excruciating. If you're interested in natural therapies, perhaps Dr. Samuel Verghese can help. He specializes in issues of pain and stress management, and I personally know of patients who are much better because of his care. http://www.natureshospital.com/biofeedback.htm
(Full disclosure: Dr. Verghese is a friend of mine. He's also a devout Christian.)

As for me, I take Nutrilite vitamin supplements and XS energy drinks. They work wonders. (Full disclosure: I sell these items at my website, akuruvilla1.qhealthzone.com)

As much as I enjoy this blog, if maintaining it is proving to be too much work, cut back ... Everyone will understand. Your family and your health comes before this. Perhaps you should post just once per week, if at all.

Regarding the cause of the stress on the American family, our onerous tax burden is a significant part of the problem. http://www.taxfoundation.org/taxfreedomday/

P.S. Thanks to you, I'm attending Holy Cross Antiochian Orthodox Church in Maryland! I will keep your family in my prayers.

Posted by: Avarachan (Abraham) | April 12, 2008 12:03 AM

Rod, my sympathies for Julie.

Consider that she is alone at home with three children every day, being not only a nursing mom and homemaker, but their primary teacher. You are at work until 7:30 every night and still writing in your head even when not at the computer, and part of your job seems to be staying on top of every trend in the culture that signals the end of civilization as we know it. You are probably both exhausted. Her illness is a shot across the bow.

My mother's generation sent us off to school at age 5 and our fathers were home by 4:30 or 5:00, in time to have dinner with us. Evenings were indeed spent relaxing either with the family and neighbors.

I just returned from a week long retreat. The teachers said that they have had to teach meditation very differently now because everyone is increasingly stressed, much more so than 20 years ago. We pay a steep price for being tuned in to the world like this, collecting more information in a day than our ancestors did in a lifetime only a couple of generations back.

Robert is right. Give up the surfing and the blog. leave the office at 5. Live the Crunchy Con life you wrote about. This is not part of it.

Posted by: elizabeth | April 12, 2008 12:16 AM

Satan was talking with Jesus on a high place, and showed Him all of the kingdoms of the world. Satan said that all of these were his and that if Jesus were only to submit to Satan . . . you know the rest I'll bet.

Satan, with the help of his Humanist humans* (liberals, progressives, socialists, marxists, darwinists, yada-yada) have brought the world to a place where the family is altered and destroyed. Where, abominations and perversions are so enjoyed and protected that the stress we are facing is supernatural in its power and scope. The Apostles followed the teachings of Jesus and wrote to us on how to combat the stress we are experiencing.

Be in the world and not of it. The guide book is a compilation of the Gospels and letters written by the followers of Christ Jesus called Christians, and can be found in what is known as The New Testament.

*Read the Humanist Manifesto

Posted by: The Apostles were conservative Christians | April 12, 2008 12:47 AM

For thousands of years, people got up, went to work, worked hard, but at a rather methodical pace, then came in when it got dark, went to bed, and started over the next morning. People did one thing at a time, did not have news, music, radio, computers, televisions, etc, all overloading thier lives. Today, people have to pretend to be a computer server, handing off one operation after another. I blame many things, but one thing i blame, is the inability of people today, to just say no. To tell the boss, I won't work 60 hours this week, I have a life, and I wish he would go get one too. To turn of the constant attention grabbing devices around us. Also, I think many of our fathers had come off the farm, where you put in a good days work, but generally quit by sundown. They carried those habits into thier factory jobs. Their children did not. I heard Wendell Berry make the comment that his Amish friend David Kline's father had a rule that no horse could be harnessed for work, after supper. The idea being if the animal wasn't harnessed, their would be no work done that evening. Evening was for family. We are just not made for Modernities sweaty panting pace. Remember, we have only been living this way for less than 100 years. We just do too much.

Posted by: brierrabbit3030 | April 12, 2008 1:25 AM

Amen to Eric W's post: the unrelenting throb of crappy music EVERYWHERE is the single worst thing about our current culture. I'm sure it's been scientifically proven that intelligence is inversely related to how loud you play your car stereo.

Posted by: cb | April 12, 2008 1:36 AM

Maybe the generation that grew up in the halcyon days of the 1950s had it better than we do in terms of the simple life. But did people back in the 19th century have it better? Why were there so many social reformers after all? Children worked. Men and women worked. Hours and hours. The better classes perhaps had it better. But there were so few in the better class. The rest were worked 18 hours a day, often in manual labour; they were ignorant of the world around them and had no mass entertainment to amuse them. They had relatively little purchasing power. They came to America in droves, and lived five to a room. They suffered from incurable disease. Was it really better? I don't know. I understand Dreher's concern, but I'm not sure that old people, who are likely to be nostalgic about yesteryear, are altogether a good source about certain aspects of the past. The second half of the twentieth century may come to be regarded as a blissful time -- a time when an older, simpler way of life met new, helpful technologies, and when America was so far ahead of the rest of the world that Americans had it easy. Perhaps those days could never have lasted.

Posted by: J House | April 12, 2008 2:48 AM

Rod, I'm so sorry to hear about Julie; I've had relatives who've had shingles, all at a young age. We'll keep her in our prayers for a speedy recovery free from any lingering effects.

Your post itself seemed ironic on a night when my husband worked late, and then got paged a while later and spent a couple of hours on the phone fixing a computer problem. I remember when we could always count on Friday nights, or weekend times in general, as being available for family, but in the 24/7 on call world you can't even make plans for recreation any more--or if you do, you know that those plans can be upset at the last minute by a call from work.

The loss of leisure time or even of the concept of leisure isn't a small thing. People so seldom have the ability to devote themselves to a hobby, to be a passionate amateur in some area or another, to expand their horizons and feed their souls on something more than the activities that swirl around the hurricane of global commerce. But it is the tiny passions, the shy admission that one dabbles in painting or sport or music, that one collects quirky books or interesting stamps, that one participates in a community theater's productions or is a devoted member of a charmingly purposeless club, that makes us interesting, alive, and more than the interchangeable cogs in a piece of corporate machinery.

The more what used to be called the work/life balance tips in the direction of more work than life, the more we will see the effects in the form of a dysfunctional, distracted, despairing, disconnected, disenchanted and dismayed populace. There is no poetry in the pursuit of gain for gain's sake, and "...what, we ask, is life/without a touch of Poetry in it?"

Posted by: Erin Manning | April 12, 2008 3:12 AM

Rod, you are not kidding. I am 26, graduate of a pretentiously elite college, and at some point I realized I was swimming in waters I never asked for. I am about to set forth teaching english abroad starting this summer, mostly because I see a busy future in front of me in an office in America, and it all seems undesirable. The punishing commute, the ever-mounting bills, the kids who have less and less space to play freely and develop naturally, the constant expectation to solve every last problem through e-mail and phone calls...it's not just at the job either. Our social lives are similarly full of profiles to update, cultural minutiae to process, outrageous societal excesses that anger liberals and conservatives in different ways...something is off.

I have had this conversation with friends of mine, and some of their responses lean towards the "you ain't starving, what have you got to complain about?" variety, and while they have a point about needless whining, I can't see any path besides dropping out of society to a certain extent that feels like a life I want to live. Even chasing girls feels like a job interview at this point.

I was born into this, and I've never suffered, it's true. But I don't feel any allegiance to this consumerist society, and I have trouble envisioning a scenario in which this changes at any point in the future. At the very least, I hope seeing America from a distance gives me some appreciation for what I may be taking for granted. But I'm still cynical...

Posted by: Brody | April 12, 2008 6:29 AM

I'm closer to your father's age than to yours, and came of age in the 60s (which I DO remember). The Hippies weren't just right about wars (as you hint in a recent posting); they were also on the right track about the vices of the rat race. The bumper sticker "Live simply so that others may simply live" has at least the first part right, though the second part might better read "so you can get a life."
Yet when I lived a bit more lavishly, people saw it as a sign of success and were more desirous of my professional services, so I could (and did) give a bit more to charity "that others might simply live."
I see signs of what you write about all around me. My son pulled yet another all-nighter to finish yet another appellate brief (court-appointed, low hourly rate - gotta work more hours) Thursday-Friday. My wife is constantly running across town to watch our grandson as my daughter-in-law hits her limit, or to run errands for my aging mother.
Many of the young moms I know, even with just one child, are running on empty. Many of the people my age are stressed by caring for both parents and stressed-out kids. But what do my son and daughter-in-law do to relieve stress? Mount their motorcycles, two of their five vehicles (the care and feeding of which contribute to their stress).
I think part of the reason I'm so looking forward to retirement is that I get to set that pace aside - at least in my dreams I get to. Meanwhile, there's a Health Savings Account to fill up and drain each year for my chronic illnesses (the cost of health care is insane, but we it is a necessity, right?); a big annual premium on long-term care insurance so we won't burden our kids inordinately as we go decrepit; a big monthly bill for the health club membership and sessions with the trainer to try to forestall decrepitude; there's just soooo much to do to get ready for the Nirvana of retirement - the finish line in the rat race.
I suspect that the major culprits are (1) a legitimate concern to provide for ourselves and our loved ones, even after the collapse so many of us expect, and (2) an illegitimate denial of limits in a fallen world. We can quibble about where the limits are, and whether my cry of "Enough!" is an excuse for sloth, but when we're not living humanely, when we're living as is material prosperity and personal distinction are the highest goods, we're living out the even deadlier cardinal sins of avarice and pride.

Posted by: Reader John | April 12, 2008 7:21 AM

Rjak: It's possible to do manage at least a "partial" drop out. I did it - about 4 years ago. I haven't mentioned it before, but I do have a law degree, and I worked for a fairly large firm in my part of the world for about 4 years (there really are a couple of them in West Texas). I'm also basically a single mom. It was really an unmanageble situation and it didn't seem to me that I was doing right by my kid. While I had the job (and the money and the credit rating), I bought a rental house - actually a single lot with two separate dwellings on it in my neighborhood (my own house also has a rental - in the back). During my last two years at my job, I maxed out my 401k contributions. Then I cashed it out, payed down the mortgage on the rental (17k right now), and quit my job. (Just an aside here - if you're going to do this you need to find a REALLY cheap place to live. I live in an older, mulit-ethnic, downtown area in a somewhat smallish Texas city. When I moved in, in 1998, the area was considered a bit rough, though it's improved somewhat since then. My house is more than 60 years old and just over 1400 square feet with just 1 bathroom. It cost me 53k ten years ago and most people thought I overpaid). Anyway, the rental income off those 3 properties, supplemented with some independent contracting work (only about 10k last year) is enough to make it, but just barely and with no real cushion. I probably won't do this forever, but for the time being, it's the best option for all concerned. Also, I find that I'm able to be more generous with my time. There are other single women in this area and a lot of kids running around without a lot of direction or guidance. Now, they all come to my house because I'm here, I'm awake, I'm (fairly) present and I have good snacks. It's a tremendous help to some of their moms (one in particular) and I'm also able to do some volunteer GED work at my current church. It's defintely not for everyone, but it's doable, if you have a good plan and a bit of luck.

Posted by: Lynn | April 12, 2008 7:25 AM

Rod,

Sorry to say but your post is based partially on a factual inaccuracy. People now have more leisure time than they have ever had. That is a fact. The question is why do people then feel like they have less leisure time and are more stressed. The wired world might be part of it. I teach college and my students' unwillingness to turn off the world continually frustrates me. Whether its text messaging, the ipod, or the computer, they are constantly distracting themselves with technology. But most of us do that to some extent. Our connection to the world is constant yet virtual.

Second, as intimated in my previous comment, let's make a distinction between real leisure and distraction. Leisure is an activity separate from work that improves us has human beings. Does television qualify as leisure? It can, but usually not. Video games? Likely not. Another thing I notice about my students: they have no hobbies. Their leisure time is largely spent on video games, listening to music rather than playing it, and "hanging out." This is a poor use of free time and may help explain why many people have more free time but feel more stressed.

Just some thoughts.

Posted by: Jon | April 12, 2008 8:28 AM

Excellent post and discussion. It definately requires out of the box thinking to escape the elaborate box the culture has developed.

Seriously consider reading or listening to Matthew Kelly's "Rhythm of Life". He takes this head on and shares his personal experience to re-wire his life for balance and God centeredness.

Next, for families it starts with Sundays. MK does a great job discussing and developing the importance of Sundays and how to use that time to regain some piece in the "Classroom of silence".

If you're ready to radically address balance and peace in your life then move into the country and spend more time outdoors. Go CrunchyCon yourself. There's a reason the people you met and interviewed took those radical steps. There is not easy way to separate from the cultural chaos without extreme detachment from the culture. Cut the TV, cut the Blackberry, avoid the cell phone, tend the garden before the blogs, go to the Farmer's market with the family, consider radical changes to the job. Explore natural methods and foods to regain strength and immune system. Make your discoveries become first person, instead of third person. Visit a Monastery, preferably Clear Creek, for an extended time period to experience a level of peace that only God can provide. May God Bless you and your family, Mike

Posted by: Mike | April 12, 2008 9:03 AM

Another part of this problem is that, by and large, we don't live near our extended families. In the past, one's network of parents and aunts and uncles and brothers and sisters were nearby and could help out, pick up the slack, act as a pressure-release valve. We don't have that. That and our culture's radical individualism makes everything up to us, and I'd suggest that's where all the stress comes from.

That, and we've lost the practice of leisure (true leisure, in the Josef Pieper sense) and especially the practice of Sabbath-keeping. Not only does keeping the Sabbath create freedom, it also teaches us that our lives are not the product of our work but, rather, a gift from God, reminding us that everything is in fact not up to us.

Here's where we can lay some of the blame at the feet of the free market. The market does a lot of things well, but it only sees things that we can attach prices to. Anything that doesn't have a price -- things like the family, social networks, the practice of leisure, acts of charity, among others -- is invisible to it. And to the extent that we have internalized, have been conformed to, the values of the free market, to that same extent the family, leisure, and charity become invisible to us. In such a situation, stress is inevitable.

Posted by: Just Some Guy | April 12, 2008 10:05 AM

You have a career in a profession. Not a job. Ideally, professionals choose their careers primarily because its something they are interested in or enjoy. The itch that needs to be scratched. You arent ever going to have regular 40 hour weeks. Society needs people to fill those roles. It generally works because the work isnt all"work". Some of it is play or hobby for the professional.

Then you hit your 40's. Your profession doesnt seem quite so fresh. Maybe you have some administrative duties. Work politics chip away at you. It starts to become a job. That can really suck. Your two biggest enemies become cynicism and despair. Some people immerse themselves in the "success" track and forgot why they chose their profession to begin with. Its usually around tis point you have to deal with issues of your parents mortality and the kids will always have issues.

Your wife is also on her own career track. Raising kids and teaching them is lots of work. It isnt always that natural either. Some parents are just naturally better at it than others. Not everyone is a good teacher. With some work and love we who are less gifted can become competent and maybe even good.

How do you cope? Mostly you just suck it up and realize its what everyone else goes through. Sure, you pray. You talk it over with friends and your minister. You make extra time when you need it (kids have survived in the past w/o piano lessons and soccer practice). You reassess whether you chose the right job and are living in the right place. Unless you really screwed up or got unlucky you are doing the right stuff, its just really hard. Being a man means persevering for your kids, your wife, your country and your God. So, suck it up. And do it wit love in your heart. No getting bitter. Your Dad did it for you, you do it for yours.

Steve

Posted by: Steve | April 12, 2008 10:18 AM

Raising small children, working long, stressful hours for not enough money, not getting the rest you need, not having support from friends and family who can take up the slack--been there, done that, and it is very tough. I feel for you sincerely.

(Btw, the number of people earnestly going online to say “the internet is the Devil!!” is really funny. Thanks to all for a good, relaxing chuckle.)

This is an amazing garbage-can post. By which I mean no insult--I refer to the “garbage can school of decision-making.” An opportunity for choice is presented, and people begin throwing their favorite problems and solutions at it. I have my own favorites that I could bring out of my garbage can and add to the mix. But I’m restraining myself because I’d like to be helpful instead.

I’d like to express my sympathy for Rod’s plight and suggest some things we used to do under similar circumstances. And things I wish we’d done more of, that would have helped. In no particular order:

The Desperation Picnic--that’s what I called them, anyway. Pack sandwiches, cold chicken, or whatever, and go to the nearest park to eat. Just taking the children outside for awhile can be very relaxing. Try to find a picnic table near a play area, sand pit, or other attractive area. Take a frisbee (they make soft ones that won’t hurt the kids if they get hit in the face) or a foxtail or something. Play freeze tag or Mother May I. If the kids’ friends are hanging around, you can take them too. It doesn’t have to take a long time. Even an hour is good. You can also do this in your back yard if you have one. We sometimes had picnics on a blanket spread on the living room floor, just to do something different. My kids liked this even when they became teenagers and couldn’t actually admit to liking it.

Get outside as much as possible. Take long walks. We used to bring along a small rubber ball and bounce it back and forth as we walked, just to keep the kids interested. Tell stories as you walk, get a simple guide to trees and plants and identify leaves, look for animal tracks. Go where there’s water and you can wade or swim. Admittedly, this is almost impossible in Texas. Go outside in the summer and your brains will boil. But there are times in the evening when it cools down and the sun is less tyrannical. If you can’t get to a swimming place, get a wading pool, a hose and some super soakers and get wet in the back yard. Water makes people feel better, calmer.

There was a period during which I’d make a delicious dessert one day a week, and just serve soup or sandwiches for the main part of dinner. While everybody enjoyed the treat, I would read to them from a book we all liked. At that point, I’d already read “The Lord of the Rings” out loud several times, so we moved on. One of my daughters really loved Peter Jenkins’ books--”Walk Across America,” and its sequels. So we were reading those for awhile.

Learn to meditate. Seriously! It’s not just woo-woo. Scientific studies have shown that regular meditation breathing, a very simple technique to learn, will reduce your stress and lower your blood pressure. I’ll bet you could teach your boys to do it too. Once you get good at it, you can use the technique even at work. Just a few relaxing breaths, plus a little mindfulness of your own emotions will help you see how stress is running away with you, and be able to let it go.

Buy flowers. Then put them where you can look at them often, and remind yourself to enjoy their beauty. If God so clothes the flowers of the field . . . .

Cuddle. Hold your kids on your lap. Put your arms around them. When you and Julie sit in the same room, sit together. That’s one of the worst things about the internet--it encourages people to sit in separate chairs with their backs to each other. Get a laptop if you have to! What’s the point of getting married if you can’t even snuggle up on the couch?

There are lots of little things like these. They do add up. I hope some of this helps, or sparks your own good ideas. Culture change is a bigger issue, of course, but meanwhile we all have to survive in the belly of the beast. ; )

Posted by: metanous | April 12, 2008 10:45 AM

Whoops . . . that long post was me, not my pal metanous who apparently forgot to reset the name when he last used my computer . . . ; )

Posted by: sigaliris | April 12, 2008 11:00 AM

Hi Rod,Sorry your having a tough week/month. This too shall pass.

Where does it all end? Hopefully in heaven.:)

That's the real goal. It's always a balance of managing and eliminating the minutia and keeping your eyes on the big picture at the same time. There's alot of good advice on this post. Not sure there's much I can add. Except to listen. Listen to what your life is telling you.

I know I've spent years rushing and ignoring the fact that I wasn't enjoying my life because of it. You said yourself sometimes life is about limits right? But I don't necessarily think it means giving up things that you enjoy. I kind of think it's more about getting rid of the negatives. Sometimes you can do it by a change of venue and sometimes by a change of mind.

Since it doesn't look like you can change your job. Then it would tend to be mind/body and time mgmt. This may sound silly but when I was a kid, my parents hung a poem near the bathroom mirror that we all unknowingly drunk in as we brushed our teeth. The only thing that's beautiful about it are the underlying concepts. They do work. It's called Slow me down Lord.I'll see if I can find it.

But any good meditation would probably help. Doesn't Benedict Groeschel(sp?)have some online that you could listen to? I think he does. That'd be a Benedict option. :)

Pax

Posted by: Sheilagh | April 12, 2008 11:32 AM

If you're ready to radically address balance and peace in your life then move into the country and spend more time outdoors. Go CrunchyCon yourself. There's a reason the people you met and interviewed took those radical steps. There is not easy way to separate from the cultural chaos without extreme detachment from the culture. Cut the TV, cut the Blackberry, avoid the cell phone, tend the garden before the blogs, go to the Farmer's market with the family, consider radical changes to the job. Explore natural methods and foods to regain strength and immune system. Make your discoveries become first person, instead of third person. Visit a Monastery, preferably Clear Creek, for an extended time period to experience a level of peace that only God can provide.

All very interesting, and stuff we've been talking about, me and Julie, since all this started.

We've noticed that the one place in the world where our son Matthew is really at peace is down in Louisiana, when we visit my mom and dad. They live out in the country. Matthew can run around all he likes, by himself, and explore. The children's aunt, uncle and cousins live next door, so our kids have someone to play with all the time (versus where we live now, where you can't let your kids go roam the neighborhood on their own, and there aren't many kids in the neighborhood anyway). The boys don't fight, because they don't feel as contained, and because there's just so much they can do on their own in the country that doesn't require mom or dad to act as the cruise director.

It's also true that having extended family right around you relieves a lot of pressure. My sister has been really under the gun this past year because her husband is serving in Iraq. But my mom and dad are literally right there to help with the girls, and my sister's oldest is now a teenager, and capable of babysitting. The idea of having family there primarily to love and to be with *as family* is precious, but as a practical matter, it's also very appealing.

The idea of living out their in the country, where we could have chickens and garden, be with family, and live in peace, quiet and clean air, is a lot more attractive now than it would have been otherwise. We always notice when we go down to St. Francisville that my mom and dad's lifestyle involves a lot of sitting on the front porch drinking coffee or (in the evening) beer, and talking with friends who drop by. My folks both worked hard when I was growing up, but there was always -- always -- time for friends and socializing. I think it might be a country thing, or a Southern thing. Now that they're older, and can't do the kind of physical work they used to do, their life is mostly that. And it's not a bad way to live. We really ache to get together with our friends here in Dallas, but it feels like having to plan the Normandy invasion just to do so.

Julie and I are realistic enough to know that I'm a writer by nature, and I'm going to have to write, period. Julie says it would make her happy if I'd give up this blog, but she knows that the reason I pour so much of myself into it is because I thrive on it, and that creative energy would have to go somewhere. What I think is a realistic thing we could do is to move to a place where our kids could have the freedom to run around, and could have the joy of growing up with their cousins. My dad has land we could build a house on there, right next door, and plenty of land for gardening and raising chickens, etc. The boys could have a dog. We had a dog here in Dallas. We had to take her back to the breeder because she couldn't stand being so confined, and we didn't have time to give her what she needed to express her own nature.

But I have to make a living. Maybe there's a way for me to cobble together a writing income, one that I could do from the country, thanks to the Internet. Most of the work I do for the DMN is stuff that I could do from anywhere. Maybe I could take a big salary cut, and work for them from down there, in a limited way (but in a time of cost-cutting, it would be hard to justify keeping on staff someone whose face you didn't see every day). Maybe something will turn up. Time to be creative! A friend said to me yesterday, "I wonder what God is doing here?" -- speaking of all the stress-related sickness we've had in our house in the past year. You might recall my saying on this blog last year that one of the kids' doctors said he firmly believes the spike in autism is related to compromised immune systems, and he believes the compromise is a function, in some way, of living in modernity.

Maybe the way we're living is making a lot of us sick.

Posted by: Rod Dreher | April 12, 2008 11:43 AM

Sounds like you're thinking on the right track there with your 11:43 post, Rod...

Posted by: John E. | April 12, 2008 12:12 PM

Rod, best wishes to your wife for a speedy recovery. A teacher-friend of my wife had shingles and said it was very painful but eventually it passed. Teaching itself has always been a stressful profession but never so much as today.

I agree with those who have suggested cutting back on this blog, although I would miss reading it. It certainly requires a lot of time to do the research and provide the commentary - in looking at the number of posts per day you make, not to mention the time it takes to read and reply to the comments - well, this is certainly one area you could recoup some time. A once or twice a week "column" on the blog might be a happy medium, where you would still have the interaction with readers yet buy yourself some quality time away from the computer and with the family.

I can tell you from personal experience that going freelance is certainly a stress-reducer. I work in a technical field and since giving up the 9-to-5 or actually more like 7-to-7 I am much more relaxed. When my kids were young, I used to come home for the soccer, hockey, baseball, gymnastics, ballet - and often go back later in the evening to work to check on the progress of a job. My immune system didn't seem to be affected but time will tell whether my liver liked all the Italian wine as much as I did.

Put your family first and remember when the kids get older they will be thankful for the time you spent with them. You will be too.

All the best to you and your family.

Posted by: Roland de Chanson | April 12, 2008 12:34 PM

Here's another way to slow down: BAKE SOME BREAD!

You introduced us to the no-knead bread recipe. The current issue of THE WEEK Magazine has that, plus a new and easier/quicker recipe:

Recipe of the Week: The world’s two easiest breads

There’s now no excuse not to bake your own bread, said Nick Fox in The New York Times. A year ago, a columnist for this newspaper, Mark Bittman, published what we called “the easiest bread recipe possible.” The no-knead recipe was created by Jim Lahey, owner of Sullivan Street Bakery in SoHo. The response from readers “was so fervid you would have thought he’d revealed a foolproof way to pick winning lottery numbers.” People desperately wanted to bake bread at home, and that recipe showed them how.

Recently Dr. Jeff Hertzberg, a physician from Minneapolis, developed an even easier bread-making technique. His recipe makes Lahey’s method
look “like molecular gastronomy.” Both use 30 percent to 50 percent more liquid than most recipes that require kneading. Lahey’s recipe, because it uses only a small amount of yeast, requires at least 18 hours of fermentation and often results in a very loose dough. Dr. Hertzberg’s dough rises more quickly, and easily forms into a loaf that can be baked in a pan or on a hot stone.

Recipes of the week

No-Knead Bread

Time: about 1½ hours, plus 14 to 20 hours’ rising time

3 cups all-purpose or bread flour, more for dusting
1-5/8 cups water
1/4 tsp instant yeast
1-1/4 tsp salt
Cornmeal or wheat bran as needed

In large bowl combine flour, yeast, salt. Add 1-5/8 cups water and stir until blended; dough will be shaggy and sticky. Cover bowl with plastic wrap. Let dough rest at least 12 hours (preferably about 18), at warm room temperature, about 70 degrees.

Dough is ready when surface is dotted with bubbles. Lightly flour work surface; place dough on it. Sprinkle with a little more flour, and fold dough over on itself once or twice. Cover loosely with plastic wrap; let rest about 15 minutes.

Using just enough flour to keep dough from sticking to work surface or fingers, gently and quickly shape dough into ball. Generously coat cotton towel (not terry cloth) with flour, wheat bran, or cornmeal; put dough on towel, seam-side down. Dust with more flour, bran, or cornmeal. Cover with another cotton towel; let rise for about 2 hours. When ready, dough will be more than double in size and will not readily spring back when poked with finger.

At least a half-hour before dough is ready, heat oven to 450 degrees. Put 6- to 8-quart heavy covered pot (cast iron, enamel, Pyrex, or ceramic) in oven as it heats. When dough is ready, carefully remove pot from oven. Slide hand under towel and turn dough over into pot, seam side up. (It may look like a mess, but that’s okay.) Shake pan once or twice if dough is unevenly distributed; it will straighten out as it bakes. Cover with lid, bake 30 minutes, then remove lid and bake another 15 to 30 minutes, until loaf is beautifully browned. Cool on rack. Yield: One 1-1/2-pound loaf.

Simple Crusty Bread

Adapted from Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day, by Jeff Hertzberg and Zoë François (Thomas Dunne Books, 2007)

Time: About 45 minutes, plus about 3 hours’ resting and rising

6-1/2 cups unbleached, all-purpose flour, more for dusting dough
4 cups water
1-1/2 tbsp yeast
1-1/2 tbsp kosher salt
Cornmeal

In large bowl, mix yeast and salt into 3 cups lukewarm water (about 100 degrees). Stir in flour, mixing until there are no dry patches. Dough will be quite loose. Cover, but not with airtight lid. Let dough rise at room temperature at least 2 hours (and up to 5). Bake at this point or refrigerate, covered, for as long as two weeks.

When ready to bake, sprinkle a little flour on dough. Cut off grapefruit-size piece with serrated knife. Turn dough in hands to lightly stretch surface, creating rounded top and lumpy bottom. Put dough on pizza peel sprinkled with cornmeal; let rest 40 minutes. Repeat with remaining dough or refrigerate it.

Place broiler pan on bottom of oven. Place baking stone on middle rack and turn oven to 450 degrees; heat stone at that temperature for 20 minutes. Dust dough with flour and slash top with serrated knife three times. Slide onto stone. Pour 1 cup hot water into broiler pan and shut oven quickly to trap steam. Bake until well browned, about 30 minutes. Cool completely. Yield: 4 loaves.

Posted by: Eric W | April 12, 2008 12:44 PM

Gosh, Rod, very sorry to hear about your wife. Can't offer any suggestions for this sort of thing ... but I will pray for her.

Our society IS out of wrack and stressed-out. It's the number one problem -- and it goes way beyond politics or Red/Blue divide and the usual rhetoric. I think your whole "crunchy con" approach is pointing us towards a "way out", and I admire your steadfastness in pursuing this angle (despite whatever hassles you got from Jonah Goldberg, et. al. when you first advanced it some years ago).

A while back you mentioned, if I'm not mistaken, how some families are organizing lay religious communities where they work together and pray together. That may be one approach. In my own parish, I see how the Neo-Catechumante movement provides such an incredible support group to its members. People work out their problems by praying together and supporting each other -- through, with and in Christ.

I think, too, that the old-fashioned emphasis on Sunday as a day of rest needs to be revised. I can remember growing up in the 70s with the sense that the repeal of the so-called "blue laws" was supposed to be progress. Everything thought the idea of being able to shop at the mall on Sunday was the greatest thing. Or being able to watch football on Sunday was the greatest good. Lately, I've begun to read into the history of the Church's support for the "blue laws." It was intended to help the workers be able to get ONE day a week to themselves. The factory owners in the early 1800s weren't too crazy about the idea, but the Church got its way.

Are we merely economical animals -- prisoners to the paycheck? Or something more?

Posted by: Reaganite in NYC | April 12, 2008 1:47 PM

Sorry, but I just realized that I committed a bunch of typos on the last point (a new problem for me):

(1) Meant to say that "Sunday as a day of rest needs to be revived" (NOT "revised").

(2) Meant to ask, "Are we merely economic animals..?" (NOT "economical" animals)

Also, "Neo-Catechumenate" (NOT "Catechumante).

I think I need a bigger keyboard ... or reading glasses ... or both :-)

Posted by: Reaganite in NYC | April 12, 2008 1:54 PM

Rod,

Wish your wife a speedy and complete recovery.

As for why it's so difficult, supply and demand may be a key component. We've had massive levels of immigration, yet manufacturing and other productive jobs have left. You can keep adding people to do service jobs, but if they weren't here the economy wouldn't suffer much, in my opinion, because the demand for extra workers is generated by having the workers. The other addition to supply is women entering the workforce. Almost all of the bad economic news traces to the 1970's. There's no going back now however, because Chinese and Indians are bidding for the jobs now.

Additionally there is the massive decline in education. Maybe we've been papering over a real decline in American living standards with debt.

Posted by: Other Jim | April 12, 2008 2:09 PM

Rod, best wishes to your wife, you and your family as you deal with this new challenge.

The only advice I have to give is not usually welcomed by people, but I will give it anyway: You/Julie might want to look into a raw food diet. I used to have MAJOR immune system issues, chronic infections for years (and insomnia) until I switched my way of eating. It's a huge adjustment and a major commitment, but it works. I literally have not had a cold since 2004, when I first started eating this way. I also managed to get off two different steroid medications for my asthma and now only use an inhaler from time to time. I never get headaches anymore, and I used to 2-3 times a week.

When they hear about it, most people dismiss this way of eating as radical or extreme or unhealthy right off the bat, and so for that reason I usually don't mention. I actually don't blame them for having that reaction because eating raw food exclusively goes against everything we've been taught about nutrition, but it really works. It cleans your body out, enabling your organs/systems to function optimally. I'm 43 and not only do I never get sick I also have more energy than I did when I was in my 20s. I just thought I'd throw that out there because it's hard to stay silent when you find out people are suffering from things that can maybe be healed. Email me if you want more information, or you may want to try some of these sites:

thegardendiet.com

rawfoodtalk.com

Hallelujah Acres is a website that features a "high raw" (mostly raw) diet from a Christian standpoint. The website is somewhat cheesy but don't let that put you off: http://www.hacres.com/home/home.asp

Another great stress reducer is meditation, 15 minutes a day.

Posted by: bd_rucker | April 12, 2008 2:49 PM

May God bless and heal Julie and your whole family! The Louisisana option sounds great to me, but would depend on how stressful your family is. The last time I remember being really relaxed was when the power went out in a snowstorm. The depth of the silence and lack of distraction was amazingly healing.

Posted by: Quinn | April 12, 2008 3:15 PM

Trainman,

I'm so sorry to hear about your wife. Hang in there. Life may very well become an emotional roller coaster. Remember that your faith exists independent of your emotions, because it is God who iniates faith in you, and not the other way around. That thought has helped me through some hard times.

I am not going to even get on this roller coaster you are all describing. It is not worth it. I will find a way to live a more balanced quiet life. I work about 80 hours a week here in Iraq. There are no days off, and no let up on the pressure. I have gained weight, my blood pressure is rather high, plus the air here is bad and I've developed a sensitivity to it. When I get a moment to reflect I think of the good things about life back home:

A backyard with a patio. A collie dog. Houseplants in the window. Local bought vine-ripened tomatoes. Long walks with family and friends. Tire swings. Sunshine on a tree-lined street. A newspaper delivered to your door. Coffee brewing in the kitchen. Sitting on your porch.

I have no debt. I am going to live within my means and I am going live in peace, if I have anything to say about it. Maybe I am being overly optimistic, but life is too short to live at such a pace it passes you by. None of us knows how long we have, nor how long our loved ones have.

In some respects, a brush with mortality, yours or someone dear to you, is very healthy.

Posted by: AnotherBeliever | April 12, 2008 3:29 PM

I agree with recovering ex-p. You should not be blogging on weekends. (And I shouldn't be reading on weekends!)

Posted by: Angie | April 12, 2008 3:40 PM

me, mdavid, I'm so glad that I finally broke out of precisely the "you can live on tiny amounts of money" mindset which you are peddling.

First, I'm not "peddling" anything. Enjoy whatever lifestyle you desire, and I wish you the best.

Second, $20k/yr is not "tiny amounts of money." Average world income is $7900/year (World Bank 2005).

The World Bank even breaks it down: High income is $28,480, Middle is $5,800, Low $2,110. A family consuming $20k/yr is near the top of the heap.

Posted by: mdavid | April 12, 2008 3:45 PM

LA sounds like the best bet, the stuff you've written about LA had me laughing out loud. But for the time being I can only offer what currently works for me. My career is stressful and I've found it best to put in "buffer zones" between work and home. I get up about an hour earlier than I need to, have a cup of something hot (coffee or tea) and spend some time in meditation or reading something with
contemplative themes.

I arrive a little early at work and spend 5-10 mins in "game plan" mode to tackle the day. 10-12 hours later I leave. I play my favorite music in the car and try to avoid the "rush" attitude by going the speed limit and waving other drivers in.

When I get home I have some cave time. Another beverage this one cold (usually ice tea, but Shiner Bock is nice too). I will read non-work related things or some easy going blogs. After 30 min to hour I am ready to engage again.

All the best to your family

Posted by: Zoetius | April 12, 2008 4:26 PM

Best of luck for you and your family through these tough times, Rod.

As far as advice about this sort of thing goes, I don't suggest chucking your career and all you've worked for in favor of some idealized vision of an easier life in the country. If your current job is overly stressful, then maybe you should find another job in the same line of work. That way you keep your career, but you change your job. I did that when I moved from big-firm corporate law practice to the pleasant in-house attorney job I now have. While my current job is probably by many people's standards fast-paced and stressful, it usually doesn't feel that way to me, given the pressure-cooker environments that I started my career in. I guess my suggestion is, don't do anything rash and while under the burdens of immediate stress, and perhaps you should look into finding a good writer's job that fits your lifestyle better. Maybe you'd be better off doing some freelancing and teaching writing classes at a local college as a steady paycheck, for example. In any case, all things pass, including both good and bad times. Good luck.

Posted by: Mark in Houston | April 12, 2008 5:25 PM

I generally don't read poetry, but this particular piece has always stayed with me, as a reminder that nothing, even the most terrible times, lasts forever, and of the power of the written word. The topic of the poem is a much more serious and horrible thing than what's being discussed here (not to trivialize your problems, Rod, of course), but I thought it was worth posting.

THE GIFT
by John Ciardi

In 1945, when the keepers cried kaput
Josef Stein, poet, came out of Dachau
Like half a resurrection, his other half
eighty pounds still in their invisible grave.
Slowly then the mouth opened at first
a broth, and then a medication, and then
a diet, and all in time and the knitting mercies,
the showing bones were buried back in flesh,
and the miracle was finished. Josef Stein
man and poet, rose, walked, and could even
beget, and did, and later died of other causes
only partly traceable to his first death.
He noted - with some surprise at first -
that strangers could not tell he had died once.
He returned to his post in the library, drank his beer,
published three poems in a French magazine,
and was very kind to the son who at last was his.
In the spent of one night he wrote three propositions:
That Hell is the denial of the ordinary. That nothing lasts.
That clean white paper waiting under a pen
is the gift beyond history and hurt and heaven.

Posted by: Mark in Houston | April 12, 2008 6:20 PM

I think the Lord was on to something when he said, "To find your life you have to lose it..." Scary thought.

I wonder, how many of us who self-identify as Christians, trust him enough to take the complete plunge?

Posted by: mm | April 12, 2008 7:06 PM

Prayers for all of you but especially Julie. I know what it's like to be sick and have to do Mom duty at the same time.

To those who say greed propels stress -- not always true. I am at the most stressful time in my life right now. I'm a single mom (divorced). I work 6 to 7 days a week at a few low-paying jobs because they're all I have been able to find, having education but not much experience. I was a SAHM for quite a while. I'm also going back to school at the same time. My kids have lots of emotional problems which make every day stressful. My body feels about twenty years older than it is. I have insurance, but going to the doctor takes time and money I don't have.

Rod, praise God for your family and the fact that, despite your problems, you have the same goal in mind. Your constant thinking about how to solve those problems (part of your stress) is actually a good sign. You all will get through this, because you take care of each other.

And don't discount the stress of staying home with young children. I found it much more of an emotional stress than the physical stress I'm going through now.

Posted by: MJ | April 12, 2008 7:22 PM