I found out over the weekend that a friend's teenage child is struggling with a terrible case of depression. You'd never know it from the outside, but it's pretty hideous and our friend asked us to please pray for her family. I thought about them this morning when I read this deeply moving piece from Culture 11 about a father poleaxed by his teenage son's depression. Excerpt:
My father would go on to beat his depression and become a successful business owner. Yet he would still suffer two more breakdowns because the depression never really leaves you. It disappears for awhile, goes into a kind of remission. But you can't fight genetics. One day he would tell me of my great-grandfather who committed suicide at the dinner table--by cutting his own neck with a straight razor in front of the whole family.The doctor looks at my ex-wife and I, raises his right hand up and down and up again.
"This depression is genetic in nature," he says. "And it is weaving its way in and out of your bloodline."
Bloodline.
Sitting there inside that office I suddenly regret having children.
It is not a good thought.
This is not so good either: Jack is not genetically blessed and it breaks my heart.
But this is the modern world. Medicine and therapies are available now that can afford Jack a "normal" life.
Nor is the stigma of depression an issue. I have no problem writing about it, in fact, it's my own therapy. If only I could step inside my son's mind, observe the grinding wheels and gears, observe the monster hidden behind them, I might understand more, be able to better write about it. But no matter how close I am to my child, I am an outsider looking in. I am on my knees looking down into the pit. There is nothing but cold darkness.
I don't have a larger point here. I am just reminded of the saying, "Be kind, for everyone you know is fighting a great battle."
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Thank you Jim H for your personal responsibility comments. I also have faced debilitating depression, in my case related to a severely abusive childhood- which also contributed to my choice of spouse (now ex spouse, also abusive). This may or may not have some other (genetic) causes. I have found churches (specifically Orthodox) to be some of the worst places for those dealing with either depression or abuse or, usually, both. Those who have not dealt with either have NO idea of the reality but do have plenty of inane but hurtful suggestions or comments. I have come to the conclusion that it is always abuse and you are always alone.
About 15 years ago, I began to have rather mild periods of "down" emotions and low energy - they seemed to revolve around stress factors, and neither I nor my wife gave it any thought.. About 10 years ago, we went through a perfect storm of economic loss, where I got laid off my job, my wife lost her job, and then my in-laws defaulted on the mortgage which we guaranteed.
Eventually, we found ourselves in bankruptcy court, with no alternatives in sight. On the day of our court date, we found my mother passed away in her bed, sometime early morning. I suppose losing our home and credit was bad enough, but my in-laws lost theirs too, that would have been traumatic for the family, but to lose my mother, who was closer to my wife than her own mother upset our apple cart, so to speak.
On top of all that, my brothers exploded in rage and fury over the terms of my parents trust, and now they hate each other and rarely speak to me.
I did not at first recognize it, but I began to suffer ever deeper periods of depression. I used to get up in the morning and cry 15 minute drive to work. Pull it together, work for my shift, and repeat the process home. Pull it together, get the kids dealt with, and then just lose it as soon as they were out of hearing.
I was raised to be a good stoic, or so I thought. I shoved my emotions down and went on with life. Or so I thought. It began erupting in rage and then I knew something was seriously wrong. I had to deal with a number of things I had just buried during our period of troubles, and then... I decided to volunteer for something. Although it took valuable time out of our busy life, I found this was perfect therapy. No matter how bad off you may think you are, there's ALWAYS someone way worse off than you.
I found the real therapy for me. If I ever find that I'm regressing back into that pit, I stop and realize that I'm focusing on myself, and I put renewed energy back into doing things for other people. You know, you can brighten a lot of other people's days... and seriously improve your own life at the same time.
Of course, there's depression caused by chemical or hormonal issues, and that needs medical help. One may need professional help as well even if one's issues are not physical. I did not. I just needed a darn serious look at my life, my thoughts, and my focus. You just cannot remain in that pit while improving someone else's life. You just might pull them out, too.
To what extents are "mental illnesses" diseases, and to what extents are they something spiritual? This should at least be open to debate by anyone who is not a philosophical materialist.
A philosophical materialist maintains that mental illnesses are caused by chemical states, etc., but that also applies to mental health and rationality, which undermines its own case. Someone who belongs to a religion with a defined dogma can argue that spiritual experiences that fit in with that dogma are legitimate, whereas ones that do not are not, but that really reduces mental illness to heresy, which is surely an unhelpful position to take. For nondogmatic nonmaterialists (pagans, if you like), there are no easy answers.
I ask this because when I was young I had episodes that would have been diagnosed as schizophrenic or almost so. However, these felt like periods of spiritual stress combined with great joy, and I managed to keep out of the hands of the psychiatric club.
Even if one can point to a chemical cause, does that resolve the issue? Could God(desses) not cause both the chemical imbalance and the spiritual state?
A related issue is psychedelic drugs. Some people call them entheogens, implying that they actually contain divinity. If a spiritual experience was caused by drugs, does that invalidate it? Why do so many "approved" mystical experiences sound so much like drug trips?
Big questions, but worth discussing, surely?
I read the news of David Foster Wallace's suicide yesterday, and heard part of an NPR interview from a few years back. Very sad.
I hope your friend's son gets effective help. This is a hard time to be young.
I have fought this battle for the better part of my life. Years ago, as a child, I think my episodes of depression were perceived as "fits of melancholy". In my twenties, while experiencing a difficult divorce; I totally broke apart and was hospitalized. Since then there have been those inner battles with the enemy always waiting at the wings.
My family tree is afflicted as well. My father (unipolar), my grandmother (schizophrenia) etc. My children are grown now and at times battle those same demons as I. In particular my twenty three year old son. If it hadn't been for my own experience with depression; I may not have known how to help him and share this journey.
We are hanging in there and for now, without the help of medication. Contrary to a previous commenter's experience with the Orthodox Church; I found comfort and a deeper understanding in the Orthodox Faith. While reading the stories and teachings of monks and saints in the Church; I came across the term "pain of heart". This affliction was at times viewed as a gift that inspired deep prayer and contemplation. Very revelatory for my son and I.
On the more physical side of things: Via sound nutrition (which includes the avoidance of sugar, wheat and other high allergy foods and the inclusion of high fat fish and fish oils) we are doing far better. Might sound kooky but if you research enough; you will find a lot of interesting information on depression and diet.
Recognizing that we are both body and spirit and approaching mental illness on that premise; seems to be very effective for our family.
There is a way to deal with this genetic predisposition and it is many faceted. I hope this is helpful for folks and families out there.
My prayers for you all as you wage your way through this life.
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