Joan Ball is a business professor at St. John’s University in New York and the author of Flirting with Faith: My Spiritual Journey from Atheism to a Faith-Filled Life.
My brother’s wedding is right around the corner, and what do you know, I’m a bridesmaid. Luckily, my fantastic sister-in-law-to-be chose a great dress for her bridesmaids (thank you!), which is very wearable and wasn’t too expensive either. Just another sign he’s marrying the right person–yay! So, I snipped the tags off the minute I tried it on, no worries. I know I’ll get a lot of use out of this basic-black cocktail dress.
Last year, however, at another wedding, that wasn’t the case.
A girl I barely knew but couldn’t offend for political reasons invited me to her black-tie wedding at the last minute. My husband and I scrambled to buy gifts and get him a tux (thank you, ebay!) and me a dress. Now, I don’t wear fancy clothes a lot–I’m a Dansko clogs and jeans kind of girl–so a frou-frou frock appropriate for her 200k-plus wedding would not only set me back a bit but be useless in my daily life. Heck, I got my own wedding dress for like $200 on ebay.
Anyhow, I bought something appropriate. But I left the tags on so I would have the option to return it the next day.
The night of her nuptials, even as I made sure not to get wedding cake or pit stains on the frock, I wondered, is what I’m doing ethical? Isn’t this kind of like making Bergdorfs or Bloomies a lending library? Isn’t it one thing to buy something and later realize you don’t like it or it doesn’t fit and take it back; quite another to make a purchase in the full knowledge that you have no intention of keeping it? Aren’t the ethics in the intent?
I know a lot of people do it–I think there was even a Sex In the City episode to that effect– but in the end, I decided not to. It just felt wrong to me.
What do you think? Does it seem wrong to you?
By the way, that ridiculously frilly dress is still hanging in my closet, collecting dust. Anyone want to invite me to a chi-chi party?
posted May 18, 2009 at 10:11 am
I’m glad you resisted the temptation to return that dress. How would you like to buy something you thought was unused when it wasn’t? I am sure it happens more than we know though. You can still sell your dress online and recoup some of the costs. Having the original tag should help you get more for it, too.
posted May 18, 2009 at 1:59 pm
I have also been tempted to return such a frivolous garment but I have to agree with Judy. Maybe a consignment store or e-bay would be a good outlet for the slightly-worn but useless dress.
But what about those old bridesmaids’ dresses that no one wants? Ugh…I have a closetful.
posted May 18, 2009 at 2:16 pm
i did in nyc twice but felt really guilty. since i can afford most dresses now, i probably wouldn’t, but when you’re a broke ass poser in nyc, its a different story!
posted May 18, 2009 at 2:24 pm
I think you did the right thing, too. It just seems wrong to wear something and then return it even if you kept it pristine all night. You should definitely be able to sell that dress on ebay now and make some of your money back!
Personally, if I had to attend such an event, I would just buy something at H&M and jazz it up. Some of their stuff is not all that bad and taking something you bought there to the tailor could also make it look more expensive and still save loads of $$$! Also, there is a website where you can rent the latest handbags- I saw something about it on TV. Renting a bag could make your outfit look more expensive. There should be a place to rent party dresses as well… maybe there is one out there someplace???
posted May 18, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Jenna is right there should be a formal or upscale clothing rental outlet for women. There is a Tux rental store in nearly every mall to dress men from top to bottom, but women have to buy their dresses and shoes for the one time only event.
Yes, Hillary you did the ethical thing by not taking the dress back after wearing it. I think once clothing leaves the store, they are used and if brought back the items should be put on a discount rack. I don’t want to pay full price for a dress that someone wore to a party the night before. Like a car, once it leaves the showroom floor, it is a used car.
posted May 18, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Have you ever interacted with the important political “friend” since the million-dollar wedding? Maybe your husband had a preplanned business trip in the works and you were accompanying him.
posted May 18, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Hillary,
I think you did the right thing, and most of us have some kind of internal ‘moral’ barometer that knows when something is on the edge of “right.” The trouble here the need to spend $ on someone that you don’t know well, and then an industry that doesn’t allow women to rent formal things, unless that’s what you call eBay. So personal ethics is exactly what you have practice I guess. And maybe I’ll throw a chi-chi party here in Seattle, just for that dress. Um, wait…what a chi-chi party? (Yes, I’m from the land of lattes, REI, and fleece.)
posted May 18, 2009 at 6:46 pm
Oh, that’s a tough one. I usually sit on my holier than thou platform but can’t say that this is something beyond me. Granted, I’ve never actually done it
But to be fair, I’ve never had reason to. There absolutely should be a rental place for women (business idea, folks?) I usually know in the store if it’s “me” or not and if I’m not positive and am shopping to cheer myself up then I take it home and wait it out a few days but for somthing like THE job interview or something like this it get’s really tough. I’ve lately started taking the radically honest approach: I would be honored to be your bridesmaid, date, MC, whatever but to tell you the truth the attire is outside of my budget. I hope you won’t find it offensive if I wear something a little more downscale but equally classy. So far it’s been fine.
posted May 23, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Brilliant! This is funny. And what was Quinn’s opinion about this? I find it mildly non-ethical, but I’d never level it against someone who did this… especially for something that is THAT pedantic: last minute with a big price-tag. Yeah, I’d have thought it a somewhat clever way of doing the whole thing.
posted June 12, 2009 at 2:43 pm
For what it’s worth, if you find this conundrum happening to you a lot, you can find a tag attacher gun on sale for about $40 at a nationwide office-supply retailer with a seven-letter name and a red logo. Then you can remove the tags, wear the dress, take it to the dry-cleaner, and reattach the tags to the clean dress.