On a sunny morning in June, 2003, two days after my 37th birthday, I had an unsolicited, unexpected and unbelievable encounter with God. Put more simply, without asking, praying or seeking, I woke up one morning a churchgoing agnostic (following years of rabid atheism) and put my head to the pillow that night a newly minted, highly unlikely Christian. I wish I could say my radical conversion happened gently…all harps and angels and light…but that was not my experience. On the contrary, I was nauseous, had trouble catching my breath and felt like there was a 500 lb weight on my chest. I thought I was having a heart attack. But here’s the kicker. A lifelong skeptic who was, at times, militantly anti-Christian, I suddenly believed without hesitation that the Christian story that I had frequently railed against was true. I couldn’t have told you what that story was, but I knew without the luxury of details that it was all true. Now this might make some sense if I needed a spiritual experience. Say if I was fighting a serious illness or was down on my luck financially-or maybe if I were struggling with a painful loss or trying to navigate a tough personal challenge. But I didn’t need a spiritual experience. As far as I was concerned, my life was perfect. I was a successful PR executive making a healthy six-figure salary, married to my best friend who also made a six-figure salary. We had three healthy, happy kids and lived in our dream home about an hour northwest of New York City. I was seven years sober and had faced down most of my major issues/resentments in a program of recovery. Life was pretty good. Yet, there I was-sick, crying and convinced that something beyond my comprehension had happened to me. No one was more surprised than my husband Martin, who was there with me when it happened. He had been a Christian since he was a kid and knew the extent to which I thought the whole Christian thing was a contrivance. I had fought vigorously over coffee and cigarettes to convince him that religion had been created by leaders to control the masses or by weak individuals to soften the blow of their incapacity to deal with their day to day lives. He never did come around to my way of thinking, but I figured if he could overlook the fact that I was an alcoholic single mother with two kids and marry me, I could overlook the fact that he was a Christian and marry him. So here I was, convinced that this Christian thing was true, with no idea what that really meant. What followed was years of learning that is discussed in much greater detail in a book that I am writing. Suffice it to say that I learned that following Christ and living by the dictates of the Holy Spirit does not always add up to the overly simplified “join the team and your life will be wonderful” message that I have heard so frequently. As a matter of fact, the years since that day in 2003 have been some of the most difficult I have ever encountered. We have lost more than you can imagine-money, possessions, prestige and people. And yet, I would not turn back for the world. So, now I’m trying to make sense of this new life. Attempting to go beyond predictable platitudes in order to allow this change of heart to lead to a genuine change of life. This blog will chronicle the day to day joys and trials of my journey and raise some key questions and challenges I face as I find my place in a faith that still confounds me.
“Newsman Walter Cronkite, who died at the age of 92, was so thoroughly and uniquely linked with the word “trust” that it is tempting to say that the word should be buried with him. In the generation since he left the anchor desk at the CBS Evening News, there have been other public figures who inspire passion, devotion, confidence, intensity and personal identification. But trust, that milder but deeper sentiment — Cronkite owned it.” So writes Jim Poniewozik in a story for Time.com.



posted July 20, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Trust isn’t a lost virtue, as a nation we trust in God, at least that is what it says on our currency, but when it comes to parents, neighbors,teachers, pastors, politicians,or any other human we set ourselves up for disappointment when we blindly give our trust.
Deceit and evil aren’t a new development in the world. It all began long ago when the serpent told Eve to eat of the fruit, and don’t you think that Able trusted his back to his brother Cain. We have to give our trust to others in order to live in society, our only other option would be to becme a hermit and have no contact with others.
I can’t name anyone that has been disappointed by trusting God, but even with the best of intentions man can’t help but fail in his endeavors to be perfect, we always seem to messup and betray anothers trust, often those that we are closest to.
posted July 20, 2009 at 7:05 pm
We had better find a way to reclaim trust in the public and private spheres, or we (and our children) are going to live in an increasingly vicious world of authoritarian governments, predatory capitalism and the blind, irrational forms of extremism that arise in reaction to these forces.
posted July 21, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Kenneth: I agree. That is part of the reason that I am so interested in this subject.
posted August 4, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Thanks for this piece, Joan. Trust is an element of our society that has been badly abused, and is wildly misunderstood – and there’s no greater evidence of either of those things than the number of banks, lending agencies and financial firms that are trying to convince their clients and investors that, after a few months (a whole quarter!) without any sort of scandals or corruption coming to light, that they are “worthy of trust” once again. (And they wonder why consumer confidence is at an all-time low!)
It’s interesting that you equate “trust” and “chivalry.” You and your readers might enjoy looking into that connection a little deeper at my website – http://www.ChivalryToday.com – or reading my latest blog about Walter Cronkite and the ideals of chivalry in today’s world at http://chivalrytoday.blogspot.com/
Trust must live on in today’s world if we are to keep from plunging into chaos and ruin. Thanks for sparking a very interesting discussion!