Joan Ball is a business professor at St. John’s University in New York and the author of Flirting with Faith: My Spiritual Journey from Atheism to a Faith-Filled Life.
People keep sending me the oddest ethical issues. Like this one, which came by way of a pal living in Prague. She stumbled across a blog post written by a guy who had been invited to–get this–an abortion party. After blogging about his experiences and his reaction, I found myself having my own.
Holy ovaries, Batman… an abortion party?!?
I’m proudly pro-choice, and I must tell you that I’ve known a few women who’ve been through having abortions. Some were haunted, some seemed able to put the experience behind them more easily. But I sure as heck don’t know anyone who invited dozens of their friends to a) contribute money to pay for it, and b) celebrate the event with hors d’oeuvres and beer.
The blogger, Byard Duncan, describes the party’s vibe thusly:
“Walking in, we were bludgeoned with a blast of hot air, followed by the tangy stink of dance floor revelry. Someone had taken a red bed sheet and hung it below a light fixture to resemble a giant womb. Every so often, a dancer’s head or arm or dreadlock would brush against one of its smooth folds, creating a rippling effect. “Let’s Go Crazy” by Prince was playing.”
My gut reaction to this little soiree is twofold. While I don’t think one should have to hide in shame for terminating a pregnancy, it doesn’t seem anything to celebrate either–certainly not with light fixtures covered in red cloth to look like wombs. I’m half appalled, and totally shocked, even while I want to support a fellow female’s right to choose.
I liked Duncan’s carefully neutral take on the issue:
“Abortion is, after all, a very tricky topic — a minefield of opinions where the slightest misstep can elicit unexpected reactions from friends, family, co-workers and strangers.”
How true. I don’t want to tell any woman how to conduct her business or lead her life. I just have a feeling I wouldn’t want to be this gal’s friend. Or attend any social events she might throw. Either she has the most macabre sense of humor of all time, she has no sense of boundaries and privacy, or she just really wants to feel everyone’s onboard with her decision. Well, I’m not onboard. I think this is perhaps the tackiest, and saddest, party I ever heard of.
In fact, it may be her party, but I’ll cry if I want to.
By the way, the gals at Jezebel.com were having their own reaction (click here if you want to read more) complaining about the guy’s supposedly dunderheaded attempts to understand a woman’s psyche and reproductive concerns. I disagree heartily with their assessment.
Photo by flickr user quinn.anya
posted July 9, 2009 at 5:14 pm
I could not agree with you more (on every point). I, too, am pro-choice. And, while abortion is the not necessarily a choice I would make for myself, it certainly is every woman’s God-given (or whatever) right to make that choice. Your body, your choice!!! Having said that, there are some things we do in our lives (chosen or not), that are more private–or should be! For example, for the sake of society’s, my friends’, and my mother’s sanity, I tend not to discuss my sex life (fetishes, if you will) in great detail. I don’t talk a lot about my birth control methods. I don’t talk about the fact that sometimes I don’t floss and sometimes I fall asleep without brushing my teeth (horror of horrors). I didn’t talk to people about the choices my mother and I had to make when my father was dying. I also tend not to talk about my period or my bowel movements (although those are not choices so much). All of those topics seem to me to be private and probably information that my friends and family don’t need–TMI as they say. And while I understand that none of these examples are analogous to the choice to have an abortion, I do equate their level of privacy. Honestly, unless you are my very best friend in the world (and my very best friend in the world did have to make this choice), or my mother (and my mother did have to make this choice), then I don’t know if I want to know about it. My pro-choice view is that while it is a woman’s right to choose, it is not a choice that should be taken lightly. I do believe a life is involved, two in fact–the baby’s and the woman’s–and I don’t think that is something to celebrate. I find the whole thing disgusting. I think things like this set us back 2 decades rather than propel us forward. And Duncan seems pretty friggin neutral and dignified about all this!!
posted July 9, 2009 at 5:56 pm
I am pro-choice but this story saddens me. Terminating a life should not be celebrated. I wish I never read about this. This is not a jab at the blogger at all but I do wish I never knew that this existed and people like this existed.
posted July 10, 2009 at 4:43 pm
The impression I got from the article was that the party was mainly meant to pay for it, not to “celebrate” the abortion.
This whole controversy is just another sign that the religious people in our society need a hard lesson in why they should butt out of other people’s business.
posted July 10, 2009 at 6:26 pm
I find it odd that people keeping using the phrases “pro-choice” and “but terminating a life” in the same sentence. Methinks the authors are not being truthful by using such conflicting vocabulary.
posted July 10, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Jeff, if by “authors”, you mean me as the author of this blog post, I actually wrote “terminating a pregnancy” not a life. Just to be clear.
posted July 10, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Little jumpy there, Hillary?
Jeff was referring to a previous commentator:
Your Name
July 9, 2009 5:56 PM
I am pro-choice but this story saddens me. Terminating a life should not be celebrated.
I had noticed the apparent contradiction as well, and wondered if “Your Name” had even realized he/she wrote it.
JP
posted July 10, 2009 at 10:07 pm
Quite right, Hillary, you did say terminating a pregnancy. But, even if you had said terminating a life it would not have conflicted with the statement that you are pro-choice. Jeff, I think one–and by one I mean me–can believe it is a woman’s right to choose and still believe that an abortion is the termination of a life. And believing it’s the termination of a life doesn’t mean one is necessarily equating the life of that embryo to the life of an adult, a child, or even a newborn. Furthermore, if we really get into semantics, the term “pro-life” in the opinion of many doesn’t mean pro-life at all but anti-choice. Overall, I think it’s possible with a topic like this to have wildly varying views and opinions about the details, the important point is that it is a woman’s right to choose what happens to her body. TheExpatriate makes a good point, that the party was meant to raise money, but it sounds like abit of morbid celebration was taking place as well. And, in my humble opinion, blaming people who believe in G-d for the “controversy” is in and of itself an unfair judgment that leads to controversy. Some of us believe in G-d and believe in a woman’s right to choose and don’t judge people for those choices, just like we shouldn’t be judged for having a system of belief. It’s a woman’s right to choose whether or not to have a baby and it’s a human being’s right to believe in G-d, or Science, or both. It’s an awfully complex issue, and one in which I don’t think we can’t point fingers and say “its your group that causes it to be complex.” For a woman, even if law never came into it, it’s a difficult choice to make and that is what leads to its complexity. Some religious zealots have given the rest of us a bad name. It’s always just a few that make it difficult for the rest. It’s like the issues Pad presents in her post about the pastor…
posted July 10, 2009 at 10:23 pm
Ha! JP, I guess I was. Good catch. But see Emmabliss’s response to the ‘contradiction’ for some interesting thoughts on the issue.