Condom-free sex: the new engagement ring
Tuesday July 29, 2008
Categories: Culture, Decline and fall
A new trend in young America: "Sex without a condom is the new engagement ring," a youthful NPR sage advises. "It shows trust, commitment and the prospect of a shared future," Pendarvis Harshaw says. Coos a modern damsel in this...
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About Crunchy Con
Rod Dreher is an editorial columnist for the Dallas Morning News, and author of "Crunchy Cons" (Crown Forum), a nonfiction book about conservatives, most of them religious, whose faith and political convictions sometimes put them at odds with mainstream conservatives. The views expressed in this blog are his own.
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Ah, the sexual revolution! Gotta love it!
I think that there are plenty of ways to show commitment without giving "the gift that keeps on giving".
I'm outraged! Outraged!
Much better if they have the magical metal band around their finger before they go skin on skin.
From the Tell Us What You Really Think Dept. among NPR's listeners:
npr.org/blogs/daydreaming/2008/07/sex_without_condoms_prompts_th.html
"The piece
npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=92871273
provoked quite a bit of response.
"Some of the comments:
"Jesus, what a pile of useless crap your "what" report is. I listen to NPR for intelligent information not mindless hip-hop MTV sound bites, all puked out with an uneducated speech impediment. The notion that some kid humping without a condom is a grand sign of commitment, love, and responsibility, is laughable. But I'm actually encouraged by the ignorance of the youth described in the "story." It means a bright future for my kids, nephews, and nieces who will have no problem dominating such half-witted masses."
--Kristopher H
"stupid is as stupid does"
Marriage is dead in this country (USA). It has been replaced with a "don't buy the cow without tasting the milk" attitude. Sex is the primary goal of extended relationships now. The idea of the 'person' as a unit belonging to a family that transcends the Maslow's hierarchy of needs is no longer valued. I worry about this more than any other issue facing the nation and the society today.
Aides anyone? My suggestion...make sure both are tested regularly...or their next surprise may be ...aides or an STD. Condoms are for more than birth control...pills, IUD's etc...birth control, but won't stop STDs. Trust?
Hey, you have to admit...It's a lot more affordable.
I thought the new engagement ring was when your oldest child starts preschool.
Oh, wait ... that's only in Hollywood ... for now.
When condoms get old, this is a good way to fool the female into having sex without a condom.
The songs of yesteryear (the 70s), as I remember the lyrics, inform the present -
From one great singer songwriter:
Do it.
Do it.
Do it 'til you're satisfied.
Whatever it is, do it, as long as it pleases you.
From another:
Got to get down on it.
From another:
Gettin'high all the time, hope you all are too.
Come on little p***y, gonna do it to you.
It's a helluva culture.
Sex has, indeed, become as trivial as a drink of water. Somewhere in Hell, Rosa Luxemburg is laughing her head off.
Your servant,
Lord Karth
Will NPR follow up when these girls get pregnant and the guy decides he really doesn't want to commit after all?
michael,
The follow-up will be when the boyfriend says his preference would be for an abortion, but he really "respects" -- nay "celebrates" -- the girlfriend's "choice" to take the other course, though not to the extent that he will play any part, financial or otherwise, in bringing baby up.
He's got his bliss to follow, after all.
Nothing new here: read Mary Shivanandan's article "Sentiment and Sentimentality: Woman’s Choice" archived at Catholic Educator's Resource Guide:
http://catholiceducation.org/articles/feminism/fe0018.html
"More than 90$ of sexually active women in the United States use a contraceptive."
Its gotten so bad that no man will consider a girl who wants to be a "real" woman, she needs chemical/condom deposit insurance to attract risk-free investment -- kinda like the zero-commitment economy we're suffering under with taxpayers obliged to fund FDIC, Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae to socialize the losses of unpatriotic private arbitrageurs. Patriotism implies conceiving a guarantee of the common good backed by sacrificial devotion to the gravitas of the gravid. IMHO allegorically speaking, condomless sex is to flourishing futures on the bond market (read "Amerian families") what Bush's war on terror is to the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness (read "the American Dream") -- a figment of our imaginations clouded by sin.
You know, Planned Parenthood, the bane of this most socially conservative of blogs is against this sort of behavior. Just sayin'.
I think it's relevant to point out that, according to the young man on the program, they are not ditching all forms of birth control, just switching from condoms to something else. Thus the lovers are saying to one another "I trust that this is an exclusive relationship and you are not going to give me a STD." I'm not defending it, I'm just saying.
Breathe everyone...
I think the observation in the link is quite true, though trivial and not worthy of journalistic efforts. Its also presented in that special NPRish conservative-infuriating way.
Let me try to restate in a less infuriating fashion:
When a relationship starts, condoms are, for some time, the preferred method of birth control. After a relationship is stable for some time and it seems that it will go on for much longer, the couple talks about it, gets tested, and then switches to a form of birth control that allows for more intimacy than condoms do, and also does not prevent STDs. This latter factor is important: it signifies both faith that the partner won't cheat, and an implicit commitment not to do so.
This switch of birth control is one of many relationship milestones that signify the intensification of a relationship. It is akin to moving in together, bonding with the partner's family, or even proposing. It is one of many milestones on a path that, if the relationships stays on course, ends in marriage. And isn't marriage the ultimate ultimate to you people?
A traditional Catholic or Orthodox person would ideally not have any sexual partners before their spouse/life-partner and would therefore not "need" to use a condom either. The ideal/traditional Catholic would essentially be doing exactly this, except they would wait for marriage for the condomless sex.
Possibly it really is a sign of trust that both parties have remained celibate or at least avoided all high-risk behavior. Now on some level trust is foolish and should be discouraged. Most people can't be trusted 100% because everyone is flawed and most people are outright liars about sex. If I were to get married I would probably have us both get tested for things. (I've been celibate but to say "you get tested, I'm clean" is unfair and insulting.)
Barbarians? Really?
Maybe you just reject to this concept being referred to as the new engagement ring, which I would agree is silly. Otherwise, this seems to me to be a pretty arrogant reaction toward people who don't share your values. Not everyone is a Christian. Not all non-Christians are bad. Some are responsible people with high character who love their family and friends...and decide to not use condoms in a committed relationship before marriage.
"More than 90$ of sexually active women in the United States use a contraceptive."
I seriously doubt this. There are an awful lot of women over 50 in this country (baby boomer pig in the python, you know), and they are not using contraceptives.
Re: Some ... love their family... and decide... a committed relationship before marriage.
OK granted, non-Christians(*) have natural capacities for the good. Their "love of family" expressed in a "commited relationship" however, ought include the putative unborn members of that family -- that they may enjoy the security of knowing that their mother's motherhood was a progression in maturity and intimacy of their father as lover and not a coerced result of the inverse relationship (the arrested development of so many infantilized men can be laid at the feet of those women, like me, who became mothers before they became wives...)
This Telnaes cartoon
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/opinions/cartoonsandvideos/telnaes/telnaes07302008.html
is more succinct than my earlier sarcastic comparison of this symptom of our cultural M.O. with that of our current Administration: priapic consumption secured by a prophylactic against contagion sucks the vigor out of our national life.
_____
* for a Christian take, see my comments at Fr. Dwight Longenecker's "Standing on my Head" blog re: Hawthorne's "The Scarlet Letter" at
http://gkupsidedown.blogspot.com/2008/07/lord-thank-you-that-i-am-not-in.html
Guy and girl in backseat of car circa 1948:
Guy: "If you loved me you'd let me do it to you without a rubber."
Guy and girl in guys parents bed while parents are on vacation circa 2008:
Guy: "If you loved me we'd do it together in a totally committed fashion without a rubber."
I'm so grateful for Women's Lib. It's brought us so far.
Barbarians? Really?
Maybe you just reject to this concept being referred to as the new engagement ring, which I would agree is silly. Otherwise, this seems to me to be a pretty arrogant reaction toward people who don't share your values.
Posted by: Matt C | July 30, 2008 7:34 AM
I've noticed that reformed smokers can come across as pretty vituperative also...
Barbarians? Really?
Maybe you just reject to this concept being referred to as the new engagement ring, which I would agree is silly. Otherwise, this seems to me to be a pretty arrogant reaction toward people who don't share your values.
Posted by: Matt C | July 30, 2008 7:34 AM
Reformed Smoker Syndrome?
"Barbarians"....Ha! Ha1
I've got news for you Rod. No matter where you try to run and hide with your kids, no matter what you teach them, in all probability, one (or more) of them is going to have sex one day, unmarried, and use some other method of birth control besides a condom. The good news is.....it probably will not hurt them, assuming they are educated about birth control methods and choose partners wisely.
How do I know this? Well, as one who grew up in a very protected, insular, conservative Christian community, I'm very aware of how many of the people I grew up with had "minds of their own" when it came to making these decisions despite what they had been taught. Fortunately, most came out OK. The few that didn't tended to have other problems such as low self esteem, emotional health issues, extreme impulsiveness, ect.
Matt C: Yep, they're Barbarians, and yep, I hold that view because they don't share my values. Got anything else?
Heather: Maybe my kids will have premarital sex, maybe they won't. I did, my wife didn't, and it took me some time to get over the guilt. The point is, my kids ARE going to know that a) I did it, b) it was wrong then and wrong now, and c) given my experience I would save them the guilt.
In other words, while I cannot/would not stop them from making their own decisions in this realm as adults, I certainly wouldn't enable this behavior by somehow celebrating the idea that truly nekkid sex is somehow a heartwarming symbol of committment.
All of this persiflage about commitment and condoms tends to obscure the sybaritic delectation of spontaneous sexual congress indulged in by two voluptuaries untroubled by the fulminations of moral martinets.
Vivamus, mea Lesbia, atque amemus,
rumoresque senum severiorum
omnes unius aestimemus assis!
soles occidere et redire possunt:
nobis cum semel occidit brevis lux,
nox est perpetua una dormienda.
Let us live, my Lesbia, and let us love,
And value the opinions of strict old men
at a halfpenny.
Suns will set and rise again:
for us, as soon as the brief light has set,
there is the one perpetual night to be slept.
Catullus ad Lesbiam, carmen 5
Albert Jay Nock and WFB are alive and well and living under the assumed name of Roland de Chanson, coming soon to a Theater Near You in -
Roland's Song
Scott Lahti: Albert Jay Nock and WFB are alive and well and living under the assumed name of Roland de Chanson, coming soon to a Theater Near You in - Roland's Song
LOL! That's good. And I never even got invited to the yacht. :-(
When I was a teenager, my Father took two of my friends and me to a movie called "Mom and Dad". As we walked into the lobby of the theater, we noticed that there was a nurse and a stretcher. We were amused at what we saw.
The movie consisted of showing the different kinds of diseases that one could get by not refraining from unhealthy sex.
The movie was so gross that it made us sick to our stomach. I even fainted.
I knew after that why there was a nurse and a stretcher there.
That movie made us think twice, three times, and longer about having sex out of wedlock.
The kids of today need to be informed of the results of having sex.
A fairly good percentage of kids still do remain virgins at 18. I think most of my siblings did. (I think all my siblings had pre-marital sex, but it was usually done between 19 and 24. I've not, but I've admittedly had less offers as a tiny disabled man)
After 18 the parents don't have much say, but I don't think it's that unreasonable to want them to at least remain celibate while they're "under your roof."
And remember kids, whenever you're trying a new food for the first time, always practice safe spice and use a condiment - otherwise you're absorbing the flavor of every other food that one's ever been cooked with...or, as former Surgeon General C. Everett Koop is known to sing with the spoof-troupe The Capitol Steps, in the refrain to a Beach Boys parody titled "Little Doc Koop":
"You don't know what it's got."
http://www.prweb.com/releases/2000/1/prweb11706.htm
I agree - 18 years of all at least!
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