An opinion piece by New York librarian and professor Emily Walshe has me nodding in complete agreement:
A common criticism of such social-networking sites is that they cheapen friendship. But they're doing more than reducing its value: They're creating a shadow culture of friendship that spins cosmic sympathy into crowd sourcing.
With greater connectedness has come the ability for people to influence one another with more speed and efficiency. Social-networking sites - spurred by a resurgent "Secret" interpretation of the ancient Greek doctrine "like attracts like" - have become a potent medium for mass persuasion. [...]
Friendship, like marriage, is a big attraction - a deep commitment to a nonblood relation. It is a relationship predicated on trust and nurtured, over time, through physical and metaphysical connection.
Critics consider the phenomena of chronic "friending" to be a kind of memetic narcissism, and excessive self-regard is surely part of its appeal. But these ever-widening concentric circles of congeniality are subtly turning the desire for friendship into sinister temptations for power or profit.
Do read the whole thing; the writer deplores the commercialism of this kind of "friending" where number of "friends," perceived influence, and the ability to give financial kickbacks in various ways to one's "friends" is corrupting the whole notion of friendship.
I get that some people enjoy social networking sites, and that others find them useful in some way or other. To a certain extent I know my dislike of them is related to my temperament, and the fact that I can't see the attraction in what seems to be a lot of glorified triviality, the chronicling of the events of one's day in tiny repetitive bursts of short words. Frankly, the last time speech was like that in my house I still had toddlers acting as a harness to my natural inclination to verbosity; blogging may be brief compared to novel-writing or even feature-writing, but compared to tweeting or posting on someone's wall, blogging is as expansive and as expository as a Dickens novel.
But the other thing about blogging is that if you blog, and if you're lucky enough, you have "readers," who may or may not become friends in any sense; the word "reader" implies nothing more than someone who reads your ideas, either because he likes them, or because he dislikes them and enjoys disagreeing, or because he is violently apathetic to them and never wastes an opportunity to tell you what a disappointment you are. On social networking sites, however, everybody's your friend, or wants to be; the word "friend," in a social networking context, has become a verb.
But "friend" is not the verb form of the word. That would be "befriend." To befriend someone is to do something active, positive; it is to act in such a way that friendship is fostered, at a level where the person is actually known or where you come to know him or her. The difference between the active cultivation of a friendship and "friending" someone are like the difference between planting a garden and photographing a painting of a garden; the one requires slow, careful, patient effort, and the other is essentially an act of observation with the possibility and within the context of appreciation.
Like I said, I understand that social networks are enjoyed by many and seem to fill a legitimate need for connection. But they employ the language of a more intimate relationship than the rather businesslike one that they facilitate. Perhaps the word "friend" should return to being a noun, and a new word created to describe the connection between an interesting person and the several hundred people who have asked to be his "friend" because they find his brief daily messages interesting, or funny, or uplifting.