Joan Ball is a business professor at St. John’s University in New York and the author of Flirting with Faith: My Spiritual Journey from Atheism to a Faith-Filled Life.
I didn’t expect my first post to excite much controversy–from my friends, at least. But to my surprise, even my mother, who was in part the subject of it, had a criticism. “Nice post,” she said. “But it would have been funnier if you left the curse-word in.”
Not everyone felt the same.
“I’m glad you bleeped it,” my friend Steph said. “Obscenities make you sound coarse, inarticulate and rude,” adding that they are offensive to a lot of people, including herself. Another friend, Dave, disagreed, basically accusing me of being dishonest for censoring my post. (Does this mean he thinks I’m a sellout?)
Honestly, I’m not sure why I made the choice to redact the original epithet and fill it out with &%$# instead. I wasn’t forced or even suggested to refrain from profanity by the blog sponsor or Beliefnet. And in my private writing, I’ve used some language salty enough to pickle a sailor. However, here I just kind of shied away from it somehow. Maybe I was being cowardly; maybe I was being ladylike (snort). Or maybe I just didn’t think it was such a big deal at the time. I’m not 100% sure how I feel about the decision now, except that when it comes to this ethics blog, my first instinct is to do as little harm to others as possible. I realize there are people who feel actual pain/discomfort/offense when they see swear words in print. So I thought, better safe than sorry.
But, as Dave pointed out, maybe being ethical is also about a personal code of honesty, about being true to yourself and to the events about which you are reporting. In which case, the epithet should probably have stood.
All this got me thinking about the power of language and the choices we make when we sling it around. When we’re in a public forum, do we have a responsibility to mind our tongues and/or our fingers when we type? Who do we have to please? Should we fear offending others? When is a curse-word the best word–the only word–and when is it just for shock or because of a lack of imagination on the part of the speaker? Do words have intrinsic power, or is it just what we invest in them? If I censor myself, is it purely out of fear of being censored by someone else, and does that mean society is becoming more restrictive?
I can only answer for myself. As I’ve gotten older, I have become more conservative with my verbiage, if not my political leanings–something I would never have guessed in my tattoo-and-piercing younger days. Sometimes I even admonish my husband to cut it out when he tosses out F-bombs too casually, and he looks at me like I’m crazy. ”Who did I marry,” he seems to be saying, “Tipper Gore?” (Agh, I hope NOT.)
Personally, I do think the story would have been funnier if I hadn’t watered down the punchline–but only to part of the audience. True, you can’t please ‘em all. I guess I come down on the side of not pissing anyone off. That’s why I’m not a comedian. And my friend Dave is.
Lastly, I’ll say this: I’d really prefer it if the comments field weren’t peppered with people gratuitously tossing around cusses, but I will leave that to your own code of ethics. Thanks, folks!
posted May 11, 2009 at 9:28 am
I think you were right in using the bleep. As a forty-something, I’m on the cusp between the generation which would never, ever use such language in public (outside of an Army barracks, at least), let alone in a publication, and the generation for which it is almost like breathing.
I think the current discourse in our culture is extremely coarse, and I think that expletives have often become a substitute for thinking. Sure, one can always get some vivid effect by dropping an f-bomb or other term, but it makes one lazy. Instead of thinking of more precise or subtle ways of expression, all too many of us in speaking and in writing go for the easy way out and sling s^%$ or f-bombs or other such stuff.
The well-placed obscenity does have its uses in the hands of someone capable of divining the right place and time. However, a metaphor I often use with teenagers (I teach) is this: obscenities are like salt. It’s great to use to add a little interest and spice to your food, but if you just unscrew the lid and dump the whole shaker on your plate, you’ve made it inedible.
Kudos, Hillary, for the bleep!
posted May 11, 2009 at 10:59 am
Hi there!
I found your blog quite by accident, but I like it very
much. I am always noticing how the behavior and language
of society seems to be going downhill.
I am always dumbfounded by the general lack of ethics in
the public behavior of most. I know that sounds terribly
judgmental. I don’t necessarily mean to be judgmental, I
am concerned about the general debasement about humanity
as a whole. Back in the ‘old days’ a persons’ word was
their bond, etc.
I understand your dilema with the ‘F’ bomb thing. It can
be offensive, or the best word to describe the emotion at
the time.
I like the idea of your blog and will sign in regularly
to read your thoughts and ideas. Good can spread just as
easily as bad.
posted May 11, 2009 at 12:29 pm
I think the icons for swear words are funny in themselves. Something about using a bit of imagination, instead of having it spelled out makes the experience more inticing. Kind of like the sexy woman who only reveals a bit. . .or the value of a laugh from a book, or even the radio–which I think is generally higher than that of TV/Movies because of the imagination factor.
There is humour in restraint. Ethics fits in there too somewhere. . .
posted May 11, 2009 at 12:31 pm
That was me up there.
posted May 11, 2009 at 3:45 pm
I was walking to a neighborhood restaurant with another couple and I stepped on a pod of some sort as they are all over in Hawaii and I twisted my right ankle. I could not believe how quick my “tongue” took over the scene. I was so embarrased….the rest of the night I kept apologizing maybe their are times when we swear that it takes the pain away quicker!
We are human Ah?
posted May 11, 2009 at 6:19 pm
I agree with many of the commentors- with one exception. Personally I find that not only are these words “the easy way out and lacking in thought” but they serve no purpose at all and I do find them offensive. Like the salt, anything used so commonly and frequently as most swear words inevitably lose any effect they might have had. If you want to get someone’s attention use something nobody ever heard. Do some research or make up your own word and use it only once. Then try to clean up your mind and you’ll find you have no uses for swear words.
I applaud the original writer for placing the feelings of the readers above her need to shock! Putting others first shows the better character.
posted May 12, 2009 at 7:21 pm
Thanks to all for your great comments and thoughts. Makes me glad I made the decision I did. Turmarion, as a writer, I’m intrigued by the idea of language as ‘spice’ (and as an amateur cook, even more intrigued….) When my mom tells the original story (you can read it in the archives), she gets big laughs, but of course, she knows how to gauge her audience and probably wouldn’t tell the story in front of people she might offend. A public forum like a blog feels like a blind shout into the internet. “Hello? Is this thing on???” The last thing I want to be shouting is an obscenity that will land in just the wrong ear at the wrong time. Again, thanks for your thoughts.
posted May 12, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Thanks Catherine, and welcome to the discussion. Please feel free to chime in and make your voice heard!