Matt Fish at 30

In one sense there is no "middle ground" between being pious and being prodigal. We are either on one path or the other path. I believe that Matt is on the path of piety, even in the midst of his failures.

But what I sense might be something that Matt has overlooked is the central message of Christianity: forgiveness. While it is very salutary to be honest about one's failings and need for grace, such honesty without attention to grace and forgiveness can be terribly painful.

Matt - God loves you even though he knows all your faults and disappointments. That's the beginning of wisdom. There is something very destructive in seeking spiritual perfection apart from that wisdom, and despair is one of the worst temptations of those who neglect this aspect of their faith life.

A very wise and holy priest once told me that true contrition is not really about focusing on our guilt and how terrible our sins are, but rather rejoicing in the immensity of God's merciful love. That's true humility, and it gives one a tremendous amount of freedom to approach God and live in his truth, even as we struggle.

Part of the problem with Catholic vocations may be celibacy. But bigger than that-it's kind of hard to take a young man in his 20s with limited life experience and by virtue of a seminary education make him a priest. Sorry to say many of th guys who went into the seminary in their late teens and early 20s sooner or later left the priesthood altogether. Part of life is love, and heartbreak.

I wish Father Fish well. Simply wonder if he and the Church might be best served if he either didn't embrace his vocation until he had lived a bit, or if the Church didn't make love and vocation mutually exclusive.

Not only my 20s, but also my 30s and most of my 40s are behind me, and I have done almost none of the things most of the other members of my age cohort have done, the things by which our culture tends to measure success: I have never married, I have no children, I have never established myself in a career, I have never owned a house, I don't have any investments or any money saved up, and I'm up to my ears in debt. (Well, OK, I imagine many of them *have* managed to do the last one. ;-) ) But on the other hand, I've never gone through a divorce, and unlike many of my friends I still have my parents, and they are both in reasonably good shape for their age. I (mostly) have my health, though now that I know I'm diabetic I have to take better care of myself. I have also been able to do quite a few interesting things with my life so far, and I am very lucky to be working at a job that I really like. Sure I have regrets, but, interestingly, very few of them are connected with not having accomplished any of the things that seem to define "success" in this country.

As a good friend of mine remarked to me just the other day, what happened before today doesn't really matter; it's what happens starting tomorrow that matters.

I wish a very Happy New Year to everyone who reads Rod's blog!

We are called to follow even when there is no feeling and passion left in it, seemingly. Emotions and feelings are fickle, and we are unfaithful, but even still, we must continue. It's old, but it's an old standby, and I feel I must pull it out again. This quote means a lot to me, especially in dark times:

"Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives.

He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs—to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be.

… Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.

Your affectionate uncle,
Screwtape"

I don't really know what to make of this Mr. Fish's testimonial. I know some now devoutly Catholic guys who've had some pretty sordid pasts. Is this a case of lost innocence? Disillusionment with the way life should be or what we should accomplish?

I went through a period where I had to grow out of some of my naive conceptions of the world, but it had very little to do with religion. In the end, it helped me grow spiritually in other areas. I'm almost 28 and really just starting out after some bumps in the road. So much for big dreams and accomplishments! I've got some good plans with my career, but my most important are just having time to absorb the last six or so years and build on the fruits of my (very tireless) labor.

Or cognitive-behaviorism, which I think is a rather logical way to proceed.