Doing Life Together

I was deeply moved yesterday listening to the names of the victims from 911. I watched a number of anniversary specials and saw both resilience and heart break in families. My heart went out to those who are still stuck in unforgiveness. While we may never forget what happened on that horrendous day, we, as Christians, must forgive our enemies. In the natural, this is not easy to do. But with God’s help, we can choose to forgive and move forward in our mental and spiritual health.

Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves and is an individual act. For the Christian, it is a command. As Christ forgives us, we are to forgive others.

So regardless of the issue, how well do you score on the forgiveness quiz?

Questions:

T or F  1. Forgiveness is an option based on our feelings.

T or F  2. Forgiveness is a good idea when someone deserves it.

T or F  3. Forgiveness is rewarded by God.

T or F  4. Forgiveness requires other people to confess or make up.

T or F  5. Forgiveness is tough to do in the natural.

T or F  6. Forgiveness is reconciliation.

T or F  7. Forgiveness is not saying that what the person did to you was OK.

T or F  8. Forgiveness is minimizing the hurt or wrong that was done to you.

T or F  9. Forgiveness is pardoning the offense.

T or F  10. Forgiveness is to be continuously offered.

Answers:

1. False. Forgiveness is an act of obedience to God. Mark 11:25

2. False. None of us deserves forgiveness yet God gives it to us. Luke 6:37

3. True. When we choose to honor God and live by kingdom principles, we are rewarded. Proverbs 25:21-22

4. False. It does not matter what the other person does. Forgiveness is an individual act that we choose to do regardless of the other person’s actions. Colossians 3:13

5. True. Forgiveness is not a natural response. It takes the power of the Holy Spirit in you to treat someone kindly who has treated you unfairly. Romans 7:18-19

6. False. It takes one person to forgive and two to reconcile. God’s heart is that we be reconciled to one another, but this isn’t always possible if the other person won’t try.  Psalm 133:1

7. True. Forgiveness is not saying that what the person did to you was OK. What the person did was not OK, that is why you need to forgive. Luke 23:34

8. False. What the person did to you may be horrible, undeserved, and ungodly. Forgiving that person does not take away from the wrongness of the action. But if you hold on to anger associated with the hurt, you won’t heal. Ephesians 4:26

9. False. Only God pardons or brings vengeance. He is the ultimate judge so release the person to Him. Romans 12:17-19

10. True. It doesn’t matter how many times a person hurts or offends you, each time, forgive. Luke 17:3-4

To the families who lost loved ones, we haven’t forgotten you. You are in our prayers. Sunday will not be an easy day.

Here are 24 tips to help children cope with fear, especially after a disaster, trauma or life event.

Coping With Children’s Fears:

1. When terror strikes, how do you cope? You will communicate whatever emotions you have to your children verbally or nonverbally.

2. Do not overburden your children with too much. Make your discussions age-appropriate, listen and answer their questions.

3. Don’t avoid talking about world events and how they impact us. This is your opportunity to present a biblical world view.

4. Talk about good and evil from a biblical context. Children have been taught relativism which is anti-biblical. There is good and evil traced to two sources–God or Satan. The devil is real, his minions are real and there is a war with principalities and powers.

5. Provide the hope God gives us to overcome evil through His son Jesus Christ.

6. Pray for protection. Read Psalm 91 as a family, daily and claim that Word over your household.

7. Engage in daily prayer times with your children. The stronger their walk with God, the more peace they will have.

8. Teach your children where their confidence and hope come from -God.

9. Give your children a practical spiritual way to combat fear and worry–prayer, supplication, thanksgiving and then request (Phil 4:6-7)

10.  When fear enters their mind, renew it with a verse– 2Tim 1:7. Tell the enemy you won’t listen to his fearful thoughts, tell him to leave and speak the name of Jesus. Fear will have to flee.

11. Keep routines and structure going. These make children feel safe.

12. Encourage creative expressions of feelings though music, art, dance.

13. When tragedy strikes, take action. Send letters to firefighters, supplies to the homeless,etc. Show the love of Christ in tangible, sacrificial ways.

14. Reassure them that you are doing everything possible to keep them safe and that God’s presence is always with them. They can call His name anytime they feel afraid.

15. Limit exposure to trauma. Exposure to graphic images can cause psychological damage.

16. Share feelings at youth groups and with fellow Christians who understand how to have overcome fear, hope in Christ, and pray for spirit-led direction and protection.

17. Take care of your physical body with sleep, eating well, exercise and vitamins. Stress taxes the immune system. If you are an anxious person, cut out caffeine and stop smoking.

18. Be physically affectionate with your children. Touch is reassuring and makes them feel connected.

19. Continual renew your mind and theirs with the Word of God. There are numerous scriptures that help us cope and trust God in difficulty.

20.  Practice relaxation exercises if you find yourself constantly tense. Then make time for laughter and play with your children.

21. Talk about all the people who are helping and do good.

22. Given all the talk about anger, you need to discuss that emotion and how to handle angry feelings. Anger is a God-given emotion but should never be used to hurt people.

23. Also talk about forgiveness of those who hurt us. This doesn’t mean we agree with what they did or won’t try to stop them from hurting us more but we can’t harbor unforgiveness in our hearts.

24. Watch how children play after a trauma. Young children tend to act out their feelings in play. You can redirect those negative feelings to appropriate responses.

I finally watched an episode of the Jersey Shore. Figured it was time I knew who Snooki and the Situation were since I have seen them all over the television screen handing out awards, dancing with stars and being interviewed. I wanted to know why these people are household names and creating such a stir.

I watched. I almost fell asleep. I totally don’t get it.

The episode I saw was about the gang in Italy. I was embarrassed as an American. They gave new meaning to the “ugly American” persona. Snooki was actually yelling at people to stop talking to her because she doesn’t understand Italian.

Hello! You are in Italy. Do you really think the natives should accommodate your ignorance? Apparently! Maybe that’s the charm? Help me people!

The hour was filled with lots of partying, drinking and sex. From a TV viewing stance, I was bored and found these people uninteresting. I know I’m not the target audience but I am still fascinated with why this program is a hit. So I looked it up. Here’s what I found on EW.com

Jersey show …

creates its own world. (True enough!)

is a sitcom (I never laughed!)

has what people want (This is a scary thought!)

makes people happy (Please get into therapy if this is true!)

And apparently the show has spiked interest in tanning salons (See my article on Tanorexia).

So there you go. I still don’t get it.

I couldn’t get in to blog today until now so this is brief but good.

A number of years ago, I found this on a website, Thirdage.com.  It’s simple but true.

This is what happy couples do…

1. Go to bed at the same time.

2. Cultivate common interests

3. Walk hand in hand or side by side.

4. Make trust and forgiveness your default.

5. Focus on what your partner does right not wrong.

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work.

7. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning.

8. Say goodnight every night regardless of how you feel.

9. Do a “weather” check during the day.

10. Be proud to be seen with your partner.

Are you a happy couple?