On a sunny morning in June, 2003, two days after my 37th birthday, I had an unsolicited, unexpected and unbelievable encounter with God. Put more simply, without asking, praying or seeking, I woke up one morning a churchgoing agnostic (following years of rabid atheism) and put my head to the pillow that night a newly minted, highly unlikely Christian. I wish I could say my radical conversion happened gently…all harps and angels and light…but that was not my experience. On the contrary, I was nauseous, had trouble catching my breath and felt like there was a 500 lb weight on my chest. I thought I was having a heart attack. But here’s the kicker. A lifelong skeptic who was, at times, militantly anti-Christian, I suddenly believed without hesitation that the Christian story that I had frequently railed against was true. I couldn’t have told you what that story was, but I knew without the luxury of details that it was all true. Now this might make some sense if I needed a spiritual experience. Say if I was fighting a serious illness or was down on my luck financially-or maybe if I were struggling with a painful loss or trying to navigate a tough personal challenge. But I didn’t need a spiritual experience. As far as I was concerned, my life was perfect. I was a successful PR executive making a healthy six-figure salary, married to my best friend who also made a six-figure salary. We had three healthy, happy kids and lived in our dream home about an hour northwest of New York City. I was seven years sober and had faced down most of my major issues/resentments in a program of recovery. Life was pretty good. Yet, there I was-sick, crying and convinced that something beyond my comprehension had happened to me. No one was more surprised than my husband Martin, who was there with me when it happened. He had been a Christian since he was a kid and knew the extent to which I thought the whole Christian thing was a contrivance. I had fought vigorously over coffee and cigarettes to convince him that religion had been created by leaders to control the masses or by weak individuals to soften the blow of their incapacity to deal with their day to day lives. He never did come around to my way of thinking, but I figured if he could overlook the fact that I was an alcoholic single mother with two kids and marry me, I could overlook the fact that he was a Christian and marry him. So here I was, convinced that this Christian thing was true, with no idea what that really meant. What followed was years of learning that is discussed in much greater detail in a book that I am writing. Suffice it to say that I learned that following Christ and living by the dictates of the Holy Spirit does not always add up to the overly simplified “join the team and your life will be wonderful” message that I have heard so frequently. As a matter of fact, the years since that day in 2003 have been some of the most difficult I have ever encountered. We have lost more than you can imagine-money, possessions, prestige and people. And yet, I would not turn back for the world. So, now I’m trying to make sense of this new life. Attempting to go beyond predictable platitudes in order to allow this change of heart to lead to a genuine change of life. This blog will chronicle the day to day joys and trials of my journey and raise some key questions and challenges I face as I find my place in a faith that still confounds me.
Michael Jackson was a cultural icon, an amazing talent, a child prodigy and, unfortunately, a person whose personal issues ran so deep that he spent many years hurting himself and others. I can only know what I read about this man and his family – stories of his days on the road with his brothers while I was baking cakes in my Easy Bake oven or bizarre tales about him at Neverland – which means I cannot know much. What I do know is that he died yesterday of cardiac arrest and that his death marks the end of an era.
One of my first “records” was from the Jackson Five – predictably, ABC123. I put the word “records” in quotes because it barely describes the cardboard 45 I cut off the back of a cereal box when I was 4 or 5 years old. (Yup iTunes lovers, that’s how we rolled in 1971.)
So what can we say about a man who was undoubtedly a genius…but who also may have been a monster? How, as a society and as individuals, do we reconcile our greatest strengths and our most detrimental shortcomings? How do we live and let live without degenerating into a culture without ethics or morals or boundaries?Â
I came across the following clip in an NPR article which argued that this moment, a television performance of Billie Jean in 1983 was the pinnacle of Jackson’s career. Before this, the reporter argues, The King of Pop was still young Michael from the Jackson Five. After it, the reporter observes, Jackson began his slow decline into abuse of self and others. Tipping point or no, this clip shows Jackson at his level best as a performer. What does it mean if I just choose to remember him like this? Is ignoring the negatives and focusing on the positives a mark of acceptance and love? Is the alternative, remembering him through the lens of his shortcomings any better, or does it ultimately lead to judgement? Â
I am sure we all will hear many different takes on this in the days and weeks ahead as autopsy results are reported and a star-studded funeral or memorial service is held. I am eager to see how we as a society respond to this news and what it might say about us. But for now, my condolences to the Jacksons and Michael, rest in peace.
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posted June 26, 2009 at 11:56 am
I knew this would be an issue for most people but as I told my niece who is fighting this issue, who am I to judge? Not one of us are perfect. We have all made mistakes whether big or small. Yes, Michael paid off people who alleged he mistreated their children. Sexual abuse to me is the ultimate sin. However, if you abuse my child there is NO amount of money that is going to make me go away!! I will torment you as you did my child pushing for incarceration. It makes me wonder if these allegations were true because most parents won’t take the money and run. Yet, these people did.
Michael was a little different but I loved him for his talent and didn’t compartmentalize my feelings for him based on others judgment of him. I don’t like when people judge me without even knowing me so I work hard not to judge others. I say all this to say,I loved Michael in spite of. You can never take his talent and success from him. He was amazing to me and no one will ever take his place.
posted June 26, 2009 at 2:46 pm
I just don’t understand all of this Michael Jackson idolatry..The way I see it…His life was wasted..It was all for nothing..Yes he was a very talented artist and all. But what did he do with his talent, fame and fortune (when he had it). The answer is nothing.. If you don’t live for Christ and use your talents for Him then it’s useless. Because now where is he. RIP – no such thing. The only one’s who Rest in Peace are the ones with God..The rest of them squirm in the pit of hell.
For those that say I am judging..Let me beg to differ…I am a believer that we all have until our last breath to ask for forgiveness and He will take us up to be with Him no matter what we have done. In Michael’s case there was no evidence of that and even if he did have that last opportunity… His life was still wasteful because he did not use it for God’s glory..After all, what else is there.
posted June 26, 2009 at 4:58 pm
michael was a gift from GOD! He supported 39 different charities despite his debt- God bless him. His music and legacy will live on forever! My heart goes out to his children and family, may God give them peace of heart! I don’t believe all the molestation reports – as a abused child I know when someone is lying and I don’t believe the 13 yr old boy! Whatever happened his between him and God now and we all have our own transgression to answer to! RIP Michael!!
posted June 26, 2009 at 11:07 pm
micheal jackson is a great singer and was the king of pop even my mum was crying when she hears her songs that i got to stay home from school
posted June 27, 2009 at 12:01 am
I have an awfully hard time with the statement, “If you don’t live for Christ and use your talents for Him then it’s useless,” because so many people have done so much evil in Jesus’ name, and so much good has been done outside the Christian folds. Was Mahatma Gandi useless? I believe that, ultimately, whatever is done that is good, is done in Jesus name, with or without our own knowledge of it. I’m no celebrity worshipper, but I believe God even uses people like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, who manage to shine a light of truth and compassion on areas of the world in desperate need of our awareness, prayers, and resources. If Christians don’t “step up” to live the transcendent goodness of the Kingdom of God, then God will get done whatever needs to get done (with or without us).
I think Michael Jackson is a tragic, conflicted figure. I agree that he did a lot of good, but I think it’s likely he did a lot of evil, too. Because he was an evil man? No. Because he was a broken man (really, more like a broken child, infantilized as he seemed to be).
I love the man’s music. I think it’s too bad one life can seem to have so much more value to the general public than others – millions die all over the world from injustice, and we’re obsessed with a bizarre pop icon – but I think the public feels like they know him. We’ve watched him grow up, and spiral down. It’s baffling to watch, but for all his sins or crimes, he was a wounded child surrounded by unimaginable material wealth. That picture is tragic.
posted June 27, 2009 at 4:32 am
Michael Jackson was a very good singer and I loved all his music.
I wish I could have met him in person.
I would have loved to shake is hand.
I will mist him very much.Rest in peace Michael.
posted June 29, 2009 at 9:07 am
Mr. Michael Jackson is an unusually child’s prodigy; Only this matters. Monster does not matter.
posted August 27, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Dont call someone a monster. First of all, you don’t know him. Who are you to judge? I can relate to him so much and I understand him. I feel like I’m a product of a broken childhood and that\s why I understand his actions better than you. There is nothing wrong with being a child.
By the way, he was found innocent for a reason. The man is so misunderstood. Geniuses are often mistreated by their time but I am sure Mike will be treated as the Michel Angelo of our times in the future. He gave 45 years of his life to unparalleled entertainemnt. I can not thank him enough.
posted April 10, 2010 at 7:36 am
I have to say, Michael was an icon and no one could be Michael. Remember we’re all sinners and fall short of the glory, so judge not and you shall not be judge. Jesus came for the sinners not the so called righteous, not one of us are righteous. He will for ever be loved and remembered. To his family who loved and knew him like we never did, But he touch our lives with his awesome talent, Singing and dancing, Our deepest sympathy, And from the forever live in our hearts, the King of Pop. Stand and Look at the Man In The Mirror. You Wanna Make The World a Better Place Take a Look at Yourself and Make a Change.