I'm not kidding. I'm really not kidding. From a blog listing the 20 Worst Tattoos for a Man, this classic ... which I'm putting below the jump not because it's unsafe for work (it's fine), but because I don't want people enjoying their morning Fresca to spit it up on their keyboard.
Recently in Not the Onion Category
Friday October 16, 2009
Categories: Not the Onion
Worst. Tattoo. Ever.
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Filed Under: tattoo
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Add to StumbleUponThursday October 8, 2009
Categories: Not the Onion
Costco's Little Monkey, uh, problem
Guess what Costco had to pull from its shelves? This is, incredibly, not a hoax. It happened in August, but I'm just now hearing about it:
Wednesday October 7, 2009
Categories: Not the Onion
Low-rent Levi Johnston debauchery continues
When are this jackass's 15 minutes going to be up?
ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) -- Levi Johnston is going for the ultimate exposure -- the 19-year-old father of Sarah Palin's grandchild will pose nude for Playgirl, his attorney said Wednesday.
How fortunate the Palins are that this cat is not part of their family any longer. He'd make Billy Carter and Roger Clinton look like the Gracchae. Next stop: onstage at the Night o' Joy. With parrot.
Filed Under: Levi Johnston, Playgirl
Tuesday September 15, 2009
Categories: Not the Onion
Naked Texas Baptists unite!
I don't know if the Calvary Nudist Baptist Church in Tyler, Texas is for real -- I very much doubt it (the address isn't on Google maps) -- but if it is, these Baptist gives a whole new meaning to the hymn, "Just As I Am." Personally, I wouldn't want to sit down on those pews after prayer meeting, if you know what I mean.
Wednesday September 2, 2009
Categories: Not the Onion
Gay married ice cream?
Ben & Jerry's has temporarily renamed its fudgilicious Chubby Hubby ice cream to celebrate same-sex marriage in Vermont. It's now called Hubby Hubby. Write your own joke.
Thursday August 13, 2009
Categories: Not the Onion
Better than stock tips from Bernie Madoff
Karl Rove complains that Barack Obama doesn't know the difference between campaigning and governing, and is foolishly turning his opponents into enemies....
Filed Under: Karl Rove
Thursday July 2, 2009
Categories: Not the Onion
Global mega ant apocalypse!
I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted blog personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves....
Filed Under: ants, apocalypse
Monday June 29, 2009
Categories: Not the Onion
Things that make you go hmm...
1. Bumper sticker I spied in Colorado Springs yesterday: "Drill, baby, drill." The sticker appeared on the bumper of a Smart Car. Parked outside of Whole Foods. 2. Big kerfuffle in Fort Worth as gay protesters complain that cops who...
Monday April 27, 2009
Categories: Not the Onion
Swine flu not kosher in Israel
I'm not making this up: Ultra-Orthodox Deputy Health Minister Yakov Litzman on Monday declared that Israel would call the new potentially deadly disease that has already struck two continents 'Mexico Flu,' rather than 'Swine Flu, as pigs are not kosher....
Wednesday April 15, 2009
Categories: Not the Onion, Sexuality
She married the Eiffel Tower
No jokes about the freakish conjugal visits! Anyway, what's wrong with it? Who are you to judge? Bigots....
Filed Under: Eiffel Tower, sexuality
Monday March 16, 2009
Obama fried chicken
Oh, zose vacky Chermans: they're now marketing "Obama Fingers" -- fried chicken nuggets in homage to the US president. Not making this up! What will the Germans think of next......
Wednesday February 11, 2009
Categories: Not the Onion
We're AFSCME, you *^&%$ knucklehead!
Via Politico, we learn that Rep. Eric Cantor's office suggests this redubbed 1970s ad as a response to the AFSCME union's ad campaign. The new voice over is very profane -- so NSFW! -- but boy, is this hilarious:...
Tuesday January 13, 2009
Categories: Not the Onion
Joe the Plumber: Please make him stop
In his latest video dispatch from the war zone in southern Israel, Joe the Plumber accuses an Israeli journalist of not being pro-Israeli. If I were a liberal now, I'd be paying cash money to keep this asinine experiment keepin'...
Friday November 21, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
Sarah Python's Flying Circus
Gov. Palin visits a turkey farm in search of levity. Well, I thought it was pretty damn funny, but probably not for the same reason Sarah does: (Thanks to reader Chris W. for sending this in, and suggesting the headline)....
Wednesday September 10, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion, Republicans
Deepak Chopra helps Sarah Palin
Oh my. Oh my. This is really something. On HuffPo, Deepak Chopra exhales a breathy broadside against Sarah Palin, and it's just ... well, read it for yourself, in all its supercilious, nitwit New Age glory. As they say, you...
Friday September 5, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
Virgin Mary appears on a Texas grape!
Looky, looky! I love this stuff. Probably not for the right reasons....
Monday August 11, 2008
Categories: Culture, Not the Onion
The Onion/Not the Onion
One of these stories is true; the other is from The Onion. Can you guess which one is real and which one is fake? 1. "Giant flying turd escapes Swiss art museum, attacks children's home." 2. "Use of N-word threatens...
Monday July 21, 2008
Categories: Islamic terrorism, Not the Onion
Bob the Tomato: Infidel Transvestite?
Would it be worse for VeggieTales stars Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber if they were gay, and displayed next to each other in a Baghdad vegetable stand? I ask about the Crusader produce because of this fabulous post...
Wednesday July 16, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
Mushmouthed British hippie bleats
I am grateful for the subtitles on this curious anthropological artifact from a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. How else would we know what this poor spastic creature was trying to communicate to us? (Seriously, this...
Thursday July 10, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
Scandal! Bigotry in the dessert case!
Dallas County Commissioner John Wiley Price, the African-American philosopher-king who took umbrage at a fellow commissioner for using the term "black hole" to describe a city office into which documents disappear, went on local TV today to complain about the...
Tuesday July 8, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
"Niggardly" in Dallas
Yesterday things got tense at a meeting of the Dallas County Commissioners. A Dallas Morning News City Hall blogger picks up the scene: Commissioner Kenneth Mayfield, who is white, said it seemed that central collections "has become a black hole"...
Thursday July 3, 2008
NYC foodies face the apocalypse
Terry Mattingly, who saves everything, forwarded to me this e-mail I sent him on October 12, 2001, one month after the 9/11 attacks. I publish it here to let you know that I am married to the perfect woman for...
Sunday June 22, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
[Erin] The fall of the house of Usher
No, really. From Drudge, this story of an Australian man determined to sell his whole life--on Ebay--and start over: The British immigrant to Australia, who said the trigger for his bold offer was the break-up with his wife, had hoped...
Saturday June 21, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
[Erin] Imposing morality
You may have seen this story on Drudge yesterday: a condo company has decided to make one of the community's two pools clothing-optional, to improve sales: Eden came up with a new strategy, "to set us apart from the thousands...
Wednesday June 18, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
Another needed-killin' story
Darwin Award alert! Armed robber in Dallas area kicks a guy's door in, and is taking his gun out of his belt to shoot the homeowner when the gun goes off, causing the lowlife to inadvertently kill his own sorry...
Friday June 6, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
Adventures in Unfortunate Nicknames
Check out the MySpace page of a steroidal bodybuilder from north Texas. Note the nickname he gave himself. Now note why he's in the news. Ewgh. (H/T: FrontBurner)...
Thursday May 29, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
What would we do without celebrity analysts?
Sharon Stone blames the Chinese for causing their own earthquake suffering by being mean to "my good friend" the Dalai Lama. Yes, but what kind of karmic bitch-slap is it that we have to live with Sharon Stone?...
Tuesday May 27, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
Eddie the Love Bug
Via Mark Shea comes news of a Washington man who has a fetish for cars. A real fetish. Excerpt: Edward Smith, who lives with his current "girlfriend" – a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, insisted that he was not "sick"...
Saturday May 24, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
Chutzpah, defined
A Dallas couple that owns a pair of pit bulls are suing a woman who was attacked by their dogs, and whose dog was attacked by the pits. Really. (FWIW, this is all happening in a wealthy part of the...
Friday May 16, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
Ambulance chaser meets ugly with ambulance
A rich Texas ambulance-chasing lawyer is in critical condition after a fire engine with sirens blazing plowed into his Bentley today in Dallas. I hope he recovers fully, if only so we can all appreciate the irony in good conscience....
Friday May 9, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion, Not the Onion
Headline of the year
But the mediocre ones thrive best in sweater weather....
Friday May 9, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion, Not the Onion
Headline of the year
But the mediocre ones thrive best in sweater weather....
Wednesday April 30, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
Lesbians against lesbians
I love this story. A group of pissed-off Lesbians -- that is, people of Lesbos -- have filed suit in Greek civil court against a gay rights group, trying to force it to quit using the word "lesbian" in its...
Thursday March 13, 2008
Categories: Culture, Not the Onion
Nookie for spiritual progressives
I am deeply indebted to James, a reader who passed along this commentary on l'affaire Spitzer mass e-mailed to him from the liberal rabbi Michael Lerner, the big cheese of Tikkun magazine, founding member of the Network of Spiritual Progressives,...
Wednesday March 12, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
Bartleby in the Bathroom
People are strange. I mean, I bang on the door and tell my 8-year-old that the bathroom is not a reading room, and to hurry up ... but this is something else entirely: WICHITA, Kan. – Authorities are considering charges...
Tuesday March 4, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
The fruits of Cold War victory
You can't make this up. Via John Miller at the Corner, more evidence of the good that William F. Buckley did with his life's work. I present to you the Red Army Chorus assisting with the Leningrad Cowboys' performance of...
Friday February 22, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
God hates men who pee sitting down
No, really, a preacher says so: What's wrong with the world is men who sit down to urinate. Sit back and watch 4 1/2 minutes of sublimely weird preaching (thank you Mark Shea, you ignorant slut, and also your Knights...
Friday February 22, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
News from Mullet Nation
Kenny Chumsky. Kenny Chumsky. I just can't stop saying Kenny Chumsky. Here's why: A 40-year-old man was arrested early Thursday on a charge of aggravated domestic battery after police allege he shocked his mother. According to a Port St. Lucie...
Tuesday February 12, 2008
Categories: Decline and fall, Not the Onion
Dutch Catholicism, RIP
I swear to you I'm not making this up. This is not from The Onion. Are you ready for it? Here: Dutch Catholics have re-branded the Lent fast as the "Christian Ramadan" in an attempt to appeal to young people...
Wednesday February 6, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
You are not on drugs
You are on the Lawrence Welk Show. Look at this clip of "one of the newer songs," which is pretty much the ne plus ultra of clueless squaredom. Ah one and ah two and ah......
Monday January 28, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
White man's burden
Presenting, via John Podhoretz and Andrew Sullivan, the most terrifying video of a white man doing that voodoo that we do so well since Mitt Romney had a "bling bling" sighting whilst on a cultural anthropological mission in Florida. I...
Thursday January 17, 2008
Categories: Culture, Not the Onion
Adolf Hitler: Proto Crunchy Con?
A reader writes: I watched the Daily Show last night and Jonah Goldberg seemed to be making the point that organic gardening is a form of fascism. I'm curious, as the author of Crunchy Cons, what do you think of...
Sunday January 13, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
This crazy weather year
It snowed in Baghdad the other day, for the first time in 100 years. My brother-in-law, who's serving there with his Louisiana National Guard unit, reports that the snowflakes were "massive." I'm about to go put on a t-shirt and...
Monday January 7, 2008
Categories: Not the Onion
Quote of the Day
"This isn't the worst we've had. But it is my first cannibalism." -- Sheriff J.B. Smith of Smith County, Texas, who arrested a guy for killing his girlfriend. Cops found her ear boiling on a pan atop his stove, and...
Wednesday December 19, 2007
Categories: Not the Onion
Stereotypes in our time
From the Department of Not Surprised One Dadgum Bit comes news that Britney Spears' 16-year-old sister done got knocked up. She met the dude at -- get this -- church. Ah, Louisiana, the great state. Ah, my people. Seriously, God...
Friday December 7, 2007
Categories: Not the Onion
Drew Peterson: Dirtbag of the Week
I'm sorry, but what did this man say?!: Drew Peterson says the the disappearance of his fourth wife, Stacy, and the mysterious death of his third wife, Kathleen Savio, might hamper his love life. “I'm not going to get another...
Thursday November 29, 2007
Categories: Not the Onion
Muhammad Teddy teacher to the pokey
So the Islamic Republic of Sudan, where sharia rules, has sent a schoolteacher to prison because she allowed her class to name a teddy bear Muhammad. At least she didn't get the lash: Following the verdict, prosecutor Babikr Abdulatif said:...
Friday November 16, 2007
Categories: Not the Onion
Cyclosexualism in our time
Well, maybe we are like Saudi Arabia. I mean, hell, if a man can't fornicate with his Schwinn in the privacy of his own room without running afoul of the law... Now, if he'd violated a tricycle, I'd say, "Git...
Thursday November 8, 2007
Categories: Not the Onion
The Big Book of British Smiles
Onward and upward with U.K. dentistry!...
Wednesday October 24, 2007
Categories: Not the Onion
Stay classy, animal lovers
More bad people who make the world worse: Animal Liberation Front loonies begrudging a 10-year-old boy dying of cancer his last wish. He wanted to go on a bear hunt. He got to go on a bear hunt. He was...
Wednesday October 24, 2007
Categories: Not the Onion
Stay classy, animal lovers
More bad people who make the world worse: Animal Liberation Front loonies begrudging a 10-year-old boy dying of cancer his last wish. He wanted to go on a bear hunt. He got to go on a bear hunt. He was...
Tuesday October 23, 2007
Categories: Not the Onion
There's a blog for everything
Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians. For true!...
Friday October 19, 2007
Categories: Not the Onion
The litigious society
Here's another set of bad people who are making life in America worse. Last week, Arthur Jackson of Arlington, Texas, shot his estranged wife to death, and slaughtered his stepchildren while he was at it. Police pinned the suicidal Jackson...
Monday October 8, 2007
Halo and church
In a story that could have been lifted from The Onion, but in fact appeared in The New York Times, hundreds of Protestant churches are using the ultraviolent videogame Halo to lure teenage boys into church. No, really, I'm not...
Friday September 21, 2007
Categories: Not the Onion
Do you like pina coladas?
The Rupert Holmes 1970s frozen-drink love song comes to life in the cyberage. Adnan, 32, said: "I still find it hard to believe that Sweetie, who wrote such wonderful things, is actually the same woman I married and who has...
Monday September 17, 2007
Categories: Not the Onion
The worst part of waking up
...is exotic cat poop in your cup. Unless you are a true connoisseur of fine coffee, that is. Reader James sends in notice of one of the most prized coffees in the world, kopi luwak, made from select beans that...
Monday September 17, 2007
Categories: Not the Onion
The overwhelming triumph of capitalism
If somebody had told you in 1985, when Mikhail Gorbachev was elected general secretary of the Soviet Communist Party, than in 22 years, the Soviet Union would be defunct, and the new general secretary would be hawking luxury luggage in...
Wednesday September 12, 2007
Categories: Not the Onion
Britney meltdown
Big ol' Britney fan has a massive hissy fit. I think this is real -- this disturbed and deeply confused person is on record as a Britney fanatic. He's also a performance artist, so caveat emptor. Still, it's pretty funny....
Friday September 7, 2007
Categories: Not the Onion
You are not hallucinating
Once upon a time, Your Working Boy willfully and deliberately ingested magic mushrooms while up to no good in Amsterdam. And still the experience was not remotely as hallucinogenic as this video of James Brown performing with Luciano Pavarotti, who...
Thursday August 9, 2007
Categories: Not the Onion
Your tax dollars at work
"Dusty the Asthma Goldfish and His Asthma-Triggers Funbook," brought to you by the EPA. No, really, people got paid real money to come up with a child-companionable asthmatic fish -- because, you know, all that crap in the air that...
Thursday July 26, 2007
Categories: Not the Onion
The grim kitty reaper
Oscar the cat lives in a nursing facility, and seems to predict the imminent demise of its residents with bizarre accuracy. Whenever he goes and lies down near an ailing patient, the patient dies within four hours. How does he...
Tuesday July 24, 2007
Categories: Not the Onion
Toothpaste, war, whatever
I hope that Kurt Vonnegut, wherever he is, saw this WaPo story from last weekend. Seems that the Pentagon commissioned a study to learn from advertising and marketing techniques how the military could better sell the Iraq War to Iraqis:...
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About Crunchy Con
Rod Dreher is an editorial columnist for the Dallas Morning News, and author of "Crunchy Cons" (Crown Forum), a nonfiction book about conservatives, most of them religious, whose faith and political convictions sometimes put them at odds with mainstream conservatives. The views expressed in this blog are his own.
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