Joan Ball is a business professor at St. John’s University in New York and the author of Flirting with Faith: My Spiritual Journey from Atheism to a Faith-Filled Life.
So, I whine. When I was a kid, my parents even had a name for my kvetching ways: “the wip.” As in, I would pooch out my lower lip as far as possible (which in my case was rather astonishingly far) and pout, whinge and whine to express my childish frustrations.
I’m a lot better these days–for one thing I mostly keep my wip–I mean lip–to myself–but I still have my wimpy moments.
Take this week, for instance. My big-girl panties must have been in the wash, because, OMG, I just could not get it together. From Monday ’til today, I have simply been a mess. It started with migraines and PMS. For me they go together, and both can last upwards of a week. (Apologies if TMI.) Add to that a heavy work week and jackhammering outside my window beginning at 7AM every morning. On top of that, a memorial service for an old friend whose presence will be much missed. By day 4 of continuous migraine, I was feeling pretty much five. As in years old. And acting it too. Complaining, teary-eyed, at the end of my rope.
Why is this an ethical failure?
Because I have so much to be grateful for. A husband who cooks when the wife’s a puddle of headache and stress on the floor. An understanding boss. Heck, a job to cause the stress in the first place. Even a new computer on the way, which I desperately need and even more desperately crave. My mom’s health news is still good and the rest of my family is in decent shape too.
What I’m trying to say is, I consider it a failing of character to whine at a time like this. It is unprofessional at work, belittles the help and consideration my loved ones are so selflessly offering, and puts me in a mindset of small-mindedness, where I am of service to no one.
And because I consider it a breach of my personal code of right behavior, this week’s whining goes in the vault as my first (recorded) Friday Failure.
Do you have a failure (Friday or otherwise) you’d like to share? Or just want to criticize mine? Lay it on me!
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posted August 7, 2009 at 8:02 pm
Sometimes whining is actually an indirect way of begging for support. It’s interesting that we whine rather than simply admitting openly that we need help.
posted August 8, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Gotta disagree with ya here on this one go with what Fencing said. First of all I strongly believe that it is highly unfair to grade pain or undervalue your own suffering regardless of whether it’s a cold or cancer. Everyone deals with everything in different ways. Some people are very capable of handling extraordinarily challenging obstacles where others may fall apart. To me it sounds like the things you were dealing with this past week combined to make it exceptionally difficult. Complaining not only lessens it but it also draws attention from those who care about you that you’re doing as well as you could be. I find the fact that you consider this at all to be an ethical failure more of a testament to your (in my opinion) highly ethical code.