On a sunny morning in June, 2003, two days after my 37th birthday, I had an unsolicited, unexpected and unbelievable encounter with God. Put more simply, without asking, praying or seeking, I woke up one morning a churchgoing agnostic (following years of rabid atheism) and put my head to the pillow that night a newly minted, highly unlikely Christian. I wish I could say my radical conversion happened gently…all harps and angels and light…but that was not my experience. On the contrary, I was nauseous, had trouble catching my breath and felt like there was a 500 lb weight on my chest. I thought I was having a heart attack. But here’s the kicker. A lifelong skeptic who was, at times, militantly anti-Christian, I suddenly believed without hesitation that the Christian story that I had frequently railed against was true. I couldn’t have told you what that story was, but I knew without the luxury of details that it was all true. Now this might make some sense if I needed a spiritual experience. Say if I was fighting a serious illness or was down on my luck financially-or maybe if I were struggling with a painful loss or trying to navigate a tough personal challenge. But I didn’t need a spiritual experience. As far as I was concerned, my life was perfect. I was a successful PR executive making a healthy six-figure salary, married to my best friend who also made a six-figure salary. We had three healthy, happy kids and lived in our dream home about an hour northwest of New York City. I was seven years sober and had faced down most of my major issues/resentments in a program of recovery. Life was pretty good. Yet, there I was-sick, crying and convinced that something beyond my comprehension had happened to me. No one was more surprised than my husband Martin, who was there with me when it happened. He had been a Christian since he was a kid and knew the extent to which I thought the whole Christian thing was a contrivance. I had fought vigorously over coffee and cigarettes to convince him that religion had been created by leaders to control the masses or by weak individuals to soften the blow of their incapacity to deal with their day to day lives. He never did come around to my way of thinking, but I figured if he could overlook the fact that I was an alcoholic single mother with two kids and marry me, I could overlook the fact that he was a Christian and marry him. So here I was, convinced that this Christian thing was true, with no idea what that really meant. What followed was years of learning that is discussed in much greater detail in a book that I am writing. Suffice it to say that I learned that following Christ and living by the dictates of the Holy Spirit does not always add up to the overly simplified “join the team and your life will be wonderful” message that I have heard so frequently. As a matter of fact, the years since that day in 2003 have been some of the most difficult I have ever encountered. We have lost more than you can imagine-money, possessions, prestige and people. And yet, I would not turn back for the world. So, now I’m trying to make sense of this new life. Attempting to go beyond predictable platitudes in order to allow this change of heart to lead to a genuine change of life. This blog will chronicle the day to day joys and trials of my journey and raise some key questions and challenges I face as I find my place in a faith that still confounds me.
This is the first of seven weekly guest posts from Dr. Suzan Johnson-Cook, Author, Speaker, Senior Pastor at the Bronx Christian Fellowship Church in New York and Founder of Wall Street Wednesdays, a mid-week service that has been held for more than a decade in the heart of the New York’s Financial district.
WHOSE HANDS IS IT IN? by Dr Suzan Johnson-Cook
“Whose hands is it in?” was the topic of last Tuesday’s Wonderful Washington Worship, the first in a series of seven lunchtime sermons to be held in Washington D.C. created to stimulate the Spirit and fortify the spiritual health of our Nation.
It was based on the 6th chapter of the Gospel of John, simply because it focused on a Miracle that happened during lunchtime with a crowd that was hungry and needed something to special to happen. They needed to be revived. As the crowd gathered only one was prepared with sustenance–a little boy who was first overlooked because of the overwhelming and mounting problems.
When the boy’s meager lunch (five loaves and two fish) was placed in Jesus’ hands it multiplied, because God was magnified. It went from a sandwich to a smorgasbord, from doom to a greater destiny. How amazing is that?
I believe this nation is spiritually challenged and hungry. As a nation, we face some seemingly insurmountable problems; some far too tough for us to handle without divine help. I believe that one of the answers to our problems is to re-connect, re-prioritize and allow ourselves to place these problems in the hands of the Almighty.
The most interesting part of this Bible incident was that right before the Miracle happened, thanks was given for the blessing. So I ask you:
Have we become a nation that’s forgotten how to be thankful?
Do we still believe in Miracles; that our
situation can turn around?
Whose hands are we in? God’s or our own?
Wonderful Washington Worship takes place Tuesdays from June 16-July 28, 2009 at 12:00-12:45pm at Mt. Vernon Place United Methodist Church at 9th & Mass Ave NW, 900 Massachusetts Ave, NW, Washington, DC 20001.
posted June 23, 2009 at 5:29 pm
“Have we become a nation that’s forgotten how to be thankful?
Do we still believe in Miracles; that our situation can turn around?
Whose hands are we in? God’s or our own?”
Fabulous, convicting questions Suzan. I do think we’ve forgotten how to be thankful. I do believe in miracles, but I’m not sure that I believe in the ones I am supposed to have witnessed. I think a lot of our faith communities have MANUFACTURED the miraculous as a result of misdiagnosing the needs of our faith communities.
We thought we needed blessing, when we needed poverty.
We thought we needed healing, when we needed brokenness.
We thought we needed supernatural, when we needed simplicity.
When we pray in specifics, we rarely pray for what we actually need. When we pray for what we need, we usually get something much more difficult… like a recession. Sorrow. Loneliness. Brokenness. All the uncomfortable, inconvenient things that bring us closer to the heart and mind of Christ.
I pray for a corporate brokenness that gives the Western Church – and Western Culture – exactly what it needs. And I am quite aware that if God answers that prayer, I will grieve and lament the answer. But I’ll be a better follower for it.
Thanks for your thoughtfulness Suzan, and Joan!
posted June 23, 2009 at 11:51 pm
yes. are you asking about america, yes?
in answer to your first question, no, we have not forgotten to be thankful. in romania. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/94/ROC.svg
as for your second question, some hope, others despair, just like anywhere else. . . . i have problems understanding why you capitalize miracles and use a semicolon.
whose hands are we in? there’s a group in the bishopric of suceava holed up in a cave expecting the end of the world. i presume upon myself.
what are you a doctor of, suzan?
posted June 29, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Have we become a nation that’s forgotten how to be thankful? Yes we have become a nation taking the blessings of God and not even saying thank you. We waste no time embracing greed and ungodly behavior. 2 Chronicles 7:14 “if my people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. Yes we are in our own hands today and that is why our land is so sick and decaying rapidly. Only when we seek Gods face and repent will we get back into God’s hands. I pray we will come together and realize how citical it is for us to get back into God’s hands.
posted July 2, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Wenda: Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Humility is such an important part of any spiritual journey.