On a sunny morning in June, 2003, two days after my 37th birthday, I had an unsolicited, unexpected and unbelievable encounter with God. Put more simply, without asking, praying or seeking, I woke up one morning a churchgoing agnostic (following years of rabid atheism) and put my head to the pillow that night a newly minted, highly unlikely Christian. I wish I could say my radical conversion happened gently…all harps and angels and light…but that was not my experience. On the contrary, I was nauseous, had trouble catching my breath and felt like there was a 500 lb weight on my chest. I thought I was having a heart attack. But here’s the kicker. A lifelong skeptic who was, at times, militantly anti-Christian, I suddenly believed without hesitation that the Christian story that I had frequently railed against was true. I couldn’t have told you what that story was, but I knew without the luxury of details that it was all true. Now this might make some sense if I needed a spiritual experience. Say if I was fighting a serious illness or was down on my luck financially-or maybe if I were struggling with a painful loss or trying to navigate a tough personal challenge. But I didn’t need a spiritual experience. As far as I was concerned, my life was perfect. I was a successful PR executive making a healthy six-figure salary, married to my best friend who also made a six-figure salary. We had three healthy, happy kids and lived in our dream home about an hour northwest of New York City. I was seven years sober and had faced down most of my major issues/resentments in a program of recovery. Life was pretty good. Yet, there I was-sick, crying and convinced that something beyond my comprehension had happened to me. No one was more surprised than my husband Martin, who was there with me when it happened. He had been a Christian since he was a kid and knew the extent to which I thought the whole Christian thing was a contrivance. I had fought vigorously over coffee and cigarettes to convince him that religion had been created by leaders to control the masses or by weak individuals to soften the blow of their incapacity to deal with their day to day lives. He never did come around to my way of thinking, but I figured if he could overlook the fact that I was an alcoholic single mother with two kids and marry me, I could overlook the fact that he was a Christian and marry him. So here I was, convinced that this Christian thing was true, with no idea what that really meant. What followed was years of learning that is discussed in much greater detail in a book that I am writing. Suffice it to say that I learned that following Christ and living by the dictates of the Holy Spirit does not always add up to the overly simplified “join the team and your life will be wonderful” message that I have heard so frequently. As a matter of fact, the years since that day in 2003 have been some of the most difficult I have ever encountered. We have lost more than you can imagine-money, possessions, prestige and people. And yet, I would not turn back for the world. So, now I’m trying to make sense of this new life. Attempting to go beyond predictable platitudes in order to allow this change of heart to lead to a genuine change of life. This blog will chronicle the day to day joys and trials of my journey and raise some key questions and challenges I face as I find my place in a faith that still confounds me.
GRAPHIC: http://asbojesus.wordpress.com/2010/09/29/934/
©Jon Birch
Coming out of the Christian Closet
By Becky Garrison
As part of my ongoing pilgrimage to chat up the
themes I raise in my book Jesus Died for This?, I’ve begun to connect with an increasing number
of folks who seem to be searching for a connection outside of themselves though
they often wouldn’t call themselves emergent, misisonal, organic, holy hipster,
or even Christian.
Thanks
to my conversations with Karen Ward (www.episcopalvillage.org), Kurt Neilson (www.seekhere.org) and other like-minded souls, I’ve been exploring
my connection to Celtic Christianity and Anglicanism. On his blog, The Website
of the Unknowing, Carl McColman reflects how I have begun to
describe myself as an ‘Apophatic Anglican’. The
following excerpt from that piece helps to explain what I mean by this:
“During a panel discussion at Journey Imperfect Faith Community , a
number of us were asked to explore the faith label we use to classify ourselves.
I said I was an Apophatic Anglican, which I described as follows: ”The more I continue to enter the cloud of the unknowing, the more I realize
just much I cannot know a God that is outside the time/space continuum But
something happens when two or three are gathered together in the name of Jesus.
And the Anglican part is because I enter into the mysteries through the
Anglican ritual. And Anglicanism is one of those traditions, where I can
actually leave my brain intact. I don’t have to park my brain at the door when
I come in to partake of the mysteries. I was asked to further describe
“apophatic” as the tradition of negative theology by which you define God by
what you do not know. (And BTW-and it’s not apathetic but apophatic.
“The more I continue to enter the cloud of the unknowing, the more I realize
just much I cannot know a God that is outside the time/space continuum But
something happens when two or three are gathered together in the name of Jesus.
And the Anglican part is because I enter into the mysteries through the
Anglican ritual. And Anglicanism is one of those traditions, where I can
actually leave my brain intact. I don’t have to park my brain at the door when
I come in to partake of the mysteries. I was asked to further describe
“apophatic” as the tradition of negative theology by which you define God by
what you do not know. (And BTW-and it’s not apathetic but apophatic.
GRAPHIC: http://www.nakedpastor.com/2008/11/13/cartoon-inclement-weather/ ©Naked Pastor
So what do you think? “What does
it mean to live out a faith where we live out the teachings of Christ while
walking in the cloud of the unknowing?”
posted December 7, 2010 at 4:37 pm
I welcome the place of “unknowing” God. It gives me a spiritual goal to pursue for the rest of my life on earth (and beyond?). And, my experience is, when I seek God and get a glimpse of who or what God is, the experience is pure and complete beyond words. Sometimes that comes during prayer or reciting Liturgy in church or reading scripture or in relationships. God has no limits (that I know). It’s enough to know that God is. Thanks be to God.
posted December 11, 2010 at 8:04 am
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posted December 27, 2010 at 5:13 pm
I think my blog post on sin and forgiveness may interest you. See http://graduatingfromgod.blogspot.com/
posted December 29, 2010 at 11:09 am
I have no idea if you read any comments from a post almost a month old – but i was busy before Christmas and didn’t see this article. Nonetheless, here goes…
I have a great distrust and dislike for “organized” religion. There is a strong element of control and manipulation in even the best intentioned institutions. It is for that reason I find a home in the United Church of Christ. We work hard at keeping open minds and willing hearts. There is still some desire to tell folks what to do and how to think – in a liberal way. But I embrace the concept that liberals and conservatives can meet and pray together, share the great hymns and stories from scripture, and still consider themselves a houshold of faith.
Perhaps it is my own idealism, but I enjoy the dynamic of this sort of unity. We have to respect each other while keeping our philosophies honed. It does not always work, but for the most part this sort of creative tension makes for a well tuned congregation. I can preach on liberal topics and still honor veterans in November and sing patriotic songs in July.
Also we have a reverse heirarchy. The congregation is the source of power, the conference and denomination staff simply offer resources and support. There is no one to impose anything on a congregation. This is accomplished – on a good day – by area congregations honoring our covenant to be with each other and for each other. Some churches opt out of supporting anything other than their own ministries. But most of us share the cost as we enjoy the benefits of shared discipleship through the work of the conference and denominational staffs.
It is here, in the shared ministries that there is one expression of external authority. The associations – usually geogrphically related congregations – authorize ordinations and congregations joining the UCC. This nexus of congregational power and regional authority creates a web of accountability – again, on a good day.
Of course, as does every religious organization, have our share of bad days. Often the system does not work to meet the specific crisis at hand. But we can tinker and fiddle with the process, using the imaginations and judgment of the people involved to create resolutions that are usually satisfactory. If something simply does not work we even have ways to deal with that.
The United Church of Christ is the best and most open denomination that is a positive expression of a disorganized religion. Perhaps the frequent typo, the unTIED Church of Christ fits us as well. But this is a better place than most to experience faith without the unneccessary burdens and baggage of religion.
posted December 30, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Here’s my stab at your question: God invites us to continue to grow in our relationship with him, which means getting to know him better. Perhaps we are meant to continue to search out mysteries about God while not forgetting to do the things that are pretty clear. Among them I would count worshipping him alone and loving our neighbor, who annoyingly usually turns out to be someone that we’d rather avoid.
posted April 12, 2011 at 1:36 am
Here is my take…
You have parked your brain at the door. Since when does ‘ritual’ replace the Word of God? Jesus said, “If you have seen me, you have seen the Father”. Everything that may be known of God is printed in millions of copies of the Bible everywhere. It’s just common sense. Use your brain! Pick up a Bible and BELIEVE! He is near to all those that call on His name. So, what are you waiting for? CALL ON HIS NAME!!!
God is not mysterious unless you want Him to be.