On a sunny morning in June, 2003, two days after my 37th birthday, I had an unsolicited, unexpected and unbelievable encounter with God. Put more simply, without asking, praying or seeking, I woke up one morning a churchgoing agnostic (following years of rabid atheism) and put my head to the pillow that night a newly minted, highly unlikely Christian. I wish I could say my radical conversion happened gently…all harps and angels and light…but that was not my experience. On the contrary, I was nauseous, had trouble catching my breath and felt like there was a 500 lb weight on my chest. I thought I was having a heart attack. But here’s the kicker. A lifelong skeptic who was, at times, militantly anti-Christian, I suddenly believed without hesitation that the Christian story that I had frequently railed against was true. I couldn’t have told you what that story was, but I knew without the luxury of details that it was all true. Now this might make some sense if I needed a spiritual experience. Say if I was fighting a serious illness or was down on my luck financially-or maybe if I were struggling with a painful loss or trying to navigate a tough personal challenge. But I didn’t need a spiritual experience. As far as I was concerned, my life was perfect. I was a successful PR executive making a healthy six-figure salary, married to my best friend who also made a six-figure salary. We had three healthy, happy kids and lived in our dream home about an hour northwest of New York City. I was seven years sober and had faced down most of my major issues/resentments in a program of recovery. Life was pretty good. Yet, there I was-sick, crying and convinced that something beyond my comprehension had happened to me. No one was more surprised than my husband Martin, who was there with me when it happened. He had been a Christian since he was a kid and knew the extent to which I thought the whole Christian thing was a contrivance. I had fought vigorously over coffee and cigarettes to convince him that religion had been created by leaders to control the masses or by weak individuals to soften the blow of their incapacity to deal with their day to day lives. He never did come around to my way of thinking, but I figured if he could overlook the fact that I was an alcoholic single mother with two kids and marry me, I could overlook the fact that he was a Christian and marry him. So here I was, convinced that this Christian thing was true, with no idea what that really meant. What followed was years of learning that is discussed in much greater detail in a book that I am writing. Suffice it to say that I learned that following Christ and living by the dictates of the Holy Spirit does not always add up to the overly simplified “join the team and your life will be wonderful” message that I have heard so frequently. As a matter of fact, the years since that day in 2003 have been some of the most difficult I have ever encountered. We have lost more than you can imagine-money, possessions, prestige and people. And yet, I would not turn back for the world. So, now I’m trying to make sense of this new life. Attempting to go beyond predictable platitudes in order to allow this change of heart to lead to a genuine change of life. This blog will chronicle the day to day joys and trials of my journey and raise some key questions and challenges I face as I find my place in a faith that still confounds me.
Why is it that we are so surprised when people do wonderful, selfless, one-sided, things for us?
I’m talking about those times when we have a need – expressed or hidden – and someone senses it and fills it without asking a thing in return. When the help, guidance or counsel comes with no strings attached, no expectations, no big announcement or recognition.
I woke with this question on the heels of two experiences this week. The first was the shocked gratitude expressed by a woman who I offered to help with a book proposal without her asking. The other was my own shocked gratitude when three wonderful, talented and busy people agreed to help me out with something on short notice with no discernible benefit to themselves.
Why the big surprise?
Have I/we become so jaded that simple acts of human kindness have become an oddity? Am I/are we so self-serving that the good we do (or the good we receive) needs to be tied to exposure or profit or some future blessing?
Would love to hear your thoughts and stories…
posted June 17, 2009 at 12:32 pm
I think there are many people who want to do kind acts, but don’t feel permission to do them. I think they may feel awkward or intrusive when offering help. Or, they simply might not know what to do. If you haven’t seen Boom Boom! Cards, you might want to check them out…a kit specifically designed to encourage people to do acts of kindness, but NOT randomly, rather with intention and purpose. Changing people’s behavior and changing the world is going to take intention, not randomness. Check out http://boomboomcards.com/. It might restore your belief that, yes, there are people out there doing nice things, just because it is the nice and good thing to do!
posted June 17, 2009 at 2:00 pm
ugh.
http://boingboing.net/2009/06/16/cyberwar-guide-for-i.html
posted June 17, 2009 at 2:37 pm
There is no greater meaning to wealth or power than to do something for someone and expect no return, no reward, no compensation. By accepting someone’s help yopu are enabling them to feel that power and wealth. It is the simple practice of grace – a gift with no strings or expectations. We ALL need to do it more – giving or receiving.
posted June 17, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Mary Beth: Love having you here, but would prefer to hear your thoughts rather than learn about your product.
posted June 17, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Hey credisdervish: Not sure I get the ugh, especially triangulating it with the post and your link. Please elaborate. (Or course there is a “be careful what you wish for” implied in that request…haha)
posted June 17, 2009 at 2:48 pm
So true jestrfyl. I have been wondering why it is sometimes harder to accept grace than to give it. Probably has something to do with control. In sharing it we still retain some modicum of control over the exchange. Ah humans, difficult beings we are.
posted June 17, 2009 at 3:28 pm
A couple months ago, I started a web initiative that is all about creating a community that focuses on random acts of kindness. It’s called the Simple Love Project. Each week, a new random act of kindness project is posted to the site. Feel free to check it out here:
simpleloveproject.com
posted June 17, 2009 at 11:02 pm
altruism is ‘in-built’ in humans and chimps.
http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/bb/neuro/neuro01/web2/Costello.html
kind (adj.) “friendly,” from o.e. gecynde “natural, native, innate,” originally “with the feeling of relatives for each other,” from p.gmc. *gakundiz, from *kunjan (see kin), with collective prefix *ga- and abstract suffix *-iz. sense development from “with natural feelings,” to “well-disposed” (c.1300), “benign, compassionate” (1297). kindly (adj.) is o.e. gecyndelic. kind-hearted is from 1535; kindness is from c.1290.
the link in the previous post was to show solidarity and support for freethinking iranians.
posted June 17, 2009 at 11:20 pm
sorry for continuing. was cut off.
kindness among humans (and chimps) is conspicuous when it is absent.
what goes around usually comes around.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fsPXCd7dNY
enjoy the clip!
posted June 27, 2009 at 5:39 am
What exactly do you mean by saying “have we become so jaded”?
When in history was a person not surprised by altruism?
posted June 27, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Hi Em: Your comment has really gotten me thinking. So much so, in fact, that I plan to use it as the foundation for an upcoming post. Wonder if you’d mind telling me how old you are? Would help me with the piece. If not, that’s cool…
posted July 21, 2009 at 12:35 pm
You’re an inspiration, Professor Ball. A small kindness goes a long way. http://www.operationnice.com, a blog site that encourages individuals to be proactively nice.
I would love to read your book and pass it along. Where can I get a hold of it?
Regards,
Raizza
posted July 21, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Hi Raizza! How are you? Thanks for the link. The book will release the first week of April. I will keep you posted!