On a sunny morning in June, 2003, two days after my 37th birthday, I had an unsolicited, unexpected and unbelievable encounter with God. Put more simply, without asking, praying or seeking, I woke up one morning a churchgoing agnostic (following years of rabid atheism) and put my head to the pillow that night a newly minted, highly unlikely Christian. I wish I could say my radical conversion happened gently…all harps and angels and light…but that was not my experience. On the contrary, I was nauseous, had trouble catching my breath and felt like there was a 500 lb weight on my chest. I thought I was having a heart attack. But here’s the kicker. A lifelong skeptic who was, at times, militantly anti-Christian, I suddenly believed without hesitation that the Christian story that I had frequently railed against was true. I couldn’t have told you what that story was, but I knew without the luxury of details that it was all true. Now this might make some sense if I needed a spiritual experience. Say if I was fighting a serious illness or was down on my luck financially-or maybe if I were struggling with a painful loss or trying to navigate a tough personal challenge. But I didn’t need a spiritual experience. As far as I was concerned, my life was perfect. I was a successful PR executive making a healthy six-figure salary, married to my best friend who also made a six-figure salary. We had three healthy, happy kids and lived in our dream home about an hour northwest of New York City. I was seven years sober and had faced down most of my major issues/resentments in a program of recovery. Life was pretty good. Yet, there I was-sick, crying and convinced that something beyond my comprehension had happened to me. No one was more surprised than my husband Martin, who was there with me when it happened. He had been a Christian since he was a kid and knew the extent to which I thought the whole Christian thing was a contrivance. I had fought vigorously over coffee and cigarettes to convince him that religion had been created by leaders to control the masses or by weak individuals to soften the blow of their incapacity to deal with their day to day lives. He never did come around to my way of thinking, but I figured if he could overlook the fact that I was an alcoholic single mother with two kids and marry me, I could overlook the fact that he was a Christian and marry him. So here I was, convinced that this Christian thing was true, with no idea what that really meant. What followed was years of learning that is discussed in much greater detail in a book that I am writing. Suffice it to say that I learned that following Christ and living by the dictates of the Holy Spirit does not always add up to the overly simplified “join the team and your life will be wonderful” message that I have heard so frequently. As a matter of fact, the years since that day in 2003 have been some of the most difficult I have ever encountered. We have lost more than you can imagine-money, possessions, prestige and people. And yet, I would not turn back for the world. So, now I’m trying to make sense of this new life. Attempting to go beyond predictable platitudes in order to allow this change of heart to lead to a genuine change of life. This blog will chronicle the day to day joys and trials of my journey and raise some key questions and challenges I face as I find my place in a faith that still confounds me.
A guest post from Dr. Suzan Johnson-Cook (Dr. Sujay)
Last week we asked, “Whose Hands is it in?” This week, I’d like to focus on “What’s in your hands?”
Moses was an amazing figure in Biblical history. In fact, many more recent historical figures were compared with him. Harriet Tubman, the activist and freedom fighter who led 300 slaves to freedom on the Underground Railroad, was known as “the woman Moses,” a name bestowed upon her with honor.
Many of us who attended church school as children learned about Moses and how he came to be. We were told about a baby abandoned in the bulrushes by his biological mother so that an adopted mother could save his life. But we can’t freeze-frame the story there. The two stories I remember most were about about the mature Moses. Stories recorded in the OT book of Exodus.
The first is how he encountered God for the first time as the “I Am.” The moment when his purpose and call to ministry were birthed and he was told to take off his shoes because he was standing on holy ground.
The second is when he successfully led God’s people, who were in the hand and grip of Pharoah, to freedom. The moment when they stood at the Red Sea with what seemed like nowhere else to go. After a series of arguments and rants and raves about their “doomed” condition, God gives a declaration to Moses and admonishes him to look at what was in his hand. There was a staff: a tool that no one else had. All Moses had to do was use it and the story would change from doom to destiny, from struggling to strength. Once Moses raised that staff, the Red Sea opened up and the children of God made it to the other side.
Perhaps we’re not making it to the other side of our own Red Sea challenges and obstacles in life, because many are failing to see, affirm and use what’s in our hands.
God has placed something unique and special in all of our hands. Something that no one else has.
In the hands of Heisman Trophy winning football player Joe Namath, he placed a football; in the hands of Michael Jackson, he placed dancing and singing abilities; in the hands of Ben Carson the great surgeon that separated Siamese twins, he placed a scalpel, and in your hands and mine, he has placed unique talents and gifts, to be used to bless God’s people and help them to get to the other side of this Recession.
Use what you have. No one can do what you do like you can do it. It has already been blessed by the hands of God. Believe it or not, you can be a blessing to others if you just choose to use it.
About Dr. Suzan Johnson-Cook Dr. Sujay can be seen and heard using her preaching gifts in NYC on Sunday mornings at the Believers Christian Fellowship Church (bcfbaptist.org)
and on Tuesdays at lunchtime in the nations capitol with Wonderful Washington worship. You can e-mail her at washingtonworship@gmail.com or wisdomwomenwordlwide@gmail.com or join her Tuesdays for the next five weeks at lunchtime at the Mt. Vernon Place United Methodist Church for a half hour starting at l2:l5 every Tuesday (9th & Mass Ave NW, Washington DC (across from the Convention Center).
posted July 3, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Good posting! I really like how you inspire people to take a look at what they have to offer others. I looked at my own hamd when I was reading your post and other than my mouse being there, I too started wondering a little bit more about what I have to offer to bless others. Thanks.
posted July 4, 2009 at 2:27 pm
The title caught my eye… we did a women’s event at church on it. While it is important to learn our gifts and use them, it is also just as important not to beat yourself up for not being able to do things that are “not in your hand,” or, not your gifts. You can’t give what you don’t have, and too many women feel inadequate in their position under authority when the ‘head’ does not want to give as the woman does. Honor God’s authority, and let God lead.
posted July 5, 2009 at 6:23 pm
This is so true and confirmation that a man’s gift will open the door for him. Each of us is so unique in our talents and gifts that God has bestowed on us. As such it is our responsibility to use these gifts to enrich, inspire and give hope to so many people who just need a lift and its also a way to open up the doors in every respect in our lives, to become significant and purposeful and to love and have a passion for what we do.
thanks for the confirmation and challenge!