On a sunny morning in June, 2003, two days after my 37th birthday, I had an unsolicited, unexpected and unbelievable encounter with God. Put more simply, without asking, praying or seeking, I woke up one morning a churchgoing agnostic (following years of rabid atheism) and put my head to the pillow that night a newly minted, highly unlikely Christian. I wish I could say my radical conversion happened gently…all harps and angels and light…but that was not my experience. On the contrary, I was nauseous, had trouble catching my breath and felt like there was a 500 lb weight on my chest. I thought I was having a heart attack. But here’s the kicker. A lifelong skeptic who was, at times, militantly anti-Christian, I suddenly believed without hesitation that the Christian story that I had frequently railed against was true. I couldn’t have told you what that story was, but I knew without the luxury of details that it was all true. Now this might make some sense if I needed a spiritual experience. Say if I was fighting a serious illness or was down on my luck financially-or maybe if I were struggling with a painful loss or trying to navigate a tough personal challenge. But I didn’t need a spiritual experience. As far as I was concerned, my life was perfect. I was a successful PR executive making a healthy six-figure salary, married to my best friend who also made a six-figure salary. We had three healthy, happy kids and lived in our dream home about an hour northwest of New York City. I was seven years sober and had faced down most of my major issues/resentments in a program of recovery. Life was pretty good. Yet, there I was-sick, crying and convinced that something beyond my comprehension had happened to me. No one was more surprised than my husband Martin, who was there with me when it happened. He had been a Christian since he was a kid and knew the extent to which I thought the whole Christian thing was a contrivance. I had fought vigorously over coffee and cigarettes to convince him that religion had been created by leaders to control the masses or by weak individuals to soften the blow of their incapacity to deal with their day to day lives. He never did come around to my way of thinking, but I figured if he could overlook the fact that I was an alcoholic single mother with two kids and marry me, I could overlook the fact that he was a Christian and marry him. So here I was, convinced that this Christian thing was true, with no idea what that really meant. What followed was years of learning that is discussed in much greater detail in a book that I am writing. Suffice it to say that I learned that following Christ and living by the dictates of the Holy Spirit does not always add up to the overly simplified “join the team and your life will be wonderful” message that I have heard so frequently. As a matter of fact, the years since that day in 2003 have been some of the most difficult I have ever encountered. We have lost more than you can imagine-money, possessions, prestige and people. And yet, I would not turn back for the world. So, now I’m trying to make sense of this new life. Attempting to go beyond predictable platitudes in order to allow this change of heart to lead to a genuine change of life. This blog will chronicle the day to day joys and trials of my journey and raise some key questions and challenges I face as I find my place in a faith that still confounds me.
“…it is no easy task to determine clearly what is desirable and what
should be eschewed, just as we find it difficult to decide what exactly it is
that makes good painting or good music. It is something that may be felt
intuitively more easily than rationally comprehended. Likewise, the great moral
teachers of humanity were, in a way, artistic geniuses in the art of living.”
Artistic geniuses in the art of living. What a compelling snapshot living faith. And yet, how infrequently I’ve encountered men and women who claim faith that I would characterize in this way.
posted November 18, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Hi Joan,
Your post had me thinking about the geniuses within my own contact sphere who are mastering the art of living.
One of my friends came to mine. He’s compartmentalized his life into 4 main areas: quiet time in the morning for prayer and exercise, work, family time during the evening after work and sleep.
His goal is to find joy in each of these areas – joy in prayer, joy at work, joy with family and joy resting the body. He says that it takes discipline to allocate time on a daily basis to each of the four areas but, it works very well for him.
Thanks for causing me to think!
Bob
posted November 21, 2009 at 2:11 am
hi Joan
it might be simplistic, at first blush, for me to share with you that one of the very first lessons i taught my Confirmation classes over the years, is that they must not confuse their spirituality (belief/faith) with their religion (church). they can be, and often are, 2 very different things.
having said that, are Christian ” geniuses” at living ? i known some some very good people who by their nature, would not claim to be good, much less a genius………but by their lifelong giving to others, compassion especially to children, their humor, their sense of forgiveness….yeah, kind people. if that’s an art. ok.
posted November 21, 2009 at 6:55 pm
I have met a number of people I would term “spiritually whole” – people of a variety of faith traditions (or no particular one). Among them were Stevie Ray Vaugn in the months before his death, the current priestess I work with and a handful of people I met in 15 years in the news business.
In most cases, you can tell who these people are the minute they enter a room, before they even speak. The energy is that different. They know who they are. They’ve confronted and mastered and fully integrated their own demons. They know what’s important and what’s not and above all, they are fully present in each moment. They have an old person’s wisdom and the boundless curiosity and joyous abandon of a child. You’re lucky to meet people like this and extremely lucky if you can count one or two as close friends. If I accomplish nothing else in this life but reaching that sort of level of existence, I’ll have considered it a good run.
posted November 21, 2009 at 8:38 pm
The concept of bodhisattva in Buddhism is intriguing.
Such a being has postponed exiting the scene in enlightenment so that they might help others who seek enlightenment.
In Christianity some Saints apparently take a similar path and remain in communion with the greater “body of Christ” after their passing.
posted November 27, 2009 at 3:52 pm
In my view, “living a Christian life” requires living a life of pure Love. A life of pure Love means loving everything that exists in the entire universe, including all living things and all non-living things. That means all “ugly” things; all “bad” things; all “nasty” things; all “scary” things, i.e., loving everthing without a single exception, because God is All, in All. Living pure Love also requires loving every other human being that lives now, or ever lived, or ever may live; not just some other Christians down the block. Christians who truly follow Christ Jesus will naturally love all other people, including “bad” people; non-religious people; atheists; Muslims; Jews; i/e. will love ALL people, even as much as they love their family and themselves. As far as I know, there has only been one human able to do that: Jesus. But He also said: “The things that I do, you can also do. Follow me.”
posted November 27, 2009 at 3:56 pm
In my view, “living a Christian life” requires living a life of pure Love. A life of pure Love means loving everything that exists in the entire universe, including all living things and all non-living things. That means all “ugly” things; all “bad” things; all “nasty” things; all “scary” things, i.e., loving everthing without a single exception, because God is All, in All. Living pure Love also requires loving every other human being that lives now, or ever lived, or ever may live; not just some other Christians down the block. Christians who truly follow Christ Jesus will naturally love all other people, including “bad” people; non-religious people; atheists; Muslims; Jews; i/e. will love ALL people, even as much as they love their family and themselves. As far as I know, there has only been one human able to do that: Jesus. But He also said: “The things that I do, you can also do. Follow me.”
Thomas