On a sunny morning in June, 2003, two days after my 37th birthday, I had an unsolicited, unexpected and unbelievable encounter with God. Put more simply, without asking, praying or seeking, I woke up one morning a churchgoing agnostic (following years of rabid atheism) and put my head to the pillow that night a newly minted, highly unlikely Christian. I wish I could say my radical conversion happened gently…all harps and angels and light…but that was not my experience. On the contrary, I was nauseous, had trouble catching my breath and felt like there was a 500 lb weight on my chest. I thought I was having a heart attack. But here’s the kicker. A lifelong skeptic who was, at times, militantly anti-Christian, I suddenly believed without hesitation that the Christian story that I had frequently railed against was true. I couldn’t have told you what that story was, but I knew without the luxury of details that it was all true. Now this might make some sense if I needed a spiritual experience. Say if I was fighting a serious illness or was down on my luck financially-or maybe if I were struggling with a painful loss or trying to navigate a tough personal challenge. But I didn’t need a spiritual experience. As far as I was concerned, my life was perfect. I was a successful PR executive making a healthy six-figure salary, married to my best friend who also made a six-figure salary. We had three healthy, happy kids and lived in our dream home about an hour northwest of New York City. I was seven years sober and had faced down most of my major issues/resentments in a program of recovery. Life was pretty good. Yet, there I was-sick, crying and convinced that something beyond my comprehension had happened to me. No one was more surprised than my husband Martin, who was there with me when it happened. He had been a Christian since he was a kid and knew the extent to which I thought the whole Christian thing was a contrivance. I had fought vigorously over coffee and cigarettes to convince him that religion had been created by leaders to control the masses or by weak individuals to soften the blow of their incapacity to deal with their day to day lives. He never did come around to my way of thinking, but I figured if he could overlook the fact that I was an alcoholic single mother with two kids and marry me, I could overlook the fact that he was a Christian and marry him. So here I was, convinced that this Christian thing was true, with no idea what that really meant. What followed was years of learning that is discussed in much greater detail in a book that I am writing. Suffice it to say that I learned that following Christ and living by the dictates of the Holy Spirit does not always add up to the overly simplified “join the team and your life will be wonderful” message that I have heard so frequently. As a matter of fact, the years since that day in 2003 have been some of the most difficult I have ever encountered. We have lost more than you can imagine-money, possessions, prestige and people. And yet, I would not turn back for the world. So, now I’m trying to make sense of this new life. Attempting to go beyond predictable platitudes in order to allow this change of heart to lead to a genuine change of life. This blog will chronicle the day to day joys and trials of my journey and raise some key questions and challenges I face as I find my place in a faith that still confounds me.
I don’t know what to make of the Virgin Mary. People of various Christian traditions have such widely divergent viewpoints on her role in both the early church and worship today that it is easy to become confused. I’ve been told by protestant Christians that Roman Catholics pray to Mary like she is God and that “she is just another Biblical figure.” I’ve not experienced Catholics “praying to” Mary. Just calling upon her as an intercessor, which seems quite lovely to me. Catholic or protestant, it is hard to ignore Mary’s role as the mother of Jesus, her obedience to her calling at all cost and the Biblical references to her as “blessed among women.” Surely there is something about Mary.
I do not possess nearly enough knowledge to come down on one side or the other of this centuries old debate, but I am fascinated by this woman and her decision to simply follow and obey. “Behold I am the bondslave of the Lord,” she tells Gabriel. “May it be done to me according to your word.” Given complete freedom, she submits her free will to that of the Lord as a bondservant by choice. Amazing – and, I believe, worthy of further exploration.
That is why I am so thrilled to tell you about a contest my friend, author LL Barkat, is running on her blog. She is giving away copies of Scot McKnight’s book “The Real Mary: Why Evangelical Christians Can Embrace the Mother of Jesus.” All you have to do is CLICK HERE and comment on her post by 6:00 p.m. EST on Thursday, October 8 and, if your number is picked by the random generator, she will send you a copy of the book.
If you win, and are interested, I would be thrilled to yield this space for a guest post in November or December so we can hear what you thought about “The Real Mary.”
Good luck and Godspeed.
posted October 2, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Thoughtful. Thank you!
(just one copy though…
posted October 2, 2009 at 1:30 pm
It sounds like a good read. I’ve been enjoying reading these thoughts on Mary. I think McKnight is right, she is much more complex than we have allowed.
And, BTW, I’m giving away two books at my place!
posted October 7, 2009 at 9:26 am
You are right Catholics do not worship Mary, we honor her. We ask for her prayers to her son.
A Protestant friend once said to me when her name came up. “Mary is a nobody” All I could think of to say at the time was “Tell Jesus that”
So if anyone has a problem with Mary, tell Jesus abt it. You might look at it differently.
posted October 7, 2009 at 9:56 am
Welcome Paul and thank you for your input. Turning to Jesus for clarification on all of our questions about following and practicing faith is good advice that is hard for Christians on either side of the Protestant/Catholic divide to disagree about. Hope to hear more from you in this space.