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On a sunny morning in June, 2003, two days after my 37th birthday, I had an unsolicited, unexpected and unbelievable encounter with God. Put more simply, without asking, praying or seeking, I woke up one morning a churchgoing agnostic (following years of rabid atheism) and put my head to the pillow that night a newly minted, highly unlikely Christian. I wish I could say my radical conversion happened gently…all harps and angels and light…but that was not my experience. On the contrary, I was nauseous, had trouble catching my breath and felt like there was a 500 lb weight on my chest. I thought I was having a heart attack. But here’s the kicker. A lifelong skeptic who was, at times, militantly anti-Christian, I suddenly believed without hesitation that the Christian story that I had frequently railed against was true. I couldn’t have told you what that story was, but I knew without the luxury of details that it was all true. Now this might make some sense if I needed a spiritual experience. Say if I was fighting a serious illness or was down on my luck financially-or maybe if I were struggling with a painful loss or trying to navigate a tough personal challenge. But I didn’t need a spiritual experience. As far as I was concerned, my life was perfect. I was a successful PR executive making a healthy six-figure salary, married to my best friend who also made a six-figure salary. We had three healthy, happy kids and lived in our dream home about an hour northwest of New York City. I was seven years sober and had faced down most of my major issues/resentments in a program of recovery. Life was pretty good. Yet, there I was-sick, crying and convinced that something beyond my comprehension had happened to me. No one was more surprised than my husband Martin, who was there with me when it happened. He had been a Christian since he was a kid and knew the extent to which I thought the whole Christian thing was a contrivance. I had fought vigorously over coffee and cigarettes to convince him that religion had been created by leaders to control the masses or by weak individuals to soften the blow of their incapacity to deal with their day to day lives. He never did come around to my way of thinking, but I figured if he could overlook the fact that I was an alcoholic single mother with two kids and marry me, I could overlook the fact that he was a Christian and marry him. So here I was, convinced that this Christian thing was true, with no idea what that really meant. What followed was years of learning that is discussed in much greater detail in a book that I am writing. Suffice it to say that I learned that following Christ and living by the dictates of the Holy Spirit does not always add up to the overly simplified “join the team and your life will be wonderful” message that I have heard so frequently. As a matter of fact, the years since that day in 2003 have been some of the most difficult I have ever encountered. We have lost more than you can imagine-money, possessions, prestige and people. And yet, I would not turn back for the world. So, now I’m trying to make sense of this new life. Attempting to go beyond predictable platitudes in order to allow this change of heart to lead to a genuine change of life. This blog will chronicle the day to day joys and trials of my journey and raise some key questions and challenges I face as I find my place in a faith that still confounds me.
From Daniel Clowes not-yet-published graphic novel, Wilson, via the Speaking of Faith Observed blog. So tell me…what’s your story?
posted July 28, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Sorry sweet Joan, you’re just gonna have to read the book.
posted July 28, 2009 at 4:31 pm
LL – I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours
posted July 28, 2009 at 5:18 pm
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0830834958?tag=thehighcallio-20&camp=213381&creative=390973&linkCode=as4&creativeASIN=0830834958&adid=1QB10SXVVZ20J9AWAQ56&
Now, your serve.
posted July 28, 2009 at 5:34 pm
LL: I actually just read your first chapter on your website. Let’s ask that publisher to get Stone Crossings for the Kindle!
posted July 29, 2009 at 3:19 am
When I was reading about what your son said about asking Jesus what is the right thing to do? I thought that was a pretty good question. I think I would ask Him why after I had met and married my second husband and we enjoyed singing gospel music together and we were just
so happy that he has had to spend the last 4 years in a nursing facility fighting Alzheimer’s Disease. That is probably what I would ask Him. After my 1st husband died I vowed that I wouldn’t marry again. Never say never. God showed me the difference of loving someone and really being in love with someone. For that I will always
be greatful.
I am so thankful that we can go to Him even when we are upset or angry and He continues to love us in spite of everything. I don’t know what I would do without Him in my life. He has blessed me with a music ministry which I basically use at church through playing the piano and singing. I love it more every day. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs in my life as a lot of people have but I don’t regret a single mile I have traveled for the Lord. Howard Goodman of the Happy Goodman Family wrote a poem entitled that and I just loved it and I
found it to be true in my life. I am so greatful to God that we have someone we can go to at any time and He is never too busy.
God Bless!
Beverly Rodgers
posted July 30, 2009 at 9:01 am
God Bless you Beverly Rogers. Your story is a wonderful illustration of how this journey with and toward God is not always rosy, but we can make it though with joy in our hearts. Thank you for stopping by.
posted August 3, 2009 at 8:18 am
Recently I discontinued a five year relationship with a man who claimed to be very religious and faithful. The truth unfolded after
two failed engagements and one untruthful proposal in front of twelve
other business men. This was with a Catholic man, and I am not of
his faith. He claimed to be divorced at our first engagement, which was not true. After several months he acquired an anullment and
we moved forward. Then he withdrew his honor of engagement because
he thought he may want to be a priest! This was a red flag and I should have left at that moment. However, our love continued and after a trip to Hawaii, he suddenly, again withdrew the engagement, because he did not think he wished to be a married man. Onward, after my forgiveness we moved. Then at a business dinner, he got down
on his knees and asked me again to marry him, in hindsight I should have said no, but, due to the circumstances, I agreed and later that
night he said “I have always had to do whatever I can to survive in this business. which was beginning to tank” In other words, he never
really meant any of his promises and to this day is struggling with
alcoholism, bad health, too many kid responsibilities, among a host
of things that go with that environment. I dodged the BIG BULLET,
and no longer speak to him. The deception was more than I could
comprehend. I was not aware of how people can say anything to get what they want, but, know now this was his way. It is sad and certainly deception at it’s worst form. I pray for him and hope he can stop these types of ways, but, it is unlikely there is anything I can do. He must live with these deceptive practices or change. My life is too important to be caught in this web. Interestingly enough,
everytime I break off, God carries me a better place and strengthens
me for the new life. I am solidly convinced, God is telling me what I already knew, but, was without the strength to carry out myself.
God will take you to his light, if you believe in his Power and allow him to show you the way. Blessings to all. Love, Becky.
posted August 3, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Becky: Thanks for your honest story. I am so sorry that you went through this, but pleased that you made a decision that was right for you in the end. Blessings to you as well.
Joan