On a sunny morning in June, 2003, two days after my 37th birthday, I had an unsolicited, unexpected and unbelievable encounter with God. Put more simply, without asking, praying or seeking, I woke up one morning a churchgoing agnostic (following years of rabid atheism) and put my head to the pillow that night a newly minted, highly unlikely Christian. I wish I could say my radical conversion happened gently…all harps and angels and light…but that was not my experience. On the contrary, I was nauseous, had trouble catching my breath and felt like there was a 500 lb weight on my chest. I thought I was having a heart attack. But here’s the kicker. A lifelong skeptic who was, at times, militantly anti-Christian, I suddenly believed without hesitation that the Christian story that I had frequently railed against was true. I couldn’t have told you what that story was, but I knew without the luxury of details that it was all true. Now this might make some sense if I needed a spiritual experience. Say if I was fighting a serious illness or was down on my luck financially-or maybe if I were struggling with a painful loss or trying to navigate a tough personal challenge. But I didn’t need a spiritual experience. As far as I was concerned, my life was perfect. I was a successful PR executive making a healthy six-figure salary, married to my best friend who also made a six-figure salary. We had three healthy, happy kids and lived in our dream home about an hour northwest of New York City. I was seven years sober and had faced down most of my major issues/resentments in a program of recovery. Life was pretty good. Yet, there I was-sick, crying and convinced that something beyond my comprehension had happened to me. No one was more surprised than my husband Martin, who was there with me when it happened. He had been a Christian since he was a kid and knew the extent to which I thought the whole Christian thing was a contrivance. I had fought vigorously over coffee and cigarettes to convince him that religion had been created by leaders to control the masses or by weak individuals to soften the blow of their incapacity to deal with their day to day lives. He never did come around to my way of thinking, but I figured if he could overlook the fact that I was an alcoholic single mother with two kids and marry me, I could overlook the fact that he was a Christian and marry him. So here I was, convinced that this Christian thing was true, with no idea what that really meant. What followed was years of learning that is discussed in much greater detail in a book that I am writing. Suffice it to say that I learned that following Christ and living by the dictates of the Holy Spirit does not always add up to the overly simplified “join the team and your life will be wonderful” message that I have heard so frequently. As a matter of fact, the years since that day in 2003 have been some of the most difficult I have ever encountered. We have lost more than you can imagine-money, possessions, prestige and people. And yet, I would not turn back for the world. So, now I’m trying to make sense of this new life. Attempting to go beyond predictable platitudes in order to allow this change of heart to lead to a genuine change of life. This blog will chronicle the day to day joys and trials of my journey and raise some key questions and challenges I face as I find my place in a faith that still confounds me.
It’s official. My humble little blog has captured the attention of the kind folks at Beliefnet.com and they’ve asked if I would like to join their team of daily bloggers. So, beginning Sunday, March 1, Flirting with Faith will be living at Beliefnet under this snazzy new banner (thank you Bnet designers – it is lovely.)
Those of you who know me and are familiar with my journey know that the only thing more unbelievable than my becoming a Christian is my becoming a Christian writer. And yet, with a book coming out next spring and this blog moving to Beliefnet, I guess I have to pinch myself and accept that this is really happening.
The Beliefnet blog will be an extension of what I’ve been doing here, plus the insights of some guest bloggers (maybe you?) who are trying to make sense of God, faith, religion and spirituality - wherever they fall on their journey. More info (i.e. links, guidelines for guest bloggers, etc) will be posted on the new site.
Hope to see you (and by you I mean believers of all faiths, Christians of all flavors, de-converts, atheists, seekers, skeptics and others) over there…
Joan
posted February 25, 2009 at 12:59 pm
CONGRATS, Joan!
posted February 25, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Thanks Adele. Wish me luck!
posted February 25, 2009 at 3:04 pm
You will do great and i do wish you luck! All the best!
Adele
posted February 25, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Congrats, Joan, you will be a great addition to BNet. Your blog “fell off my radar” for a long time and I ran across it again today and am reading some of your posts. It still flabbergasts me that you went from atheist to agnostic to Christian. I still don’t know what I am…
posted February 25, 2009 at 7:35 pm
Joan – Congratulations! The picture looks great, too! (I know it’s a small thing, but it really gives off a great feel – you look great!)
I feel as if I have somehow watched you from a distance through this process of emerging as a full-fledged author and soon-to-be celebrity, over the past several months. I am so very happy for you!
BLESSINGS!
posted February 25, 2009 at 10:57 pm
Thanks Brad. How are things going over on Salon?
posted February 25, 2009 at 11:52 pm
Barbara: Good to hear from you again. I have to admit that I’m pretty flabbergasted by this journey as well. I recall you writing once that you had a similar experience as mine but in the other direction. Is that right?
posted February 26, 2009 at 7:25 am
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