How should Megan and Peter marry?

Twenty three years and a couple of months ago, a wonderful young lady and I managed to get a long weekend off work, and we got married on Sunday, in a local park. Just our immediate friends and family.

We were so broke that our marriage license cost us all we had. We've had our wonderful moments and those low times that tried our souls, but we're still committed to those promises we made back then.

I have little advice, except to say... How you get married, and how you celebrate is almost unimportant to your future. What will count is your dedication, devotion to your promises, and whether you let God keep those promises in your heart for you. And never look back.

Small wedding. Close relatives and a couple very close friends only. You can't have an inexpensive big wedding. And if you keep it very small, it's a lot easier to explain to distant cousins and co-workers/colleagues that they weren't invited.

Get an antique wedding dress (beautiful, elegant, inexpensive). Use this is an excuse to get the groom a tailored suit and shirt (or two) he can wear for years. Have a sit down meal with one choice (something you like) and wine served by the waiters (a glass or two a person). Wedding cakes tend to be both expensive and a lot prettier than they are tasty (fondant, blech!), so instead get several interesting cakes that you like (this also lets you have something special for the parents of the groom and bride). Have a soloist play music on whatever instrument you enjoy hearing most. Don't have a blowout honeymoon, either. Save the money for a house or keep a financial cushion. A financial cushion can decrease the stress on a young marriage.

In January, 2008, I married after being widowed. The Groom and I are in our Fifties... We didn't want to spend a lot of money, but we wanted something to reflect the joy we felt at finding each other.

Evening Wedding. Dessert Reception. Cookies and Milk for the GrandBabies. Coffee bar, Champagne, Assorted Teas. Lots of pastries and cakes and fruits. Chocolate Fountain with pretzels, strawberries, pound cake bites, sugar cookies. The reception was at a tony country club during the month they are closed; we convinced the manager to leave the Christmas decorations up an extra week. That saved us some cash right there. Florist was local plus bay-leaf wreaths and other materials from Williams-Sonoma.

The Wedding was at my Home Church. Simple music. Since I'm a musician, I got friends to contribute. No program. Invitations were our own design and ordered through the local stationary place. My late Father was a lithographer who owned his own business, so I knew what to do (I also remembered from when I had done this 30-odd years before). My Daughter was my Matron of Honour. She and her Husband helped A LOT...even though she was 8-months pregnant (GrandBaby was born two weeks after the Wedding!).

We road-tripped across the Country from Ohio to Oregon and had a wonderful time in the snowy cold. Lots of great small hotels with fireplaces and chocolates on the pillow. Lots of conversations for us and the chance to get away from our very hectic three month courtship (with 6 kids, their spouses, and 5 GrandChildren).

I hired the apprentice Son of my Best Friend (and his new Wife) to take pictures and they turned out gorgeous. All-in-all we did the whole thing, including clothes and shoes and hair and princess perks for under $5000.00. My Daughters Wedding, which was a complete blow-out, cost just a bit more using the same caterer (different venue), a live jazz band, same Church, same friends, a photo-journalist prof from her alma mater, same musicians, same stationer (different invitations), same floral ideas, beautiful dress... for around $12,000.

It CAN be done. It can be personal. It can be cost-effective.

Think creative; outside the box. :)

What can I say that has not already been echoed here? Small wedding, family and friends, and do something really special for the honeymoon. Europe is a nice idea, so is Australia. An Alaskan cruise has always been a dream of mine. But the most important part of it is to make it something memorable, something you can look back on in 30, 40 or 50 years and still get a warm smile from.

Good luck, best wishes, and enjoy your new life together.

And for a less expensive honeymoon, try a modest bed and breakfast a little off the beaten path someplace where you will enjoy the weather that time of year. There are lots of pretty parts of this country that aren't all that expensive. The point is to celebrate your new life together. A couple thousand more to make two weeks better could also be spent making your new home a more livable place for years (or give you a little more financial cushion if someone loses their job).

Random tidbits from my daughter, who took two years to plan her wedding and just witnessed her sister-in-law's marriage go after just six months to arrange it. Having been present for both, I offer my own take on her observations.

-- Acquire a personal relationship with the vendors. You get a better feel for the level of service they will provide, and you know right away who to call if something goes wrong. They, OTOH, get the feeling that they are doing business with people rather than just customers. And no, I don't mean make them your friends. There's no better boost to confidence when the baker (for example) breaks into a warm smile when you walk into her shop to change your mind yet again on some detail.

-- Be prepared to say "Sure! Will you pay for it?" to anyone's "helpful" suggestions.

-- Don't wait for the helpful suggestions. Solicit advice in those areas where you may have doubts, and make sure the contributors know you are not obligated to take their advice. The ones who will be most helpful will understand that without being told.

-- A suggestion for the bride's maids attire: pick a color or pattern, then let each woman find a dress design that best suits her figure and personal taste. They will be much happier paying for their own dresses when they will already be thinking about where else they can wear them.

If you do end up going with a caterer, a piece of advice: see if you can find one that does "picnic" or "barbecue" caters. We were able to do our reception (On the fourth of July!) for 6 dollars a plate by doing a burgers & brats BBQ. We also did a "drink ticket" system - we put two tickets for free drinks in the program, and beyond that, it was a cash bar. It was fiscally responsible, but more importantly, we felt it was wise to limit the flow of alcohol to a certain extent. A lot of people didn't use theirs, so I don't think anyone spent much on drinks, but we also didn't feel like there was an unstoppable flow of booze.

My wife and I got married in the early afternoon (rates are somewhat cheaper) and then took a great honeymoon in Nova Scotia.

We got married, fed 20 out-of-town guests three meals, had a reception for 350, and took our honeymoon for a grand total of only $1400.

Things I would do again:

Marry in the mid-morning. You can get away with coffee and cake and whatever else is regional (here, nuts and creamy mint candies) and save a bundle.

Get a small layered wedding cake but have lots of cheaper but same recipe sheet cakes in the back, already sliced & on plates for serving.

Splurge on GOOD coffee and tea -- no cheap stuff.

Limit your wedding party to one witness each.

Fuss less about your clothes and hair (I wore my grandmother's dress and did my own hair; my husband wore a new Irish linen shirt topped with a 76 cent jacket from the Goodwill and rounded out with spectator shoes, also a Goodwill find).

Go ahead and spend the money on the professional photographer you want. Pictures can't be fixed after they are taken and moments are lost for good.

Get off the beaten path for your honeymoon -- it's cheaper and all you really want is to be alone, anyway. Drive, don't fly.

If you have a meal after the wedding (like we did, for out-of-town guests), take a cooler filled with leftovers and use that for one meal a day on your honeymoon.

What I do differently:

I'd marry in church instead of in a friend's backyard. My wedding looks a little too "hippy" and doesn't adequately reflect the serious nature of the vows we were taking.

I'd go ahead and invite everybody to the wedding and the reception, instead of having a family-only wedding and a reception for everybody (people were really mad at us).

I'd spent more money on shoes that were actually comfortable, since I was on my feet all day.

I would not have taken half the honeymoon alone with my new husband and half with a bunch of high school kids that we were taking on tour to a bunch of churches in a few different states (performing a musical for youth groups). But really, who would do that except us?

I'd mostly echo what others have said so far, but I really, really want to concur with Sparki re: honeymoon. My husband and I went to the Outer Banks of North Carolina for our honeymoon, via car, taking our time getting there, and then visiting the various islands. We went off season so it was quiet (and probably a bit cheaper than usual, too).

Since we married in NC anyway, what was wrong with going somewhere small, local, old (relatively, anyway) and particular? :)

In all honesty, I think that being realistic about one's wedding from a cost perspective goes hand-in-hand with being realistic about one's honeymoon. The lavish "wedding trip" of several weeks overseas isn't in a lot of people's budgets, and in our case we (especially me) didn't have enough banked "vacation time" at our jobs to take more than a week off for the wedding--which makes for a pretty hectic time if you're spending a large amount of that time just getting to your honeymoon destination.

Rod, welcome back to Texas--you must have brought the cooler weather with you! (Just wanted to be one of the dozens of annoying Texas residents who will say that to you over the next week.)

Before everybody gets carried away with the whole frugal wedding thing, I just wanted to give one word of caution. Members of my rather large extended and Catholic family (I have close to 40 first cousins) wanted to do a wedding on the cheap and others sat them down and basically said, "a reception is something you do for the entire family, so don't think you can just fob us with some potluck in the church hall." They went ahead with their plans and the out-of-state family didn't even make the trip. The bridal shower was a disaster; aunts felt like the bride and groom were trying to make a profit by taking all these gifts but only doing a ceremony and brunch afterwards. It's been 3-4 years but everybody is talking again.

It may seem counterintuitive, but we found that hiring a wedding coordinator saved us money in the long run, though ours was by no means a wedding on the cheap. Most wedding coordinators have established relationships with vendors and are able to get substantial discounts (10-20%) that were unavailable to nonprofessionals. Not to mention that they have equipment and such that you often don't have to pay as much to rent.

We were married during our lunch break from work at the magistrate. Then we went back to work. Saved a ton of money that way.
Sometime after that the priest at my inlaws' parish provided us the Church's blessing on a Saturday afternoon in between golfing and a real wedding. No fancy dress, no reception--we just wanted to be married.

I would advise them that I and my harp(and spouse with flute and Irish whistles) are available for weddings and receptions at a reasonable rate ;)

I don't like the idea of potlucking it unless people offer BEFORE you ask. If you are "inviting" "guests," those two words imply that you are not hiring them or charging them a fee of help or food for the occasion.

OTOH, there is nothing wrong with marrying in your own church (for those of fortunate to be part of churches that do not charge for facilities) having the reception somewhere cheap or free, and serving finger food and non-alcoholic drinks, if cost is a concern. You can entertain a lot of people cheaply that way. I enjoy a fancy wedding reception with a lovely dinner and flowing wine as much as the next person, but there is no OBLIGATION to provide such things. If we really believe that people's presence is what matters and not how grand a spectacle you make of your wedding, then it really shouldn't be THAT hard to actually act like it.

I like the comment about timing the wedding so that you can "get away" with less than a meal. I do think it's somewhat unfair to have your wedding at a time that leaves people wanting a meal, and then not provide it. But a mid-morning, very early afternoon, or late evening wedding can get around that. Although, it is hard for me to imagine a morning time that is not ridiculously early that will not have people wanting a solid lunch by the time the ceremony, pictures, and greetings are all done.

Elope. Many Years!!!

I'm with Rod on this. Small, low-cost wedding, and honeymoon off-season in Europe. A honeymoon in Europe is not necessarily an "extravagant vacation." A wedding is about having the right start to a lifetime together, not about entertaining other people. A long honeymoon in a wonderful place is a very good way to start a marriage -- much better than spending ridiculous sums of money on a big party.