Jacquielynn Floyd is sick and tired of parents who let their kids be brats in public. Excerpt:
Nobody disputes that even the most angelic children have bad moments. When you're a little kid, your emotions are magnified: weariness can become wailing misery; disappointment telescopes into screeching despair. They're not miniature adults.The question is: Whose job is it to make concessions in these instances? Do parents have a right to expect strangers to put up with some "age appropriate" behavior from their children in public? Or do people have a right to expect children in public places to be well-behaved?
It's the job of others to be merciful to parents who may find themselves in a difficult situation with an inconsolable child, and the job of parents to be merciful to others who are disturbed by their child's bad behavior. No reasonable person thinks harshly of a mother or father who is doing her or his best to calm or to discipline an unruly child, as long the parent is making a good faith effort, and is apologetic to others, recognizing that their child's behavior is an imposition. Many times when my kids were younger, I've had to depend on the generosity of strangers when they acted up in public -- and I made sure to thank these strangers for their patience, and to apologize for my child upsetting them with their behavior.
But too many parents these days don't give a rip, and expect everyone to put up with whatever their jerky kids do. This is egregious and uncivil. But you know, I never, ever know how to handle these situations, other than to walk away, or sometimes to ask the parent politely to please mind their child, because Junior is hitting me, or my kid, or throwing spaghetti at our table. I can say that in my experience, most parents act offended that you bothered to say anything to them. Me, if my kid's behavior caused a stranger to speak to me about it, I would die a thousand deaths, and couldn't apologize fast enough. And I would be careful to do whatever I could to keep it from happening again.
Then again, manners are atrocious all over these days, aren't they?
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I used to be so annoyed by the wailing of children in public until I became a mom. Being a mom is so overwhelming, so hard, so all-consuming that I am very compassionate and non-judgmental about it now. Sometimes there is nothing you can do. Sometimes it's been going on all day and you have only enough energy to hold your own head up. Sometimes you have already said "stop it" or some variation thereof ten thousand times that day and are too worn out to do it again. People need to be more gracious to moms. Dirty looks and snide remarks don't help anyone out.
Seriouly, can you imagine a mom of an unruly child thinking, "Wow, that lady gave me a dirty look today while junior was throwing himself on the floor. I think I'll be more on top of that now." Yeah right.
Have some love for the hardest job in the world.
As a "faggot" who started fostering a 14-year old whose birth parents let him wear t-shirts sporting the F-bomb, let him swear as much as he liked wherever he liked, and gave him cigarettes and joints, I have had the "pleasure" of working to undo all these behaviors and more. I had to explain to him why he was too young for sex and why he couldn't go to his girlfriend's house any more because her parents left them alone in her bedroom. My lack of respect for his parents had everything to do with their lack of parenting skills and nothing to do with their orientation.
He's not a totally different kid now, but his behavior has certainly improved a lot. My views on parenting haven't changed that much pre- and post-fostering, because my own (heterosexual) parents modeled how to behave respectfully. I have contempt neither for heterosexuals nor children of any persuasion. One of my closest friends has an autistic son, and I do have to say knowing him has made me more aware of individuals who face behavioral challenges, but I have little tolerance any parents who don't make parenting their first priority - for example, disallowing discriminatory outbursts in public.
I'm the "faggot" under Your Name at 11:46. Darn Captcha.
Just a shout-out from two more "faggots" who traveled to our local big-box store this morning, to visit the "Angel Tree" bearing Christmas wishes from needy children in our very economically depressed rural county. It's our family custom to take two of these tags and fulfill the wishes. We started reading the tags: One 4-year-old needed a bath towel; one 3-year-old needed a blanket. We started weeping, literally, over these tags, and wound up choosing sequentially numbered tags of what appeared to be a family of desperately poor children who, in these days of over-the-top spending for kids, had wish lists reminiscent of my parents' Depression Christmases. We are, of course, not only going to grant these requests but add to them, as our own often poorly executed reflection of God's extravagant generosity and grace. On a "comments" section that, apropos of nothing, some respondents have chosen to post hateful homophobic remarks, presumably because they assume they'll have a happy home here, I just wanted to share our story. And perhaps the author of the "faggotry" comment might take a few moments today to think about how s/he is supporting children in crisis situations in his/her own community.
I get really frustrated with the expectations of non-parents in regards to children's behavior. Yes, I try to keep my kids well-behaved, but meltdowns do occur on occasion. I think people should remember that these kids are our future and our future Social Security and Medicare contributors and be a little more grateful to those of us who take on raising the next generation. I mean, are we just individuals who float into each other's space or are we a community?
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